Re: Loving children
meghan anderson
<<<<What do you mean by 'blanks'? Freezing up and not
talking? Becoming
non-commuicative to the point that she can't answer?
She mentally
removes
herself from the situation? Both of my kids have a
behavior we call
"shutting down". It usually comes out during stress,
but not always. It
would be interesting to see if they're doing the same
thing.
~Mary>>>>
It's like she becomes non-communicative to the point
that she won't answer unless prompted, and then it's
very cursory or barely audible. Shutting down is quite
a good term, but do your kids 'shut down' for a few
seconds whilst responding to someone and then run off
and play with a friend in full on 'happy' mode again?
I could understand it more if she were doing it in
stressful situations, but she's not (on occasion yes,
but not always). I'm just baffled by it. Everytime I
try to make sense of it, my theory (for lack of a
better term) gets blown. Sometimes she will be very
friendly and outgoing to a stranger (like in a store)
and then she'll turn around and blank someone else
(stranger or no) the next minute. There really doesn't
seem to be any rhyme or reason to it. It's not like it
happens all the time, just often enough for me to be
getting fed up with it.
Meghan
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talking? Becoming
non-commuicative to the point that she can't answer?
She mentally
removes
herself from the situation? Both of my kids have a
behavior we call
"shutting down". It usually comes out during stress,
but not always. It
would be interesting to see if they're doing the same
thing.
~Mary>>>>
It's like she becomes non-communicative to the point
that she won't answer unless prompted, and then it's
very cursory or barely audible. Shutting down is quite
a good term, but do your kids 'shut down' for a few
seconds whilst responding to someone and then run off
and play with a friend in full on 'happy' mode again?
I could understand it more if she were doing it in
stressful situations, but she's not (on occasion yes,
but not always). I'm just baffled by it. Everytime I
try to make sense of it, my theory (for lack of a
better term) gets blown. Sometimes she will be very
friendly and outgoing to a stranger (like in a store)
and then she'll turn around and blank someone else
(stranger or no) the next minute. There really doesn't
seem to be any rhyme or reason to it. It's not like it
happens all the time, just often enough for me to be
getting fed up with it.
Meghan
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Fetteroll
on 1/22/02 12:20 AM, meghan anderson at moonmeghan@... wrote:
doesn't sound like it to me. It sounds like some brain chemistry thing going
on. It could be she'll out grow it. (Is it greater, lesser, the same in
frequency as when she was younger?) It could be she can learn to notice it
coming on and learn some techniques to redirect it. (*If* it bothers her,
not just so you can feel more comfortable! ;-)
rather be somewhere else? Or does she feel like she's not connected to her
body? It could be she doesn't know yet. Maybe at times she feels a sensory
overlaod, or memory overload, or some kind of overload that isn't apparent
from the outside and she's shutting down for processing.
Ask her what it feels like when it starts and while she's in it. Ask her
what gets her out of it. Does she feel released when the person stops
talking? What's going through her mind while it's happening? Right before it
happens? When she starts to come out of it?
I think if you forget how you feel about it and how you feel others must
feel about it and only concentrate on how *she* feels about it, you'll get
more insight. If it doesn't bother her, then just treat it as an interesting
puzzle. Ask questions occasionally if you think you might have a new insight
so she feels you're available but set it aside as *her* puzzle to solve.
(Unless, of course, it increases in frequency.)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> It's not like itIt sounds like you're seeing it as something she's doing deliberately. It
> happens all the time, just often enough for me to be
> getting fed up with it.
doesn't sound like it to me. It sounds like some brain chemistry thing going
on. It could be she'll out grow it. (Is it greater, lesser, the same in
frequency as when she was younger?) It could be she can learn to notice it
coming on and learn some techniques to redirect it. (*If* it bothers her,
not just so you can feel more comfortable! ;-)
> It's not like itHave you asked her how she feels when it happens? Does she feel like she'd
> happens all the time, just often enough for me to be
> getting fed up with it.
rather be somewhere else? Or does she feel like she's not connected to her
body? It could be she doesn't know yet. Maybe at times she feels a sensory
overlaod, or memory overload, or some kind of overload that isn't apparent
from the outside and she's shutting down for processing.
Ask her what it feels like when it starts and while she's in it. Ask her
what gets her out of it. Does she feel released when the person stops
talking? What's going through her mind while it's happening? Right before it
happens? When she starts to come out of it?
I think if you forget how you feel about it and how you feel others must
feel about it and only concentrate on how *she* feels about it, you'll get
more insight. If it doesn't bother her, then just treat it as an interesting
puzzle. Ask questions occasionally if you think you might have a new insight
so she feels you're available but set it aside as *her* puzzle to solve.
(Unless, of course, it increases in frequency.)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
meghan anderson
<<<<It sounds like you're seeing it as something she's
doing deliberately.
It
doesn't sound like it to me. It sounds like some brain
chemistry thing
going
on. It could be she'll out grow it. (Is it greater,
lesser, the same in
frequency as when she was younger?) It could be she
can learn to notice
it
coming on and learn some techniques to redirect it.
(*If* it bothers
her,
not just so you can feel more comfortable! ;-)>>>>
I don't know how much of it is deliberate or not. I do
know that when I draw her attention to it, she
sometimes makes more of an effort to be civil and
sometimes she doesn't. In some situations (especially
with other children) it can be quite hurtful behaviour
(to the person receiving her 'coldness', that is). I
think that 'coldness' is actually a better description
of it. She doesn't space out or anything, but she
kind of cops an attitude of 'I'm not going to talk to
you'. I wonder if it's some sort of weird power
struggle? But against what? But I still *feel* fed up
with it (although I try not to *act* fed up <g>).
<<<<> It's not like it
she feel like
she'd
rather be somewhere else? Or does she feel like she's
not connected to
her
body? It could be she doesn't know yet. Maybe at times
she feels a
sensory
overlaod, or memory overload, or some kind of overload
that isn't
apparent
from the outside and she's shutting down for
processing.
Ask her what it feels like when it starts and while
she's in it. Ask
her
what gets her out of it. Does she feel released when
the person stops
talking? What's going through her mind while it's
happening? Right
before it
happens? When she starts to come out of it?>>>>
I'll try asking some of these questions next time
we're in a 'situation'. I have asked her how or what
she's feeling when it happens but she always says, "I
don't know". I'll try asking her some of the more
specific questions that you suggested, it may help her
to realise what she's thinking about while it's
happening and we might get some insight into it.
<<<<I think if you forget how you feel about it and
how you feel others
must
feel about it and only concentrate on how *she* feels
about it, you'll
get
more insight. If it doesn't bother her, then just
treat it as an
interesting
puzzle. Ask questions occasionally if you think you
might have a new
insight
so she feels you're available but set it aside as
*her* puzzle to
solve.
(Unless, of course, it increases in frequency.)
Joyce >>>>
I don't worry about how it affects others unless it's
hurtful. Unfortunately, as of late it seems to be
getting more and more hurtful to people. Maybe it's
because she's older and it's now perceived as more
socially unacceptable? It didn't seem to be quite so
much of an issue in England. Maybe it's a societal
thing and I'm feeling the pressure of it and
tranferring it to her? Maybe I'm just blowing it all
out of proportion and it's not such a big deal and
she'll outgrow it like you suggested. Maybe I'm just
being neurotic <bwg>.
Meghan
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doing deliberately.
It
doesn't sound like it to me. It sounds like some brain
chemistry thing
going
on. It could be she'll out grow it. (Is it greater,
lesser, the same in
frequency as when she was younger?) It could be she
can learn to notice
it
coming on and learn some techniques to redirect it.
(*If* it bothers
her,
not just so you can feel more comfortable! ;-)>>>>
I don't know how much of it is deliberate or not. I do
know that when I draw her attention to it, she
sometimes makes more of an effort to be civil and
sometimes she doesn't. In some situations (especially
with other children) it can be quite hurtful behaviour
(to the person receiving her 'coldness', that is). I
think that 'coldness' is actually a better description
of it. She doesn't space out or anything, but she
kind of cops an attitude of 'I'm not going to talk to
you'. I wonder if it's some sort of weird power
struggle? But against what? But I still *feel* fed up
with it (although I try not to *act* fed up <g>).
<<<<> It's not like it
> happens all the time, just often enough for me to beHave you asked her how she feels when it happens? Does
> getting fed up with it.
she feel like
she'd
rather be somewhere else? Or does she feel like she's
not connected to
her
body? It could be she doesn't know yet. Maybe at times
she feels a
sensory
overlaod, or memory overload, or some kind of overload
that isn't
apparent
from the outside and she's shutting down for
processing.
Ask her what it feels like when it starts and while
she's in it. Ask
her
what gets her out of it. Does she feel released when
the person stops
talking? What's going through her mind while it's
happening? Right
before it
happens? When she starts to come out of it?>>>>
I'll try asking some of these questions next time
we're in a 'situation'. I have asked her how or what
she's feeling when it happens but she always says, "I
don't know". I'll try asking her some of the more
specific questions that you suggested, it may help her
to realise what she's thinking about while it's
happening and we might get some insight into it.
<<<<I think if you forget how you feel about it and
how you feel others
must
feel about it and only concentrate on how *she* feels
about it, you'll
get
more insight. If it doesn't bother her, then just
treat it as an
interesting
puzzle. Ask questions occasionally if you think you
might have a new
insight
so she feels you're available but set it aside as
*her* puzzle to
solve.
(Unless, of course, it increases in frequency.)
Joyce >>>>
I don't worry about how it affects others unless it's
hurtful. Unfortunately, as of late it seems to be
getting more and more hurtful to people. Maybe it's
because she's older and it's now perceived as more
socially unacceptable? It didn't seem to be quite so
much of an issue in England. Maybe it's a societal
thing and I'm feeling the pressure of it and
tranferring it to her? Maybe I'm just blowing it all
out of proportion and it's not such a big deal and
she'll outgrow it like you suggested. Maybe I'm just
being neurotic <bwg>.
Meghan
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[email protected]
In a message dated 1/22/02 11:31:00 PM, moonmeghan@... writes:
<< I have asked her how or what
she's feeling when it happens but she always says, "I
don't know". >>
That may be the total truth.
I have an acquaintance (wife of a friend) who is VERY much that way. She
just zones away, in what seems a very snooty way, but what is probably either
a deep, short panic or some autism kind of thing. Seriously, she fit the
description someone put up a while back on... unschooling.com probably. it
was people who process almost exclusively by written word, maybe math and
music, but NOT physical, including not any physical clues. Pictures are
rejected. TV is rejected. Words on paper or math ONLY. These are the
SAT-scoring idiot-savants who are considered in this culture to be plenty
bright, since this culture doesn't count social skills as intelligence (yet,
not yet).
So... this person's in her 20's and maybe will grow out of it. I hope.
Sandra
<< I have asked her how or what
she's feeling when it happens but she always says, "I
don't know". >>
That may be the total truth.
I have an acquaintance (wife of a friend) who is VERY much that way. She
just zones away, in what seems a very snooty way, but what is probably either
a deep, short panic or some autism kind of thing. Seriously, she fit the
description someone put up a while back on... unschooling.com probably. it
was people who process almost exclusively by written word, maybe math and
music, but NOT physical, including not any physical clues. Pictures are
rejected. TV is rejected. Words on paper or math ONLY. These are the
SAT-scoring idiot-savants who are considered in this culture to be plenty
bright, since this culture doesn't count social skills as intelligence (yet,
not yet).
So... this person's in her 20's and maybe will grow out of it. I hope.
Sandra
[email protected]
On Wed, 23 Jan 2002 01:36:27 EST SandraDodd@... writes:
of pull away and really not be *here* anymore. When I was a traumatized
teen, I could spend literally hours sitting and staring at a wall... I
suppose I still could, but I don't need to anymore. Still, I get
overwhelmed by crowds, even nice crowds, and I have to make a real effort
to stay *here* sometimes.
Cacie, I think, has a similar ability but has her dad's social skills, so
she usually likes to go make friends with new people and is better at it.
I do remember that when she was 4, she used to "watch" videos on the
backs her her eyelids during long car trips, and I think it's related.
Dar
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> I have an acquaintance (wife of a friend) who is VERY much that way.She
> just zones away, in what seems a very snooty way, but what isIt sounds like it may be dissociative to me. I do that. I can just sort
> probably either a deep, short panic or some autism kind of thing.
of pull away and really not be *here* anymore. When I was a traumatized
teen, I could spend literally hours sitting and staring at a wall... I
suppose I still could, but I don't need to anymore. Still, I get
overwhelmed by crowds, even nice crowds, and I have to make a real effort
to stay *here* sometimes.
Cacie, I think, has a similar ability but has her dad's social skills, so
she usually likes to go make friends with new people and is better at it.
I do remember that when she was 4, she used to "watch" videos on the
backs her her eyelids during long car trips, and I think it's related.
Dar
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