The Millers

> Interestingly enough I have noticed that my DS has
> recently stopped telling people he is homeschooling when they ask if
> he is in kindergarten or first grade, he just says kindergarten
>

My daughter has gone from saying "we homeschool" to saying "I don't go
to school." It usually stops other questions from coming! If people
are receptive I explain, if it is some man chatting with us in the
frozen foods section I just smile big and change the subject!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Sorscha takes great pride in saying something to the effect of, "I
Unschool." Sometimes people will give her a quirky look and prod a little
further. Then she'll say something to the effect of, "I have never been to
school and I do what I want." The way she puts it is so funny because it
comes out like she's a wild-banshee. I typically just smile and do not try
to explain over her, even though I can tell the person wants me too.

Maybe I should also watch for the "receptive ones", but even though we have
only been RUing for about 6 months, 2 years unschooling....I am already
tired of trying to help someone understand. I can only imagine years from
now. I have come to the realization that even my bestest of friends whom I
speak to on a daily basis don't really understand what we do (don't do).
Many think we are doing a disservice to Sorscha. I have been reading and
learning about it for about 6 years. I think that there is possible not a
way to exchange that in 2 minutes. Hmmm, any suggestions?

Can you tell I had 5 days of my mom-in-law in town. We adore each other and
typically her visits are wonderful. This time it seemed like she was more
worried about Sorscha's upbringing. I got the following questions.

socialization?
smoking and drugs and how will she learn about not doing them?
college?
What do you think she is going to be / do when she grows up?
She has to learn to stand in line?
The world is a big, bad place and she needs to know how to operate in it?
People are horrible and bad and she needs to know how to negotiate them?
She will not be able to work in a job and deal with people?
No rules? Yes, I tried to explain principles!
She plays too many video games.
She is going to have to learn to eat what is offered, how is she going to go
to social events?
How are you going to teach her about sex?
Shouldn't she be writing more?
When are you going to put her in school?
She does not have to take a bath everyday?
She needs to know that she can not wear sweats everyday, especially if she
slept in them.
Your (meaning me..mom) are a short order cook.
She has no chores?
She has no schoolwork?

Soooo, I tried my best to explain. It is funny because we talk on the phone
several times a week and see her often. For some reason, something clicked
with her this time and she was very worried. I plan on sending her an email
with links to all the above. Any help would be appreciated. I plan on
checking out Sandras and Rejoycing. I also invited her to the conference
here in NM...we'll see.

Crystal and Sorscha

Sandra Dodd

On Feb 22, 2006, at 11:35 AM, The Millers wrote:

> I think that there is possible not a
> way to exchange that in 2 minutes. Hmmm, any suggestions?


I have one!!!

I just had this discussion with Kelly Lovejoy.

Last year when Cameron was here, a couple of times were were out in
public and someone would be asking me something, or I would say I
knew Cameron through homeschooling conferences, or I told a few
people of my kids, Cameron and some other kids "They're all
homeschooled." Cameron interrupted me and said "UNschooled" or
about the conferece, "UNschooling conference."

Yes, MY kids are unschooled, but of the group of kids I was referring
to, some were unschooled and some were homeschooled more
structurally, but they were all "homeschoolers" in that they didn't
go to school.


Very often (or maybe always) courtesy requires that our answer be
something in the realm of understanding of our audience.

I grew up in Española, a small city or large town in northern New
Mexico. When I visited England and they asked "Where are you from?"
they didn't want to hear "Española."

When I was in Española and someone asked "Where do you live?" it
would have been rude and also worthless to say "Española." And in
fact, internally to that area, I didn't live in Española at all, I
lived in Lower San Pedro. Española, as neighborhoods go, is about
a mile square, west of the old bridge, from the hospital to
Guachapungue. None of you need to know that, right? <g>

So in England, I live in the U.S.
In the other states, if asked, I live in New Mexico.
In New Mexico, if asked, I live in Albuquerque.
In Albuquerque, if asked, northeast heights. If that's too general,
I live near Juan Tabo and Candelaria. If that's too general (because
the person asking lives there too, I live near Sandia Bowl, backed up
against the vacant lot.

When people ask why my kids aren't in school, I say they're
homeschooled.
If the people know about homeschooling and want to know more, I say
we're unschoolers.
If the people consider themselves to be unschoolers but have just
spanked their kids for watching TV, I'll say "radical unschoolers."

But for my opening move to be "radical unschoolers" to a stranger
who's just asking the most surface and preliminary of questions would
be like telling someone in London that I live near Sandia Bowl, on
Tahiti Court.

To give the same answer without regard to who the audience is is to
live by a rule instead of by principles.
The principle at work in conversations is to provide understandable
information in a way that doesn't make the one who inquired feel like
now he has to ask another question just to understand the answer to
the first question. If someone's just making polite conversation
like "Oh! Is school out this week?" a nice answer is "They don't go
to school." If someone at the grocery store or doctor's office asks
"What grade is she in?" I usually say something like "She would be in
9th if she went to school, but we homeschool without grade levels."

That's what I think about it all. Depends who wants to know and
why. It's certainly possible, and not uncommon, for a conversation
that starts with "They're homeschooled" to end up being about Holt,
school reform, open classroom theories and natural learning.

Sandra

Sandra Dodd

I like this list of questions.
My counter-question to each one would be something like
"Do you think school socialization is better?"
"Do you think school prevents smoking and drug use?"
(I quite think it causes it in most cases, personally.)

Are kids in school taught what they will be when they grow up? (and
are they more likely to stick with their first choices?)


How do schools teach kids about sex?

But about rules and principles, I wouldn't say "No rules," you could
say "No arbritrary rules." "No rules just for the sake of having a
rule."

Standing in line: grocery store and movie theatre. Post office
(though ours has a "take a number, mill about" method I like lots,
and places to sit).



On Feb 22, 2006, at 11:35 AM, The Millers wrote:

> I got the following questions.
>
> socialization?
> smoking and drugs and how will she learn about not doing them?
> college?
> What do you think she is going to be / do when she grows up?
> She has to learn to stand in line?
> The world is a big, bad place and she needs to know how to operate
> in it?
> People are horrible and bad and she needs to know how to negotiate
> them?
> She will not be able to work in a job and deal with people?
> No rules? Yes, I tried to explain principles!
> She plays too many video games.
> She is going to have to learn to eat what is offered, how is she
> going to go
> to social events?
> How are you going to teach her about sex?
> Shouldn't she be writing more?
> When are you going to put her in school?
> She does not have to take a bath everyday?
> She needs to know that she can not wear sweats everyday, especially
> if she
> slept in them.
> Your (meaning me..mom) are a short order cook.
> She has no chores?
> She has no schoolwork?

cathyandgarth

> My daughter has gone from saying "we homeschool" to saying "I don't
go
> to school." It usually stops other questions from coming!

Just a little aside. Last fall, when my DS had told someone that we
homeschool (in response to the usual question), the woman asked what
he did at home, DS got shy but my DD, 3 at the time, (she is very
verbal, almost precociously so) chimed in, "you know, when you stay
home and play all day?!" I thought this was the perfect response --
and the woman was just left with this smile on their face and no more
questions, because who can question the excitement of a three year
old? Of course this might not work for all ages, but I still think
that it is a good reply, after all, most people are ready to respond
to the answer they are expecting, which is probably not "stay home and
play all day!"

Cathy
Quin (6), Maggie (4), and Zach (1)

[email protected]

Sandra that piece of writing was truly beautiful (no, I haven't been drinking...;))...

Lisa

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