Sandra Dodd

I think this was written in 1997. I found it looking for something I
need for the conference coming in September, but it reminded me of
the recent bit on TV and parental control. It's my writing, except
what's marked as quotes. Everything from here down was then:

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I didn't even look back to see who the original author was, so I hope
this will come across as totally clinical which it's intended to be.
Two quotes:

<< Can I unschool and still have him accomplish his goals? >>

<<The question really is, can HE unschool and still accomplish his
goals?>>

Terminology reflects thought and belief.
Sometimes just a slight shift in terminology will release the mental
block that keeps people from understanding unschooling.

A couple of examples:
Calling grown women "girls" instead of women kept women from
advancing for many years. When someone learns to remember to say
"women" when they mean women, suddenly girls BECOME women in their
minds.

Nursing and childbirth counselors and midwives remind women to change
their terminology. If a woman says, "My doctor says I have to..." or
"My doctor won't let me..." it's really worth interrupting and
asking them to change the words and thought to , "My doctor
recommends..." or "My doctor doesn't believe..."

If woman give ownership of their babies to the doctor, they will not
be able to make decisions and to act on their own beliefs without a
doctor's approval or permission.

If parents retain ownership of their children's learning, the
children cannot learn on their own.

What I've just said above is / will be / has been misinterpreted to
mean the parents should throw up their hands, back off, and not say a
word. That's not what I mean at all. Possibly the very same
interactions can occur, but the balance of power and responsibility
can change by changing the phrasing and definitions.

<<<< Can he unschool and still accomplish his goals? >>>>

Is that different in wording only from <<<< Can I unschool and still
have him accomplish his goals? >>

I think it's 180 degrees of difference mentally, and very little
difference in real life.

Is it a change worth making?
I think it's absolutely necessary.

When forceful suggestions are made here, though, sometimes people
take it as criticism or attack.

If you're trying to help push someone's car and it's not going
anywhere, sometimes pushing harder helps. Occasionally, though, you
just HAVE to say, "Is it in neutral or not?" If they say, "No, it's
in first gear, push harder," what are you going to say? You stop
pushing and say "You HAVE to put it in neutral first."

So before anyone can enjoy the benefits of unschooling they HAVE to
"put it in neutral." They have to take off the emergency brake.
Otherwise the car won't move. Too many people say "We tried pushing
the car, it didn't move, we bought a new one. Pushing cars never
works."

Sandra