Nanci Kuykendall

Interesting discussion.

>>Now about the not enforcing a bedtime - WHY???

I think one word in this sentance says it all.
Enforcing. I certainly don't want to live in a home
where I feel that other people are "enforcing" things
upon me, and so I don't subject my children to that
sort of behavior. Around here we talk about issues
where we might be in disagreement and try to reach
solutions that appease everyone.

>Your kids do not need you to help them sleep and you
>being there probably actually keeps them from
>sleeping well.<<

With one of my sons (not "special needs") this is
true. He doesn't need to sleep with us and if he
falls asleep in our bed he will either wake up and
move himself to his own bed, or wake up and ask for
help moving to his own bed. He sleeps better through
the night in his own bed and he knows it. He's still
afraid of the dark though, and he still likes to fall
asleep with us, or cuddle with us until he is very
sleepy and then shuffle off to his own bed. He's 5.

Our older son (7) does have nightmares and night
terrors, needs the physical comfort of being next to
one of us while he falls asleep, and sometimes needs
to sleep with us all night. Usually we move him to
his own bed after he is asleep, which he doesn't mind,
or his Daddy lies down with him in his bed until he
goes to sleep. He doesn't like for me to do that,
just Daddy, as they have a special bond.

>> It is not against the unschooling train of thought
to insist that
your
children be in their rooms by a certain time each
night.<<

If Unschooling (damned insufficient word) is a
lifestyle choice, NOT an educational style, per se;
then I disagree with this statement. "Insisting" that
the kids be banished to their rooms after a certain
time, on room arrest as it were, regardless of their
wills, desires, or plans for the evening, is not
respectful of them as people. Treating kids as second
class citizens and subservient members of the family,
subject to your whims, is not in sync with an
"unschooling train of thought." Saying that you
"insist" in the first place implies that you have some
leverage you are using in order to bend them to your
will. How will that be accomplished in a respectful
and unschooly manner?

>> We remind him about 7 everynight that it is about
>>time for bed,

So at seven every night he is reminded that he is not
allowed free will in the simple act of knowing when he
is tired and acting accordingly. I'm not trying to be
snipey, just translating how it would feel to ME if I
were in his shoes. I HAVE often been in such a
circumstance as a child myself, and that IS how I
felt.

>> he knows the routine...

Routines are fine, kids often find it comforting to
know what comes next, and a routine can help even many
adults wind their minds down for sleep. But this is
your imposed routine, which includes the threat of not
getting the special time for story with you if he
fails to toe the line. It all sounds very scary to
me.

Around here we don't sweat the small stuff. We try to
make sure teeth get brushed before hubby and I go to
bed, because they like our help. We also make sure
they have something comfortable on to sleep in before
we go to bed, whether that is boxer shorts, a long
t-shirt, sweats, pajamas (they do have them) or
whatever. If they are still playing or watching a
show or something when we are ready to crash, we tell
them we are headed to bed and if they want a story
they better come get it while they can, or we'll be
asleep.

Sometimes they choose to pile into bed with us and
fall asleep with us. Sometimes they choose to get a
story or two while the getting is good and then go
back to their play. Sometimes they choose to forgo
the story and finish their movie, or whatever. They
usually don't stay up long after we are in bed, but I
imagine that will change as they get older. My point
in sharing this though, is that it is THEIR choice.
We get our needs met by going to bed when we need to,
and they go to bed when they need to. Sometimes it's
the same time, occassionally they fall asleep early
because they are tired, like last night, and sometimes
they stay up a little later.

Nanci K.