new webpages
[email protected]
There's a full list with links of several new webpages here:
http://sandradodd.com/announcements
And I'm working on really short, easy to remember names for pages, and
noticed that the names of this batch sound like a party. After the SandraDodd.com
part they are
sex
cake
movies
how
myths
yes
we
eels
and holt/quotes (not as party-like, but really good for unschoolers!)
The "sex" page is about how I handled boys and internet porn at my house, a
question that's come up several times over the years.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
http://sandradodd.com/announcements
And I'm working on really short, easy to remember names for pages, and
noticed that the names of this batch sound like a party. After the SandraDodd.com
part they are
sex
cake
movies
how
myths
yes
we
eels
and holt/quotes (not as party-like, but really good for unschoolers!)
The "sex" page is about how I handled boys and internet porn at my house, a
question that's come up several times over the years.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/26/05 10:14:23 AM, ecsamhill@... writes:
international fishing, Omaha Beach in Normandy and the internet.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Is "eels" about really slippery and shocking ideas, or is it actuallyWell I thought it was about fish, but it's kind of about geography, Holly,
> about eels?
>
international fishing, Omaha Beach in Normandy and the internet.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Elizabeth Hill
**cake
movies
how
myths
yes
we
eels**
Is "eels" about really slippery and shocking ideas, or is it actually
about eels?
(Did your mil serve them for dinner?)
Betsy
movies
how
myths
yes
we
eels**
Is "eels" about really slippery and shocking ideas, or is it actually
about eels?
(Did your mil serve them for dinner?)
Betsy
katherand2003
Warning: This is LONG..... And anyway, everyone on this list has
probably heard this a million times. I am just journaling this out,
so if you find yourself getting weary, there's always that delete
button.
In a nutshell -- it's on the no-spank issue.
I have not posted much at all, have lurked on this list for several
months gathering info for dh and me about unschooling among other
things. It's the only thing I want to do for my children's
schooling, and as long as they're happy with it, that's great. My
personality fits it to a T. In the meantime, we (me & dh) strive to
unload our baggage. Ds is not quite 2 and I have one on the way.
As far as formal whatevers with the so called powersthatbe, we have
some time to play with. As far as anything else goes... well we
have some time to play with as comes with the territory, but as you
have said, Sandra ... on your huge fun site ... as fast as we can
process our baggage is as fast as we should go. I agree. I hope
that Chenzo (short for Vincenzo) will benefit.
So here I am reading the new links you announced for your website,
and getting caught up in your no spank pages ....emailing dh (poor
guy) repeatedly with commentaries on your articles. This is not the
first time I've been on your site. I've visited and lurked there
for 2 or 3 years now, ever since I found I was going to have
Chenzo.
There's a story about talking back, a painful reminder of my own
childhood, in an article on Lying (http://sandradodd.com/s/lying) --
and the punishment a child may expect as a result. I concur with
the author's comment. I, too, didn't understand what was meant
by "talking back." For me this was a double whammy because I have
profound hearing loss. Naturally I misunderstand LOTS of things. I
learned to keep my mouth shut so as not to rake up hellfires. I
ALWAYS lied when my parents insisted on explanations for my
behavior. I learned I was ALWAYS wrong (insert sarcasm from me
there) because for one thing the comment often came my way that
nobody asked me to "think" (sarcasm I got from a parent). In hopes
of dodging the tongue lashing often followed by other punishments, I
hedged and tried not to commit to anything. Last but not least, I
tried to avoid losing family affection. But this is a permanent
fixture of the strained "I love you's," mostly referring to times of
relative peace (with my relatives of course). I learned that in
such a family I couldn't win and often wondered what I was doing
there. This is all very bitter of course. What else?
I say relative peace, because as a no-spank parent, well ... I am
far from being at peace. I know that love is real even in such
circumstances. That's good information to have and a relief to my
soul. But now I also know love loses it's flavor when it's based on
conformity and self-protection. What there is to bridge such a gap
with is a mystery to me. Once again, I am compelled to keep my
mouth shut, love being a curse to conformity.
We (me and dh) find ourselves unceremoniously and quietly putting on
the shelf family members we can't leave ds with. This is an ongoing
diplomatic process that is resulting in a silent stalemate. And it
leaves our burgeoning family out of the context of a larger extended
family, Chenzo included. We had hoped to keep the channels open
without finding ourselves in open "war." If only we could stave it
off long enough, maybe somebody would come around. We showed up for
Christmas, Thanksgiving and occasional Mother/Father's Day and
assorted birthday celebrations. And we often came home stung by
words we did nothing to invite.
So dh has sworn off the loyalty parade. I can't say I blame him.
Of course I would dearly love to discuss these issues calmly within
and outside family circles but I know better. There are those who
adamantly disagree with no-spank and other of my views, and there
are others who only half disagree but want for the sake of family
peace to defend those who speak against... won't hear of... my so
called vain philosophies. So there we sit outside the "circle of
trust" and like the Fockers, can't decide if we're f**ck'd or if we
should get some "Fockerization" going on (watch "Meet the Focker's"
if you don't know what I mean-- it's hiLARious). Anyway, it looks
like open "war" is upon us, at least from that quarter --my side of
the family.
We (me and dh) have found ourselves at the same fork in the road
over and over and over. It's exciting in a way, that we are where
we are, cleaving to one another and forsaking all others-- isn't
that idea the most romanticalest (sorry, another word merge)? We're
like Alice in Wonderland in surreality (probably not a real word
either but that's where we're at). I am torn between being without
extended family support altogether or being lectured at about the
nonexistent dangers of NOT spanking, not formally "schooly" training
our children up.
I now see ultimately that golden quiet (be it 180 from peaceful) is
better than having discussions or loud flaming disagreements.
Nobody can tell anybody anything anyway. For each person and at
every moment, yes, there is potential for epiphany. And so we
struggle with personal baggage and that's certainly work enough.
Golden quiet means relief from the need to convince others of my no-
spank or other points of view. After all, I'm every bit
as "enculturated" as the next person though I diligently wrestle
free of it. I did not coin that word -enculturated- but it
describes perfectly what we are going through.
Speaking of culture, as I ramble onward to dh's side of the family:
what culture this is that we're making, I don't know, but it looks
to be pretty interesting. Cenzo is not obedient. I'm very happy
about that. He's quite independent in more and more ways than ever
before. I actually welcome this. (Bravo me!) Cenzo is actively
trying to make sense of his spanked cousins behavior. Of course it
makes no sense. They hit and loudly say "NO!" Cenzo does the
same. Haha..... yeah, that's a no-brainer. I can't help but see
that there's no need to hit any child but the oldest, since spanking
works it's way to the youngest in unbroken chain from child to child
(and from child to pet or object when no person is available), a
transfer of violence downward through the ages. I am ambivalent for
Chenzo because though he loves his cousins, he rightly does not
trust them.
I am leaving my sil's house 4th of July weekend when dh comes to
take me home. Whew. Can hardly wait to get out of here. Our visit
has been quite an eye-opener: ie., spanking is contagious and I need
to get away from it. I have swatted Cenzo on about 3 or 4 occasions
and been impatient in my dealings with him several times since being
here. I forgive myself but now that I know the danger of
associating with spankers, I can more easily guard against it. I'm
not strong enough yet. I am sad for the people we leave because
there is NOTHING to be done for them from my standpoint without
brooking interference in my own affairs ... no thank you of course.
That's the family on dh's side. And yes. I am writing this on
THEIR computer. :-/
So here we are without support from extended family. What to do,
what to do? As a telecourse professor said "Get you a rabbi!" He
was referring to getting a "study buddy" to cram for tests. There
is no test, of course, but we want to learn as much as possible
about... well anything we like and to have a happy life. So
the "rabbi" we're consulting and conspiring with is the internet,
and that will have to do for support and family at the moment.
Kathe
probably heard this a million times. I am just journaling this out,
so if you find yourself getting weary, there's always that delete
button.
In a nutshell -- it's on the no-spank issue.
I have not posted much at all, have lurked on this list for several
months gathering info for dh and me about unschooling among other
things. It's the only thing I want to do for my children's
schooling, and as long as they're happy with it, that's great. My
personality fits it to a T. In the meantime, we (me & dh) strive to
unload our baggage. Ds is not quite 2 and I have one on the way.
As far as formal whatevers with the so called powersthatbe, we have
some time to play with. As far as anything else goes... well we
have some time to play with as comes with the territory, but as you
have said, Sandra ... on your huge fun site ... as fast as we can
process our baggage is as fast as we should go. I agree. I hope
that Chenzo (short for Vincenzo) will benefit.
So here I am reading the new links you announced for your website,
and getting caught up in your no spank pages ....emailing dh (poor
guy) repeatedly with commentaries on your articles. This is not the
first time I've been on your site. I've visited and lurked there
for 2 or 3 years now, ever since I found I was going to have
Chenzo.
There's a story about talking back, a painful reminder of my own
childhood, in an article on Lying (http://sandradodd.com/s/lying) --
and the punishment a child may expect as a result. I concur with
the author's comment. I, too, didn't understand what was meant
by "talking back." For me this was a double whammy because I have
profound hearing loss. Naturally I misunderstand LOTS of things. I
learned to keep my mouth shut so as not to rake up hellfires. I
ALWAYS lied when my parents insisted on explanations for my
behavior. I learned I was ALWAYS wrong (insert sarcasm from me
there) because for one thing the comment often came my way that
nobody asked me to "think" (sarcasm I got from a parent). In hopes
of dodging the tongue lashing often followed by other punishments, I
hedged and tried not to commit to anything. Last but not least, I
tried to avoid losing family affection. But this is a permanent
fixture of the strained "I love you's," mostly referring to times of
relative peace (with my relatives of course). I learned that in
such a family I couldn't win and often wondered what I was doing
there. This is all very bitter of course. What else?
I say relative peace, because as a no-spank parent, well ... I am
far from being at peace. I know that love is real even in such
circumstances. That's good information to have and a relief to my
soul. But now I also know love loses it's flavor when it's based on
conformity and self-protection. What there is to bridge such a gap
with is a mystery to me. Once again, I am compelled to keep my
mouth shut, love being a curse to conformity.
We (me and dh) find ourselves unceremoniously and quietly putting on
the shelf family members we can't leave ds with. This is an ongoing
diplomatic process that is resulting in a silent stalemate. And it
leaves our burgeoning family out of the context of a larger extended
family, Chenzo included. We had hoped to keep the channels open
without finding ourselves in open "war." If only we could stave it
off long enough, maybe somebody would come around. We showed up for
Christmas, Thanksgiving and occasional Mother/Father's Day and
assorted birthday celebrations. And we often came home stung by
words we did nothing to invite.
So dh has sworn off the loyalty parade. I can't say I blame him.
Of course I would dearly love to discuss these issues calmly within
and outside family circles but I know better. There are those who
adamantly disagree with no-spank and other of my views, and there
are others who only half disagree but want for the sake of family
peace to defend those who speak against... won't hear of... my so
called vain philosophies. So there we sit outside the "circle of
trust" and like the Fockers, can't decide if we're f**ck'd or if we
should get some "Fockerization" going on (watch "Meet the Focker's"
if you don't know what I mean-- it's hiLARious). Anyway, it looks
like open "war" is upon us, at least from that quarter --my side of
the family.
We (me and dh) have found ourselves at the same fork in the road
over and over and over. It's exciting in a way, that we are where
we are, cleaving to one another and forsaking all others-- isn't
that idea the most romanticalest (sorry, another word merge)? We're
like Alice in Wonderland in surreality (probably not a real word
either but that's where we're at). I am torn between being without
extended family support altogether or being lectured at about the
nonexistent dangers of NOT spanking, not formally "schooly" training
our children up.
I now see ultimately that golden quiet (be it 180 from peaceful) is
better than having discussions or loud flaming disagreements.
Nobody can tell anybody anything anyway. For each person and at
every moment, yes, there is potential for epiphany. And so we
struggle with personal baggage and that's certainly work enough.
Golden quiet means relief from the need to convince others of my no-
spank or other points of view. After all, I'm every bit
as "enculturated" as the next person though I diligently wrestle
free of it. I did not coin that word -enculturated- but it
describes perfectly what we are going through.
Speaking of culture, as I ramble onward to dh's side of the family:
what culture this is that we're making, I don't know, but it looks
to be pretty interesting. Cenzo is not obedient. I'm very happy
about that. He's quite independent in more and more ways than ever
before. I actually welcome this. (Bravo me!) Cenzo is actively
trying to make sense of his spanked cousins behavior. Of course it
makes no sense. They hit and loudly say "NO!" Cenzo does the
same. Haha..... yeah, that's a no-brainer. I can't help but see
that there's no need to hit any child but the oldest, since spanking
works it's way to the youngest in unbroken chain from child to child
(and from child to pet or object when no person is available), a
transfer of violence downward through the ages. I am ambivalent for
Chenzo because though he loves his cousins, he rightly does not
trust them.
I am leaving my sil's house 4th of July weekend when dh comes to
take me home. Whew. Can hardly wait to get out of here. Our visit
has been quite an eye-opener: ie., spanking is contagious and I need
to get away from it. I have swatted Cenzo on about 3 or 4 occasions
and been impatient in my dealings with him several times since being
here. I forgive myself but now that I know the danger of
associating with spankers, I can more easily guard against it. I'm
not strong enough yet. I am sad for the people we leave because
there is NOTHING to be done for them from my standpoint without
brooking interference in my own affairs ... no thank you of course.
That's the family on dh's side. And yes. I am writing this on
THEIR computer. :-/
So here we are without support from extended family. What to do,
what to do? As a telecourse professor said "Get you a rabbi!" He
was referring to getting a "study buddy" to cram for tests. There
is no test, of course, but we want to learn as much as possible
about... well anything we like and to have a happy life. So
the "rabbi" we're consulting and conspiring with is the internet,
and that will have to do for support and family at the moment.
Kathe
--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
> There's a full list with links of several new webpages here:
> http://sandradodd.com/announcements
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/27/05 3:06:46 AM, katherand2003@... writes:
old) and it's no longer okay for you to say (whatever they said), and if you
intend to treat me this way in the future, you'll have to do it from a
distance, because I don't want to (drive/fly however long/far) just to be abused.
I say "it's no longer okay" but really it was never okay.
That's what might be worth saying, but *in writing* and keep a copy, so they
can't claim you said anything different.
-=-those who speak against... won't hear of... my so
called vain philosophies. -=-
They still don't want you to think. They still think they can keep you from
thinking by pressure, words, attitude. What real benefit will there be to
your son if you accept their attempted thought-control? What will break the
cycle if he learns to smile and lie and say "I love you" to people who turn
around and smack him (verbally or emotionally, if not physically)?
-=-It's exciting in a way, that we are where
we are, cleaving to one another and forsaking all others-- isn't
that idea the most romanticalest-=-
Pretty romantisational.<g>
Arm yourself gradually with research and articles and experiences. Don't
argue with them, give them books to read. Say "If you want to discuss this
after you've read this, let me know." That means "READ IT OR SHUT UP," but it
doesn't quite *sound* that way. It means "Until you've read this, you're
unqualified to have an opinion on it," but don't say it that way.
If they ask how long you're going to coddle him, say "while he needs it," and
if they ask how long you're going to homeschool, say "as long as it's working
out well for us." US. Not them.
-=-I am torn between being without
extended family support altogether or being lectured at about the
nonexistent dangers of NOT spanking, not formally "schooly" training
our children up. -=-
Are you going to get the lectures either way?
Could you turn it around and start mock-lecturing them about what they should
be doing with their lives until they tell you to stop it, and then say "Oh.
I learned from your behavior that adults are supposed to tell other adults to
live their lives differently. I'll stop if you'll stop." (I guess that
one's just a fantasy, but the others aren't.)
-=-I now see ultimately that golden quiet (be it 180 from peaceful) is
better than having discussions or loud flaming disagreements.
Nobody can tell anybody anything anyway. For each person and at
every moment, yes, there is potential for epiphany.-=-
When my mother-in-law (who was a nurse) was irritatingly critical about our
decision not to circumcise, I loaned her three books with sticky-notes on the
appropriate passages. She took them to read, brought them back the next day
(they had been RV-camping nearby), set them very NICELY on a table, and said
that things had changed since she went to nursing school.
When it came to homeschooling, I offered to lend her the books we read before
we made our decision, and she declined. <g>
-=- Cenzo is not obedient. I'm very happy about that. -=-
If he's not being ordered around, though, how would you know?
If you say "Stop!" a the side of a road or a river, would he stop?
If your mom says "Don't climb up on my coffeetable, does he do it anyway? I
wouldn't think that would be something to be happy about.
-=- Cenzo is actively
trying to make sense of his spanked cousins behavior. Of course it
makes no sense. They hit and loudly say "NO!" Cenzo does the
same. -=-
I've broken off friendships with others just because they spanked. I told a
family once they could NOT spank their child in my house, when they
threatened. I don't want my kids to have to see it; it's just too disturbing.
-=-I am leaving my sil's house 4th of July weekend when dh comes to
take me home. Whew. Can hardly wait to get out of here. Our visit
has been quite an eye-opener: ie., spanking is contagious and I need
to get away from it. I have swatted Cenzo on about 3 or 4 occasions
and been impatient in my dealings with him several times since being
here. I forgive myself but now that I know the danger of
associating with spankers, I can more easily guard against it. I'm
not strong enough yet.-=-
I used to get hyper vigilant about my kids' behavior when I was in a place
where the others were over-controlling their own kids and being irritated that
mine were there. I really wanted mine to just not make waves, don't rock the
boat, and I'd be sharp and impatient in those instances, but they always
understood during the debrief in the car afterward (or wherever) why I was nervous
in such situations.
When you let Cenzo do something the other kids aren't allowed to do, you
really mess that family's dynamics up. You make them more skittish and nervous
too.
Staying at ANYone's house can be stressful after a few days, I think, even if
your parenting is the very same.
Maybe in the future you could plan to try to get together in public places
designed for kids to have fun and be loud. Those have been the best times with
my husband's parents, when we're at the children's museum or miniature golf
places. In our house they're critical and uncomfortable, and at their house
we're stifled.
-=- There
is no test, of course, but we want to learn as much as possible
about... well anything we like and to have a happy life. So
the "rabbi" we're consulting and conspiring with is the internet,
and that will have to do for support and family at the moment.-=-
It's been very helpful for me to have others to bounce ideas off of, to share
news and to admit frustrations.
Sandra
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> We showed up forMaybe consider writing a follow-up letter saying "I'm 30 years old" (however
> Christmas, Thanksgiving and occasional Mother/Father's Day and
> assorted birthday celebrations. And we often came home stung by
> words we did nothing to invite.
>
old) and it's no longer okay for you to say (whatever they said), and if you
intend to treat me this way in the future, you'll have to do it from a
distance, because I don't want to (drive/fly however long/far) just to be abused.
I say "it's no longer okay" but really it was never okay.
That's what might be worth saying, but *in writing* and keep a copy, so they
can't claim you said anything different.
-=-those who speak against... won't hear of... my so
called vain philosophies. -=-
They still don't want you to think. They still think they can keep you from
thinking by pressure, words, attitude. What real benefit will there be to
your son if you accept their attempted thought-control? What will break the
cycle if he learns to smile and lie and say "I love you" to people who turn
around and smack him (verbally or emotionally, if not physically)?
-=-It's exciting in a way, that we are where
we are, cleaving to one another and forsaking all others-- isn't
that idea the most romanticalest-=-
Pretty romantisational.<g>
Arm yourself gradually with research and articles and experiences. Don't
argue with them, give them books to read. Say "If you want to discuss this
after you've read this, let me know." That means "READ IT OR SHUT UP," but it
doesn't quite *sound* that way. It means "Until you've read this, you're
unqualified to have an opinion on it," but don't say it that way.
If they ask how long you're going to coddle him, say "while he needs it," and
if they ask how long you're going to homeschool, say "as long as it's working
out well for us." US. Not them.
-=-I am torn between being without
extended family support altogether or being lectured at about the
nonexistent dangers of NOT spanking, not formally "schooly" training
our children up. -=-
Are you going to get the lectures either way?
Could you turn it around and start mock-lecturing them about what they should
be doing with their lives until they tell you to stop it, and then say "Oh.
I learned from your behavior that adults are supposed to tell other adults to
live their lives differently. I'll stop if you'll stop." (I guess that
one's just a fantasy, but the others aren't.)
-=-I now see ultimately that golden quiet (be it 180 from peaceful) is
better than having discussions or loud flaming disagreements.
Nobody can tell anybody anything anyway. For each person and at
every moment, yes, there is potential for epiphany.-=-
When my mother-in-law (who was a nurse) was irritatingly critical about our
decision not to circumcise, I loaned her three books with sticky-notes on the
appropriate passages. She took them to read, brought them back the next day
(they had been RV-camping nearby), set them very NICELY on a table, and said
that things had changed since she went to nursing school.
When it came to homeschooling, I offered to lend her the books we read before
we made our decision, and she declined. <g>
-=- Cenzo is not obedient. I'm very happy about that. -=-
If he's not being ordered around, though, how would you know?
If you say "Stop!" a the side of a road or a river, would he stop?
If your mom says "Don't climb up on my coffeetable, does he do it anyway? I
wouldn't think that would be something to be happy about.
-=- Cenzo is actively
trying to make sense of his spanked cousins behavior. Of course it
makes no sense. They hit and loudly say "NO!" Cenzo does the
same. -=-
I've broken off friendships with others just because they spanked. I told a
family once they could NOT spank their child in my house, when they
threatened. I don't want my kids to have to see it; it's just too disturbing.
-=-I am leaving my sil's house 4th of July weekend when dh comes to
take me home. Whew. Can hardly wait to get out of here. Our visit
has been quite an eye-opener: ie., spanking is contagious and I need
to get away from it. I have swatted Cenzo on about 3 or 4 occasions
and been impatient in my dealings with him several times since being
here. I forgive myself but now that I know the danger of
associating with spankers, I can more easily guard against it. I'm
not strong enough yet.-=-
I used to get hyper vigilant about my kids' behavior when I was in a place
where the others were over-controlling their own kids and being irritated that
mine were there. I really wanted mine to just not make waves, don't rock the
boat, and I'd be sharp and impatient in those instances, but they always
understood during the debrief in the car afterward (or wherever) why I was nervous
in such situations.
When you let Cenzo do something the other kids aren't allowed to do, you
really mess that family's dynamics up. You make them more skittish and nervous
too.
Staying at ANYone's house can be stressful after a few days, I think, even if
your parenting is the very same.
Maybe in the future you could plan to try to get together in public places
designed for kids to have fun and be loud. Those have been the best times with
my husband's parents, when we're at the children's museum or miniature golf
places. In our house they're critical and uncomfortable, and at their house
we're stifled.
-=- There
is no test, of course, but we want to learn as much as possible
about... well anything we like and to have a happy life. So
the "rabbi" we're consulting and conspiring with is the internet,
and that will have to do for support and family at the moment.-=-
It's been very helpful for me to have others to bounce ideas off of, to share
news and to admit frustrations.
Sandra
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
katherand2003
--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
you could plan to try to get together in public places designed for
kids to have fun and be loud. Those have been the best times with
my husband's parents, when we're at the children's museum or
miniature golf places. In our house they're critical and
uncomfortable, and at their house we're stifled.
Hey Sandra. I had this nice point by point reply going and the
internet gulped it... isn't that typical?
I guess it was a bit disingenious to say it's a "visit" to my sil
considering that me and dh temporarily separated. We had a lot of
new experiences on top of old hurts and anger to sift though, and so
here I've been for over 2 months *pant, pant, gasp, augh* ... a very
long visit indeed. (Did I tell you I'm going home July 4th
weekend... yeah!!! We're thrilled.)
There has been conflict in sil's mind over my lack of schedule, our
parenting differences [which emphasizes the unfairness to the
cousins who get spanked, corrected, disrespected, talked to, NOT
listened to, monitored at bedtimes (dusk) and mealtimes (everything
on their plates gone) ... none which I would ever do with Chenzo,
who's not quite 2 years old yet anyway]. I'm a very bad example to
her children who are well routinized. We sleep downstairs in the
basement, another floor entirely but the cousins can't help but
notice we wake up late some days and early other days. I guess it
is disrespectful of me not to protect her children from seeing that
there is a different way-- brainwashing gone awry. This is not
intentional on my part --just the way I am-- but I have wished many
a time that I had somewhere else to go, for ALL our sakes.
We're stifled, yes, but -needless to say- this is the last time I'll
be staying here for this type of "visit." I have a friend who has
an old dog (15 years old) she doesn't want to put down even though
she would love to have me there. I almost went. She and I are of
similar minds about most things> But her dog is old and sick and
hates to be left out, and it would be a very unpleasant extremely
stressful life not to mention cruel to listen to a crying dog shut
off from us in another room during his indefinite last days. This
poor dog is a biter and I couldn't guarantee Chenzo wouldn't get
hurt since he's not even 2 years old yet.
>think, even if your parenting is the very same. Maybe in the future
> Staying at ANYone's house can be stressful after a few days, I
you could plan to try to get together in public places designed for
kids to have fun and be loud. Those have been the best times with
my husband's parents, when we're at the children's museum or
miniature golf places. In our house they're critical and
uncomfortable, and at their house we're stifled.
Hey Sandra. I had this nice point by point reply going and the
internet gulped it... isn't that typical?
I guess it was a bit disingenious to say it's a "visit" to my sil
considering that me and dh temporarily separated. We had a lot of
new experiences on top of old hurts and anger to sift though, and so
here I've been for over 2 months *pant, pant, gasp, augh* ... a very
long visit indeed. (Did I tell you I'm going home July 4th
weekend... yeah!!! We're thrilled.)
There has been conflict in sil's mind over my lack of schedule, our
parenting differences [which emphasizes the unfairness to the
cousins who get spanked, corrected, disrespected, talked to, NOT
listened to, monitored at bedtimes (dusk) and mealtimes (everything
on their plates gone) ... none which I would ever do with Chenzo,
who's not quite 2 years old yet anyway]. I'm a very bad example to
her children who are well routinized. We sleep downstairs in the
basement, another floor entirely but the cousins can't help but
notice we wake up late some days and early other days. I guess it
is disrespectful of me not to protect her children from seeing that
there is a different way-- brainwashing gone awry. This is not
intentional on my part --just the way I am-- but I have wished many
a time that I had somewhere else to go, for ALL our sakes.
We're stifled, yes, but -needless to say- this is the last time I'll
be staying here for this type of "visit." I have a friend who has
an old dog (15 years old) she doesn't want to put down even though
she would love to have me there. I almost went. She and I are of
similar minds about most things> But her dog is old and sick and
hates to be left out, and it would be a very unpleasant extremely
stressful life not to mention cruel to listen to a crying dog shut
off from us in another room during his indefinite last days. This
poor dog is a biter and I couldn't guarantee Chenzo wouldn't get
hurt since he's not even 2 years old yet.
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/27/2005 8:19:58 AM Central Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
"I'm 30 years old" (however
old) and it's no longer okay for you to say (whatever they said), and if
you
intend to treat me this way in the future, you'll have to do it from a
distance, because I don't want to (drive/fly however long/far) just to be
abused.
I say "it's no longer okay" but really it was never okay.
~~~
Be careful when you remind your mother of your age. In an argument I said,
"Mother, I'm 43 years old!" and her reply was, "Then quit acting like you're
2!"
It was an open door straight through to the old ways. :P
Karen
www.badchair.net
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
"I'm 30 years old" (however
old) and it's no longer okay for you to say (whatever they said), and if
you
intend to treat me this way in the future, you'll have to do it from a
distance, because I don't want to (drive/fly however long/far) just to be
abused.
I say "it's no longer okay" but really it was never okay.
~~~
Be careful when you remind your mother of your age. In an argument I said,
"Mother, I'm 43 years old!" and her reply was, "Then quit acting like you're
2!"
It was an open door straight through to the old ways. :P
Karen
www.badchair.net
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/28/05 7:30:39 AM, tuckervill2@... writes:
relationship at all."
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Be careful when you remind your mother of your age. In an argument IOH HUH, I would say "YOU stop acting like I'm two if you want to have a
> said,
> "Mother, I'm 43 years old!" and her reply was, "Then quit acting like
> you're
> 2!"
>
relationship at all."
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]