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Thanks, Sandra, for your suggestions. I know that if I am right by them
when a fight starts I can usually smooth things out. I know some arguing is
normal in any family :) As for Daniel (my 4 year old warrior), we have always
had a lot of LOTR type movies around, as my other sons and husband enjoy them,
and ones like Mortal Kombat, some Jet Li and Pirates of the Caribbean. He's
seen them all, and loves them. He also has several play swords and large
sticks that he has found for staffs. We watch the movies with him and talk
about what is going on. I think he wants very badly to be a great swordsman or
bowman or whatever, and I think it drives him nuts that he can't do all the
things he sees. Do you have any suggestions (or anyone else for that matter)
as to how to handle the times when he does say hurtful things to people? His
siblings ignore it as they know he is all talk, and I know they don't feel
terrorized (annoyed, though), but the million other people we run into in
grocery stores, at the playhouse, neighborhood kids, etc. think differently, I'm
sure. I tell him that some words are hurtful or scary to others and that we
need to respect personal space, and I have removed him from situations when
he didn't seem to be able to stop. I was considering replacing the violent
movies with gentler ones whenever possible, and to ask the older kids to play
more gently with him (the older boys like to rough house, and he always jumps
in), but perhaps I'll forgo that. We watched "Karate Kid II" today and he
seemed to like it. He's such a fun, great guy that I hate to see him
alienating himself from others. As for martial arts classes, it just dawned on me
that I, along with his oldest brother, both got our black belts last year, and
he went to tons of our classes and observed. I have an air shield here in a
closet (I stopped training last March so it's probably dusty) - I think I'll
pull it out and offer for him to pummel it :)

Thanks all,
Steph


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

On Feb 24, 2006, at 5:48 PM, bofroggy@... wrote:

> I know some arguing is
> normal in any family :)

That might be one of those truisms that people repeat without really
thinking about it, or without bothering to look for exceptions.

Some arguing is normal, but what is even MORE normal (unfortunately)
is parents leaving the kids unsupervised until the kids come to
blows, break things, hurt each other, say mean things...

-=-Do you have any suggestions (or anyone else for that matter)
as to how to handle the times when he does say hurtful things to
people?-=-

Be there more is my first thought. Hurtful things hurt or they
wouldn't call them "hurtful." Being all talk is still harmful.

-=-I tell him that some words are hurtful or scary to others and
that we
need to respect personal space, and I have removed him from
situations when
he didn't seem to be able to stop-=-

Too may words, maybe. I'd say "NO," and remove him and talk to him
elsewhere. I wouldn't let him go back or hang out with the other
kids unless he agreed (at least temporarily) to stop.

-=-He's such a fun, great guy that I hate to see him
alienating himself from others. -=-

Maybe that's the message he needs. "Other people won't like you."
Another message is that if older people do that they are arrested and
locked up. Little kids can have that pointed out to them. It's
absolutely true.

Watching you or pummeling a shield isn't the same as the full package
of learning a martial art himself.

Sandra