sharing
eriksmama2001
I am wondering how you all explain sharing to your children. I have
an only child (3 years old) who doesn't have frequent opportunities
to practice sharing since my husband and I share most everything with
him it is seldom an issue. However, when children come to visit, at
his request or desire, sharing is more complicated to explain. We
have told him he doesn't have to share, but that sharing is fun and
that if he doesn't want to share his toys we can put specific ones
away in advance. However, when something is being played with by
another child it becomes so much more desirable.
I have explained that if he doesn't want to share the toys that it
isn't fun for the other child and they may not want to stay, since
they can't play. This is usually after several attempts to redirect,
suggesting taking turns, offering to refuel with something to eat...
offering that perhaps he is done having company and prefers that he
have some space or time to play alone. He usually still wants to
play, however, it does continue to be a struggle over whichever toy
is in action. The other child of cource has the option of
disengaging, leaving, protesting.
But what is your "principle" about "having" to share? I can imagine
how it would be necessary to share/take turns with multiple children
in the same faimly. How do you articulate it?
an only child (3 years old) who doesn't have frequent opportunities
to practice sharing since my husband and I share most everything with
him it is seldom an issue. However, when children come to visit, at
his request or desire, sharing is more complicated to explain. We
have told him he doesn't have to share, but that sharing is fun and
that if he doesn't want to share his toys we can put specific ones
away in advance. However, when something is being played with by
another child it becomes so much more desirable.
I have explained that if he doesn't want to share the toys that it
isn't fun for the other child and they may not want to stay, since
they can't play. This is usually after several attempts to redirect,
suggesting taking turns, offering to refuel with something to eat...
offering that perhaps he is done having company and prefers that he
have some space or time to play alone. He usually still wants to
play, however, it does continue to be a struggle over whichever toy
is in action. The other child of cource has the option of
disengaging, leaving, protesting.
But what is your "principle" about "having" to share? I can imagine
how it would be necessary to share/take turns with multiple children
in the same faimly. How do you articulate it?
badolbilz
Part of your issues could be his age. I have a 3 1/2 yr old dd (out of
4 dd's) and a 3 1/2 yr old niece. Both have issues with sharing. I
simply ask my dd (when my niece is over) if it would be all right to go
to visit her cousin and not be allowed to play with any of the toys. I
try to get her to imagine what it's like to be the child who is not
shared with. I know she can relate to this because her cousin has many
times not shared toys with her and my dd was very upset by this.
Good luck. Heidi
eriksmama2001 wrote:
4 dd's) and a 3 1/2 yr old niece. Both have issues with sharing. I
simply ask my dd (when my niece is over) if it would be all right to go
to visit her cousin and not be allowed to play with any of the toys. I
try to get her to imagine what it's like to be the child who is not
shared with. I know she can relate to this because her cousin has many
times not shared toys with her and my dd was very upset by this.
Good luck. Heidi
eriksmama2001 wrote:
>I am wondering how you all explain sharing to your children. I have
>an only child (3 years old) who doesn't have frequent opportunities
>to practice sharing since my husband and I share most everything with
>him it is seldom an issue. However, when children come to visit, at
>his request or desire, sharing is more complicated to explain. We
>have told him he doesn't have to share, but that sharing is fun and
>that if he doesn't want to share his toys we can put specific ones
>away in advance. However, when something is being played with by
>another child it becomes so much more desirable.
>
>I have explained that if he doesn't want to share the toys that it
>isn't fun for the other child and they may not want to stay, since
>they can't play. This is usually after several attempts to redirect,
>suggesting taking turns, offering to refuel with something to eat...
>offering that perhaps he is done having company and prefers that he
>have some space or time to play alone. He usually still wants to
>play, however, it does continue to be a struggle over whichever toy
>is in action. The other child of cource has the option of
>disengaging, leaving, protesting.
>
>But what is your "principle" about "having" to share? I can imagine
>how it would be necessary to share/take turns with multiple children
>in the same faimly. How do you articulate it?
>
>
>
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>
>Yahoo! Groups Links
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>
>
>
>
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/14/2004 10:18:44 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
scubamama@... writes:
I am wondering how you all explain sharing to your children. I have
an only child (3 years old) who doesn't have frequent opportunities
to practice sharing since my husband and I share most everything with
him it is seldom an issue.
<<<<<
I don't think three year olds are meant to share.
I think that, by modeling sharing---as you're doing, he'll learn it and
share in his own time. When he's ready.
And "practice sharing"???? You either do or you don't. I don't think there's
any need for him to "practice" it!
I have two "onlies". They're eight years apart, so neither ever *had* to
share. Both are MUCH more generous than any of their friends or cousins with
close siblings who were made to share. Being *made* to share results in a person
who WON'T.
I bet by five he'll be a sharing machine! Time and patience and modeling.
You be generous, and he will.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
scubamama@... writes:
I am wondering how you all explain sharing to your children. I have
an only child (3 years old) who doesn't have frequent opportunities
to practice sharing since my husband and I share most everything with
him it is seldom an issue.
<<<<<
I don't think three year olds are meant to share.
I think that, by modeling sharing---as you're doing, he'll learn it and
share in his own time. When he's ready.
And "practice sharing"???? You either do or you don't. I don't think there's
any need for him to "practice" it!
I have two "onlies". They're eight years apart, so neither ever *had* to
share. Both are MUCH more generous than any of their friends or cousins with
close siblings who were made to share. Being *made* to share results in a person
who WON'T.
I bet by five he'll be a sharing machine! Time and patience and modeling.
You be generous, and he will.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/14/2004 10:18:44 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
scubamama@... writes:
But what is your "principle" about "having" to share? I can imagine
how it would be necessary to share/take turns with multiple children
in the same faimly. How do you articulate it?
<<<<<
Oh.
And because you don't *have* multiple children in your family, it's a
non-issue! Don't make it one!
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
scubamama@... writes:
But what is your "principle" about "having" to share? I can imagine
how it would be necessary to share/take turns with multiple children
in the same faimly. How do you articulate it?
<<<<<
Oh.
And because you don't *have* multiple children in your family, it's a
non-issue! Don't make it one!
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/15/04 5:23:25 AM, kbcdlovejo@... writes:
<< And "practice sharing"???? You either do or you don't. I don't think
there's
any need for him to "practice" it!
<<I have two "onlies". They're eight years apart, so neither ever *had* to
share. Both are MUCH more generous than any of their friends or cousins with
close siblings who were made to share. Being *made* to share results in a
person
who WON'T. >>
Kelly wrote that. It's a great plan if that three year old isn't having
company over who need toys to play with.
One way I handled sharing with kids who visited was to have toys that were
MINE, or the whole family's, and I shared. Kirby's Ninja Turtles were never
shared unless he chose to. If we had many kids over, they were put up and away.
Marty's Lego, ditto.
We had a "he's company, let him choose" default tie-breaker rule if they were
deciding who got to play which role, or who had first pick of swords or
whatever. That worked well.
If Marty was horning in on Kirby's play and Kirby was getting grumpy, I would
extract one of them tactfully/subtly (usually Marty) to do something better.
See a bird's nest, very quietly, or help me choose what to make for lunch, or
check the mailbox, and sit on the porch and go through the pile. Both
calmed down.
The most knock-down, drag-out fight I ever remember, there were three
visiting kids, when they were all in the 3-6 age range and we had all our mostly-used
Fisher Price stuff out. Lots of people, buildings, cars. And somehow
everybody wanted the farmer. Whoever didn't have the farmer was screaming, and
whoever DID have the farmer was screaming to protect it from everyone else trying
to take it. I came in, and being the tallest said "Wait, let me hold the
farmer a minute!"
None of my lame suggestions were helping, and I thought "Hmmm.... when did
I give them a snack? Ooops..." I think they wanted to eat the farmer.
So I made lunch with the farmer in my pocket and figured we'd have lots of
ways to see who got the farmer first, and next... But after lunch they took off
to do other things. I parked the farmer in his tractor by his silo, and
nobody ever played with the poor farmer for the rest of the afternoon.
Sandra
<< And "practice sharing"???? You either do or you don't. I don't think
there's
any need for him to "practice" it!
<<I have two "onlies". They're eight years apart, so neither ever *had* to
share. Both are MUCH more generous than any of their friends or cousins with
close siblings who were made to share. Being *made* to share results in a
person
who WON'T. >>
Kelly wrote that. It's a great plan if that three year old isn't having
company over who need toys to play with.
One way I handled sharing with kids who visited was to have toys that were
MINE, or the whole family's, and I shared. Kirby's Ninja Turtles were never
shared unless he chose to. If we had many kids over, they were put up and away.
Marty's Lego, ditto.
We had a "he's company, let him choose" default tie-breaker rule if they were
deciding who got to play which role, or who had first pick of swords or
whatever. That worked well.
If Marty was horning in on Kirby's play and Kirby was getting grumpy, I would
extract one of them tactfully/subtly (usually Marty) to do something better.
See a bird's nest, very quietly, or help me choose what to make for lunch, or
check the mailbox, and sit on the porch and go through the pile. Both
calmed down.
The most knock-down, drag-out fight I ever remember, there were three
visiting kids, when they were all in the 3-6 age range and we had all our mostly-used
Fisher Price stuff out. Lots of people, buildings, cars. And somehow
everybody wanted the farmer. Whoever didn't have the farmer was screaming, and
whoever DID have the farmer was screaming to protect it from everyone else trying
to take it. I came in, and being the tallest said "Wait, let me hold the
farmer a minute!"
None of my lame suggestions were helping, and I thought "Hmmm.... when did
I give them a snack? Ooops..." I think they wanted to eat the farmer.
So I made lunch with the farmer in my pocket and figured we'd have lots of
ways to see who got the farmer first, and next... But after lunch they took off
to do other things. I parked the farmer in his tractor by his silo, and
nobody ever played with the poor farmer for the rest of the afternoon.
Sandra
eriksmama2001
I posted a couple of weeks ago about how to discuss sharing with my 3
y/o son. Several messages suggested the positive aspects of sharing.
I had thought and said that "sharing is fun", but had empathized with
him that "waiting is hard". I now see that this projected a negative
attitude on the events surrounding waiting. I gleemed that I could
try to change the waiting to fun, but I felt that I had tried that
with distractions, alternative toys, redirecting, etc. I had even
explained that we all "had" to wait but that we could do something
while we waited, like sing or whatever to make it fun.
However, as my son and I were drawing together, he stopped and
watched me draw. Then, I realized that "watching" someone else take a
turn could be fun itself. This eliminated "waiting" entirely.
Watching someone take a turn could be its own activity! I also
appreciated the suggestion on line to share the person's enjoyment
while they were taking their turn. In advance of having company, I
began suggesting the idea of letting the company take a turn first so
that we could watch. THIS WORKED!
Now, I have noticed Erik playing "taking turns" and "watching". He
has incorporated it into his pretend play. It is amazing how I
projected this without realizing it.
Thanks for the ideas.
Pat
y/o son. Several messages suggested the positive aspects of sharing.
I had thought and said that "sharing is fun", but had empathized with
him that "waiting is hard". I now see that this projected a negative
attitude on the events surrounding waiting. I gleemed that I could
try to change the waiting to fun, but I felt that I had tried that
with distractions, alternative toys, redirecting, etc. I had even
explained that we all "had" to wait but that we could do something
while we waited, like sing or whatever to make it fun.
However, as my son and I were drawing together, he stopped and
watched me draw. Then, I realized that "watching" someone else take a
turn could be fun itself. This eliminated "waiting" entirely.
Watching someone take a turn could be its own activity! I also
appreciated the suggestion on line to share the person's enjoyment
while they were taking their turn. In advance of having company, I
began suggesting the idea of letting the company take a turn first so
that we could watch. THIS WORKED!
Now, I have noticed Erik playing "taking turns" and "watching". He
has incorporated it into his pretend play. It is amazing how I
projected this without realizing it.
Thanks for the ideas.
Pat