teens and sensitive subjects
averyschmidt
There are a lot of touchy subjects (touchy for me, not my children)
coming up around here lately with my young teen. The surge in
questions and intense interest is mostly due to recent circumstances
among extended family and friends, but also just plain old curiosity-
about smoking pot (which some friends are doing) binge drinking (also
frighteningly common), driving under the influence, sexuality (why
girls are called sluts and boys are not, STDs, unwanted pregnancy) and
so on. I'm wondering if any of you can recommend resources either fo
me or to share with my son- books fiction or non, movies etc- that are
honest and direct about these issues (without being condescending or
fear-mongering) that could be a springboard for more discussion and
viewpoints. I'm doing my best to keep the lines of communication open
and to not freak out or be a hypocrite, but I'm struggling a little
with it. I'm also itching to control more, which I know isn't the
direction I want to go in. I find Parent-Teen Breakthrough helpful
but it doesn't go as much into the specific topics as I'd like.
Thanks for any input,
Patti
coming up around here lately with my young teen. The surge in
questions and intense interest is mostly due to recent circumstances
among extended family and friends, but also just plain old curiosity-
about smoking pot (which some friends are doing) binge drinking (also
frighteningly common), driving under the influence, sexuality (why
girls are called sluts and boys are not, STDs, unwanted pregnancy) and
so on. I'm wondering if any of you can recommend resources either fo
me or to share with my son- books fiction or non, movies etc- that are
honest and direct about these issues (without being condescending or
fear-mongering) that could be a springboard for more discussion and
viewpoints. I'm doing my best to keep the lines of communication open
and to not freak out or be a hypocrite, but I'm struggling a little
with it. I'm also itching to control more, which I know isn't the
direction I want to go in. I find Parent-Teen Breakthrough helpful
but it doesn't go as much into the specific topics as I'd like.
Thanks for any input,
Patti
Sandra Dodd
Pot smoking hasn't really come up here except in small, vague, joking
ways.
Binge drinking has been discussed a bit. Party drinking (single
installments) have been discussed a fair amount as to safety,
standing up to party-game pressure, and the danger of genetics.
As to sex, I do have resources and ideas and have some collected, and
there's a link in there to a page on sexuality that isn't
conservative or preachy, and while it might be too wild for some
families, I like it and didn't find a better one.
If other people do have other recommendations I'll consider adding
them there too.
http://sandradodd.com/sex
Sandra
ways.
Binge drinking has been discussed a bit. Party drinking (single
installments) have been discussed a fair amount as to safety,
standing up to party-game pressure, and the danger of genetics.
As to sex, I do have resources and ideas and have some collected, and
there's a link in there to a page on sexuality that isn't
conservative or preachy, and while it might be too wild for some
families, I like it and didn't find a better one.
If other people do have other recommendations I'll consider adding
them there too.
http://sandradodd.com/sex
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
-=-As to sex, I do have resources and ideas and have some collected, and
there's a link in there to a page on sexuality that isn't
conservative or preachy, and while it might be too wild for some
families, I like it and didn't find a better one.
-=-
That's a recommendation for Scarleteen.
I still think it's really good, but it now is part of the Sex Ed Web
Circle, and they're not all as aimed at kids nor as clinical as it
is. I didn't know those links were there, and the random one I got
on a single click was more than I thought it'd be!
So IF you give that link to your kids and if you come in in a few
days and they've found some stories or pictures you wish they hadn't,
try not to freak out about it. A family I know is still in the
aftermath of a major freak-out because a young teen was looking at
porn and they handled it badly a dozen ways, which led to a fight,
police, restraining orders and divorce.
Parents don't get to control what their kids learn or see or know.
They can try, they can imagine it, they can wish and threaten and
scream, kick, deal with police, get slapped with restraining orders
and get divorced, but they canNOT by magic or will or rules or
threats control their children.
So...
If the cost of plain and thorough information is that they also might
be able to click three or four links and see some nasty stuff, I
recommend accepting that price and NOT making a bigger deal of it
than it is.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
there's a link in there to a page on sexuality that isn't
conservative or preachy, and while it might be too wild for some
families, I like it and didn't find a better one.
-=-
That's a recommendation for Scarleteen.
I still think it's really good, but it now is part of the Sex Ed Web
Circle, and they're not all as aimed at kids nor as clinical as it
is. I didn't know those links were there, and the random one I got
on a single click was more than I thought it'd be!
So IF you give that link to your kids and if you come in in a few
days and they've found some stories or pictures you wish they hadn't,
try not to freak out about it. A family I know is still in the
aftermath of a major freak-out because a young teen was looking at
porn and they handled it badly a dozen ways, which led to a fight,
police, restraining orders and divorce.
Parents don't get to control what their kids learn or see or know.
They can try, they can imagine it, they can wish and threaten and
scream, kick, deal with police, get slapped with restraining orders
and get divorced, but they canNOT by magic or will or rules or
threats control their children.
So...
If the cost of plain and thorough information is that they also might
be able to click three or four links and see some nasty stuff, I
recommend accepting that price and NOT making a bigger deal of it
than it is.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deanna
Hi everyone,
I'm new here, I have two boys ages 12 & 6 (never been to school) and we live in Vermont. I've been enjoying catching up on the reading about teens. We approaching that age and I'm so tired of hearing what a monster Josh will turn into "anytime now" from mainstream friends and family.
Personally I feel that my lying and sneaking in adolesence was because of my strict upbringing. To this day my younger sister still has the lying sneaking, avoiding reality habits (at age 30!!)
All along I've been trusting my instincts with my kids and it's certainly paid off. It's great to read about parents who have open honest communication with their teens.
Deanna
Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
-=-As to sex, I do have resources and ideas and have some collected, and
there's a link in there to a page on sexuality that isn't
conservative or preachy, and while it might be too wild for some
families, I like it and didn't find a better one.
-=-
That's a recommendation for Scarleteen.
I still think it's really good, but it now is part of the Sex Ed Web
Circle, and they're not all as aimed at kids nor as clinical as it
is. I didn't know those links were there, and the random one I got
on a single click was more than I thought it'd be!
So IF you give that link to your kids and if you come in in a few
days and they've found some stories or pictures you wish they hadn't,
try not to freak out about it. A family I know is still in the
aftermath of a major freak-out because a young teen was looking at
porn and they handled it badly a dozen ways, which led to a fight,
police, restraining orders and divorce.
Parents don't get to control what their kids learn or see or know.
They can try, they can imagine it, they can wish and threaten and
scream, kick, deal with police, get slapped with restraining orders
and get divorced, but they canNOT by magic or will or rules or
threats control their children.
So...
If the cost of plain and thorough information is that they also might
be able to click three or four links and see some nasty stuff, I
recommend accepting that price and NOT making a bigger deal of it
than it is.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm new here, I have two boys ages 12 & 6 (never been to school) and we live in Vermont. I've been enjoying catching up on the reading about teens. We approaching that age and I'm so tired of hearing what a monster Josh will turn into "anytime now" from mainstream friends and family.
Personally I feel that my lying and sneaking in adolesence was because of my strict upbringing. To this day my younger sister still has the lying sneaking, avoiding reality habits (at age 30!!)
All along I've been trusting my instincts with my kids and it's certainly paid off. It's great to read about parents who have open honest communication with their teens.
Deanna
Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
-=-As to sex, I do have resources and ideas and have some collected, and
there's a link in there to a page on sexuality that isn't
conservative or preachy, and while it might be too wild for some
families, I like it and didn't find a better one.
-=-
That's a recommendation for Scarleteen.
I still think it's really good, but it now is part of the Sex Ed Web
Circle, and they're not all as aimed at kids nor as clinical as it
is. I didn't know those links were there, and the random one I got
on a single click was more than I thought it'd be!
So IF you give that link to your kids and if you come in in a few
days and they've found some stories or pictures you wish they hadn't,
try not to freak out about it. A family I know is still in the
aftermath of a major freak-out because a young teen was looking at
porn and they handled it badly a dozen ways, which led to a fight,
police, restraining orders and divorce.
Parents don't get to control what their kids learn or see or know.
They can try, they can imagine it, they can wish and threaten and
scream, kick, deal with police, get slapped with restraining orders
and get divorced, but they canNOT by magic or will or rules or
threats control their children.
So...
If the cost of plain and thorough information is that they also might
be able to click three or four links and see some nasty stuff, I
recommend accepting that price and NOT making a bigger deal of it
than it is.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=- I've been enjoying catching up on the reading about teens. We
approaching that age and I'm so tired of hearing what a monster Josh
will turn into "anytime now" from mainstream friends and family. -=-
The worst of that sort of thing is the antagonism. It's them against
you. They're betting against your kids. They HOPE Josh turns into a
monster now, so they can say they told you so. If Josh is a good
guy, they lose. They've set the bet, and it's so sad they won't be
able to rejoice if he's whole, happy and healthy.
There was another couple we knew when we were all childless. They
were Kirby's godparents. I say "were" because we're not in contact
with the mom and the dad killed himself. They have a girl older
than Kirby by a year or two, and a boy Marty's age.
When Kirby was five or six, she declared in front of other people at
a party that we needed to spank him more, and that if things went as
they are he was going to hit me when he was a teen. (I wish I had
sound recording or video of that curse, which reminds me of the
wicked fairy in Sleeping Beauty.)
Time passed, her kids became increasingly sullen and unhappy (even
before their dad checked out), and I heard a couple of years ago that
her son hit her when he was fifteen or so. I don't know where in
her life the idea of teenaged boys hitting moms came from, but it did
live in her family and it didn't in mine.
Today is Kirby's 20th birthday, so I don't have three teens anymore.
Here's something I wrote yesterday about that:
http://sandradodd.blogspot.com
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
approaching that age and I'm so tired of hearing what a monster Josh
will turn into "anytime now" from mainstream friends and family. -=-
The worst of that sort of thing is the antagonism. It's them against
you. They're betting against your kids. They HOPE Josh turns into a
monster now, so they can say they told you so. If Josh is a good
guy, they lose. They've set the bet, and it's so sad they won't be
able to rejoice if he's whole, happy and healthy.
There was another couple we knew when we were all childless. They
were Kirby's godparents. I say "were" because we're not in contact
with the mom and the dad killed himself. They have a girl older
than Kirby by a year or two, and a boy Marty's age.
When Kirby was five or six, she declared in front of other people at
a party that we needed to spank him more, and that if things went as
they are he was going to hit me when he was a teen. (I wish I had
sound recording or video of that curse, which reminds me of the
wicked fairy in Sleeping Beauty.)
Time passed, her kids became increasingly sullen and unhappy (even
before their dad checked out), and I heard a couple of years ago that
her son hit her when he was fifteen or so. I don't know where in
her life the idea of teenaged boys hitting moms came from, but it did
live in her family and it didn't in mine.
Today is Kirby's 20th birthday, so I don't have three teens anymore.
Here's something I wrote yesterday about that:
http://sandradodd.blogspot.com
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]