KT

>
>
> It's
>just that my family has way more time to spend with her, as a family,
>and even my kids have a lot more opportunities to be with her,
>because of unschooling, and we both hate feeling like we have to hold
>back on the opportunities because of my nieces feelings, but there it
>is. Should we be insensative to a 12 yo?
>

I read this whole situation and this is what I think. I think if your
family has the privilege to visit with Grandma whenever and wherever,
then you should take advantage of it at your pleasure. The relationship
is between you and Grandma...other people don't get to interfere with
that *on purpose*. Of course, if you have practical reasons not to see
Grandma at the same time as your neice, such as there would not be
enough sleeping room or everyone can't fit in the car, then obviously,
another person is "interfering" with your relationship with Grandma in a
sense. But it's not deliberate, and it can all be worked out.

My brother and his wife and two daughters live 5 miles from my father
and his wife and 2 dogs. I live 300 miles from our father. I visited
my father 3 or 4 times last year, as I do every year. My brother could
stop by at any time. He did so *once* in all of 2001. My dad never saw
his daughter-in-law or the youngest girl the whole year. They don't see
my family being in town as an opportunity to visit our dad, either. The
*reason* they don't want to go there is because they don't like his
wife, or her children. Her children are grown and gone with families of
their own, and she works full-time and Dad is retired. There's a slight
possibility that my brother might accidentally be visiting when her
children show up to visit or she gets home for work. That's what keeps
my brother away.

Is that just the most inane reason in the world or what? Of course, I
know that the reasons are deeper than that, in a psychological sense.
He's incredibly intolerant, etc. A snob, basically. The point is,
he'd rather hurt his father and deprive his children of a relationship
with a wonderful person for a lifetime, to avoid spending 20 minutes
with people he considers white trash. (And the dogs--he hates the dogs,
who are terriers and excitable. When he goes he won't push the dogs off
of him like everyone else in the house does, because he thinks our dad's
feelings are so tender towards the dogs that dad would just melt in a
puddle of pain if he did push them off. So he doesn't go. Which hurts
my dad's feelings and would be much more likely to melt my dad into a
puddle, which is much less likely than anyone thinks!)

Can you tell I'm a little ticked off about this situation? :)

I realize that this situation is extreme and a little different than
yours. But the point is that I'm not going to let my step-mom and her
children keep me from a relationship with my father. (I love the dogs
and have a matching set. <g>) I don't think you're being insensitive to
your neice. I think she should learn to be a little more sensitive
others and learn to live and let live. I thought it was incredibly nice
of you in a bending-over-backwards sort of way to change your Easter
trip. But I don't think it was necessary. You're a much nicer person
than I would be! lol.

Tuck