Meghan's question
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When she blocks these folks is it that she doesn't look at them and
pretends not to hear them?
Have you paid attention to what the people she's blocking out are saying
to her?
Are they quizzing her, I wonder? So many people do this to homeschooled
kids, try to get them to say what they've learned. Are they bossing
her? Maybe she thinks it would be rude to say, " Grandma, please don't
test me." or "Please don't tell me what to do." So she just pretends
she can't hear it. We spend a lot of time encouraging kids to be
considerate of other people, maybe she doesn't know she has a right to
politely ask them not to do that thing that's bothering her.
Blanking might be the Tamzin version of "would you look at the time, I
have to run!"
I do it all the time! To my mom, too! It's a very useful tool.<g>
Are they people who arrive, maybe, when she had something else planned
that they are now interrupting? Maybe she thinks THEY are being rude.
Is she afraid if she shows interest and love for them she's being
disloyal to you?
Some kids don't figure out right away that letting another person close
doesn't squeeze everybody else out.
Some kids are very good at reading body language and other cues, maybe
she feels they're not all that friendly and so is protecting herself.
Well, that's basically a lot a rambling from a person who has no real
idea.
Sorry Meghan,
Deb L
pretends not to hear them?
Have you paid attention to what the people she's blocking out are saying
to her?
Are they quizzing her, I wonder? So many people do this to homeschooled
kids, try to get them to say what they've learned. Are they bossing
her? Maybe she thinks it would be rude to say, " Grandma, please don't
test me." or "Please don't tell me what to do." So she just pretends
she can't hear it. We spend a lot of time encouraging kids to be
considerate of other people, maybe she doesn't know she has a right to
politely ask them not to do that thing that's bothering her.
Blanking might be the Tamzin version of "would you look at the time, I
have to run!"
I do it all the time! To my mom, too! It's a very useful tool.<g>
Are they people who arrive, maybe, when she had something else planned
that they are now interrupting? Maybe she thinks THEY are being rude.
Is she afraid if she shows interest and love for them she's being
disloyal to you?
Some kids don't figure out right away that letting another person close
doesn't squeeze everybody else out.
Some kids are very good at reading body language and other cues, maybe
she feels they're not all that friendly and so is protecting herself.
Well, that's basically a lot a rambling from a person who has no real
idea.
Sorry Meghan,
Deb L
meghan anderson
<<<<When she blocks these folks is it that she doesn't
look at them and
pretends not to hear them?
Have you paid attention to what the people she's
blocking out are
saying
to her?
Are they quizzing her, I wonder? So many people do
this to
homeschooled
kids, try to get them to say what they've learned.
Are they bossing
her? Maybe she thinks it would be rude to say, "
Grandma, please
don't
test me." or "Please don't tell me what to do." So
she just pretends
she can't hear it. >>>>
No, they're definitely not quizzing her. *I'd* blank
people too if they were quizzing her! But this can
happen even with other home/unschooling parents. My
mom almost never tells her what to do. She may suggest
something, but she never forces it. She's actually
very relaxed and hands off (maybe she's too hands off
with her?)
<<<<We spend a lot of time encouraging kids to be
considerate of other people, maybe she doesn't know
she has a right to
politely ask them not to do that thing that's
bothering her.
Blanking might be the Tamzin version of "would you
look at the time, I
have to run!"
I do it all the time! To my mom, too! It's a very
useful tool.<g>>>>>
I've always given her 'words' to use to explain to
people if something is bothering her, but she doesn't
usually feel comfortable enough to use them. That's
where I usually come in, to translate. That's also why
I used to attribute this behaviour to shyness. I've
been working with her for a long time now to be able
to communicate to people without my intervention.
Sometimes she communicates great and sometimes it just
seems too difficult for her.
<<<<Are they people who arrive, maybe, when she had
something else planned
that they are now interrupting? Maybe she thinks THEY
are being rude.>>>>
No, it can happen anywhere or even if we are the ones
coming into the situation. The park, shops, etc.
<<<<Is she afraid if she shows interest and love for
them she's being
disloyal to you?
Some kids don't figure out right away that letting
another person close
doesn't squeeze everybody else out.>>>>
I don't think this is it. For example, she has a great
relationship with her stepmum and talks to me freely
about her affection for her.
<<<<Some kids are very good at reading body language
and other cues, maybe she feels they're not all that
friendly and so is protecting herself. >>>>
I thought this might be the case at first, but
sometimes she does it to a person and the next time we
see them (or even in the same day) she's all friendly
to them. Besides, my mom is hardly a threatening or
dangerous character <g>. In fact she's a real
kindhearted lady and is very loving.
<<<<Well, that's basically a lot a rambling from a
person who has no real idea.
Sorry Meghan,
Deb L>>>>
No, really, thank you Deb. This is just the sort of
thing that can maybe help me to stumble across a new
idea that I haven't thought of or tried. All feedback
is helpful.
Meghan :-)
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look at them and
pretends not to hear them?
Have you paid attention to what the people she's
blocking out are
saying
to her?
Are they quizzing her, I wonder? So many people do
this to
homeschooled
kids, try to get them to say what they've learned.
Are they bossing
her? Maybe she thinks it would be rude to say, "
Grandma, please
don't
test me." or "Please don't tell me what to do." So
she just pretends
she can't hear it. >>>>
No, they're definitely not quizzing her. *I'd* blank
people too if they were quizzing her! But this can
happen even with other home/unschooling parents. My
mom almost never tells her what to do. She may suggest
something, but she never forces it. She's actually
very relaxed and hands off (maybe she's too hands off
with her?)
<<<<We spend a lot of time encouraging kids to be
considerate of other people, maybe she doesn't know
she has a right to
politely ask them not to do that thing that's
bothering her.
Blanking might be the Tamzin version of "would you
look at the time, I
have to run!"
I do it all the time! To my mom, too! It's a very
useful tool.<g>>>>>
I've always given her 'words' to use to explain to
people if something is bothering her, but she doesn't
usually feel comfortable enough to use them. That's
where I usually come in, to translate. That's also why
I used to attribute this behaviour to shyness. I've
been working with her for a long time now to be able
to communicate to people without my intervention.
Sometimes she communicates great and sometimes it just
seems too difficult for her.
<<<<Are they people who arrive, maybe, when she had
something else planned
that they are now interrupting? Maybe she thinks THEY
are being rude.>>>>
No, it can happen anywhere or even if we are the ones
coming into the situation. The park, shops, etc.
<<<<Is she afraid if she shows interest and love for
them she's being
disloyal to you?
Some kids don't figure out right away that letting
another person close
doesn't squeeze everybody else out.>>>>
I don't think this is it. For example, she has a great
relationship with her stepmum and talks to me freely
about her affection for her.
<<<<Some kids are very good at reading body language
and other cues, maybe she feels they're not all that
friendly and so is protecting herself. >>>>
I thought this might be the case at first, but
sometimes she does it to a person and the next time we
see them (or even in the same day) she's all friendly
to them. Besides, my mom is hardly a threatening or
dangerous character <g>. In fact she's a real
kindhearted lady and is very loving.
<<<<Well, that's basically a lot a rambling from a
person who has no real idea.
Sorry Meghan,
Deb L>>>>
No, really, thank you Deb. This is just the sort of
thing that can maybe help me to stumble across a new
idea that I haven't thought of or tried. All feedback
is helpful.
Meghan :-)
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meghan anderson
<<<<Some type of seizures? My niece did something like
this - she would
just seem
to zone out, usually just for a few seconds. Turned
out she was having
as
many as 80 little teensy seizures a day.
--pam>>>>
No, she's definitely fully present. It's more like a
'coldness' to people rather than 'blanking out'. I
suppose I didn't describe it very well.
Meghan :-)
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this - she would
just seem
to zone out, usually just for a few seconds. Turned
out she was having
as
many as 80 little teensy seizures a day.
--pam>>>>
No, she's definitely fully present. It's more like a
'coldness' to people rather than 'blanking out'. I
suppose I didn't describe it very well.
Meghan :-)
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Sharon Rudd
>.................
> No, she's definitely fully present. It's more like a
> 'coldness' to people rather than 'blanking out'. I
> suppose I didn't describe it very well.
I would have suggested petit-mal seizures, too, but.
You noted in a previous post how cognizant Meghan is
of fairness and kindness in others. She may be
stopping to evaluate.
Sharon of the Swamp
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meghan anderson
<<<<Don't see how anything I do will help, other than
just be supportive,
understanding and wait for it to pass.
Any ideas would be great though!!
Tamzin isn't the only one.
But Sierra is four, I really hope she outgrows this by
seven!!! oh
well.
Ren>>>>
Sorry about sending that first one! Pressed return by
mistake before I'd actually typed anything, whoops!
Thank you so much Ren! That's exactly what I'm talking
about! My friend described it well when she said
Tamzin gives people the 'cold shoulder'. I too thought
(and hoped) Tamzin would outgrow this behaviour. I
think it is getting more noticable (and socially
unacceptable) as she gets older. I just keep trying to
remind her how it would feel if she were on the
receiving end of the 'cold shoulder'. The problem is,
I don't think she's ever been given the cold shoulder,
so she doesn't know what it feels like. Maybe I can
get someone to do it to her <very sarcastic grin>.
Meghan
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just be supportive,
understanding and wait for it to pass.
Any ideas would be great though!!
Tamzin isn't the only one.
But Sierra is four, I really hope she outgrows this by
seven!!! oh
well.
Ren>>>>
Sorry about sending that first one! Pressed return by
mistake before I'd actually typed anything, whoops!
Thank you so much Ren! That's exactly what I'm talking
about! My friend described it well when she said
Tamzin gives people the 'cold shoulder'. I too thought
(and hoped) Tamzin would outgrow this behaviour. I
think it is getting more noticable (and socially
unacceptable) as she gets older. I just keep trying to
remind her how it would feel if she were on the
receiving end of the 'cold shoulder'. The problem is,
I don't think she's ever been given the cold shoulder,
so she doesn't know what it feels like. Maybe I can
get someone to do it to her <very sarcastic grin>.
Meghan
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[email protected]
In a message dated 1/24/02 5:13:44 PM, moonmeghan@... writes:
<< The problem is,
I don't think she's ever been given the cold shoulder,
so she doesn't know what it feels like. Maybe I can
get someone to do it to her <very sarcastic grin>. >>
But if part of the problem is a lack of awareness of subtlety, she might not
recognize the cold shoulder, or it might not offend her one bit.
I have a friend now in her late 30's moved away, married to a guy with a cool
job and a PhD. We NEVER would have guessed any of those things could have
come about twenty years ago. But in times past when we did need to ask her
things like "Please don't interrupt the main speaker" or "Don't close your
eyes when you're talking, because it makes it impossible for us to signal you
to wait or stop," she was never offended at all. What would have been a
social 2x4 to some people was to her just communication. And what was just
communication to most people was NOT communication to her.
This might not apply one bit to Tamzin and if so that's fine.
I was several times the one chosen to "talk to Snail" (her own self-chosen
nickname, and sadly fitting), and I would get my courage up, go WAY past the
point I was usually comfortable going, and she would look at me sweetly and
say "Oh. Okay. I didn't realize that." And I'd need two days to recover
from having been so harsh with someone.
But because she had her eyes closed and such like, normal everyday signals
didn't take.
Sandra
<< The problem is,
I don't think she's ever been given the cold shoulder,
so she doesn't know what it feels like. Maybe I can
get someone to do it to her <very sarcastic grin>. >>
But if part of the problem is a lack of awareness of subtlety, she might not
recognize the cold shoulder, or it might not offend her one bit.
I have a friend now in her late 30's moved away, married to a guy with a cool
job and a PhD. We NEVER would have guessed any of those things could have
come about twenty years ago. But in times past when we did need to ask her
things like "Please don't interrupt the main speaker" or "Don't close your
eyes when you're talking, because it makes it impossible for us to signal you
to wait or stop," she was never offended at all. What would have been a
social 2x4 to some people was to her just communication. And what was just
communication to most people was NOT communication to her.
This might not apply one bit to Tamzin and if so that's fine.
I was several times the one chosen to "talk to Snail" (her own self-chosen
nickname, and sadly fitting), and I would get my courage up, go WAY past the
point I was usually comfortable going, and she would look at me sweetly and
say "Oh. Okay. I didn't realize that." And I'd need two days to recover
from having been so harsh with someone.
But because she had her eyes closed and such like, normal everyday signals
didn't take.
Sandra
Joy Sypher
My son seems to be doing this also but really he's not. You can see that he wants to answer, respond or acknowledge the other person and just can't. Over the years he has gotten better. It took a lot of prompting. Many times reminding him that "um" is not the answer I was looking for. Or even just looking straight at me and then walking away without answering. Argghh! I can only imagine how the people at work see him.
Joy in NM
,
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joy in NM
,
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
meghan anderson
<<<<I would have suggested petit-mal seizures, too,
but.
You noted in a previous post how cognizant Meghan is
of fairness and kindness in others. She may be
stopping to evaluate.
Sharon of the Swamp>>>>
I thought that was it at first, but there seems to be
no pattern to it. Like I said, I didn't describe it
very clearly at the start. It's not like she blanks
out in a daydreamy, spacey way. She gives people the
cold shoulder. I still believe it's a shyness thing. I
just wish she would outgrow it, but I know there's no
rushing these things and if I don't pressure or push
her (just gentle reminders of how to treat others)
then I guess eventually she'll grow out of it.
Meghan
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but.
You noted in a previous post how cognizant Meghan is
of fairness and kindness in others. She may be
stopping to evaluate.
Sharon of the Swamp>>>>
I thought that was it at first, but there seems to be
no pattern to it. Like I said, I didn't describe it
very clearly at the start. It's not like she blanks
out in a daydreamy, spacey way. She gives people the
cold shoulder. I still believe it's a shyness thing. I
just wish she would outgrow it, but I know there's no
rushing these things and if I don't pressure or push
her (just gentle reminders of how to treat others)
then I guess eventually she'll grow out of it.
Meghan
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Nancy Wooton
on 1/28/02 12:31 PM, meghan anderson at moonmeghan@... wrote:
It could also be that she's sized the people up, decided they aren't worth
her trouble, and has moved on to something more interesting in her head.
Kids are excellent bullshit detectors. You may have to teach her to fake
politeness to adults who are rudely intruding on her mental space.
On another note...Why is it that introversion has to be "cured," labeled
"shyness," or "outgrown"? Some of the most lively, articulate, thoughtful
people on this *list* would be considered "rude" if met at a party. Of
course, the likelihood of them attending a party is remote <g>
Nancy
--
...the kindergarten "free-discussion" when the teacher asked us to name our
fondest wish, and I said I wanted my own apartment.
...Florence King
> She gives people theOr she'll grow into Florence King. Some people are born misanthropes.
> cold shoulder. I still believe it's a shyness thing. I
> just wish she would outgrow it, but I know there's no
> rushing these things and if I don't pressure or push
> her (just gentle reminders of how to treat others)
> then I guess eventually she'll grow out of it.
It could also be that she's sized the people up, decided they aren't worth
her trouble, and has moved on to something more interesting in her head.
Kids are excellent bullshit detectors. You may have to teach her to fake
politeness to adults who are rudely intruding on her mental space.
On another note...Why is it that introversion has to be "cured," labeled
"shyness," or "outgrown"? Some of the most lively, articulate, thoughtful
people on this *list* would be considered "rude" if met at a party. Of
course, the likelihood of them attending a party is remote <g>
Nancy
--
...the kindergarten "free-discussion" when the teacher asked us to name our
fondest wish, and I said I wanted my own apartment.
...Florence King
[email protected]
Some of the most lively, articulate, thoughtful
people on this *list* would be considered "rude" if met at a party. Of
course, the likelihood of them attending a party is remote <g>
Nancy
Party? Did someone say Par-tay?
I am there, Baby!
Elissa, who will soon be singing
Yippee - Kai - Yay! (With a lampshade on her head and the remote in one
hand!!)
people on this *list* would be considered "rude" if met at a party. Of
course, the likelihood of them attending a party is remote <g>
Nancy
Party? Did someone say Par-tay?
I am there, Baby!
Elissa, who will soon be singing
Yippee - Kai - Yay! (With a lampshade on her head and the remote in one
hand!!)
meghan anderson
<<<<It could also be that she's sized the people up,
decided they aren't worth
her trouble, and has moved on to something more
interesting in her head.
Kids are excellent bullshit detectors. You may have
to teach her to fake
politeness to adults who are rudely intruding on her
mental space.>>>>
This is not the case though. Sometimes she'll be
friendly to people and then the next time she sees
them, gives them the cold shoulder. Also, it's not
only with other adults (mostly, but certainly not
always). When we walk into a situation and someone
says hello, I don't (and she doesn't, we've talked
about it) feel that they're intruding on her mental
space. However, I don't think it's acceptable for her
to give someone the cold shoulder when they say hello
when we walk up to them (whether we know them or not).
<<<<On another note...Why is it that introversion has
to be "cured," labeled "shyness," or "outgrown"? Some
of the most lively, articulate,
thoughtful people on this *list* would be considered
"rude" if met at a party. Of
course, the likelihood of them attending a party is
remote <g>
Nancy>>>>
I didn't mean her introversion (I call it a sort of
shyness for lack of a better descriptive word. I find
that most people accept shy behaviour as pretty
natural) as something to be outgrown. What I meant,
was I hope she outgrows this cold shoulder behaviour
thing.
Meghan
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decided they aren't worth
her trouble, and has moved on to something more
interesting in her head.
Kids are excellent bullshit detectors. You may have
to teach her to fake
politeness to adults who are rudely intruding on her
mental space.>>>>
This is not the case though. Sometimes she'll be
friendly to people and then the next time she sees
them, gives them the cold shoulder. Also, it's not
only with other adults (mostly, but certainly not
always). When we walk into a situation and someone
says hello, I don't (and she doesn't, we've talked
about it) feel that they're intruding on her mental
space. However, I don't think it's acceptable for her
to give someone the cold shoulder when they say hello
when we walk up to them (whether we know them or not).
<<<<On another note...Why is it that introversion has
to be "cured," labeled "shyness," or "outgrown"? Some
of the most lively, articulate,
thoughtful people on this *list* would be considered
"rude" if met at a party. Of
course, the likelihood of them attending a party is
remote <g>
Nancy>>>>
I didn't mean her introversion (I call it a sort of
shyness for lack of a better descriptive word. I find
that most people accept shy behaviour as pretty
natural) as something to be outgrown. What I meant,
was I hope she outgrows this cold shoulder behaviour
thing.
Meghan
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