Julie Stauffer

I have a tendency to do what I call "blanking out". People will speak to me
and I catch myself not responding. It isn't a conscious thing really, at
least not pre-meditated. I just appear to be really enjoying the quiet
inside my head and don't want it to be interrupted.

I am a fairly sociable person, lots of friends and activities, but since I
was a kid, I have enjoyed time to myself, to veg, to think, to just be.
When I was first married and working, I used to come home from work and grab
the dogs, head out to the pasture to let them run and my head get quiet.
Then we moved and I used to run until I couldn't hear the talking in my mind
anymore (I don't really hallucinate :) I just mean the running commentary
that tends to go on inside our heads). Now with 5 kids, it is really hard
for there to ever be a time when either my own thoughts aren't going or
someone isn't asking me a question.

My oldest will occasionally say "Mom, I'm talking to you." It used to hurt
her feelings (which I feel bad about because it isn't a conscious thing) but
I explain what the deal is and then work to give her my full attention.

I have found that sitting zazen helps tremendously, giving me that time to
"be". Sorry this is so long.

Julie