Pam Hartley

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From: Ariadna Solovyova <ari@...>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Transferring your values to your children etc. Re: Why, oh why have
the TV? Please passionate advocates of the TV, say something!
[AlwaysLearning] TV, Video and unschooling
Date: Mon, Jan 28, 2002, 2:33 PM


I'm being the devil's advocate, now.. I actually am giving serious thought
to that "letting them form their own opinions" business, it's just that I
think it's just as important to discuss how to transfer your values to
your children... does anyone seriously think it's not desireable? or just
not possible? or what? You actually can't help transferring at least some
values, so why not to do more of it, or should everyone conscientiously
try to do less of it?
--------------------

It isn't a matter of "letting them form their own opinions". You cannot stop
them from doing so. You may be able, for awhile at least, to keep them from
voicing those opinions. You may be able to even get them to lie to you and
say they agree with your opinions if they don't. But you have little power
over their actual opinions now, and will have less as time goes on.

As far as transferring values goes, well, frankly, I'm not interested in
transferring. It would make me sad if a child of mine grew up to believe
that Pit Bulls were evil and that PETA was on to something, but I'd get over
it. My children are human beings who WILL have some values divergent from
mine, and perhaps important-to-me ones at that.

I am trying to live my values. In this way, my children will be able to see
what I believe by the actions I take, and whether I do as I say. This is
what forms their opinion of me. Whether my values make sense to them is what
will make them decide whether to adopt those values or go another direction.

It's a bit like Christianity. Some Christians simply go about their lives
living as they think Jesus would have tried to, making choices the best they
can based on a moral framework they've adopted. Some Christians, OTOH, go
around telling everyone they're going to hell.

I know which kind of Christian I'd rather be, and I don't appreciate the
latter variety trying to transfer their values at me.

Pam


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

My goal is for my children to think independently. As they grow they
should be able to discern which of my values are worthy of adoption. My
daughter, 11, is better at living what I believe than I am at times! I
see her sticking to my values when I, on the other hand, am compromising
them. It's one of those pride and self-reproachment moments.

kris
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