Nanci Kuykendall

>....maybe you were not fully loved and therefore
>it just doesn't come easily. I nursed four kids for
>nine years straight, much of the time tandem-nursing
>while being pregnant, and I had to work on a
>daily basis to let go of irritability and fill
>myself with love. I was not taken care of that way
>when I was little so it wasn't part of my
>conditioning, and I was charting a new course for my
>children. It is a brave and challenging thing to do!
>And as you obviously know, as important work as
>there is.

Boy this hits home. It's not something I didn't
already know, but it's good to hear it from outside
sources once in a while. The particular challenges of
overcoming my past, fulfilling the ideals of parenting
in which I believe, reaching my own personal goals and
dealing with my own personal flaws and shortcomings,
and raising a special needs child to boot sometimes
feel so mountainously overwhelming and I feel despair,
loneliness and frustration that seem unbearable. Self
pity isn't something I want to wallow in though, and
certainly won't do myself or my children any favors,
so I keep plugging along, as do we all. It's
definately been worth the effort so far.

Nanci K.