Ren
"Please try to
keep in mind that when someone asks a bunch of strangers for help, that
most likely she (or he) is really desperate and struggling"
But we already know that.
Many of us here, answer questions on lists and message boards, and even in person every week. Day in and day out, for years and years and years.
People asking for help is never a problem. I give my time and advice freely, take it or leave it. I have never been offended by someone needing help or advice. It is extremely offensive for someone to tell me what kind of advice I should be giving them. And yes, it's immature.
If you ask for free advice, it's up to you to decide what is useful or not. When you said you wanted useful advice only, you are automatically assuming that some here would give NOT useful advice. Don't you think that all people would purposely try to give useful advice?
I don't know anyone here that does anything but give the best advice they can possibly give. Maybe it hits the mark, maybe not, but no one is trying to give lousy advice.
It's sort of like a person joining a vegetarian list, asking how to become a vegetarian and saying "but don't tell me I have to quit eating meat, I've heard that already, please only give me useful advice on how to eat meat and be a vegetarian."
Do you see why that might annoy folks that give free advice, to the best of their ability, day after day?
If you want input, just ask for input. Take what seems to apply to your life, and ignore that which you don't find helpful. That's the best way to use an email list.
If you're so vulnerable, that total strangers can upset you deeply, it's probably better to invest time and money into learning to be happier and stronger.
Try to see your son and yourself as perfect, whole human beings. Seek the things that make you both happy....let him shine in that which he loves! Trying to find friends is a waste of your life energy. The friends that are meant to be in your life will come, if you're listening to your hearts and following the path of joy. If your son is dealing with other issues that make friendship difficult, I would try to help him with that, rather than trying to "smooth" things out when he does meet someone.
Friendships should have a natural flow. If you need to be right there, coaxing it along, that's probably not the best thing for your child. It's one thing to guide or arbitrate when a child needs some help, it's another to feel complete responsibility for a friendship. It will either blossom, or it won't. Just like people, just like learning.
Breathe deep, look at the beauty all around you. Look at your wonderful child and quit focusing on his deficits. A real friend won't care about his weight. A real friend will see his gifts and enjoy the time together because of who he is.
Ren
"There is no way to
peace. Peace is the way."
~Quaker saying
keep in mind that when someone asks a bunch of strangers for help, that
most likely she (or he) is really desperate and struggling"
But we already know that.
Many of us here, answer questions on lists and message boards, and even in person every week. Day in and day out, for years and years and years.
People asking for help is never a problem. I give my time and advice freely, take it or leave it. I have never been offended by someone needing help or advice. It is extremely offensive for someone to tell me what kind of advice I should be giving them. And yes, it's immature.
If you ask for free advice, it's up to you to decide what is useful or not. When you said you wanted useful advice only, you are automatically assuming that some here would give NOT useful advice. Don't you think that all people would purposely try to give useful advice?
I don't know anyone here that does anything but give the best advice they can possibly give. Maybe it hits the mark, maybe not, but no one is trying to give lousy advice.
It's sort of like a person joining a vegetarian list, asking how to become a vegetarian and saying "but don't tell me I have to quit eating meat, I've heard that already, please only give me useful advice on how to eat meat and be a vegetarian."
Do you see why that might annoy folks that give free advice, to the best of their ability, day after day?
If you want input, just ask for input. Take what seems to apply to your life, and ignore that which you don't find helpful. That's the best way to use an email list.
If you're so vulnerable, that total strangers can upset you deeply, it's probably better to invest time and money into learning to be happier and stronger.
Try to see your son and yourself as perfect, whole human beings. Seek the things that make you both happy....let him shine in that which he loves! Trying to find friends is a waste of your life energy. The friends that are meant to be in your life will come, if you're listening to your hearts and following the path of joy. If your son is dealing with other issues that make friendship difficult, I would try to help him with that, rather than trying to "smooth" things out when he does meet someone.
Friendships should have a natural flow. If you need to be right there, coaxing it along, that's probably not the best thing for your child. It's one thing to guide or arbitrate when a child needs some help, it's another to feel complete responsibility for a friendship. It will either blossom, or it won't. Just like people, just like learning.
Breathe deep, look at the beauty all around you. Look at your wonderful child and quit focusing on his deficits. A real friend won't care about his weight. A real friend will see his gifts and enjoy the time together because of who he is.
Ren
"There is no way to
peace. Peace is the way."
~Quaker saying
Nadine
Thanks for the time and effort spent in your reply to me today.(I
appreciate the advice, calling me extremely offensive and immature, not
so much appreciated.) I think I understand what you're saying about my
request for only helpful suggestions (Ren), but again I can't help but
feel that my request was misunderstood, not by everyone but by those
who found it to be so extremely offensive. In no way did I mean that
advice freely given was unwanted, I meant, and have tried to explain
that I didn't want mean spirited e-mails. All of the actual advice I
have gotten from everyone has been greatly appreciated, the mean crap
has been just that; mean crap. Having reread your first reply to me, I
must say that it really wasn't the thing that made me feel that badly.
Your e-mail was actually maternal, it was just the idea that my plea
for helpful suggestions could offend to the degree that it did,
especially when there are some pretty offensive things being written by
some of the folks on this site, and my little old sentence sets off
this kind of reaction. I wonder if I had worded the plea differently
("please, I'm vulnerable, so if you can't give advice without first
being mean, just give me fair warning in the e-mail's subjsct so that I
can delete your message and not get my feelings hurt..."). I still
don't see the correlation between maturity and setting boundaries, we
all need to set boundaries, it's part of adulthood. And it needs to be
pointed out here, that you were offended by a request, that was not
personally directed at you(it was a general request), yet, it seems
okay to tell someone directly that she is extremely offensive and
immature, for making that simple request. And that request carried
nothing with it, I didn't say "I don't want useless drivel." It really
was only about not wanting *unnecessary* mean stuff. No where on this
message board does it say "If you post a request, brace yourself for
some serious harshing out", so I'm not really getting that whole
vegetarian thing. I know none of us will ever have to see one another
face to face and in that there is a security, one in which we can say
*anything* we want to each other, but that doesn't mean that we have to
be mean to each other. Someone said something to me today about being
too honest, about letting people know too much about me or my
vulnerability...The same can be said about being too honest in a mean
or unnecessarily harsh way. I know I'm not immature nor am I extremely
offensive. I'm a sensitive, loving person who tries to come from the
heart and not strictly from the mind, because when I disconnect from my
heart, I get bitchy and start hurting people's feelings. Kay Alina, you
are an angel for writing what you did and for choosing to not take
personally my generalized plea for "no meanies, please" . Your words
encouraged and comforted me, and yet you are a total stranger, thank
you, thank you, thank you.
appreciate the advice, calling me extremely offensive and immature, not
so much appreciated.) I think I understand what you're saying about my
request for only helpful suggestions (Ren), but again I can't help but
feel that my request was misunderstood, not by everyone but by those
who found it to be so extremely offensive. In no way did I mean that
advice freely given was unwanted, I meant, and have tried to explain
that I didn't want mean spirited e-mails. All of the actual advice I
have gotten from everyone has been greatly appreciated, the mean crap
has been just that; mean crap. Having reread your first reply to me, I
must say that it really wasn't the thing that made me feel that badly.
Your e-mail was actually maternal, it was just the idea that my plea
for helpful suggestions could offend to the degree that it did,
especially when there are some pretty offensive things being written by
some of the folks on this site, and my little old sentence sets off
this kind of reaction. I wonder if I had worded the plea differently
("please, I'm vulnerable, so if you can't give advice without first
being mean, just give me fair warning in the e-mail's subjsct so that I
can delete your message and not get my feelings hurt..."). I still
don't see the correlation between maturity and setting boundaries, we
all need to set boundaries, it's part of adulthood. And it needs to be
pointed out here, that you were offended by a request, that was not
personally directed at you(it was a general request), yet, it seems
okay to tell someone directly that she is extremely offensive and
immature, for making that simple request. And that request carried
nothing with it, I didn't say "I don't want useless drivel." It really
was only about not wanting *unnecessary* mean stuff. No where on this
message board does it say "If you post a request, brace yourself for
some serious harshing out", so I'm not really getting that whole
vegetarian thing. I know none of us will ever have to see one another
face to face and in that there is a security, one in which we can say
*anything* we want to each other, but that doesn't mean that we have to
be mean to each other. Someone said something to me today about being
too honest, about letting people know too much about me or my
vulnerability...The same can be said about being too honest in a mean
or unnecessarily harsh way. I know I'm not immature nor am I extremely
offensive. I'm a sensitive, loving person who tries to come from the
heart and not strictly from the mind, because when I disconnect from my
heart, I get bitchy and start hurting people's feelings. Kay Alina, you
are an angel for writing what you did and for choosing to not take
personally my generalized plea for "no meanies, please" . Your words
encouraged and comforted me, and yet you are a total stranger, thank
you, thank you, thank you.
On Apr 23, 2004, at 3:43 PM, Ren wrote:
>
> "Please try to
> keep in mind that when someone asks a bunch of strangers for help,
> that
> most likely� she (or he) is really desperate and struggling"
>
> But we already know that.
> Many of us here, answer questions on lists and message boards, and
> even in person every week. Day in and day out, for years and years and
> years.
> People asking for help is never a problem. I give my time and advice
> freely, take it or leave it. I have never been offended by someone
> needing help or advice. It is extremely offensive for someone to tell
> me what kind of advice I should be giving them. And yes, it's
> immature.
> If you ask for free advice, it's up to you to decide what is useful
> or not. When you said you wanted useful advice only, you are
> automatically assuming that some here would give NOT useful advice.
> Don't you think that all people would purposely try to give useful
> advice?
> I don't know anyone here that does anything but give the best advice
> they can possibly give. Maybe it hits the mark, maybe not, but no one
> is trying to give lousy advice.
>
> It's sort of like a person joining a vegetarian list, asking how to
> become a vegetarian and saying "but don't tell me I have to quit
> eating meat, I've heard that already, please only give me useful
> advice on how to eat meat and be a vegetarian."
> Do you see why that might annoy folks that give free advice, to the
> best of their ability, day after day?
>
> If you want input, just ask for input. Take what seems to apply to
> your life, and ignore that which you don't find helpful. That's the
> best way to use an email list.
> If you're so vulnerable, that total strangers can upset you deeply,
> it's probably better to invest time and money into learning to be
> happier and stronger.
> Try to see your son and yourself as perfect, whole human beings. Seek
> the things that make you both happy....let him shine in that which he
> loves! Trying to find friends is a waste of your life energy. The
> friends that are meant to be in your life will come, if you're
> listening to your hearts and following the path of joy. If your son is
> dealing with other issues that make friendship difficult, I would try
> to help him with that, rather than trying to "smooth" things out when
> he does meet someone.
> Friendships should have a natural flow. If you need to be right
> there, coaxing it along, that's probably not the best thing for your
> child. It's one thing to guide or arbitrate when a child needs some
> help, it's another to feel complete responsibility for a friendship.
> It will either blossom, or it won't. Just like people, just like
> learning.
> Breathe deep, look at the beauty all around you. Look at your
> wonderful child and quit focusing on his deficits. A real friend won't
> care about his weight. A real friend will see his gifts and enjoy the
> time together because of who he is.
>
> Ren
>
> "There is no way to
> peace.� Peace is the way."
> ������������������ ~Quaker saying
> ����������������
>
>
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>
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>
>
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