The Millers

Question....

Here's the facts:

-7 year old daughter
-likes her long hair (about 3/4 down back)
-does not want to comb hair (too hard)
-does not want us (mom and dad) to comb hair (hurts)
-does not want to wash hair
-has very curly, tangle-prone hair
-cannot wash hair on own, so mama washes once per week
-last night it took 50 minutes to comb out
-daughter upset at time spent to comb out and at pain (uggg, that sounds
sooo aweful...but both dad and I tried our hardest to be sooo gentle), but
-she does not want dread locks (we did consider this option of forgoing the
whole wash, comb thing...showed her a picture and she says, NO WAY!)

We (the three of us) talked about it and think that we have come up with a
plan, but I told Sorscha we would ask a group of women who might possibly
give us more options.

Here is what we came up with.

-mama is going to go out and find as many options for the best, detangling
shampoo and conditioner on the market

-daddy is going to take daughter to salon once per week to have them wash,
special treatment, and comb out (taking us out of the picture?)

-Sorscha is going to attempt to comb to the best of her ability

Soooo, we do not want to use the famous parent line, "If you don't keep your
hair up, we're going to cut it" (we would never say this to her) and we do
not want there to be any division with our relationships because of this.
She does not want dreadlocks. What to do? Any advise or other options?
Are we handling this in a radical unschool manner?

Just a note, we are new to unschooling (2 years) and especially new to
radical unschooling...but loving the journey.

Thanks so much for any advise.
The Millers in NM

[email protected]

Could you put it in braids for bed? That might cut down on the tangling
during the night. Maybe combing it more often during the day would make it
easier to manage. Wide tooth comb, for sure.

Maybe you could upload her picture to one of those hairstyle sites and help
her try on different hairstyles? A short cut with curly hair can be quite
charming. Maybe she just can't envision it?

Karen


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

When my daughter was little she had waist-length, thick, wavy hair. It tangled badly...
One thing I did was keep it in braids a lot. She didn't mind having it braided, and it kept it from tangling. I would wash it, condition in, and then immediately braid it while it was still wet. She slept in the braids, kept them in for a couple of days usually... french braids were best for this.
I also combed through it in the tub, with the conditioner still in it, with a wide-toothed comb. That seemed to help, too. Other people have recommended the Johnson's No More Tangles spray. Some of the newer shampoos and conditioners are great at not tangling, too - I think the new Dove shampoo and conditioners have something in them that prevents tangling.
When you have to detangle, make sure you start from the bottom and work up. You can also hold the hair above where you're working, to keep it from pulling at the head. That way there's no possibility of pulling except for the very top part. We always watched videos during this, too, or else she played computer games, so she had some distraction.
Good luck!
Dar
http://www.xanga.com/freeformlife

-- "The Millers" <willowsfortress@...> wrote:
Question....

Here's the facts:

-7 year old daughter
-likes her long hair (about 3/4 down back)
-does not want to comb hair (too hard)
-does not want us (mom and dad) to comb hair (hurts)
-does not want to wash hair
-has very curly, tangle-prone hair
-cannot wash hair on own, so mama washes once per week
-last night it took 50 minutes to comb out
-daughter upset at time spent to comb out and at pain (uggg, that sounds
sooo aweful...but both dad and I tried our hardest to be sooo gentle), but
-she does not want dread locks (we did consider this option of forgoing the
whole wash, comb thing...showed her a picture and she says, NO WAY!)

We (the three of us) talked about it and think that we have come up with a
plan, but I told Sorscha we would ask a group of women who might possibly
give us more options.

Here is what we came up with.

-mama is going to go out and find as many options for the best, detangling
shampoo and conditioner on the market

-daddy is going to take daughter to salon once per week to have them wash,
special treatment, and comb out (taking us out of the picture?)

-Sorscha is going to attempt to comb to the best of her ability

Soooo, we do not want to use the famous parent line, "If you don't keep your
hair up, we're going to cut it" (we would never say this to her) and we do
not want there to be any division with our relationships because of this.
She does not want dreadlocks. What to do? Any advise or other options?
Are we handling this in a radical unschool manner?

Just a note, we are new to unschooling (2 years) and especially new to
radical unschooling...but loving the journey.

Thanks so much for any advise.
The Millers in NM





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

ethelwynnesquest

Okay, great advise so far. I should have noted that I am a licensed
cosmotologist...that's the funny part. We did try to comb in the
shower. Mama naked and all! But, seemed to take so long still and she
said her legs hurt, that is why we switched to the floor. She does
watch tv or play a video game while we're working on it and yes, I do
braid (still wet).

I guess that we are looking for what might be appropriate in
conversation with her regarding this. If we are combing her hair
because she does not want dreadlocks, but then she is upset with us for
the discomfort...what to say?

By the way, we have never tried No More Tangles....great advise. I had
forgot about that until you said it. Thanks!

The Millers in NM

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/12/05 6:31:41 PM, willowsfortress@... writes:


> By the way, we have never tried No More Tangles.
>

We've used it lots and really like it.
Mane and Tail makes a detangler too.

Sandra


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Barbara Chase

>-7 year old daughter
>-likes her long hair (about 3/4 down back)
>-does not want to comb hair (too hard)
>-does not want us (mom and dad) to comb hair (hurts)
>-does not want to wash hair
>-has very curly, tangle-prone hair
>-cannot wash hair on own, so mama washes once per week
>-last night it took 50 minutes to comb out
>-daughter upset at time spent to comb out and at pain (uggg, that sounds
>sooo aweful...but both dad and I tried our hardest to be sooo gentle), but
>-she does not want dread locks (we did consider this option of forgoing the
>whole wash, comb thing...showed her a picture and she says, NO WAY!)

Yep... this is my situation exactly. Really, everything but the curly
hair. What my solution has been in to detangle the hair, pretty much one
strand of hair at a time, while Nicole is asleep. It takes a bit of time,
but not any more than the 50 minutes you did last night. The following day
I brush it quickly and it doesn't hurt because the tangles are gone. I
don't do this every night, but I do it frequently.

Some notes: when Nicole's hair gets wet it tangles more. So I have to make
sure that I detangle it after she swims. (Once again, doing it at night.)

I have tried only 2 detanglers, and they didn't work at all really. They
put a nice sheen on the surface of the hair, but the tangles were still
there.

Having Nicole's hair in braided pigtails helps a lot.

When I do brush starting at the bottom helps a lot.

Use a boar bristle (or similar) brush; it gives across the tangles. Other
brushes force themselves through the tangles and it hurts a lot more. It
takes longer to brush this way, with the brush giving more often. But it's
worth it.

Ditch the idea that you have to brush every day. You don't. But you do
have to pay attention to the tangles. At one point (the night I figured
out the trick of doing it while Nicole was asleep) she was getting a
dreadlock in the middle of her head in the back, and she was getting really
worried about it. She really really didn't want dreadlocks. I was able to
get it all out, but it took several nights. She was *so* happy when she
woke up and her tangles were gone. It was great to be able to finally find
a solution that worked - it brings her such joy.

Don't be in a hurry and don't try to do it all at once. Just do as much as
you can in one sitting, and do try to focus on getting out one strand (or
close to it) of hair pulled out at a time. For any tangles that are
bunched up, I just gently pull on the edges to loosen the tangled area.

If when you do brush and it ends up hurting your dd and she gets mad, don't
take it personally. She might feel like it's your fault that it hurt, and
you may be feeling frustrated about that because you are just trying to
find a way to help her get what she wants w/ her hair. That's all OK
really, to let that go. It hurts, and she's mad about it. This is why
doing it at night and doing it one strand at a time helps a lot.

Oh, I can get out smaller tangles during the day if I do the one strand at
a time technique and if I don't try to do it all at once. I will ask
throughout the day if she is ready and once we start she will tell me when
she is done. In a given week I'd say her hair is perfectly tangle free
maybe 1-2 days. The rest of the time it's in various forms of tanglement
or braids. She brushed it all on her own today. It looks great! But I
expect it's a bit tangled toward the ends.... no problem. I'll get them in
the next day or two.

We don't wash Nicole's hair with shampoo. We never have. I don't know if
this matters or not WRT tangles, but it really helps to know that you don't
"have to" wash hair. It gets wet when Nicole wants it to get wet.
Otherwise, it's just fine. If you've been using shampoo with your dd's
hair, then I suggest cutting back slowly. Go every other time, then every
3rd time, etc... It will take awhile for her hair to return to it's normal
oil balance. Don't be worried if it seems more oily at first (that's what
happened to me when I stopped using shampoo, but eventually the natural
balance is restored. The hair just needs to de-shampoo, that's all ;-)
Since you say that your dd doesn't want to wash her hair then this approach
will help you get to that place.

We've never cut Nicole's hair, except for accidents or experiments where
she's cut off a tiny bit on the ends. She's almost 7 and her hair is down
to her butt. She plans on growing it down to her calves or ankles and
keeping it that long. She doesn't want to trip on it while she walks!

I was *SOOOO* happy when I discovered the night time routine. So was
Nicole. Before then I was so frustrated because it seemed that the
situation was impossible. Give it a try.




Barbara

Mahalo - May you be in Divine Breath

Gold Standard

>>-7 year old daughter
>>-likes her long hair (about 3/4 down back)
>>-does not want to comb hair (too hard)
>>-does not want us (mom and dad) to comb hair (hurts)
>>-does not want to wash hair
>>-has very curly, tangle-prone hair
>>-daughter upset at time spent to comb out and at pain (uggg, that sounds
>>sooo aweful...but both dad and I tried our hardest to be sooo gentle), but
>>-she does not want dread locks (we did consider this option of forgoing
the
>>whole wash, comb thing...showed her a picture and she says, NO WAY!)<<

Same here except mine's an 11 yo boy, long straight hair. Since playing
X-box live, the headset has gotten tangled in his long butt-length hair so
badly that he has enormous dreads that we have worked on bits and pieces
over the last week to no avail. We can't even separate his hair into
sections to work on it, or braid it, or anything. I mean, when he has to put
it back in a ponytail for karate, we can only get a hair band around it
once.

So we're going to try some of the suggestions here. Thanks for bringing up
our problem too!

Jacki

GWilhelm

Hi -

I have never posted but this question... I have personal experience with! I have very curly long hair also (nearly to my waist when it is wet - a few inches below the shoulder when dry). I normally only wash my hair every 2nd or third day or even 4th day. I NEVER EVER comb it dry - I cannot even begin to imagine how painful it would be :( Even when my children were little and wanted to "do" my hair, I would have to go and wet and condition it first.

Anyway, this is what I do:
-I wash and then highly condition my hair.
-I then begin to detangle from the bottom using a very wide-toothed comb.
-I rinse the conditioner out (I shed quite a bit) and recomb it to keep it tangle free.
-I then pour a large handful of conditioner into my hand and put it back in my hair- a lot!! . -I then 'shake' my hair out gently letting only the excess conditioner come out.

I normally just let it dry naturally at that point. I sometimes add a little more conditioner if needed as it dries.
Occasionally, if I want to straighten it out a bit and I think this would work best with your daughter, I braid it.
I also often just 're-wet' my hair and add more conditioner if I need to comb it or de-tangle it - this can be done watching TV and detangling from the bottom.
When I have really gotten my hair tangled up or knotted - I don't even bother to wet it -- I just slather it with conditioner on the really bad tangles and let it sit for a bit and 'loosen up' and work it out before even getting in the shower. I normally wear my hair down (After 40 years, I have finally come to love my curls :) , but if I don't want to bother with it the next day - I will manage to pull apart my hair into 3 sections, yup - add more conditioner - and braid it. The next morning, I take it out, spritz it or wet it down and its 'refreshed'.

BTW - When my daughter was little and had hair to her bottom (slightly wavy only), I would always put a lot of conditioner into her hair and braid it prior to going to the beach or pool and it would protect her hair from the chlorine and salt and we would undo the braid and use the poolside shower and her hair was never tangled or damaged and all of the sand would come out. I am obviously a big conditioner freak - LOL!

Also - I use an inexpensive conditioner to keep in my hair - VO5. It is around $1 a bottle and contains collagen (good for my hair), it comes in many scents and I often get compliments on my perfume - LOL!!

I keep a lot of conditioner in my hair *at all times* but you may need to experiment to see how much will keep hair manageable and not have it too 'flat or dull'. I have never found any advertised 'leave in conditioner' or detangler to work as well as VO5 other than FrizzEase (but that is kind of pricey for me - as I need to use A LOT) or Paul Mitchell's styling pomade but I usually need the weight of the conditioner to keep my hair calm. I live in Orlando FL -- lots of humidity!! Sometimes I use a combination of conditioner and gel if I need additional control or want it in a particular style. And Biosilk's silk therapy to keep the 'flyaways' down.

Anyway, I hope that some of this helped. Tell Sorscha that I totally sympathize with her - us curly girls have to stick together!!!

Gianna


Question....

Here's the facts:

-7 year old daughter
-likes her long hair (about 3/4 down back)
-does not want to comb hair (too hard)
-does not want us (mom and dad) to comb hair (hurts)
-does not want to wash hair
-has very curly, tangle-prone hair
-cannot wash hair on own, so mama washes once per week
-last night it took 50 minutes to comb out
-daughter upset at time spent to comb out and at pain (uggg, that sounds
sooo aweful...but both dad and I tried our hardest to be sooo gentle), but
-she does not want dread locks (we did consider this option of forgoing the
whole wash, comb thing...showed her a picture and she says, NO WAY!)

We (the three of us) talked about it and think that we have come up with a
plan, but I told Sorscha we would ask a group of women who might possibly
give us more options.

Here is what we came up with.

-mama is going to go out and find as many options for the best, detangling
shampoo and conditioner on the market

-daddy is going to take daughter to salon once per week to have them wash,
special treatment, and comb out (taking us out of the picture?)

-Sorscha is going to attempt to comb to the best of her ability

Soooo, we do not want to use the famous parent line, "If you don't keep your
hair up, we're going to cut it" (we would never say this to her) and we do
not want there to be any division with our relationships because of this.
She does not want dreadlocks. What to do? Any advise or other options?
Are we handling this in a radical unschool manner?

Just a note, we are new to unschooling (2 years) and especially new to
radical unschooling...but loving the journey.

Thanks so much for any advise.
The Millers in NM






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/12/05 6:56:44 PM, barb@... writes:


> She's almost 7 and her hair is down
> to her butt.  She plans on growing it down to her calves or ankles and
> keeping it that long.  She doesn't want to trip on it while she walks!
>
===================

Hair only grows so long. Each person's hair has a length it will go. Some
will go ankle length but not very many. Some people's won't go past shoulder
or mid-back. Some keep it cut and they never know, but of those who try to
let it grow out, some find different lengths at which the hairs fall out and
new hair comes.

Why not use shampoo?
If someone doesn't use shampoo and conditioner, tangles will be much, much
harder to take out.
If you use conditioner without shampoo it would probably gunk it up, and
shampoo without conditioner can strip the oils, but shampoo WITH conditioner and
then detangler will make taking tangles out easier.

And...
It's not "dreadlocks" to just have a rat's nest in the back of hair. That's
rat's nest. <g> Tangles.

I've been calmly willing to tell kids that if they don't like to have hair
brushed, they should cut it until they're old enough to take care of it
themselves. That's not a big deal. I've also let tangles stay Kirby's hair used to
be waist length when he was seven and eight or so. Then it was nearly that
long again when he was mid-teens. A friend of ours had a daughter with
waist-length hair and she just let the tangles stay, for years. She only combed it
out for weddings and such.

I had waist-length hair most of my life, and combing works better than
brushing. Get a big comb, not with teeth close together. Brushing makes most
tangles worse.

My husband, Keith, has hair past his waist. It has been cut a few times
since I've known him, and goes back to waist length pretty easily. I've had
mine short twice in that time, and trimmed a few times.

I wouldn't even TRY to take tangles out with a brush, and I wouldn't try in
the absence of detangler or conditioner. That's just me. I have other
things to do and I'm impatient.

Unschooling isn't about letting kids waste moms' time or to create situations
in which kids are frustrated and unhappy. Don't blame unschooling for a
situation like someone just WANTING long hair, but not wanting to cooperate with
keeping it workable.

Find a balance.

Kirby hated haircuts when he was little, so I used to cut his hair while he
was asleep.
He's nineteen now and only wants me to cut his hair.
Weird. <g>

Sandra


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/12/2005 9:09:31 PM Central Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:

Kirby hated haircuts when he was little, so I used to cut his hair while he
was asleep.



~~~

I remember those days! Jake's hair was straight and fine and I just let it
grow and grow, but then I couldn't see his eyes...so I cut his bangs when he
was sleeping. When he got older and was able to understand haircuts, he wore
it short and it was no problem.

I can't imagine not using shampoo, either! My hair is straight, too, and my
hair would be incredibly stiff and not soft if I just let it get oily all
the way down. I do understand that certain ethnicities prefer not to wash
their hair often due to the stripping of the oils, though.

Karen


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robyn Coburn

<<<<<Hair only grows so long. Each person's hair has a length it will go.
Some will go ankle length but not very many. Some people's won't go past
shoulder or mid-back. >>>>>

I remember many of the women in Tahiti with immensely thick hair reaching
their ankles. I think it is genetic. Mine won't go much past my waist. One
of my high school friends could just sit on her hair, but that was as far as
it went.

<<<< Why not use shampoo? >>>>

In Jayn's case she distrusts shampoo around her eyes, even the "no-tears"
kind, and so always wants a face cloth folded over her eyes at those times
when she becomes willing to wash.

I haven't added much to this thread, since Jayn loved her wad. Now she uses
spray on detangler/leave in conditioner daily.

<<<<<I had waist-length hair most of my life, and combing works better than
brushing. Get a big comb, not with teeth close together. Brushing makes
most tangles worse.>>>>

Oh that's interesting. My experience with my long hair, at various times in
my life, is the opposite. Comb when wet; when dry, brushing took out knots
with much less pain to my scalp than trying to use a comb for the purpose.
Of course I had to section it first and start from the bottom up.

Robyn L. Coburn




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Barbara Chase

>Why not use shampoo?

Because Nicole didn't want to. I stopped using it to find out what it
would be like, and found that I really didn't need it either.


>If someone doesn't use shampoo and conditioner, tangles will be much,
>much harder to take out. If you use conditioner without shampoo it
>would >probably gunk it up, and shampoo without conditioner can strip the
>oils,
>but shampoo WITH conditioner and then detangler will make taking tangles
>out easier.

I'll ask her if she wants to experiment with that. I just asked... she's
not so sure... maybe. I think she prefers not to mess with it, because her
first words were "but then I'd have to use shampoo!" with a not very
pleasant tone.


>And...
>It's not "dreadlocks" to just have a rat's nest in the back of hair. That's
>rat's nest. <g> Tangles.

It's the beginning of dreads, but I'll call it tangles if you like ;-)


>Unschooling isn't about letting kids waste moms' time or to create situations
>in which kids are frustrated and unhappy. Don't blame unschooling for a
>situation like someone just WANTING long hair, but not wanting to cooperate
>with keeping it workable.
>
>Find a balance.

I agree. In my case I was willing to try to find a solution and found one
that worked for both of us. I don't expect everyone to do what I did, but
I do put it out there as a viable solution... if it fits for the Mom and/or
Dad. It's funny... we ended up finding really similar solutions... you cut
Kirby's hair while he slept and I detangle Nicole's while she sleeps!



Barbara

Mahalo - May you be in Divine Breath

nellebelle

I find it easier to work out tangles on dry hair, but my girls both have straight, fairly fine hair. We'll turn on the TV or put in a movie and I work through literally a few strands at a time, working from the bottom up..

I strive to let go of what other people think about the way my child's hair looks.

(On advice of this and other unschooling lists) Let them pick out shampoos and conditioners and other hair products, even if it is more than you might normally spend. Be willing to use yourself the stuff that they decide they don't like.

THIS WILL PASS. It is unlikely that your child will grow into an adult with unkempt hair.

My 12 yod now showers and shampoos nearly every day. Every time I turn around it seems that she is telling me she is out of hair product (again!). Dh worries about the hot water bill. Sometimes I reminisce about the days when she didn't use so much hot water and hair products!

My 10 yod showers once or twice a month. She brushes her own hair, though not nearly as well as I would like. I offer to brush, but only do it if she says yes. If she says no, then I don't push it.

As with other things in life, we occasionally have something where "nice" hair might be more important. We talk about it. They have usually been willing to get their hair taken care of for those occasions.

Mary Ellen

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

patricia tidmore

Have you thought of the detangler for kids of color?all of us have very course,curly almost nappy hair and we use alot of hair products for women and children of color.My 5 yr old has long(halfway down the back wet),thick and extremely curly hair.We had tried everything because of the tangles and pain.My neighbor brought some of her dd hair detangler and the tangles all but fell out by themselves.and it doesn't make the hair oily.
be well,
Tricia

The Millers <willowsfortress@...> wrote:
Question....

Here's the facts:

-7 year old daughter
-likes her long hair (about 3/4 down back)
-does not want to comb hair (too hard)
-does not want us (mom and dad) to comb hair (hurts)
-does not want to wash hair
-has very curly, tangle-prone hair
-cannot wash hair on own, so mama washes once per week
-last night it took 50 minutes to comb out
-daughter upset at time spent to comb out and at pain (uggg, that sounds
sooo aweful...but both dad and I tried our hardest to be sooo gentle), but
-she does not want dread locks (we did consider this option of forgoing the
whole wash, comb thing...showed her a picture and she says, NO WAY!)

We (the three of us) talked about it and think that we have come up with a
plan, but I told Sorscha we would ask a group of women who might possibly
give us more options.

Here is what we came up with.

-mama is going to go out and find as many options for the best, detangling
shampoo and conditioner on the market

-daddy is going to take daughter to salon once per week to have them wash,
special treatment, and comb out (taking us out of the picture?)

-Sorscha is going to attempt to comb to the best of her ability

Soooo, we do not want to use the famous parent line, "If you don't keep your
hair up, we're going to cut it" (we would never say this to her) and we do
not want there to be any division with our relationships because of this.
She does not want dreadlocks. What to do? Any advise or other options?
Are we handling this in a radical unschool manner?

Just a note, we are new to unschooling (2 years) and especially new to
radical unschooling...but loving the journey.

Thanks so much for any advise.
The Millers in NM



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Katy Jennings

I have very thick, wavy, easily tangled hair. I love Infusium. It is a leave in treatment/conditioner. I use quite a bit, apply it to wet hair and mix it through. You can get it in a spray, but I find that it takes forever. The refill bottles have a squirt top, and I just squirt it into my hair. After it has been mixed in, tangles are pretty easy to get out, and more can be applied to tough ones. The other thing that has worked for me is to water down regular conditioner and use that. You can get one that smells really good and it works pretty well on tangles. The only drawback is hair can have a dull look to it, but if it makes her life easier it would probably be worth it.
Good luck!
Katy J. (also in NM)
----- Original Message -----
From: The Millers<mailto:willowsfortress@...>
To: [email protected]<mailto:[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, October 12, 2005 5:33 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] dreadlocks ?????


Question....

Here's the facts:

-7 year old daughter
-likes her long hair (about 3/4 down back)
-does not want to comb hair (too hard)
-does not want us (mom and dad) to comb hair (hurts)
-does not want to wash hair
-has very curly, tangle-prone hair
-cannot wash hair on own, so mama washes once per week
-last night it took 50 minutes to comb out
-daughter upset at time spent to comb out and at pain (uggg, that sounds
sooo aweful...but both dad and I tried our hardest to be sooo gentle), but
-she does not want dread locks (we did consider this option of forgoing the
whole wash, comb thing...showed her a picture and she says, NO WAY!)

We (the three of us) talked about it and think that we have come up with a
plan, but I told Sorscha we would ask a group of women who might possibly
give us more options.

Here is what we came up with.

-mama is going to go out and find as many options for the best, detangling
shampoo and conditioner on the market

-daddy is going to take daughter to salon once per week to have them wash,
special treatment, and comb out (taking us out of the picture?)

-Sorscha is going to attempt to comb to the best of her ability

Soooo, we do not want to use the famous parent line, "If you don't keep your
hair up, we're going to cut it" (we would never say this to her) and we do
not want there to be any division with our relationships because of this.
She does not want dreadlocks. What to do? Any advise or other options?
Are we handling this in a radical unschool manner?

Just a note, we are new to unschooling (2 years) and especially new to
radical unschooling...but loving the journey.

Thanks so much for any advise.
The Millers in NM





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Gold Standard

>>Kirby hated haircuts when he was little, so I used to cut his hair while
he
>>was asleep.<<

>>so I cut his bangs when he
was sleeping. <<

Um.

I can't imagine doing this. What was their reaction when they woke up?

My guy is 11 and is very attached to his hair. If Cam woke up to my having
cut his hair in his sleep, I don't know what that would do to his trust in
me.

I am willing to problem-solve to help him keep it. It's not stressing me out
or wasting my time. He's learned that this headset is a problem and has
figured out how to avoid this in the future, but right now we're trying to
figure out how to detangle...big time detangle.

I really am interested in the effect of the night-time cutting. I think I'm
missing something.

Thanks,
Jacki

patricia tidmore

I have very curly,dry,course hair so if I washed it more than once a week I would have a case of the frizzies from hell.lol
I do love the smell of freshly washed hair though and have one child with what we call normal hair.I can and do wash his hair every day.
Just a few thoughts.
Tricia

tuckervill2@... wrote:

In a message dated 10/12/2005 9:09:31 PM Central Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:

Kirby hated haircuts when he was little, so I used to cut his hair while he
was asleep.



~~~

I remember those days! Jake's hair was straight and fine and I just let it
grow and grow, but then I couldn't see his eyes...so I cut his bangs when he
was sleeping. When he got older and was able to understand haircuts, he wore
it short and it was no problem.

I can't imagine not using shampoo, either! My hair is straight, too, and my
hair would be incredibly stiff and not soft if I just let it get oily all
the way down. I do understand that certain ethnicities prefer not to wash
their hair often due to the stripping of the oils, though.

Karen


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[email protected]

There is a whole "no-poo" movement in some of the crunchier circles. You don't use shampoo, but you do a vinegar rinse sometimes, and I think maybe a baking soda scrub sometimes? Not frequently, more like every week or two, if your hair gets too dry or too greasy. They say there's an adjustment period of a few weeks, then your hair sort of settles down and looks really good. I've never actually tried it, alkthough I did go camping for two weeks once and didn't wash my hair once, although I did swim in some lakes...
Dar
http://www.xanga.com/freeformlife
-- tuckervill2@... wrote:
>>>I can't imagine not using shampoo, either! My hair is straight, too, and my
hair would be incredibly stiff and not soft if I just let it get oily all
the way down. I do understand that certain ethnicities prefer not to wash
their hair often due to the stripping of the oils, though.<<<


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Barbara Chase

>There is a whole "no-poo" movement in some of the crunchier circles.

Heck, I had no idea I was being crunchy! I don't do anything but wash my
hair with water. It doesn't get greasy. It did, but not for long.... a
few weeks maybe. I've been no-shampoo for 6+ years now. I don't really
care that much about it... if it started to look gross or feel weird I'd
shampoo again.



Barbara

Mahalo - May you be in Divine Breath

Nichole Fausey-Khosraviani

My daughter is very much the same way, except her hair is a little longer.
We use conditioner and detangler and we let it go for two weeks, sometimes
longer. She, too, doesn't want dreads. One thing we started doing recently
is combing the hair with a pick while she's in the shower with the
conditioner still in her hair. This helps a lot.

Good luck.

Nichole



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Schuyler Waynforth

>
> Use a boar bristle (or similar) brush; it gives across the tangles.
Other
> brushes force themselves through the tangles and it hurts a lot
more. It
> takes longer to brush this way, with the brush giving more often.
But it's
> worth it.

My sister-in-law swears by Mason Pearson brushes
(http://www.masonpearson.com/). When Simon and Linnaea were suffering
at the hands of my brushing she sent me one for my birthday and the
difference is amazing. It isn't as effective as the Bass Wild
Boar/Nylon brush I have, but it pulls much less.

Schuyler

Joyce Fetteroll

On Oct 12, 2005, at 10:06 PM, SandraDodd@... wrote:

> I had waist-length hair most of my life, and combing works better than
> brushing. Get a big comb, not with teeth close together.
> Brushing makes most
> tangles worse.

Maybe for straight hair. For curly hair it's the opposite. I like the
boars hair brushes with the plastic that someone mentioned.

Joyce

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[email protected]

In a message dated 10/12/2005 11:19:35 PM Central Standard Time,
jacki@... writes:

I can't imagine doing this. What was their reaction when they woke up?




~~~

He was two. He didn't notice.

I would never cut the hair of a kid who had an opinion about it.

Karen


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[email protected]

In a message dated 10/12/2005 11:42:02 PM Central Standard Time,
barb@... writes:

Heck, I had no idea I was being crunchy! I don't do anything but wash my
hair with water. It doesn't get greasy. It did, but not for long.... a
few weeks maybe.


~~~

What about your scalp? Dead cells tend to build up on my scalp. Water
doesn't wash them away.

Karen


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[email protected]

My youngest daughter is mostly black in her heritage. She has the most gorgeous, very curly, very long, extremely tangly hair. I completely understand the 50 minutes to comb it out. Here is what works for us.

We use shampoo and conditioner that is specially formulated for curly hair. Then I spray a leave-in conditioner and a leave in detangler on her hair. We plug in whatever she wants to watch on tv and I comb it out with a wide tooth comb.

I used to just wash her hair every few days and not comb it in between because it was painful for her but we found that at least spraying on the leave in stuff and doing it every day was easier for all of us.

My full anglo daughter also had long hair and we used to braid it before sleeping or swimming. We tried it on my youngest daughter, she almost got dreadlocks by accident <grin>.

Julie S.

----- Original Message -----
From: tuckervill2@...
Date: Wednesday, October 12, 2005 6:40 pm
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] dreadlocks ?????

> Could you put it in braids for bed? That might cut down on the
> tangling
> during the night. Maybe combing it more often during the day
> would make it
> easier to manage. Wide tooth comb, for sure.
>
> Maybe you could upload her picture to one of those hairstyle sites
> and help
> her try on different hairstyles? A short cut with curly hair can
> be quite
> charming. Maybe she just can't envision it?
>
> Karen
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
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[email protected]

In a message dated 10/13/05 6:53:52 AM, fetteroll@... writes:


> Maybe for straight hair. For curly hair it's the opposite. I like the 
> boars hair brushes with the plastic that someone mentioned.
>

Okay. Never mind then.
Sorry.



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[email protected]

> -=-There is a whole "no-poo" movement in some of the crunchier circles. You
> don't use shampoo, but you do a vinegar rinse sometimes, and I think maybe a
> baking soda scrub sometimes? Not frequently, more like every week or two, if
> your hair gets too dry or too greasy.-=-
>

Well that's fine. They should ask on those lists how to comb or brush it
out without great discomfort for kids.

Sandra


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[email protected]

In a message dated 10/12/05 10:19:36 PM, jacki@... writes:


> I really am interested in the effect of the night-time cutting. I think I'm
> missing something
>

Naptime cutting. He was three or four and was afraid of the scissors.

When he was older and wanted his hair a certain way we went with it, and he
agreed to let people comb it when we were going somewhere when grooming was a
factor. When he was really little and didn't like combing and didn't care how
it was, just wanted not to hear scissors in his ear, and didn't want to go to
a barber, a couple of times I cut one side while he was sleeping one way, and
the other side when he turned.

He never complained, he had succeeded in not sitting still while open
scissors were near his head.

Sandra


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[email protected]

In a message dated 10/13/2005 8:53:52 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,
fetteroll@... writes:

> I had waist-length hair most of my life, and combing works better than
> brushing. Get a big comb, not with teeth close together.
> Brushing makes most
> tangles worse.

Maybe for straight hair. For curly hair it's the opposite. I like the
boars hair brushes with the plastic that someone mentioned.





I have to disagree with this. I have long curly hair (currently at my
waist--2 years ago it was at my knees). If I use a brush on my hair, it turns
into a big huge frizzy tangly split-ends (did I mention frizzy) mess.

Maybe it's a difference in humidity -- I live on the coast in the south
where it is very humid all the time.

I do the same thing Gianna (did I spell that right?) does:

I never ever ever use a brush on it.
I never ever ever comb it except when it's wet and loaded with conditioner.
I never comb it between shampoos or wet-downs.
I use either a plastic pick or a very widely-spaced and wide-toothed comb.
I wash it once or twice a week. I never scrub it "around in circles", just
back and forth to keep it from getting more tangly.
Rinse out the shampoo and load it up with conditioner (but not so much
directly on my scalp or it gets oily too fast).
Let the conditioner "soak in" for at least 5 minutes (while I wash the rest
of me).
Comb out starting at the bottom of a very small section, working my way all
the way to my scalp, then begin with another section. Be sure to hold the
hair just above where the come is, so that the pulling doesn't pull at the
scalp. When I get all the tangles out, I comb through the whole thing, then very
carefully rinse some of the conditioner out. Then comb it out one more
time, squeeze the excess water out carefully, get more water out by using a towel
to sop it out, then let it air dry.

My curly-girl niece (13) uses the same technique.

My curly-girl daughter (4) has ringlets to her waist. I wash it every 10
days to 2 weeks (it gets wet lots in between, but I only use shampoo
occasionally, and never comb it unless it is wet and has conditioner in it.)

I use the same technique on her hair, only I do it in the tub, and distract
her (telling silly stories, giving her some bubble stuff, etc) while I
de-tangle. I have to be flexible about moving around with her to be able to reach
the part of the hair I'm trying to work on, and if she's had enough, I quit.
Sometimes just taking a break and playing in the water with her for a few
minutes allows me to go back to it afterwards. If not, I don't worry about it.
The next time I start working first on those sections I missed the last
time.

If it starts to get matted in the back or has some lint or something stuck
in it, I tell her she has a knot,show it to her if it's towards the ends, and
ask if she wants me to get it out. Usually she says yes, so I work on it one
hair at a time until it comes out. (She does this for me, too.) If she
says no, sometimes I do it while she's sleeping, or at least work on it a bit.
(She doesn't do this to me, as far as I know :))

My mother's hair was fine, straight as a stick, and short. She spent my
whole childhood fighting with my hair, with me over my hair (she wanted it to be
short; I wanted long), complaining about it, practically yanking it out of
my head when she combed or brushed it (because she wanted it to be neat). She
always seemed to be angry at it, and at me. It took me more than 30 years
to get to the point that I LOVE my hair, the freedom of it, its individuality,
its insistence on doing its own thing ... and I celebrate those same
qualities in my daughter's hair. If she ever wants to cut it short, I'll celebrate
that too!

Wow, this got really long. Thanks for reading.

Patty



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Krisula Moyer

Our solution. We spoke to dd in advance to see if it would be ok with her
of course. We waited until dd was very sound asleep then used a product
called Farouk Shine. (It is very expensive - I understand there is an off
brand that works just as well) We saturated the rats nests with the silky,
oily product then teased out the knots one or two hairs at a time. The
knots slip out more or less easily but we must work SLOWLY and gently. The
next morning, the hair is smooth enough for dd to comb or brush herself.
She very much prefers a soft bristle brush . I didn't think that kind of
brush would do anything but it works for her and no longer hurts. After
some success at this, she was more open to washing and conditioning her hair
regularly which helps immensely. also, trimming the ends so they are even
helped a bit. If she's really enjoying her conditioner in the tub she might
even let me braid it afterwards . Every easy, smooth success she has leads
to more trust and more desire to take care of her hair. I wouldn't have
thought this was possible just a year ago. She used to walk around with
terrible knots all the time. I'd pull it back into a pony tail or put it in
a bun knots and all because she wouldn't let a comb or brush near her.


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