another conversation with mom
M. Dalrymple-Lepore
Grrrr.
Just had another conversation with my mother about homeschooling. I
don't even bother explaining that we do "nothing " all day . . .
Anyway, I happened to mention that homeschoolers get a discount at
Apple , and she said don't you have to get him set up for a charter
school this month? And I said "yeah, but I'm liking this homeschooling
thing" . . . and it went from there. Basically "everyone" is concerned
for Steven, and he needs to go to school so that he can form "bonds"
and she thinks he needs someone else to teach him, "someone who's been
trained".
The only good thing is that I think I stood up for myself very well,
and I did manage to offer reading materials, and point out that it
spoke volumes that she was unwilling to even accept any reading
materials.
But I feel like crap when I fight with my mom. And that wanting to
push him so that he's ahead of everybody (everywhere!) is creeping in .
. .
On a happy note, I asked Steven to find the phone after I'd paged it
the other day, and he asked "How do I make it stop [beeping]?!?! " I
said "Press any key . . ." and he said, "Ok, I pressed the "and" key."
I'm thinking . . . "&"??
The phone has an "end" button. He read that. Or mis-read it, as the
case may be. But he had to read it to mis-read it . . .
Melanie
(and Steven, 12/11/97)
Just had another conversation with my mother about homeschooling. I
don't even bother explaining that we do "nothing " all day . . .
Anyway, I happened to mention that homeschoolers get a discount at
Apple , and she said don't you have to get him set up for a charter
school this month? And I said "yeah, but I'm liking this homeschooling
thing" . . . and it went from there. Basically "everyone" is concerned
for Steven, and he needs to go to school so that he can form "bonds"
and she thinks he needs someone else to teach him, "someone who's been
trained".
The only good thing is that I think I stood up for myself very well,
and I did manage to offer reading materials, and point out that it
spoke volumes that she was unwilling to even accept any reading
materials.
But I feel like crap when I fight with my mom. And that wanting to
push him so that he's ahead of everybody (everywhere!) is creeping in .
. .
On a happy note, I asked Steven to find the phone after I'd paged it
the other day, and he asked "How do I make it stop [beeping]?!?! " I
said "Press any key . . ." and he said, "Ok, I pressed the "and" key."
I'm thinking . . . "&"??
The phone has an "end" button. He read that. Or mis-read it, as the
case may be. But he had to read it to mis-read it . . .
Melanie
(and Steven, 12/11/97)
Tia Leschke
> Basically "everyone" is concernedYou might ask her how many people she knows who still have friends from
>for Steven, and he needs to go to school so that he can form "bonds"
their school days. Wouldn't they still have those friends if they had
really formed "bonds" with them?
>and she thinks he needs someone else to teach him, "someone who's beenThe training teachers get has more to do with crowd control than learning.
>trained".
How much crowd control do you need with one or a few kids?
Good for you for standing your ground.
Tia
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/4/03 12:16:47 PM, leschke@... writes:
<< You might ask her how many people she knows who still have friends from
their school days. Wouldn't they still have those friends if they had
really formed "bonds" with them? >>
I do! I do!!
I went to a pot luck in honor the rare visit of someone I'd known from 2nd
grade through high school, and there were two others I'd known since 2nd grade,
one I hung out with from 6th grade through part of college, my best friend
from 9th through high school, another I met in 9th grade whose older sister is in
contact with me at least once a year (though she lives in Virginia) and I had
lunch with her on an airport stopover in the summer, and... another friend
from Jr. High band (and high school).
We had a BLAST!!!
I should shut up, then, right? <g>
Oh. Two of them had seen teachers I was wondering about (a history teacher
who was a jazz pianist for a second job, Pancracio Rael) and another had seen
our art teacher, Florencio Montoya, recently. I was the one who had attended
and could report on the funeral of Jacqui Littlejohn, who had been one of our
English teachers and spiritual advisors. I forgot to tell them that Holly and
I had spent half a day with Sally Gonzales, my fourth grade teacher (and one
other of those folks was in my class in 4th), following the funeral of the dad
of another friend of ours.
<<
The training teachers get has more to do with crowd control than learning.
How much crowd control do you need with one or a few kids?>>
I learned a lot about learning. Not so much about teaching. But I did study
cognition and psychology. Some of the crowd control stuff I learned on the
job, and I still find it useful!
I'm not JUST being argumentative, I'm just being confessionish. And
friendwise, I'm having a great month. Momwise it's horrible, so at the moment I'm
feeling huge waves of gratitude that I had a place to be other than the house
when I was little. I would much rather wipe any of those teachers' butts than
my mom's.
Sandra
<< You might ask her how many people she knows who still have friends from
their school days. Wouldn't they still have those friends if they had
really formed "bonds" with them? >>
I do! I do!!
I went to a pot luck in honor the rare visit of someone I'd known from 2nd
grade through high school, and there were two others I'd known since 2nd grade,
one I hung out with from 6th grade through part of college, my best friend
from 9th through high school, another I met in 9th grade whose older sister is in
contact with me at least once a year (though she lives in Virginia) and I had
lunch with her on an airport stopover in the summer, and... another friend
from Jr. High band (and high school).
We had a BLAST!!!
I should shut up, then, right? <g>
Oh. Two of them had seen teachers I was wondering about (a history teacher
who was a jazz pianist for a second job, Pancracio Rael) and another had seen
our art teacher, Florencio Montoya, recently. I was the one who had attended
and could report on the funeral of Jacqui Littlejohn, who had been one of our
English teachers and spiritual advisors. I forgot to tell them that Holly and
I had spent half a day with Sally Gonzales, my fourth grade teacher (and one
other of those folks was in my class in 4th), following the funeral of the dad
of another friend of ours.
<<
The training teachers get has more to do with crowd control than learning.
How much crowd control do you need with one or a few kids?>>
I learned a lot about learning. Not so much about teaching. But I did study
cognition and psychology. Some of the crowd control stuff I learned on the
job, and I still find it useful!
I'm not JUST being argumentative, I'm just being confessionish. And
friendwise, I'm having a great month. Momwise it's horrible, so at the moment I'm
feeling huge waves of gratitude that I had a place to be other than the house
when I was little. I would much rather wipe any of those teachers' butts than
my mom's.
Sandra
Sylvia Toyama
Sandra,
Sorry to hear the whole Mom-thing is so hard these days for you. I've seen recent comments in your posts about what taking care of your Mom is taking out of you, and thought of you. That's such a hard place to be in. Even worse when things between Mom and daughter weren't all they could been. My own Mom went thru all that several years ago as she lived in to care for her own Mom until her death. It's a huge job and takes a huge toll on everyone involved.
I don't have any real insights to offer you, just wanted to say I was thinking about you and remembering how tough this had all been on my Mom. I don't know if your Mom's expected to recover, or if this is something you're doing for her as an end of life thing, but I hope it all gets easier for you soon.
Sylvia
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Sorry to hear the whole Mom-thing is so hard these days for you. I've seen recent comments in your posts about what taking care of your Mom is taking out of you, and thought of you. That's such a hard place to be in. Even worse when things between Mom and daughter weren't all they could been. My own Mom went thru all that several years ago as she lived in to care for her own Mom until her death. It's a huge job and takes a huge toll on everyone involved.
I don't have any real insights to offer you, just wanted to say I was thinking about you and remembering how tough this had all been on my Mom. I don't know if your Mom's expected to recover, or if this is something you're doing for her as an end of life thing, but I hope it all gets easier for you soon.
Sylvia
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[email protected]
In a message dated 11/4/03 3:38:09 PM, syltoyama@... writes:
<< I don't know if your Mom's expected to recover, or if this is something
you're doing for her as an end of life thing, but I hope it all gets easier for
you soon. >>
Thanks. Who knows. She was halfway off the bed when I got there this
morning, trying to stand up. She might've ended up on the floor again, third day in
a row, if I hadn't gotten there. She wanted to get up.
I would cry if I knew the actual number of times she commanded me I TOLD YOU
TO STAY ON THE BED during "nap time" when I was little. I hated "naptime"
and rarely napped. I stared at the ceiling a lot and learned to cross my eyes
and still focus so that the ceiling tile lines "came down" where I could touch
them. I thought through all my lists and lyrics and made daydreams of me
being on Howdy Doody or Mickey Mouse Club, and I listened to my mom in the other
room, wishing she wasn't so mean.
Yet I didn't say STAY ON THE BED.
I've never been much of a sleeper. Those naps weren't for me. They were for
her.
Sandra
<< I don't know if your Mom's expected to recover, or if this is something
you're doing for her as an end of life thing, but I hope it all gets easier for
you soon. >>
Thanks. Who knows. She was halfway off the bed when I got there this
morning, trying to stand up. She might've ended up on the floor again, third day in
a row, if I hadn't gotten there. She wanted to get up.
I would cry if I knew the actual number of times she commanded me I TOLD YOU
TO STAY ON THE BED during "nap time" when I was little. I hated "naptime"
and rarely napped. I stared at the ceiling a lot and learned to cross my eyes
and still focus so that the ceiling tile lines "came down" where I could touch
them. I thought through all my lists and lyrics and made daydreams of me
being on Howdy Doody or Mickey Mouse Club, and I listened to my mom in the other
room, wishing she wasn't so mean.
Yet I didn't say STAY ON THE BED.
I've never been much of a sleeper. Those naps weren't for me. They were for
her.
Sandra
Sylvia Toyama
Yet I didn't say STAY ON THE BED.
I've never been much of a sleeper. Those naps weren't for me. They were for
her.
********
All anyone has to do to make a difference in the world is be a little kinder, a little more loving, and try a little harder than the last generation. You've done more than that, just in being as kind and loving to your Mom as you wish she had been with you. Even better is that you've done such a great job of giving your kids the freedom and support you didn't get. It sounds like you're being as true to yourself as your integrity requires, and that's the best anyone can do. At some point in time it will get easier, but probably not before it gets harder.
At least you get to plan your own naps now!
Sylvia
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I've never been much of a sleeper. Those naps weren't for me. They were for
her.
********
All anyone has to do to make a difference in the world is be a little kinder, a little more loving, and try a little harder than the last generation. You've done more than that, just in being as kind and loving to your Mom as you wish she had been with you. Even better is that you've done such a great job of giving your kids the freedom and support you didn't get. It sounds like you're being as true to yourself as your integrity requires, and that's the best anyone can do. At some point in time it will get easier, but probably not before it gets harder.
At least you get to plan your own naps now!
Sylvia
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badolbilz
SandraDodd@... wrote:
nights and had to sleep during the day, so she made us lay down with
her. I used to stare at the pop-corn painted ceiling trying to find
shapes and animals, almost like looking at the clouds. And I couldn't
sneak away because she had her arms around me and my sister. It was
nice being close to her, but SO boring.
I give you so much credit for taking care of your Mom. My parents
invited my grandmother to live with them and now that she's having lots
of health problems all they do is complain about EVERYTHING she says,
doesn't say, does, and doesn't do. We all have to keep reminding them
that someday, they'll be the ones who need our care and they should
either find some compassion or put her in a nursing home. It's very
sad. So I wish you lots of energy and emotional strength to get through
this time. You really are doing the right thing. How wonderful to have
the opportunity to show Kirby, Marty, and Holly how forgiveness and
compassion can shape a person's character. Everything my parents do for
my grandmother is done with seething resentment and I hate that my
children have to see and hear that. Good luck. Heidi
>In a message dated 11/4/03 3:38:09 PM, syltoyama@... writes:OMG! Can I ever relate, Sandra. I can remember when my mom worked
>
><< I don't know if your Mom's expected to recover, or if this is something
>you're doing for her as an end of life thing, but I hope it all gets easier for
>you soon. >>
>
>Thanks. Who knows. She was halfway off the bed when I got there this
>morning, trying to stand up. She might've ended up on the floor again, third day in
>a row, if I hadn't gotten there. She wanted to get up.
>
>I would cry if I knew the actual number of times she commanded me I TOLD YOU
>TO STAY ON THE BED during "nap time" when I was little. I hated "naptime"
>and rarely napped. I stared at the ceiling a lot and learned to cross my eyes
>and still focus so that the ceiling tile lines "came down" where I could touch
>them. I thought through all my lists and lyrics and made daydreams of me
>being on Howdy Doody or Mickey Mouse Club, and I listened to my mom in the other
>room, wishing she wasn't so mean.
>
>Yet I didn't say STAY ON THE BED.
>
>I've never been much of a sleeper. Those naps weren't for me. They were for
>her.
>
>Sandra
>
>
>
nights and had to sleep during the day, so she made us lay down with
her. I used to stare at the pop-corn painted ceiling trying to find
shapes and animals, almost like looking at the clouds. And I couldn't
sneak away because she had her arms around me and my sister. It was
nice being close to her, but SO boring.
I give you so much credit for taking care of your Mom. My parents
invited my grandmother to live with them and now that she's having lots
of health problems all they do is complain about EVERYTHING she says,
doesn't say, does, and doesn't do. We all have to keep reminding them
that someday, they'll be the ones who need our care and they should
either find some compassion or put her in a nursing home. It's very
sad. So I wish you lots of energy and emotional strength to get through
this time. You really are doing the right thing. How wonderful to have
the opportunity to show Kirby, Marty, and Holly how forgiveness and
compassion can shape a person's character. Everything my parents do for
my grandmother is done with seething resentment and I hate that my
children have to see and hear that. Good luck. Heidi
>
>
Shellie Arndts
Melanie,
I know how you feel. When I pulled my kids out of the
private school they were going to and started
homeschooling the grief my family gave me. They
finally accepted it as another "crazy" thing that
Shellie is doing. I am the one who always does the
"crazy" stuff you know. I went yesterday to do the
polls for election day. One of the other workers
asked me if we would put the girls into school when
they got older and my reply was "I'm don't think so
because we are having way too much fun now." She
looked at me like I was off the deep end. LOL
It is hard to get them to understand that you are
always learning, not just when you have a work book in
front of you.
Shellie
=====
Shellie
New Area Homeschool Group REACH God's Way
[email protected]
[email protected]
I know how you feel. When I pulled my kids out of the
private school they were going to and started
homeschooling the grief my family gave me. They
finally accepted it as another "crazy" thing that
Shellie is doing. I am the one who always does the
"crazy" stuff you know. I went yesterday to do the
polls for election day. One of the other workers
asked me if we would put the girls into school when
they got older and my reply was "I'm don't think so
because we are having way too much fun now." She
looked at me like I was off the deep end. LOL
It is hard to get them to understand that you are
always learning, not just when you have a work book in
front of you.
Shellie
=====
Shellie
New Area Homeschool Group REACH God's Way
[email protected]
[email protected]