Nanci Kuykendall

>on violent games

Here's an idea that's been playing round in my head
for some time now, as a mom to boys only. It's one I
have heard various sources hold forth on, both pro and
con. As a woman, I cannot know what it's like to be a
man. I can rationalize, I can empathize, I can
imagine, but I cannot KNOW, on a real experiential
level. To me, the violence in entertainment might be
disturbing, upsetting, scary, etc. To my boys
however, who are not female, it may mean something
altogether different, and may in fact be vital for
them as a form of expression. After all, the vast
majority of the violent games, movies and other medias
are created by males for other males to enjoy.

Men DO tend to be more violent than women, with both
more violent expression in games, movies,
conversation, aggresive competitive play, sports etc.
I believe that there is a need for them to express
this part of their nature in a healthy way, and to.
There is a time and a place in this world for
judicious use of force (because we're not all Eloi in
a bland paradise) and I hope my boys go through life
never having to resort to physical self defense, but
use of force can also take place with words and other
body language to avoid more physical conflicts.

Allowing men (and baby men) violent outlets in games
and entertainment helps release that aggressive
behavior in a healthy way, and helps role play
appropriate and inappropriate use of force. I know
ALL of us moms here have heard our boys remind us
(with much sighing and eye-rolling) whenever we
express concern or just go "ewww!" at a violent game
(with toys, video games, whatever) "It's not REAL
mom! It's JUST a GAME!"

To a great extent I let my husband (a gentle, strong,
capable man) take the lead in guiding the boys into
manhood, or fielding these issues from a man's point
of view. As far as violent games, I don't think that
repression and strict control leads to more relaxed
and less agressive men. I find it more likely that
men who feel stifled and bottled up are more likely to
explode.

Nanci K.

nellebelle

>>>>Allowing men (and baby men) violent outlets in games
and entertainment helps release that aggressive
behavior in a healthy way, and helps role play
appropriate and inappropriate use of force.>>>

Decades ago, when Pat was my boyfriend, not yet dh, he talked of football games - watching and/or playing - as being a great outlet for aggression.

Mary Ellen

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kris

It's a guy thing? I thought they all met in secret to rehears this
response, just so it would be identical for all of us moms.

Kris

----- Original Message -----
From: "Nanci Kuykendall" <aisliin@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Friday, January 21, 2005 7:16 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Violent Games

I know
ALL of us moms here have heard our boys remind us
(with much sighing and eye-rolling) whenever we
express concern or just go "ewww!" at a violent game
(with toys, video games, whatever) "It's not REAL
mom! It's JUST a GAME!"



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Eric Donato

YIKES!! I just got the EXACT words out of Shea 9yrs, as we were
cooking dinner tonight!!! that's hard to believe, the exact words...

a friend told me that video games are beneficial to the way that boys
and men problem solve... most game programmers are men, and men just go
for that kind of problem... we have had the best conversations with
total strangers about video games, trading tricks and secrets and
stuff... a common bond I guess...

Jules.

On Jan 21, 2005, at 9:23 PM, Kris wrote:

> It's a guy thing?  I thought they all met in secret to rehears this
> response, just so it would be identical for all of us moms.
>
> Kris
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Nanci Kuykendall" <aisliin@...>

> I know
> ALL of us moms here have heard our boys remind us
> (with much sighing and eye-rolling) whenever we
> express concern or just go "ewww!" at a violent game
> (with toys, video games, whatever)  "It's not REAL
> mom!  It's JUST a GAME!"

Dana Matt

> a friend told me that video games are beneficial to
> the way that boys
> and men problem solve... most game programmers are
> men, and men just go
> for that kind of problem... we have had the best
> conversations with
> total strangers about video games, trading tricks
> and secrets and
> stuff... a common bond I guess...

My husband was just sitting here complaining that he
couldn't play video games because he was hopelessly
lost ALL THE TIME...He had no idea which direction he
came from and where he was heading. I said "It's
easy--you just come back the way you came..."--and the
concept was lost on him. It's *not* just a guy thing
;) Although I admit, he's not a typical guy :)

Dana

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Eric Donato

On Jan 22, 2005, at 9:33 AM, Dana Matt wrote:

> couldn't play video games because he was hopelessly
> lost ALL THE TIME...He had no idea which direction he
> came from and where he was heading.

LOL!! that's very funny!! such is the problem of using stereotypes
and speaking in generalities, it's most, many, some, but not all... I
wonder if it's interest level, experience level, or the game in
particular that makes it so disorienting... I like to know that kind of
info, it's interesting...
Has anyone tried Pikmin? we play it on Nintendo Game Cube, mildly bad
things happen to the little Pikmin characters, it's mainly strategy,
finding parts of a whole to exit the game...

Jules.

Nanci Kuykendall

>It's *not* just a guy thing
>;) Although I admit, he's not a typical guy :)
>Dana

Just to clarify, from my end, I never said playing
video games was a guy thing, or even that skill at
them was a guy thing. I said the violent aspects of
the games that contain a lot of violence are often a
good, and I believe needed, outlet for males, created
by males, and that they often see this aspect
differently than a female perspective would/does. If
video games or video game skill or enjoyment are guy
things, than I'm in trouble, because I play some of
them too.

Nanci K.

lilith_pouia

--- In [email protected], Nanci Kuykendall <aisliin@y...>
wrote:
> >It's *not* just a guy thing
> >;) Although I admit, he's not a typical guy :)
> >Dana
>
> Just to clarify, from my end, I never said playing
> video games was a guy thing, or even that skill at
> them was a guy thing. I said the violent aspects of
> the games that contain a lot of violence are often a
> good, and I believe needed, outlet for males, created
> by males, and that they often see this aspect
> differently than a female perspective would/does. If
> video games or video game skill or enjoyment are guy
> things, than I'm in trouble, because I play some of
> them too.
>
> Nanci K.

Hi, I'm new to the group. My name is Lilith. I completely agree with
you. I think violence in games helps not only males but anyone to
excert their natural drives toward fantasy in an appropriate way,
instead of acting them out in life. My older son is now six, and has
understood the difference between games and what is real since he was
three. My mother gets on to me for allowing him to play violent video
games, but i don't think she really understandes the concept of the
human shadow and how important fantasy is to a mentally healthy
individual's functioning.