Sister posting No Boys signs
[email protected]
Hi,
My dd going on 10 really can not get along with her brother, 7.5. Her latest game when she has friends over is to make elaborate signs with postings that say No Boys, or Girls Rock and put these up on her wall and her door, and keep the door closed and yell at her brother if he even tries to join in play. My son takes things very personal and proceeds to pound and rip at the signs, threating violent hideous deeds. He is very physical and takes to hitting her alot.
I'm looking for words to tell her so she sees the pain her brother feels. He cries and feels completejy lefy put of her games. It gets really bad when she has friends over. She is much more including when it is just our family, but stills throw hot lava tainted words his way often.
Mary.
My dd going on 10 really can not get along with her brother, 7.5. Her latest game when she has friends over is to make elaborate signs with postings that say No Boys, or Girls Rock and put these up on her wall and her door, and keep the door closed and yell at her brother if he even tries to join in play. My son takes things very personal and proceeds to pound and rip at the signs, threating violent hideous deeds. He is very physical and takes to hitting her alot.
I'm looking for words to tell her so she sees the pain her brother feels. He cries and feels completejy lefy put of her games. It gets really bad when she has friends over. She is much more including when it is just our family, but stills throw hot lava tainted words his way often.
Mary.
Pam Hartley
> My dd going on 10 really can not get along with her brother, 7.5. HerNobody in my household gets to treat each other badly on purpose. So "No
> latest game when she has friends over is to make elaborate signs with
> postings that say No Boys, or Girls Rock and put these up on her wall and
> her door, and keep the door closed and yell at her brother if he even tries
> to join in play. My son takes things very personal and proceeds to pound
> and rip at the signs, threating violent hideous deeds. He is very physical
> and takes to hitting her alot.
> I'm looking for words to tell her so she sees the pain her brother feels.
> He cries and feels completejy lefy put of her games. It gets really bad
> when she has friends over. She is much more including when it is just our
> family, but stills throw hot lava tainted words his way often.
boys" signs and yelling at people are simply NOT on.
However, wanting to spend time alone with your friends is not a crime, nor
should she be driven to cruelty in order to claim a little space and
privacy. That's where you come in to do something great with the 7.5 year
old when she has friends over. Pick something cool enough, and you'll have
all the 10 year old girls asking to join in HIS activity. In exchange asking
her to be kind to him EVEN when her friends are there, and to come to you
quietly and privately if he's driving her nuts and she can't cope, are good
alternatives.
For your son, I've always liked Sandra's suggestion of telling a physical
child, "When you want to hit your sibling, come to me first and let me see
if I can help you think of something better." rather than "don't hit".
Demanding kindness between family members (including mom and dad, dad to
kids, etc.) is fine. Accomplishing this involves really getting into what
triggers the unkindness, and figuring out ways to head it off and talk it
through as a family.
MHO,
Pam
Tia Leschke
>Have you tried making sure he has a friend to play with when she has a
>My dd going on 10 really can not get along with her brother, 7.5. Her
>latest game when she has friends over is to make elaborate signs with
>postings that say No Boys, or Girls Rock and put these up on her wall and
>her door, and keep the door closed and yell at her brother if he even
>tries to join in play. My son takes things very personal and proceeds to
>pound and rip at the signs, threating violent hideous deeds. He is very
>physical and takes to hitting her alot.
>I'm looking for words to tell her so she sees the pain her brother feels.
>He cries and feels completejy lefy put of her games. It gets really bad
>when she has friends over. She is much more including when it is just our
>family, but stills throw hot lava tainted words his way often.
friend over?
Tia
J. Stauffer
<<<<Nobody in my household gets to treat each other badly on purpose. So "No
10) and three younger ones quite close in age (7, 5, 4). The younger ones
can feed on each other and become quite intrusive. It is no big deal to
have one little sibling in your room. It can be a huge deal to have 3 of
them.
We had trouble with anytime some one (no matter who) was doing something,
EVERYONE wanted to jump in, take over, turn it into an chaos, etc..
This was a sensitive area for me because I am one of those people who likes
to work alone, doesn't like to be touched, hates consensus (sounds like the
ideal unschooling mom of 5 <sheesh>). I KNOW how important it is for me to
SOMETIMES have elbow room, both physically and more importantly, mentally.
We talk alot about whose "project" it is. The person or persons who
organize something (even if it is just getting out colors and paper) has
veto power about other people joining in. We then problem-solve if the
'organizer' really wants to play alone. Perhaps the second party could help
cook the next meal, perhaps he/she could color at another table, perhaps
he/she could play video games when the 'organizer' is finished.
In my mind, it is no different than Susie planning a party and me showing up
uninvited and telling her what food to have, etc..
Anyway, it works for us.
julie S.
> boys" signs and yelling at people are simply NOT on.>>>>We work the same way at our house. We have a couple of older kids (13 and
10) and three younger ones quite close in age (7, 5, 4). The younger ones
can feed on each other and become quite intrusive. It is no big deal to
have one little sibling in your room. It can be a huge deal to have 3 of
them.
We had trouble with anytime some one (no matter who) was doing something,
EVERYONE wanted to jump in, take over, turn it into an chaos, etc..
This was a sensitive area for me because I am one of those people who likes
to work alone, doesn't like to be touched, hates consensus (sounds like the
ideal unschooling mom of 5 <sheesh>). I KNOW how important it is for me to
SOMETIMES have elbow room, both physically and more importantly, mentally.
We talk alot about whose "project" it is. The person or persons who
organize something (even if it is just getting out colors and paper) has
veto power about other people joining in. We then problem-solve if the
'organizer' really wants to play alone. Perhaps the second party could help
cook the next meal, perhaps he/she could color at another table, perhaps
he/she could play video games when the 'organizer' is finished.
In my mind, it is no different than Susie planning a party and me showing up
uninvited and telling her what food to have, etc..
Anyway, it works for us.
julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Pam Hartley" <pamhartley@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Friday, June 25, 2004 9:51 AM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Sister posting No Boys signs
> > My dd going on 10 really can not get along with her brother, 7.5. Her
> > latest game when she has friends over is to make elaborate signs with
> > postings that say No Boys, or Girls Rock and put these up on her wall
and
> > her door, and keep the door closed and yell at her brother if he even
tries
> > to join in play. My son takes things very personal and proceeds to pound
> > and rip at the signs, threating violent hideous deeds. He is very
physical
> > and takes to hitting her alot.
> > I'm looking for words to tell her so she sees the pain her brother
feels.
> > He cries and feels completejy lefy put of her games. It gets really bad
> > when she has friends over. She is much more including when it is just
our
> > family, but stills throw hot lava tainted words his way often.
>
> Nobody in my household gets to treat each other badly on purpose. So "No
> boys" signs and yelling at people are simply NOT on.
>
> However, wanting to spend time alone with your friends is not a crime, nor
> should she be driven to cruelty in order to claim a little space and
> privacy. That's where you come in to do something great with the 7.5 year
> old when she has friends over. Pick something cool enough, and you'll have
> all the 10 year old girls asking to join in HIS activity. In exchange
asking
> her to be kind to him EVEN when her friends are there, and to come to you
> quietly and privately if he's driving her nuts and she can't cope, are
good
> alternatives.
>
> For your son, I've always liked Sandra's suggestion of telling a physical
> child, "When you want to hit your sibling, come to me first and let me see
> if I can help you think of something better." rather than "don't hit".
>
> Demanding kindness between family members (including mom and dad, dad to
> kids, etc.) is fine. Accomplishing this involves really getting into what
> triggers the unkindness, and figuring out ways to head it off and talk it
> through as a family.
>
> MHO,
>
> Pam
>
>
>
>
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