need advice
badolbilz
I've been having a problem lately with my 3 1/2 year old with
self-violence...it's mostly talk such as "Well I'll just go kill
myself." or "I'll cut myself up," "I'll cut my head off," etc. She's
always been like this. As a baby, she'd slam her forehead on the floor
until she bruised, often leaving rug imprints on her skin. She's shut
her hands in doors to inflict pain to herself. I've talked with her
about it and tried to surround her with love and support. In the last
year since we've been wholeheartly living an unschooled lifestyle, she's
getting a lot worse. It's still mostly threats and talk, but it really
upsets me. I know she knows that, so part of her talk might be for
drama, but still. Some of what she says is coming from the movies she's
watched. I don't want to police her viewing like I used too, especially
because her older sisters would have to bear the brunt of that then, too.
Have any of you had a child do this? Perhaps some people have a
tendency toward self-destruction when they are frustrated or unhappy.
How can I help her now? If I don't it will only get worse as she gets
older. So if any of you have any suggestions for me or know the
appropriate place to get supportive and constructive help, I'd really
appreciate it. Thanks, Heidi
self-violence...it's mostly talk such as "Well I'll just go kill
myself." or "I'll cut myself up," "I'll cut my head off," etc. She's
always been like this. As a baby, she'd slam her forehead on the floor
until she bruised, often leaving rug imprints on her skin. She's shut
her hands in doors to inflict pain to herself. I've talked with her
about it and tried to surround her with love and support. In the last
year since we've been wholeheartly living an unschooled lifestyle, she's
getting a lot worse. It's still mostly threats and talk, but it really
upsets me. I know she knows that, so part of her talk might be for
drama, but still. Some of what she says is coming from the movies she's
watched. I don't want to police her viewing like I used too, especially
because her older sisters would have to bear the brunt of that then, too.
Have any of you had a child do this? Perhaps some people have a
tendency toward self-destruction when they are frustrated or unhappy.
How can I help her now? If I don't it will only get worse as she gets
older. So if any of you have any suggestions for me or know the
appropriate place to get supportive and constructive help, I'd really
appreciate it. Thanks, Heidi
Kay Alina
I hate to even say this outloud but I was self abusive until I was able to cope with the sexual abuse I had been victim too. My sister in law too. Same reason. I have known many people who practiced self abuse, including cutting themselves and every one of them had been sexually abused. I think this situation may need to be brought to the attention of a professional who deals with self abuse in children. She is bruising herself and inflicting pain. The reason I did it was to stop the emotional turmoil within. It was easier for me to deal with the physical because I had control over it. I did not have control over my sexual abuser. I do not mean to offend in any way and it may be something else. It is just a very common symptom among those who are being abused that way. It is a cry for help. God Bless you and your daughter. I hope you find answers.
----- Original Message -----
From: badolbilz
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, April 22, 2004 11:55 AM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] need advice
I've been having a problem lately with my 3 1/2 year old with
self-violence...it's mostly talk such as "Well I'll just go kill
myself." or "I'll cut myself up," "I'll cut my head off," etc. She's
always been like this. As a baby, she'd slam her forehead on the floor
until she bruised, often leaving rug imprints on her skin. She's shut
her hands in doors to inflict pain to herself. I've talked with her
about it and tried to surround her with love and support. In the last
year since we've been wholeheartly living an unschooled lifestyle, she's
getting a lot worse. It's still mostly threats and talk, but it really
upsets me. I know she knows that, so part of her talk might be for
drama, but still. Some of what she says is coming from the movies she's
watched. I don't want to police her viewing like I used too, especially
because her older sisters would have to bear the brunt of that then, too.
Have any of you had a child do this? Perhaps some people have a
tendency toward self-destruction when they are frustrated or unhappy.
How can I help her now? If I don't it will only get worse as she gets
older. So if any of you have any suggestions for me or know the
appropriate place to get supportive and constructive help, I'd really
appreciate it. Thanks, Heidi
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/
b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
badolbilz
No offense taken at all. I can honestly say she is not being abused.
I'm with her and her 3 sisters 24/7. They don't do things with their
dad and the only people they're with, w/out me, are grandparents and
then it's as a group and not overnight. I agree that sexual abuse is a
cause for self-abuse quite often. Thanks for answering. Heidi
Kay Alina wrote:
I'm with her and her 3 sisters 24/7. They don't do things with their
dad and the only people they're with, w/out me, are grandparents and
then it's as a group and not overnight. I agree that sexual abuse is a
cause for self-abuse quite often. Thanks for answering. Heidi
Kay Alina wrote:
>I hate to even say this outloud but I was self abusive until I was able to cope with the sexual abuse I had been victim too. My sister in law too. Same reason. I have known many people who practiced self abuse, including cutting themselves and every one of them had been sexually abused. I think this situation may need to be brought to the attention of a professional who deals with self abuse in children. She is bruising herself and inflicting pain. The reason I did it was to stop the emotional turmoil within. It was easier for me to deal with the physical because I had control over it. I did not have control over my sexual abuser. I do not mean to offend in any way and it may be something else. It is just a very common symptom among those who are being abused that way. It is a cry for help. God Bless you and your daughter. I hope you find answers.
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: badolbilz
> To: [email protected]
> Sent: Thursday, April 22, 2004 11:55 AM
> Subject: [AlwaysLearning] need advice
>
>
> I've been having a problem lately with my 3 1/2 year old with
> self-violence...it's mostly talk such as "Well I'll just go kill
> myself." or "I'll cut myself up," "I'll cut my head off," etc. She's
> always been like this. As a baby, she'd slam her forehead on the floor
> until she bruised, often leaving rug imprints on her skin. She's shut
> her hands in doors to inflict pain to herself. I've talked with her
> about it and tried to surround her with love and support. In the last
> year since we've been wholeheartly living an unschooled lifestyle, she's
> getting a lot worse. It's still mostly threats and talk, but it really
> upsets me. I know she knows that, so part of her talk might be for
> drama, but still. Some of what she says is coming from the movies she's
> watched. I don't want to police her viewing like I used too, especially
> because her older sisters would have to bear the brunt of that then, too.
>
> Have any of you had a child do this? Perhaps some people have a
> tendency toward self-destruction when they are frustrated or unhappy.
> How can I help her now? If I don't it will only get worse as she gets
> older. So if any of you have any suggestions for me or know the
> appropriate place to get supportive and constructive help, I'd really
> appreciate it. Thanks, Heidi
>
>
>
>
>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
> a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/
>
> b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
>
>
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
>Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
24hrmom
<< I've been having a problem lately with my 3 1/2 year old with
self-violence...it's mostly talk such as "Well I'll just go kill
myself." or "I'll cut myself up," "I'll cut my head off," etc. She's
always been like this. >>
<< Have any of you had a child do this? Perhaps some people have a
tendency toward self-destruction when they are frustrated or unhappy.
How can I help her now? >>
Hi Heidi,
She sounds similar to my son, though he just turned 12. He'll sometimes say things like this when he is frustrated, though he will say it rather nonchalantly, not angrily. For example when something goes badly wrong in a video game he's playing he'll sometimes remark in frustration "I want to kill myself", though I don't recall him really being physically abusive to himself.
He met once with a psychologist through school when he was 7 and she felt that he just didn't have the appropriate words to express his feelings. I was a bit unsure about that because his vocabulary was very good, but I noticed that he does have a hard time figuring out his own feelings, sensations etc. If that makes any sense. He has a hard time answering questions at the doctors for example about how he's feeling. I usually will watch for signs and symptoms he mentions and write them down before we go. Even when I ask if he's hungry he'll say "I don't know" and I'll say "Well, take a moment to check your stomach and see", or something along those lines to prompt him to listen to his body messages.
I too find it upsetting when he talks like that but I focus on rephrasing what he's really feeling: "that is really frustrating" or "boy, I can see why that makes you angry". Now that he's older I will call more attention to it: "Do you really mean that or are you just frustrated?" And once in a while I'll mention that it scares me and it would be helpful if he could say specifically what he is feeling instead. It doesn't happen often, only when he gets really frustrated, and he throws the comment out and then he's back to what he was doing. Or he moves to a new activity. It bothers me enough that I really pay extra attention for any other clues that he is unhappy, but mostly he's excited about his games or humming away to himself as he plays in the basement with his stuff and his fave music on in the background. He just seems really, really happy!
I don't know if any of this helps but I do understand how upsetting it is.
Pam L
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
self-violence...it's mostly talk such as "Well I'll just go kill
myself." or "I'll cut myself up," "I'll cut my head off," etc. She's
always been like this. >>
<< Have any of you had a child do this? Perhaps some people have a
tendency toward self-destruction when they are frustrated or unhappy.
How can I help her now? >>
Hi Heidi,
She sounds similar to my son, though he just turned 12. He'll sometimes say things like this when he is frustrated, though he will say it rather nonchalantly, not angrily. For example when something goes badly wrong in a video game he's playing he'll sometimes remark in frustration "I want to kill myself", though I don't recall him really being physically abusive to himself.
He met once with a psychologist through school when he was 7 and she felt that he just didn't have the appropriate words to express his feelings. I was a bit unsure about that because his vocabulary was very good, but I noticed that he does have a hard time figuring out his own feelings, sensations etc. If that makes any sense. He has a hard time answering questions at the doctors for example about how he's feeling. I usually will watch for signs and symptoms he mentions and write them down before we go. Even when I ask if he's hungry he'll say "I don't know" and I'll say "Well, take a moment to check your stomach and see", or something along those lines to prompt him to listen to his body messages.
I too find it upsetting when he talks like that but I focus on rephrasing what he's really feeling: "that is really frustrating" or "boy, I can see why that makes you angry". Now that he's older I will call more attention to it: "Do you really mean that or are you just frustrated?" And once in a while I'll mention that it scares me and it would be helpful if he could say specifically what he is feeling instead. It doesn't happen often, only when he gets really frustrated, and he throws the comment out and then he's back to what he was doing. Or he moves to a new activity. It bothers me enough that I really pay extra attention for any other clues that he is unhappy, but mostly he's excited about his games or humming away to himself as he plays in the basement with his stuff and his fave music on in the background. He just seems really, really happy!
I don't know if any of this helps but I do understand how upsetting it is.
Pam L
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
badolbilz
Thanks Pam. I've been thinking about all the times she's said these
things lately and it's always when she frustrated and upset. She spends
all her time with an 18 mnth old, a 6 yr old and an 8 yr old, so I know
she's always trying to keep up with the older girls and gets upset when
she can't do want they do just they way they do it.
I asked her last night, when she was happily hanging out with me, if she
thought she would ever really hurt herself and she said no. I guess
I'll just keep doing what I'm doing by gently supporting her. I very
much hesitate to get "professional" help because it would make her feel
like something was wrong with her and I also don't want any of my
children labeled in any way.
I appreciate your thoughts on this. Heidi
24hrmom wrote:
things lately and it's always when she frustrated and upset. She spends
all her time with an 18 mnth old, a 6 yr old and an 8 yr old, so I know
she's always trying to keep up with the older girls and gets upset when
she can't do want they do just they way they do it.
I asked her last night, when she was happily hanging out with me, if she
thought she would ever really hurt herself and she said no. I guess
I'll just keep doing what I'm doing by gently supporting her. I very
much hesitate to get "professional" help because it would make her feel
like something was wrong with her and I also don't want any of my
children labeled in any way.
I appreciate your thoughts on this. Heidi
24hrmom wrote:
>
>She sounds similar to my son, though he just turned 12. He'll sometimes say things like this when he is frustrated, though he will say it rather nonchalantly, not angrily. For example when something goes badly wrong in a video game he's playing he'll sometimes remark in frustration "I want to kill myself", though I don't recall him really being physically abusive to himself.
>
>He met once with a psychologist through school when he was 7 and she felt that he just didn't have the appropriate words to express his feelings. I was a bit unsure about that because his vocabulary was very good, but I noticed that he does have a hard time figuring out his own feelings, sensations etc. If that makes any sense. He has a hard time answering questions at the doctors for example about how he's feeling. I usually will watch for signs and symptoms he mentions and write them down before we go. Even when I ask if he's hungry he'll say "I don't know" and I'll say "Well, take a moment to check your stomach and see", or something along those lines to prompt him to listen to his body messages.
>
>I too find it upsetting when he talks like that but I focus on rephrasing what he's really feeling: "that is really frustrating" or "boy, I can see why that makes you angry". Now that he's older I will call more attention to it: "Do you really mean that or are you just frustrated?" And once in a while I'll mention that it scares me and it would be helpful if he could say specifically what he is feeling instead. It doesn't happen often, only when he gets really frustrated, and he throws the comment out and then he's back to what he was doing. Or he moves to a new activity. It bothers me enough that I really pay extra attention for any other clues that he is unhappy, but mostly he's excited about his games or humming away to himself as he plays in the basement with his stuff and his fave music on in the background. He just seems really, really happy!
>
>I don't know if any of this helps but I do understand how upsetting it is.
>
>Pam L
>
>
>
>
>
>
Christine ONeal
My son is 4 and a half and kind of like this. He doesn't threaten to kill himself, but he is really into trying to punish himself. We have no punishment in this house and never have, but whenever he does something that upsets me, he starts saying ways to punish him. Like, why don't you put me in timeout, or why don't you throw me outside and make me live in the doghouse. Or why don't you make me live with another family. He has said I few time I should kill him. I always tell him I'm not going to do any of those things, that I love him and we all make mistakes. I then hold him while he cries and comes up with these out there punishments. His new one is I should duct tape his mouth shut, I think he heard that on the news. He will also hit himself in the head if I'm upset with him. I really don't have any advice, I just remind him I love him and won't do any of those things to him. After a few minutes, he is done and goes back to whatever he was doing. I would love some
advice too if any if out there!
Christy
24hrmom <24hrmom@...> wrote:
<< I've been having a problem lately with my 3 1/2 year old with
self-violence...it's mostly talk such as "Well I'll just go kill
myself." or "I'll cut myself up," "I'll cut my head off," etc. She's
always been like this. >>
<< Have any of you had a child do this? Perhaps some people have a
tendency toward self-destruction when they are frustrated or unhappy.
How can I help her now? >>
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Photos: High-quality 4x6 digital prints for 25�
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
advice too if any if out there!
Christy
24hrmom <24hrmom@...> wrote:
<< I've been having a problem lately with my 3 1/2 year old with
self-violence...it's mostly talk such as "Well I'll just go kill
myself." or "I'll cut myself up," "I'll cut my head off," etc. She's
always been like this. >>
<< Have any of you had a child do this? Perhaps some people have a
tendency toward self-destruction when they are frustrated or unhappy.
How can I help her now? >>
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Photos: High-quality 4x6 digital prints for 25�
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Never with Marty, but a few times with Kirby and one with Holly they were
(when younger) frustrated to the point of mentioning wishing they were just not
alive (in some form or another) and I told them when life was that frustrating,
it was a good time to sleep it off, and they'd feel better when they woke up.
Sleeping can be like a little temporary death. You leave the situation and
go into darkness. MAYBE (maybe) wishes for death might be a huge urge to be
oblivious, and sleep can be temporary oblivion.
Sandra
(when younger) frustrated to the point of mentioning wishing they were just not
alive (in some form or another) and I told them when life was that frustrating,
it was a good time to sleep it off, and they'd feel better when they woke up.
Sleeping can be like a little temporary death. You leave the situation and
go into darkness. MAYBE (maybe) wishes for death might be a huge urge to be
oblivious, and sleep can be temporary oblivion.
Sandra
badolbilz
Christine ONeal wrote:
do. I just try to hold her and tell I'd be heartbroken if anything bad
ever happened to her. I hope for both our children that they can
overcome this sadness within them. Heidi
>My son is 4 and a half and kind of like this. He doesn't threaten to kill himself, but he is really into trying to punish himself. We have no punishment in this house and never have, but whenever he does something that upsets me, he starts saying ways to punish him. Like, why don't you put me in timeout, or why don't you throw me outside and make me live in the doghouse. Or why don't you make me live with another family. He has said I few time I should kill him. I always tell him I'm not going to do any of those things, that I love him and we all make mistakes. I then hold him while he cries and comes up with these out there punishments. His new one is I should duct tape his mouth shut, I think he heard that on the news. He will also hit himself in the head if I'm upset with him. I really don't have any advice, I just remind him I love him and won't do any of those things to him. After a few minutes, he is done and goes back to whatever he was doing. I would love someThat's it, Christine! That's exactly how my dd is. And I do what you
> advice too if any if out there!
>
>
>
>
do. I just try to hold her and tell I'd be heartbroken if anything bad
ever happened to her. I hope for both our children that they can
overcome this sadness within them. Heidi
badolbilz
SandraDodd@... wrote:
>Never with Marty, but a few times with Kirby and one with Holly they wereThanks for your thoughts on this. Heidi
>(when younger) frustrated to the point of mentioning wishing they were just not
>alive (in some form or another) and I told them when life was that frustrating,
>it was a good time to sleep it off, and they'd feel better when they woke up.
>
>
>Sleeping can be like a little temporary death. You leave the situation and
>go into darkness. MAYBE (maybe) wishes for death might be a huge urge to be
>oblivious, and sleep can be temporary oblivion.
>
>
>
>
>
>Yesterday, after she Soleille ran through her list of all the awful stuff she was going to do to herself, I asked her if she wanted to have a rest. She ended up sleeping for an hour and a half. The trick, I think, is getting her to rest without it seeming like a time-out or a punishment.
>
>
>
Christine ONeal
I wish I knew where it came from. I've searched his whole life looking for something I've done or said to make him have these feelings. He has always been really sensitive emotionally and I guess it stems from that. It just makes me really sad that he feels like he needs to be punished. I really hope I never did anything to make him feel that way.
Christy
That's it, Christine! That's exactly how my dd is. And I do what you
do. I just try to hold her and tell I'd be heartbroken if anything bad
ever happened to her. I hope for both our children that they can
overcome this sadness within them. Heidi
---------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Photos: High-quality 4x6 digital prints for 25�
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Christy
That's it, Christine! That's exactly how my dd is. And I do what you
do. I just try to hold her and tell I'd be heartbroken if anything bad
ever happened to her. I hope for both our children that they can
overcome this sadness within them. Heidi
---------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Photos: High-quality 4x6 digital prints for 25�
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mamamirandas
I'm going to share my experiences with self-abuse and I hope it can
be helpful in some way. I have never been abused (sexually or any
other way). My earliest memory of wanting to hurt myself was
actually in Jr. high school, when I was first afflicted with severe
depression. I had thoughts of killing myself and sometimes I did
small acts like scratching myself. Even now, if I am feeling very
depressed about something I will have thoughts of harming myself. I
have thought about why I have this tendency, and what I have come up
with is that in those moments I have such strong feelings of hurt or
anger or frustration that the only way I could possibly get another
person to understand is by hurting myself. I have had thoughts
about how if I slit my wrists then maybe people would realize how
bad my emotional pain is. When I think about this, as I am typing,
I think it seems strange and crazy and doesn't make any sense, but
in the moment of strong emotional turmoil I seem to think it would
be a good idea. I have never tried to commit suicide, I have only
done minor things to inflict pain on myself, like claw or scratch
myself, and then only RARELY. I don't understand why I feel the
need to express my strong emotions this way. I don't blame it on my
parents, they were wonderful. I tend to think it is part of my
temprament. I am very intense and negavtive feelings, even now as
an adult, can overwhelm me.
I don't recall having these feelings as a child, but I also never
experienced depression until I was older (15 or so). I guess it
might be good to see if your child has depression, but then again I
too would be nervous about taking my child into a therapist,
although with her being only 3 1/2 she probably won't think much of
it. It might just seem to her like any other doctor visit.
Anyway,
this is my experience, and I don't know if it is helpful.
miranda
be helpful in some way. I have never been abused (sexually or any
other way). My earliest memory of wanting to hurt myself was
actually in Jr. high school, when I was first afflicted with severe
depression. I had thoughts of killing myself and sometimes I did
small acts like scratching myself. Even now, if I am feeling very
depressed about something I will have thoughts of harming myself. I
have thought about why I have this tendency, and what I have come up
with is that in those moments I have such strong feelings of hurt or
anger or frustration that the only way I could possibly get another
person to understand is by hurting myself. I have had thoughts
about how if I slit my wrists then maybe people would realize how
bad my emotional pain is. When I think about this, as I am typing,
I think it seems strange and crazy and doesn't make any sense, but
in the moment of strong emotional turmoil I seem to think it would
be a good idea. I have never tried to commit suicide, I have only
done minor things to inflict pain on myself, like claw or scratch
myself, and then only RARELY. I don't understand why I feel the
need to express my strong emotions this way. I don't blame it on my
parents, they were wonderful. I tend to think it is part of my
temprament. I am very intense and negavtive feelings, even now as
an adult, can overwhelm me.
I don't recall having these feelings as a child, but I also never
experienced depression until I was older (15 or so). I guess it
might be good to see if your child has depression, but then again I
too would be nervous about taking my child into a therapist,
although with her being only 3 1/2 she probably won't think much of
it. It might just seem to her like any other doctor visit.
Anyway,
this is my experience, and I don't know if it is helpful.
miranda
--- In [email protected], badolbilz <ynxn96@f...> wrote:
> I've been having a problem lately with my 3 1/2 year old with
> self-violence...it's mostly talk such as "Well I'll just go kill
> myself." or "I'll cut myself up," "I'll cut my head off," etc.
She's
> always been like this. As a baby, she'd slam her forehead on the
floor
> until she bruised, often leaving rug imprints on her skin. She's
shut
> her hands in doors to inflict pain to herself. I've talked with
her
> about it and tried to surround her with love and support. In the
last
> year since we've been wholeheartly living an unschooled lifestyle,
she's
> getting a lot worse. It's still mostly threats and talk, but it
really
> upsets me. I know she knows that, so part of her talk might be
for
> drama, but still. Some of what she says is coming from the movies
she's
> watched. I don't want to police her viewing like I used too,
especially
> because her older sisters would have to bear the brunt of that
then, too.
>
> Have any of you had a child do this? Perhaps some people have a
> tendency toward self-destruction when they are frustrated or
unhappy.
> How can I help her now? If I don't it will only get worse as she
gets
> older. So if any of you have any suggestions for me or know the
> appropriate place to get supportive and constructive help, I'd
really
> appreciate it. Thanks, Heidi
[email protected]
First, having experienced the down side to therepy (for me as a teen) I would
warn against it. depending on who the therapist is and their experiences it
can be very harmful.
My son went through years of similiar behavior and our doctor (also a friend
of the family who shares his honest opinion and gut feeling and not what he
has to say to cover his butt) advised we ride it out and that it would end.
It's difficult but the more you react the worse it probably will be. If you feel
films are influencing this I'd say to stop showing the films around
her....perhaps they are too much for her to handle as these kids tend to be quite
sensitive and this is her way of processing what she's feeling and experiencing.
A great website that might be helpful is the naturalchild.org w/a wealth of
info, articles and links and actually the woman who runs it, Jan Hunt...is a
wonderful person and a therapist who you may find to be helpful. She does very
reasonbably priced phone consults and she's about helping you adjust your own
behaviour and how that relates to your children. I have not used her services,
though, personally...although I have thought about it. I feel Jan is a very
rare and kind person and children are her number one priority...period.
I recently wrote an article that you may find helpful. It was created for a
non-profit that educates parents and schools on alternatives to hitting, but
there are some tips and more sources you might find helpful. Email me and I'm
happy to send it to you.
Hope that helps.
Hang in there,
Debbie~:)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
warn against it. depending on who the therapist is and their experiences it
can be very harmful.
My son went through years of similiar behavior and our doctor (also a friend
of the family who shares his honest opinion and gut feeling and not what he
has to say to cover his butt) advised we ride it out and that it would end.
It's difficult but the more you react the worse it probably will be. If you feel
films are influencing this I'd say to stop showing the films around
her....perhaps they are too much for her to handle as these kids tend to be quite
sensitive and this is her way of processing what she's feeling and experiencing.
A great website that might be helpful is the naturalchild.org w/a wealth of
info, articles and links and actually the woman who runs it, Jan Hunt...is a
wonderful person and a therapist who you may find to be helpful. She does very
reasonbably priced phone consults and she's about helping you adjust your own
behaviour and how that relates to your children. I have not used her services,
though, personally...although I have thought about it. I feel Jan is a very
rare and kind person and children are her number one priority...period.
I recently wrote an article that you may find helpful. It was created for a
non-profit that educates parents and schools on alternatives to hitting, but
there are some tips and more sources you might find helpful. Email me and I'm
happy to send it to you.
Hope that helps.
Hang in there,
Debbie~:)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
badolbilz
Thank you, Miranda, for sharing this. I actually think I may have found
a way to show my daughter just how hard it is for others to watch her
hurt herself. Things seem to be a little better and now she's thinking
of the natural consequences of hurting herself before she does it. I
don't know what the future will bring, but I know to look for signs in
her for anger and hopefully can teach her how to head it off and deal
with it in a healthy way. Thanks again. Heidi
mamamirandas wrote:
a way to show my daughter just how hard it is for others to watch her
hurt herself. Things seem to be a little better and now she's thinking
of the natural consequences of hurting herself before she does it. I
don't know what the future will bring, but I know to look for signs in
her for anger and hopefully can teach her how to head it off and deal
with it in a healthy way. Thanks again. Heidi
mamamirandas wrote:
>I'm going to share my experiences with self-abuse and I hope it can[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>be helpful in some way. I have never been abused (sexually or any
>other way). My earliest memory of wanting to hurt myself was
>actually in Jr. high school, when I was first afflicted with severe
>depression. I had thoughts of killing myself and sometimes I did
>small acts like scratching myself. Even now, if I am feeling very
>depressed about something I will have thoughts of harming myself. I
>have thought about why I have this tendency, and what I have come up
>with is that in those moments I have such strong feelings of hurt or
>anger or frustration that the only way I could possibly get another
>person to understand is by hurting myself. I have had thoughts
>about how if I slit my wrists then maybe people would realize how
>bad my emotional pain is. When I think about this, as I am typing,
>I think it seems strange and crazy and doesn't make any sense, but
>in the moment of strong emotional turmoil I seem to think it would
>be a good idea. I have never tried to commit suicide, I have only
>done minor things to inflict pain on myself, like claw or scratch
>myself, and then only RARELY. I don't understand why I feel the
>need to express my strong emotions this way. I don't blame it on my
>parents, they were wonderful. I tend to think it is part of my
>temprament. I am very intense and negavtive feelings, even now as
>an adult, can overwhelm me.
>I don't recall having these feelings as a child, but I also never
>experienced depression until I was older (15 or so). I guess it
>might be good to see if your child has depression, but then again I
>too would be nervous about taking my child into a therapist,
>although with her being only 3 1/2 she probably won't think much of
>it. It might just seem to her like any other doctor visit.
>Anyway,
>this is my experience, and I don't know if it is helpful.
>
>miranda
>
>
>
>
>--- In [email protected], badolbilz <ynxn96@f...> wrote:
>
>
>>I've been having a problem lately with my 3 1/2 year old with
>>self-violence...it's mostly talk such as "Well I'll just go kill
>>myself." or "I'll cut myself up," "I'll cut my head off," etc.
>>
>>
>She's
>
>
>>always been like this. As a baby, she'd slam her forehead on the
>>
>>
>floor
>
>
>>until she bruised, often leaving rug imprints on her skin. She's
>>
>>
>shut
>
>
>>her hands in doors to inflict pain to herself. I've talked with
>>
>>
>her
>
>
>>about it and tried to surround her with love and support. In the
>>
>>
>last
>
>
>>year since we've been wholeheartly living an unschooled lifestyle,
>>
>>
>she's
>
>
>>getting a lot worse. It's still mostly threats and talk, but it
>>
>>
>really
>
>
>>upsets me. I know she knows that, so part of her talk might be
>>
>>
>for
>
>
>>drama, but still. Some of what she says is coming from the movies
>>
>>
>she's
>
>
>>watched. I don't want to police her viewing like I used too,
>>
>>
>especially
>
>
>>because her older sisters would have to bear the brunt of that
>>
>>
>then, too.
>
>
>>Have any of you had a child do this? Perhaps some people have a
>>tendency toward self-destruction when they are frustrated or
>>
>>
>unhappy.
>
>
>> How can I help her now? If I don't it will only get worse as she
>>
>>
>gets
>
>
>>older. So if any of you have any suggestions for me or know the
>>appropriate place to get supportive and constructive help, I'd
>>
>>
>really
>
>
>>appreciate it. Thanks, Heidi
>>
>>
>
>
>
>
>
>Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/23/04 9:53:12 PM, Rosybluestar@... writes:
<< I recently wrote an article that you may find helpful. It was created for
a
non-profit that educates parents and schools on alternatives to hitting, but
there are some tips and more sources you might find helpful. Email me and I'm
happy to send it to you. >>
If you want to post it or put a link on the list (if it's online) that would
be fine with me!
Sandra
the list-owner-person
<< I recently wrote an article that you may find helpful. It was created for
a
non-profit that educates parents and schools on alternatives to hitting, but
there are some tips and more sources you might find helpful. Email me and I'm
happy to send it to you. >>
If you want to post it or put a link on the list (if it's online) that would
be fine with me!
Sandra
the list-owner-person