Bronwen

Hi list!

My name is Bronwen and I just jumped on this list. I have three children dd
13, ds 9, ds 16 months.

This discussion of "experience" leads me to ask how you all "fit" in in your
homeschool group (if you have one). I am having sort of an uncomfortable
time. My son (9) is really enjoying this new homeschooling group I have
been going to. The "leader' of the group is an unschooler but has much less
experience than me (children 7,5yrs) which isnt a problem (it is fun to
share my ideas- I love her :-) but recently I have realized that there is
maybe only one other person who is an unschooler in the group. I realized
this because recently there was a secret blow out where my parenting
(philosophy) came into question (by a woman who has been homeschooling her
12 year old *one* year) ..ugh.. It was "handled". But now I feel
uncomfortable and a bit defensive..I really am a radical unschooler. ( I
have this underlying yearning to "nail" the woman with words..hee hee
because as you all must know, I'm RIGHT- unschooling rules!, BUT ..i have to
be diplomatic..)

You know, I am really feeling good about helping others on their journey
with this- understanding what real freedom means.. but now I am wondering..
I mean, do you all mix with the "homeschoolers" frequently?- am I really
going to be of help there? am I going to get a feeling of community and
support from a group that generally doesn't share my philosophy and have
children younger than mine?

Well, I guess the bottom line is I will keep going as long as my sons want
to, and I really enjoy at least two people in the group, . there are
definately no other "better" groups.

Any one work on this kind of thing?

thanks for letting me process,
Bronwen

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On Tue, 29 Jan 2002 00:00:51 -0800 "Bronwen" <felesina@...> writes:
> Well, I guess the bottom line is I will keep going as long as my
> sons want
> to, and I really enjoy at least two people in the group, . there
> are
> definitely no other "better" groups.
>
> Any one work on this kind of thing?

Hi Bronwen,
Kind of the same situation here. There is a very loose group, kids all
close to the same age, and all structured homeschoolers. There are only
six of us altogether and I am the only unschooler.
When they ask specific questions of me, I answer. In the beginning I
tried to ease in unschooling philosophies, but I'd get that kind of
glazed, what planet are you from, look and figured it wasn't worth the
effort. When they talk about Saxon math or History text books I just
sort of wander off and pinch one of their kids, or something.<G> Anyway,
I'll go as long as my son is finding something he enjoys there. They're
all very nice families and nice kids so it's not such a problem. No
one's beating me over the head with curriculums.

Deb L

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In a message dated 1/29/02 2:05:51 AM, felesina@... writes:

<< This discussion of "experience" leads me to ask how you all "fit" in in
your
homeschool group (if you have one). >>

Bronwen - I belong to a big inclusive group. When I joined it was not so big
and there was maybe one other unschooler. I didn't say much in the group, but
once I gave a presentation on unschooling so everyone knew where I was coming
from. The other unschooler who never talked in the group thanked me
afterword. Slowly, people would come to me after the meetings and ask
questions, more questions, call me, more questions. Now the group is huge,
still most everyone "homeschools" but most folks look at me in an admiring "I
wish I could do that" way instead of an "I think you're an idiot" way.

I don't talk about unschooling directly unless someone asks. Of course, I am
the newcomer's coordinator, so I get asked a lot <gg>. I like to make sure
that new homeschoolers realize the range of choices they have.

So:
( I
have this underlying yearning to "nail" the woman with words..hee hee
because as you all must know, I'm RIGHT- unschooling rules!, BUT ..i have to
be diplomatic..)

Yep, that's really the best way to promote unschooling, otherwise you can be
dismissed as a nut.

<< am I going to get a feeling of community and
support from a group that generally doesn't share my philosophy and have
children younger than mine?>>

As long as you can relate to each other on other human levels, I've found
that it is possible.

Paula

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In a message dated 1/29/02 8:53:51 AM, curtkar@... writes:

<< Most people I talk to say "yeah, it's a good idea but I could never do it.
I need my kids to have more structure, to have a classical education, blah,
blah, blah". >>

That's okay the first fifty times. <g>

It's hard to stay patient when we suffer as much "What, is that legal?" as
the structured homeschoolers do. ALL homeschoolers share that "Why aren't
you in school?" drill. And all homeschoolers know that they know both about
school (and its arguments) AND about homeschooling.

So when an unschooler has to suffer another irritating grilling from the
other homeschoolers, it's tempting to say
"YOU know about school, and I know about school.
I know about structure, and YOU know about structure.
But I know about unschooling, and you don't."

Sometimes the same people who don't trust their kids can't hear about
unschooling, because they don't trust. They have more fear than trust, and
that fear keeps them from hearing themselves and keeps them from hearing
peole who do other than confirm their fears.

Sandra

Karin

Hi Bronwen,

I can understand your feeling uncomfortable in your homeschooling group. I am definitely feeling that way myself at times.

I have been homeschooling my boys (9 & 10) for 5 years with this group, going along with all they do. But since September my ideas have changed towards radical unschooling, which I am doing now. There is one person in the group who understands and says she is *mostly* an unschooler, but I can see she does not unschool quite like I do.

I continue to go to the group because of the friends my boys have made with the kids in this group. And I have no problem with the kids, I think they are all very special. But I am longing to meet with other unschoolers who share my (new) philosophy. I'm not having much luck finding anyone. So until I ever do meet other "real" unschoolers, I'm sticking with my original group and finding my unschooling support online.

I also understand about helping others in their journey -- I've been much more outspoken recently about unschooling and what it is and why I'm doing it. Most people I talk to say "yeah, it's a good idea but I could never do it. I need my kids to have more structure, to have a classical education, blah, blah, blah". I'm feeling more and more isolated in all the curriculum talk and using Saxon and homeschooling "all year long" because they feel so behind in their school work. I tell them "it's great at our house - it's like summer vacation every day, all year long" and they look at me like I'm a little crazy!

So, all I can say is I hear you and understand how you're feeling and I'm jealous you even have some other unschoolers in your group!


Karin
on the lookout in Phoenix, AZ




Bronwen wrote:

Hi list!

My name is Bronwen and I just jumped on this list. I have three children dd
13, ds 9, ds 16 months.

This discussion of "experience" leads me to ask how you all "fit" in in your
homeschool group (if you have one). I am having sort of an uncomfortable
time. My son (9) is really enjoying this new homeschooling group I have
been going to. The "leader' of the group is an unschooler but has much less
experience than me (children 7,5yrs) which isnt a problem (it is fun to
share my ideas- I love her :-) but recently I have realized that there is
maybe only one other person who is an unschooler in the group. I realized
this because recently there was a secret blow out where my parenting
(philosophy) came into question (by a woman who has been homeschooling her
12 year old *one* year) ..ugh.. It was "handled". But now I feel
uncomfortable and a bit defensive..I really am a radical unschooler. ( I
have this underlying yearning to "nail" the woman with words..hee hee
because as you all must know, I'm RIGHT- unschooling rules!, BUT ..i have to
be diplomatic..)

You know, I am really feeling good about helping others on their journey
with this- understanding what real freedom means.. but now I am wondering..
I mean, do you all mix with the "homeschoolers" frequently?- am I really
going to be of help there? am I going to get a feeling of community and
support from a group that generally doesn't share my philosophy and have
children younger than mine?

Well, I guess the bottom line is I will keep going as long as my sons want
to, and I really enjoy at least two people in the group, . there are
definately no other "better" groups.

Any one work on this kind of thing?

thanks for letting me process,
Bronwen


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On Tue, 29 Jan 2002 09:37:43 -0700 "Karin" <curtkar@...> writes:
> Karin
> on the lookout in Phoenix, AZ
>
Well, you could come south a little... Tara, Peggy, Dawn (all on this
list), and I are often at Himmel park in Tucson on Thursdays, with a
handful of other unschooling-friendly people.

Of course, it's supposed to snow on Wednesday here, so this might not be
a good week..

Dar
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Pam Hartley

----------
From: "Bronwen" <felesina@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Experience
Date: Tue, Jan 29, 2002, 12:00 AM


Well, I guess the bottom line is I will keep going as long as my sons want
to, and I really enjoy at least two people in the group, . there are
definately no other "better" groups.

Any one work on this kind of thing?


Oh, definitely. We're in a large-ish inclusive group and go to weekly park
days and my daughter also does on-again off-again ice skating lessons with
them, so Wally and I end up talking a lot to the other parents.

We've been with them for about 18 months now, and we've been cheerfully out
of the closet as radical unschoolers from the beginning.

The nice thing is, they're good people. They don't understand us completely
<g>, but when they talk curriculum we just sit or do something else. When
they ask unschooling questions ("How will they learn...") we answer. And we
talk about a lot of other things.

One of the women is extremely anti-gun, anti-violence, etc. At one of the
first park days we attended, something came up about one of the women whose
husband hunts, and I mentioned Wally is a competitive target shooter.

The anti-gun homeschooler and Wally are now good friends. Her husband brings
packing peanuts home from work by the sackload for us to use for our mail
order business. Wally went with their family to MacWorld in San Francisco
this year. We've been to their house for dinner and game night.

So, friendships can happen in the unlikeliest places. <g>

If I were looking to the park day group for unschooling support, I'm sure
I'd be wild with frustration, but that's not why we're there.

Sometimes, it's uncomfortable. Sometimes, one of the parents will say
something like, "Devin couldn't come to park day last week because he didn't
finish his math." Sometimes, I want to grab Devin on the spot and adopt him.
<g> But we get through. The benefits outweigh the cost, at least at this
stage.

Pam



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

zenmomma *

>>I heard about the snow! We are going on a "snow hunt" with my sister on
>>Wednesday, north of Phoenix.>>

Oh please, come to Park City,UT!! I think we have over 2 feet at my house
right now. Who knows how much they've got at the ski resorts.

~Mary, who's looking forward to FL and getting away from the snow. ;-)

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On Tue, 29 Jan 2002 12:24:11 -0700 "Karin" <curtkar@...> writes
> Now why is it there are 4 people on this list from (smaller) Tucson
> but only 1 in all of Phoenix?
>

I recruit. ;-)

Dar
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Karin

Thanks for the invite, Dar!
I wish I could. We rarely make it to Tucson. We love the Arizona Sonoran Desert Museum - been there once. And Thursday's are when my "other" group meets! ;-)
Maybe one day.....hey, do you ever make it up to Phoenix?
Now why is it there are 4 people on this list from (smaller) Tucson but only 1 in all of Phoenix?

I heard about the snow! We are going on a "snow hunt" with my sister on Wednesday, north of Phoenix. We do what we have to do to find a little snow around here!

Karin



freeform@... wrote:


On Tue, 29 Jan 2002 09:37:43 -0700 "Karin" <curtkar@...> writes:
> Karin
> on the lookout in Phoenix, AZ
>
Well, you could come south a little... Tara, Peggy, Dawn (all on this
list), and I are often at Himmel park in Tucson on Thursdays, with a
handful of other unschooling-friendly people.

Of course, it's supposed to snow on Wednesday here, so this might not be
a good week..

Dar


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Karin

Okay! I'll tell my sister I know of this perfect place. Just drive a little further.....just over that hill.....we'll be there in no time! :-D

Karin




zenmomma * wrote:



>>I heard about the snow! We are going on a "snow hunt" with my sister on
>>Wednesday, north of Phoenix.>>

Oh please, come to Park City,UT!! I think we have over 2 feet at my house
right now. Who knows how much they've got at the ski resorts.

~Mary, who's looking forward to FL and getting away from the snow. ;-)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Karin

Ah yes, didn't you tell me to be a revolutionary?
And I guess that's what revolutionists also do, recruit.
Okay, I'll work on my recruiting skills, though I'm still perplexed as to where to find recruitments!
I think I've already exhausted my immediate sources. ;-)

Karin



freeform@... wrote:

On Tue, 29 Jan 2002 12:24:11 -0700 "Karin" <curtkar@...> writes
> Now why is it there are 4 people on this list from (smaller) Tucson
> but only 1 in all of Phoenix?
>

I recruit. ;-)

Dar


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Cindy

Pam Hartley wrote:
>
> So, friendships can happen in the unlikeliest places. <g>
>
> If I were looking to the park day group for unschooling support, I'm sure
> I'd be wild with frustration, but that's not why we're there.
>

I agree that I'm not looking for unschooling support but it's the coercive
parenting which gets to me. It's the "do this because I'm the mom and
you're the kid" which really, really upsets me. Last time we went one
of the 3 year olds was using a swing, my daughter was using the other one.
Two other kids came along including the 3 year old's older sister. In
a matter of minutes the mother made the 3 year old get off the swing;
then when the child started crying she made some comment of the effect
"don't come to me looking for sympathy - it's your own fault." I was
livid and much too angry to make some constructive comments. I discussed
with my daughter that we would be leaving soon so she needed to consider
what else she wanted to do at the park; the end result was my daughter left
the swing and went off to do something else and the 3 year old got a swing
back. I know that my reaction was in part to the fact that I had coercive
disrespectful parents and there's a little girl inside me that got really
angry about it but could do nothing. But it's really, really hard to go
to the park. The mother who said that looked to me and another mother
for sympathy at what an awful child that 3 year old was. I walked away
at that point. To make matters worse this is my daughter's best friend's
mother and she thinks that means we need to be good friends too.

--

Cindy Ferguson
crma@...

Sharon Rudd

. To make matters worse this is my
> daughter's best friend's
> mother and she thinks that means we need to be good
> friends too.

Perhaps you could deflect her onto a more gentle,
loving path with a swift kick to the head? You know,
just to get her attention.

Actually, perhaps it would be helpfull to the girls if
you did befriend the Mama as a sort of reflecting
pool. It might be possible for her to see herself as
she is....and to actually modify some her her cruel
behaviors. Then your own daughter would have a funner
place to visit.

Sharon of the Swamp

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I'll work on my recruiting skills, though I'm still perplexed as to where to
find recruitments! I think I've already exhausted my immediate sources. ;-)

Try the library and the health food stores.

Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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In a message dated 1/30/02 11:41:41 PM, kbcdlovejo@... writes:

<< Try the library and the health food stores. >>

In some towns, there are free bulletin boards in veterinary clinics, feed
stores, health food stores, book stores... (thinking...)

What about a little ad in the back of the most hippified newspaper in town?

Hanging around parks in the middle of "school days" has sometimes flushed out
a few other homeschoolers for us.

Sandra

Earth Witch

Cindy said,
> But it's
> really, really hard to go
> to the park. The mother who said that looked to me
> and another mother
> for sympathy at what an awful child that 3 year old
> was.

I have a hard time with going to the park. The other
day a woman there talked nonstop to her kids, telling
them how to play and what not to do. I felt very
sorry for them and her because she was so stressed
about how they played.
A lot of times, though, I get angry because people
tell their children, in a loud voice to make sure I
hear, that they cannot play with my boys because they
are "wild". Those parents also tell my kids what to
do, which does not bother my kids most of the time.
Although a few times John has cried about it. It
always bothers me though. How do they think a little
kid is suppose to play?

Kitrina


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On Thu, 31 Jan 2002 08:41:43 -0800 (PST) Earth Witch
<the_earth_witch@...> writes:
> A lot of times, though, I get angry because people
> tell their children, in a loud voice to make sure I
> hear, that they cannot play with my boys because they
> are "wild". Those parents also tell my kids what to
> do, which does not bother my kids most of the time.
> Although a few times John has cried about it. It
> always bothers me though.

It would bother me. I've gotten into some pretty intense arguments with
people who tell my kid what to do. Once she was lifting a (smaller)
friend up to reach through an open minivan window and unlock the door -
we were all going somewhere together and they had run ahead of us - and
the neighbor came out and starting yelling at them not to climb through
the window... so we walked faster and when we got there I asked Cacie
what was happening, and the woman broke in and said, "They were trying to
climb through the window, that's dangerous, the glass could break" and
Cacie said, rather hotly "No, we weren't" and the woman just wheeled on
her and said, "Don't you lie to me, I *saw* you!" Man, what a scene. I
don't even remember what I said exactly, but I had some pretty strong
words about calling people liars and minding one's own business.

And Cacie explained later what had happened, she was kind of scared
afterwards, a delayed reaction thing... but she really didn't need to. If
she said she wasn't, she wasn't. I can probably count on the fingers of
one hand the times she's lied to me (lies, as opposed to stories) and it
was always after I'd tried to coerce her around something and set down
some stupid rule that trapped her in a double-bind.

My friends ended up selling the house and moving, in large part because
of that neighbor from hell...

But anyway, what is "wild"? Do they respect other people's feelings and
belongings and ideas and bodies? Generally, if the kids are happy with
how the game is going, I am too...

Dar
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zenmomma *

>>How do they think a little kid is suppose to play?>>

By the rules, of course. But only their rules. ;-)

~Mary


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Earth Witch

> But anyway, what is "wild"? Do they respect other
> people's feelings and
> belongings and ideas and bodies? Generally, if the
> kids are happy with
> how the game is going, I am too...
>
> Dar

I suppose they mean my kids run too much when they say
wild. They climb up the slide, which really seems to
bother some people, but they don't do it when another
kid is coming down. They respect other people and
have never done anyhting to harm another child playing
at the park. They are energetic. Maybe they say it
because I let my kids play without my constant
interference.

Kitrina

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