My kid is quick to respond
The Millers
> Some adults just won't like my children because they're quick to++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> respond, they aren't as likely as some to say "Sir" or "Ma'am," they
> might sing rude songs, they wear smart-aleck t-shirts sometimes
> (often about homeschooling). Lots of people like them.
This one struck me. I have been in 2 situations over the past months with
this.
The first one was where Sorscha and I were at an activity at a Fudge Factory
and she put her hand over the railing the we were all suppose to stand
behind. I was right there, saw the look on her face of, "Hmmm, if I really
stretch it out, could I touch that table out there"? There was no way she
was going to touch it or harm someone or something. Another mom yelled out
at her, "Sorscha, get your arm out of there" and, of course, most of the
children looked at Sorscha ready to witness her parents wrath. There
anticipating faces were sad to me. Sorscha handled it herself and said in a
matter of fact way, not a snippy way, "Your not my mama". Basically saying
that it was not a big deal, but a control issue and that it was none of this
persons responsibility to be saying something to her. After the event, the
mother pulled me aside and say, "She said to me that I was not her mama". I
think the mother was waiting for me to say something like, "Ohh, I will
handle that and punish her for saying that to you." Instead, what came out
of my mouth was, "Your not". Then she said, "I have never been spoken to
that way by a child". I thought, "What a boring life". I love that Sorscha
can speak with adults or respond to something said. She is never rude, but
I know that some of the adults definitely consider her disrespectful because
of it.
The second was just yesterday when we where at a food bank getting a tour.
The employee was talking and Sorscha saw a little weigher on the table. She
walked over and put her stuffed raccoon in it and yelled out, "Hey Mom, Coon
weighs almost 1 pound". She was very proud and loved finding out the status
of Coons weight.
One of the mothers said to me, "Wow, your gonna have a tough time when she's
a teen". I said to her, "No I won't. Sorscha and I have a great
relationship built on love and trust. I can't wait for those years". She
did not know what to say. I thought this was funny because this mom is
always telling me how her and her daughter fight.
Anyhow, there are people who consider us barbaric and just don't like
Sorscha because she does not conform to the traditional child ideal. Then
there are so many others who love her.
So anyhow, thank gosh I am secure in our lifestyle! haha I know at the
beginning I was not and that affected the way I interacted with Sorscha. If
these two situations would have happened a couple of years ago, I hate to
think the parent I would have been. YUCK!
Crystal in NM
[email protected]
<<You're not my mama>>
I also have an outspoken, sure of herself daughter. She is 15 and taking a few classes in groups with tutors (a thing set up by a local hs group). Adriane has had a bump or two because she expects people to treat her with respect while the group expects only adults to be treated with respect.
I talked to her about whether she wanted to continue taking those classes which she did. I also talked to her about the social skill of "knowing you audience". In a particular instance, she didn't follow the rules to the letter because she was helping a friend get notes for a class (she was supposed to leave immediately when classes were over). I talked to her about how the women running the classes are used to being in total control of children and how Adriane was used to being trusted to be responsible, and about how to possibly find a way to reconcile the two.
For example, Adriane has found that if she needs to not follow a rule to the letter (like staying to share notes with a friend) that if she simply informs the women what she is doing and why, there is no problem and they gush over how helpful and friendly she is rather than complain about how rude and "disobedient" they thought she was.
Julie S.
I also have an outspoken, sure of herself daughter. She is 15 and taking a few classes in groups with tutors (a thing set up by a local hs group). Adriane has had a bump or two because she expects people to treat her with respect while the group expects only adults to be treated with respect.
I talked to her about whether she wanted to continue taking those classes which she did. I also talked to her about the social skill of "knowing you audience". In a particular instance, she didn't follow the rules to the letter because she was helping a friend get notes for a class (she was supposed to leave immediately when classes were over). I talked to her about how the women running the classes are used to being in total control of children and how Adriane was used to being trusted to be responsible, and about how to possibly find a way to reconcile the two.
For example, Adriane has found that if she needs to not follow a rule to the letter (like staying to share notes with a friend) that if she simply informs the women what she is doing and why, there is no problem and they gush over how helpful and friendly she is rather than complain about how rude and "disobedient" they thought she was.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: The Millers <willowsfortress@...>
Date: Wednesday, January 11, 2006 1:06 pm
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] My kid is quick to respond
> > Some adults just won't like my children because they're quick to
> > respond, they aren't as likely as some to say "Sir" or "Ma'am," they
> > might sing rude songs, they wear smart-aleck t-shirts sometimes
> > (often about homeschooling). Lots of people like them.
>
> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
> This one struck me. I have been in 2 situations over the past
> months with
> this.
>
> The first one was where Sorscha and I were at an activity at a
> Fudge Factory
> and she put her hand over the railing the we were all suppose to stand
> behind. I was right there, saw the look on her face of, "Hmmm, if
> I really
> stretch it out, could I touch that table out there"? There was no
> way she
> was going to touch it or harm someone or something. Another mom
> yelled out
> at her, "Sorscha, get your arm out of there" and, of course, most
> of the
> children looked at Sorscha ready to witness her parents wrath. There
> anticipating faces were sad to me. Sorscha handled it herself and
> said in a
> matter of fact way, not a snippy way, "Your not my mama".
> Basically saying
> that it was not a big deal, but a control issue and that it was
> none of this
> persons responsibility to be saying something to her. After the
> event, the
> mother pulled me aside and say, "She said to me that I was not her
> mama". I
> think the mother was waiting for me to say something like, "Ohh, I
> willhandle that and punish her for saying that to you." Instead,
> what came out
> of my mouth was, "Your not". Then she said, "I have never been
> spoken to
> that way by a child". I thought, "What a boring life". I love
> that Sorscha
> can speak with adults or respond to something said. She is never
> rude, but
> I know that some of the adults definitely consider her
> disrespectful because
> of it.
>
> The second was just yesterday when we where at a food bank getting
> a tour.
> The employee was talking and Sorscha saw a little weigher on the
> table. She
> walked over and put her stuffed raccoon in it and yelled out, "Hey
> Mom, Coon
> weighs almost 1 pound". She was very proud and loved finding out
> the status
> of Coons weight.
>
> One of the mothers said to me, "Wow, your gonna have a tough time
> when she's
> a teen". I said to her, "No I won't. Sorscha and I have a great
> relationship built on love and trust. I can't wait for those
> years". She
> did not know what to say. I thought this was funny because this
> mom is
> always telling me how her and her daughter fight.
>
> Anyhow, there are people who consider us barbaric and just don't like
> Sorscha because she does not conform to the traditional child
> ideal. Then
> there are so many others who love her.
>
> So anyhow, thank gosh I am secure in our lifestyle! haha I know
> at the
> beginning I was not and that affected the way I interacted with
> Sorscha. If
> these two situations would have happened a couple of years ago, I
> hate to
> think the parent I would have been. YUCK!
> Crystal in NM
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Sandra Dodd
On Jan 11, 2006, at 12:06 PM, The Millers wrote:
We used to go on field trips with groups of kids, and while some
provided opportunities we wouldn't have had otherwise, more of them
were exercises in being calm in the face of irritating controlling
uptight mothers of kids who were dying for just a taste of the
freedom and acceptance Kirby and Marty had. Some of those outings
had the worst parts of school--lining up, not getting off the
sidewalk, various deprivations, feeling guilty if my kids had soda on
the Pizza Hut tour because the other kids were only given water with
their pizza (yuck!), and my kids feeling bad because the other kids
stared at them longingly or resentfully.
-=-One of the mothers said to me, "Wow, your gonna have a tough time
when she's
a teen". I said to her, "No I won't. Sorscha and I have a great
relationship built on love and trust. I can't wait for those
years". She
did not know what to say. I thought this was funny because this mom is
always telling me how her and her daughter fight.-=-
Yeah...
Lots of moms over the years have given me the snarky comments. They
amount to curses, because really they make the statements HOPING I
will have a bad relationship with my teens someday. But someday is
here, and my kids are still here, and we get along very well. Their
control and limitations do end up alienating their children and by
the teen years the kids can't take any more.
My kids can probably take lots more of the happy treatment they get
here. <g>
Something happened just last night that many parents would find a
fishy or unbelievable story. Kirby and Rose Sorooshian (Pam's
daughter) were going to karate, and the rest of us were going to see
Brokeback Mountain. I figured we'd be back later than they would,
and they would be hungry, and that they might want to go play Halo as
Kirby usually does on Thursdays after class, so I made sure he had
enough money (he didn't need mine, though I offered) to take her out
to dinner, and said that if they didn't come back right away that was
fine with me. They came back voluntarily, though, because they
wanted to hang out with the rest of us. After being at the dojo for
three hours (the two classes Kirby teaches and then an hour of
weapons), they came back without having had dinner, and so we all sat
down and ate together.
Had we pressured him to come straight home for years and years,
coming straight home would be something to be avoided, at the age of
19 and a half. We didn't, though, and it's not. Had we been stingy
with money for years and years, an offer of enough money for two to
go out and eat would have been jumped at, but I offered money and he
very politely said that's okay, he had some of his own.
Sandra
> After the event, the==============================================
> mother pulled me aside and say, "She said to me that I was not her
> mama". I
> think the mother was waiting for me to say something like, "Ohh, I
> will
> handle that and punish her for saying that to you." Instead, what
> came out
> of my mouth was, "Your not". Then she said, "I have never been
> spoken to
> that way by a child". I thought, "What a boring life".
We used to go on field trips with groups of kids, and while some
provided opportunities we wouldn't have had otherwise, more of them
were exercises in being calm in the face of irritating controlling
uptight mothers of kids who were dying for just a taste of the
freedom and acceptance Kirby and Marty had. Some of those outings
had the worst parts of school--lining up, not getting off the
sidewalk, various deprivations, feeling guilty if my kids had soda on
the Pizza Hut tour because the other kids were only given water with
their pizza (yuck!), and my kids feeling bad because the other kids
stared at them longingly or resentfully.
-=-One of the mothers said to me, "Wow, your gonna have a tough time
when she's
a teen". I said to her, "No I won't. Sorscha and I have a great
relationship built on love and trust. I can't wait for those
years". She
did not know what to say. I thought this was funny because this mom is
always telling me how her and her daughter fight.-=-
Yeah...
Lots of moms over the years have given me the snarky comments. They
amount to curses, because really they make the statements HOPING I
will have a bad relationship with my teens someday. But someday is
here, and my kids are still here, and we get along very well. Their
control and limitations do end up alienating their children and by
the teen years the kids can't take any more.
My kids can probably take lots more of the happy treatment they get
here. <g>
Something happened just last night that many parents would find a
fishy or unbelievable story. Kirby and Rose Sorooshian (Pam's
daughter) were going to karate, and the rest of us were going to see
Brokeback Mountain. I figured we'd be back later than they would,
and they would be hungry, and that they might want to go play Halo as
Kirby usually does on Thursdays after class, so I made sure he had
enough money (he didn't need mine, though I offered) to take her out
to dinner, and said that if they didn't come back right away that was
fine with me. They came back voluntarily, though, because they
wanted to hang out with the rest of us. After being at the dojo for
three hours (the two classes Kirby teaches and then an hour of
weapons), they came back without having had dinner, and so we all sat
down and ate together.
Had we pressured him to come straight home for years and years,
coming straight home would be something to be avoided, at the age of
19 and a half. We didn't, though, and it's not. Had we been stingy
with money for years and years, an offer of enough money for two to
go out and eat would have been jumped at, but I offered money and he
very politely said that's okay, he had some of his own.
Sandra