I'm not handling this well!
[email protected]
My 7 YO son has started ignoring me. I'm used to him being impulsive and
distractable, but now he is doing whatever he wants even after consulting me. It
doesn't help that all the neighborhood kids act this way.
The issue at hand is that he wants to play in the front yard. I think he is
waiting for the school bus, but has no concept of time (went outside this
morning at ten to look for it). I am uncomfortable with him in the front by
himself for several reasons, including it is a busy street and he is just now
becoming traffic savvy. Today, he asked me if he could go outside and ride his
scooter, I said to please go in the back (we have a basketball court a few houses
down that is great for riding) because I needed to do some things inside and
that we would go out front in a bit. I went to look for him and he was in the
front, way down the street. This has been happening over and over. He has
also started going outside without telling me. This time I took his scooter
and locked it up, and told him to stay in the house the rest of the day without
kids.
As I am writing this, the kids are home early from school. He was putting
his shoes on to go out. I said he was staying in today. He completely doesn't
understand why. I tried to tell him about being disrepectful to my needs, he
just went and sulked.
I don't like what I did, but I don't see any natural consequences here and
I'm tired of just being ignored. Anybody have any better suggestions?
Thanks, Leslie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
distractable, but now he is doing whatever he wants even after consulting me. It
doesn't help that all the neighborhood kids act this way.
The issue at hand is that he wants to play in the front yard. I think he is
waiting for the school bus, but has no concept of time (went outside this
morning at ten to look for it). I am uncomfortable with him in the front by
himself for several reasons, including it is a busy street and he is just now
becoming traffic savvy. Today, he asked me if he could go outside and ride his
scooter, I said to please go in the back (we have a basketball court a few houses
down that is great for riding) because I needed to do some things inside and
that we would go out front in a bit. I went to look for him and he was in the
front, way down the street. This has been happening over and over. He has
also started going outside without telling me. This time I took his scooter
and locked it up, and told him to stay in the house the rest of the day without
kids.
As I am writing this, the kids are home early from school. He was putting
his shoes on to go out. I said he was staying in today. He completely doesn't
understand why. I tried to tell him about being disrepectful to my needs, he
just went and sulked.
I don't like what I did, but I don't see any natural consequences here and
I'm tired of just being ignored. Anybody have any better suggestions?
Thanks, Leslie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Holly
He's made his bed...let him lie in it.
You gave him a reasonable request, for his own safety, and not just to boss him around. He ignored it. He did what he wanted. You laid down the law. Now stick to your guns! If you give in, he'll know you are a sucker and he'll keep doing it. After a few days worth of limited freedom, he'll change his ways. But you have to be firm and not give in, and you have to be willing to let him dislike you for a little while.
I know a lot of people are really into freedom and choices for their kids. I lay down the law with safety issues, though. It's basic protection of someone who can't take responsibility for his own safety. When he's demonstrated his understanding, then maybe he'll get to be in the front yard. But deliberately running off after you asked him not to and told him why is unacceptable where his safety is concerned. This is a serious issue.
Maybe you feel differently. I am sure other parents will give you lots of other choices! ;-)
~Holly~
---------------------------------
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The New Yahoo! Shopping - with improved product search
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
You gave him a reasonable request, for his own safety, and not just to boss him around. He ignored it. He did what he wanted. You laid down the law. Now stick to your guns! If you give in, he'll know you are a sucker and he'll keep doing it. After a few days worth of limited freedom, he'll change his ways. But you have to be firm and not give in, and you have to be willing to let him dislike you for a little while.
I know a lot of people are really into freedom and choices for their kids. I lay down the law with safety issues, though. It's basic protection of someone who can't take responsibility for his own safety. When he's demonstrated his understanding, then maybe he'll get to be in the front yard. But deliberately running off after you asked him not to and told him why is unacceptable where his safety is concerned. This is a serious issue.
Maybe you feel differently. I am sure other parents will give you lots of other choices! ;-)
~Holly~
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
The New Yahoo! Shopping - with improved product search
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kris
<<He's made his bed...let him lie in it.>>
I read this and had to look at the subject line again, "I thought I was
reading an "Always Learning" post". I was!
It sounds like there is a basic communication break down and my guess would
be that it stems from things like locking up his scooter. I'm wondering
why, at the age of 7, he doesn't understand your concerns for his safety.
How is the information and concern being presented to him? Is it during the
heat of the moment when the adrenaline is still pumping? Is it in front of
other children?
The way we communicate can mean they either hear us or not. If our method
sounds like a lecture, or is embarrassing or threatening it won't be heard.
The best time for me to get these messages across to Jonathan (almost 6) is
when we are both calm and feeling connected, like when we're snuggling.
He's open to me and even my emotions, he understands that it scares me and
why and the message sticks. If I tell him at the time of the event, even
calmly, I know it has to be repeated later so he can absorb my words.
Personally, I think taking away things and limiting freedom only lead to
mistrust on his part. He will probably be thinking that you don't respect
his needs or trust him.
Kris
I read this and had to look at the subject line again, "I thought I was
reading an "Always Learning" post". I was!
It sounds like there is a basic communication break down and my guess would
be that it stems from things like locking up his scooter. I'm wondering
why, at the age of 7, he doesn't understand your concerns for his safety.
How is the information and concern being presented to him? Is it during the
heat of the moment when the adrenaline is still pumping? Is it in front of
other children?
The way we communicate can mean they either hear us or not. If our method
sounds like a lecture, or is embarrassing or threatening it won't be heard.
The best time for me to get these messages across to Jonathan (almost 6) is
when we are both calm and feeling connected, like when we're snuggling.
He's open to me and even my emotions, he understands that it scares me and
why and the message sticks. If I tell him at the time of the event, even
calmly, I know it has to be repeated later so he can absorb my words.
Personally, I think taking away things and limiting freedom only lead to
mistrust on his part. He will probably be thinking that you don't respect
his needs or trust him.
Kris
Pam Hartley
Me too. I also think that re-evaluating what you can drop so that you can go
and do the things that are important to him is a good starting point in this
situation. If you are paying bills, leave them on the desk and go outside
with him. Ask him to help you mix up the rest of the bread dough and set it
to rise and then you can both go outside. Make your backyard inviting, put
out snacks, and invite the other neighborhood kids over to your place, along
with their parents if they're so inclined.
Unschooling is about choices in what and when and how to learn. I don't
think unschooling flourishes in a household where being aided and abetted in
carrying out his choices aren't part of the rest of the child's life, too.
Pam
----------
and do the things that are important to him is a good starting point in this
situation. If you are paying bills, leave them on the desk and go outside
with him. Ask him to help you mix up the rest of the bread dough and set it
to rise and then you can both go outside. Make your backyard inviting, put
out snacks, and invite the other neighborhood kids over to your place, along
with their parents if they're so inclined.
Unschooling is about choices in what and when and how to learn. I don't
think unschooling flourishes in a household where being aided and abetted in
carrying out his choices aren't part of the rest of the child's life, too.
Pam
----------
>From: "Kris" <louisa@...>
>To: <[email protected]>
>Subject: RE: [AlwaysLearning] I'm not handling this well!
>Date: Wed, Oct 22, 2003, 12:32 PM
>
> Personally, I think taking away things and limiting freedom only lead to
> mistrust on his part. He will probably be thinking that you don't respect
> his needs or trust him.
Pam Hartley
----------
in a kind and joyful household. Those things don't flourish when a parent
uses their power to intentionally not help their kids, as is suggested in
this statement.
A child can't learn to respect people and be kind to them if he isn't
treated with respect and kindness first. That's just physics.
Pam
>From: Holly <emkaysmommy@...>Part of unschooling is about love, trust, choice, helping each other to live
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] I'm not handling this well!
>Date: Wed, Oct 22, 2003, 11:05 AM
>
> He's made his bed...let him lie in it.
in a kind and joyful household. Those things don't flourish when a parent
uses their power to intentionally not help their kids, as is suggested in
this statement.
A child can't learn to respect people and be kind to them if he isn't
treated with respect and kindness first. That's just physics.
Pam
emkaysmommy
>isn't
> A child can't learn to respect people and be kind to them if he
> treated with respect and kindness first. That's just physics.OKay, I am open to this. But the mom stated that she'd had this
>
> Pam
problem many times with her boy. How many times can he do it and it
is still okay? At what point is he not respecting her? How many
times is too many?
I really would like to hear what people think about that...in a non-
flaming way.
Dawn Bennink
I find that when I take things away from our 7 year old, things spiral
downward with his behavior. If we spend more time talking calmly and
very specifically about the problems we are encountering and how he is
disrespecting realistic rules for his safety, it seems to work much
better. His friend across the street loses his Nintendo, his bike, and
other things when he misbehaves. I heard him tell my son the other day
that he couldn't wait until he was old enough to move out so his mom
couldn't take away his stuff anymore. He's 5. I would be horrified if
my son felt that way.
Of course, I wouldn't just let him go outside in the front of the house
unsupervised either. Many is the time I have laid down bills that had
to be paid, left laundry unfolded or made quicker food for dinner
because the boys really wanted to do something outside that absolutely
required my supervision. Perhaps that is why my house is never exactly
tidy and I'm up until all hours of the night paying the bills sometimes.
But if being out there with him isn't an option, perhaps he needs to be
kept in the house until he can be supervised. He doesn't have to be
punished, just kept in. When I had pneumonia this summer and could not
chase them all over the neighborhood, they just had to be inside, like
it or not.
I guess what I'm hearing most of all is that it is apparent he is
absolutely not getting the reason for this rule. He is also not getting
that the rules of the other kids in the neighborhood do not necessarily
apply to him. I'm just critical enough about the parenting of others as
to tell my sons directly that I don't think the mother down the street
does a very good job, and if her children are wandering around the
neighborhood unattended, that isn't something to be envied but rather to
be pitied as clearly their parents do not give enough of a darn about
their children and their behavior to watch over them well and protect
them from themselves and others. I try not to be too snipey, but I do
want them to know that sometimes good parents make difficult choices for
their kids when they are too young to be making absolutely every call
for themselves. I explain to them that while I like them to be free to
roam and enjoy the outdoors, kids their age need an adult around for
protection. I think your boy needs to understand very clearly why you
don't want him in front of the house with the scooter, if at all. It
might take lots of discussion, but it seems that is the core of the problem.
Was that disjointed enough for you? My own 7 year old has been in and
out several times while I was writing this. :o)
Dawn
Leslie530@... wrote:
downward with his behavior. If we spend more time talking calmly and
very specifically about the problems we are encountering and how he is
disrespecting realistic rules for his safety, it seems to work much
better. His friend across the street loses his Nintendo, his bike, and
other things when he misbehaves. I heard him tell my son the other day
that he couldn't wait until he was old enough to move out so his mom
couldn't take away his stuff anymore. He's 5. I would be horrified if
my son felt that way.
Of course, I wouldn't just let him go outside in the front of the house
unsupervised either. Many is the time I have laid down bills that had
to be paid, left laundry unfolded or made quicker food for dinner
because the boys really wanted to do something outside that absolutely
required my supervision. Perhaps that is why my house is never exactly
tidy and I'm up until all hours of the night paying the bills sometimes.
But if being out there with him isn't an option, perhaps he needs to be
kept in the house until he can be supervised. He doesn't have to be
punished, just kept in. When I had pneumonia this summer and could not
chase them all over the neighborhood, they just had to be inside, like
it or not.
I guess what I'm hearing most of all is that it is apparent he is
absolutely not getting the reason for this rule. He is also not getting
that the rules of the other kids in the neighborhood do not necessarily
apply to him. I'm just critical enough about the parenting of others as
to tell my sons directly that I don't think the mother down the street
does a very good job, and if her children are wandering around the
neighborhood unattended, that isn't something to be envied but rather to
be pitied as clearly their parents do not give enough of a darn about
their children and their behavior to watch over them well and protect
them from themselves and others. I try not to be too snipey, but I do
want them to know that sometimes good parents make difficult choices for
their kids when they are too young to be making absolutely every call
for themselves. I explain to them that while I like them to be free to
roam and enjoy the outdoors, kids their age need an adult around for
protection. I think your boy needs to understand very clearly why you
don't want him in front of the house with the scooter, if at all. It
might take lots of discussion, but it seems that is the core of the problem.
Was that disjointed enough for you? My own 7 year old has been in and
out several times while I was writing this. :o)
Dawn
Leslie530@... wrote:
> My 7 YO son has started ignoring me. I'm used to him being impulsive and[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> distractable, but now he is doing whatever he wants even after
> consulting me. It
> doesn't help that all the neighborhood kids act this way.
>
> The issue at hand is that he wants to play in the front yard. I think
> he is
> waiting for the school bus, but has no concept of time (went outside this
> morning at ten to look for it). I am uncomfortable with him in the
> front by
> himself for several reasons, including it is a busy street and he is
> just now
> becoming traffic savvy. Today, he asked me if he could go outside and
> ride his
> scooter, I said to please go in the back (we have a basketball court a
> few houses
> down that is great for riding) because I needed to do some things
> inside and
> that we would go out front in a bit. I went to look for him and he
> was in the
> front, way down the street. This has been happening over and over.
> He has
> also started going outside without telling me. This time I took his
> scooter
> and locked it up, and told him to stay in the house the rest of the
> day without
> kids.
>
> As I am writing this, the kids are home early from school. He was
> putting
> his shoes on to go out. I said he was staying in today. He
> completely doesn't
> understand why. I tried to tell him about being disrepectful to my
> needs, he
> just went and sulked.
>
> I don't like what I did, but I don't see any natural consequences here
> and
> I'm tired of just being ignored. Anybody have any better suggestions?
>
> Thanks, Leslie
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
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Dawn Bennink
Kris wrote:
with Holly in one respect. Some freedoms need to be limited for the
safety of children. I absolutely will not let my 3 & 7 year old sons go
outside the house without an adult present. There is too much danger in
this world.
Now not to go on too much of a rant here, but cases in point from our
own neighborhood:
The two year old neighbor girl was hit by a car that took off last
year. Because she was totally unsupervised, it is hard to tell how
long she laid in the road before my boys and I came out and found
her, seriously injured.
Another child was kidnapped from his front yard not long ago. This
was in a very affluent neighborhood not far from our middle class
world. He has not yet made it home.
Our small and generally considered to be safe community houses 7
level three registered sex offenders.
Nearly every community, even the absolutely best ones, has its
molesters, bullies, and other dangers out there. My boys are just not
old enough to be dealing with things like that on their own. You can
have that stranger danger talk with them all you want, but even the most
savvy 7 year old can be overpowered by an adult or a teenager.
My two cents on this likely to be hot topic.
Dawn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Personally, I think taking away things and limiting freedom only lead toAs I said before, I'm not a fan of the taking away of things. But, I am
> mistrust on his part. He will probably be thinking that you don't
> respect his needs or trust him.
with Holly in one respect. Some freedoms need to be limited for the
safety of children. I absolutely will not let my 3 & 7 year old sons go
outside the house without an adult present. There is too much danger in
this world.
Now not to go on too much of a rant here, but cases in point from our
own neighborhood:
The two year old neighbor girl was hit by a car that took off last
year. Because she was totally unsupervised, it is hard to tell how
long she laid in the road before my boys and I came out and found
her, seriously injured.
Another child was kidnapped from his front yard not long ago. This
was in a very affluent neighborhood not far from our middle class
world. He has not yet made it home.
Our small and generally considered to be safe community houses 7
level three registered sex offenders.
Nearly every community, even the absolutely best ones, has its
molesters, bullies, and other dangers out there. My boys are just not
old enough to be dealing with things like that on their own. You can
have that stranger danger talk with them all you want, but even the most
savvy 7 year old can be overpowered by an adult or a teenager.
My two cents on this likely to be hot topic.
Dawn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Hartley
----------
unattended on a busy street".
There are more options than punishment or complete disregard for a child's
safety. Some of those options have already been suggested.
Pam
>From: Dawn Bennink <dbennink@...>I don't think one person here has said, "sure, let your 7 year old go out
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] I'm not handling this well!
>Date: Wed, Oct 22, 2003, 2:26 PM
>
> Kris wrote:
>
>> Personally, I think taking away things and limiting freedom only lead to
>> mistrust on his part. He will probably be thinking that you don't
>> respect his needs or trust him.
>
> As I said before, I'm not a fan of the taking away of things. But, I am
> with Holly in one respect. Some freedoms need to be limited for the
> safety of children. I absolutely will not let my 3 & 7 year old sons go
> outside the house without an adult present. There is too much danger in
> this world.
unattended on a busy street".
There are more options than punishment or complete disregard for a child's
safety. Some of those options have already been suggested.
Pam
lescather
For some reason, my email is acting up and yahoo is not sending me
everything, so I can't respond properly to all the points made.
I will clear these things up, though. I did not freak out and take
his scooter away. I said calmly, I have asked you over and over to
wait for me to come outside. I'm putting this away for a bit so you
won't be tempted. I then told him to stay inside the rest of the day,
this part I regret. My son leans towards special needs and is not
very verbal, taking away the scooter was done to get his attention,
not to be malicious. (by the way, my DH always requires more dramatic
approaches...asking rarely gets me anywhere). We have been dealing
with this for at least two weeks now, everytime I say nicely I want
him inside or the back when he is without me. By the way, there is no
way to keep him inside if he is inclined to go out...another reason I
took the scooter. We did go out as a family today and did several
things he is very fond of.
I do spend tons of time outside with him. Today, he got up early so I
didn't have time to do my stuff. I was attempting to get breakfast
(it was noon, no one had eaten yet) and not an unreasonable, nor
non-unschooling request to wait for me or play someplace more
appropriate. He has waited many times, and knows I live up to my
word.
My big issue is that this is new behavior. I'm not used to him
deliberately doing things after being told something else. He has
never been an easy child and we have worked very hard to create a
happy and respect
everything, so I can't respond properly to all the points made.
I will clear these things up, though. I did not freak out and take
his scooter away. I said calmly, I have asked you over and over to
wait for me to come outside. I'm putting this away for a bit so you
won't be tempted. I then told him to stay inside the rest of the day,
this part I regret. My son leans towards special needs and is not
very verbal, taking away the scooter was done to get his attention,
not to be malicious. (by the way, my DH always requires more dramatic
approaches...asking rarely gets me anywhere). We have been dealing
with this for at least two weeks now, everytime I say nicely I want
him inside or the back when he is without me. By the way, there is no
way to keep him inside if he is inclined to go out...another reason I
took the scooter. We did go out as a family today and did several
things he is very fond of.
I do spend tons of time outside with him. Today, he got up early so I
didn't have time to do my stuff. I was attempting to get breakfast
(it was noon, no one had eaten yet) and not an unreasonable, nor
non-unschooling request to wait for me or play someplace more
appropriate. He has waited many times, and knows I live up to my
word.
My big issue is that this is new behavior. I'm not used to him
deliberately doing things after being told something else. He has
never been an easy child and we have worked very hard to create a
happy and respect
Tia Leschke
>I think this might be a key. *Why* is he exhibiting this new behavior now?
>My big issue is that this is new behavior. I'm not used to him
>deliberately doing things after being told something else. He has
>never been an easy child and we have worked very hard to create a
>happy and respect
The important thing with behavior issues is getting to the why. You can try
all the tricks in the book to stop a behavior, but if there's a need
(whether you know what it is or not) it isn't going to go away. Can you
talk with him when you're both in a good mood and point out the new
behavior, asking if he knows why?
Tia
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/22/03 6:41:09 PM, leschke@... writes:
<< I think this might be a key. *Why* is he exhibiting this new behavior
now?
The important thing with behavior issues is getting to the why. You can try
all the tricks in the book to stop a behavior, but if there's a need
(whether you know what it is or not) it isn't going to go away. Can you
talk with him when you're both in a good mood and point out the new
behavior, asking if he knows why?
Tia >>
Excellent point, Tia! I'll try. He is not very verbal and sometimes I get
answers like "i like ice cream". :)
Thanks! Leslie
<< I think this might be a key. *Why* is he exhibiting this new behavior
now?
The important thing with behavior issues is getting to the why. You can try
all the tricks in the book to stop a behavior, but if there's a need
(whether you know what it is or not) it isn't going to go away. Can you
talk with him when you're both in a good mood and point out the new
behavior, asking if he knows why?
Tia >>
Excellent point, Tia! I'll try. He is not very verbal and sometimes I get
answers like "i like ice cream". :)
Thanks! Leslie
Dawn Bennink
I hope you didn't feel attacked by me, because it wasn't meant anything
like that. I think you cleared up a lot of points about your situation.
It certainly complicates things for you that he isn't very verbal and
cannot really tell you what is going on. One thing, if I might ask - -
why is it that there is no way to keep him inside if he is inclined to
go out? Is there anything you can do to change that? I can keep my 7
year old in the house. I don't mean just by telling him not to go out,
which does work most of the time, but it might not sometime, when I
least expect it. I mean, I can physically make it so he cannot go
outside. I have high hook and eye locks on my screen doors, so even it
he gets the inside doors open, he cannot get the screen open. I don't
use them all the time, lest you all think my kids are going to die in a
fire because they cannot get out of the house, but when I cannot be in
immediately control of what they are doing for a period of time, I will
put them on just in case. I guess it also assures that if my son's
reason lapses and he opens the inside door to someone when I'm out of
the room, the person cannot get in the house. Perhaps one would hope
that a 7 year old would not become suddenly disobedient, but if he does,
I guess physically blocking his exit might be your only hope for now.
If it is any consolation that this might just be a 7 year old thing, my
7 year old son is being particularly difficult lately as well. He is
more argumentative, more whiney, and more difficult with his brother
lately than he has ever been in his life. I too am searching for the
root of the problem, but am having a hard time figuring this one out
too. He's always been my respectful and relatively obedient one.
Lately, not so much.
Dawn
lescather wrote:
like that. I think you cleared up a lot of points about your situation.
It certainly complicates things for you that he isn't very verbal and
cannot really tell you what is going on. One thing, if I might ask - -
why is it that there is no way to keep him inside if he is inclined to
go out? Is there anything you can do to change that? I can keep my 7
year old in the house. I don't mean just by telling him not to go out,
which does work most of the time, but it might not sometime, when I
least expect it. I mean, I can physically make it so he cannot go
outside. I have high hook and eye locks on my screen doors, so even it
he gets the inside doors open, he cannot get the screen open. I don't
use them all the time, lest you all think my kids are going to die in a
fire because they cannot get out of the house, but when I cannot be in
immediately control of what they are doing for a period of time, I will
put them on just in case. I guess it also assures that if my son's
reason lapses and he opens the inside door to someone when I'm out of
the room, the person cannot get in the house. Perhaps one would hope
that a 7 year old would not become suddenly disobedient, but if he does,
I guess physically blocking his exit might be your only hope for now.
If it is any consolation that this might just be a 7 year old thing, my
7 year old son is being particularly difficult lately as well. He is
more argumentative, more whiney, and more difficult with his brother
lately than he has ever been in his life. I too am searching for the
root of the problem, but am having a hard time figuring this one out
too. He's always been my respectful and relatively obedient one.
Lately, not so much.
Dawn
lescather wrote:
> For some reason, my email is acting up and yahoo is not sending me[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> everything, so I can't respond properly to all the points made.
>
> I will clear these things up, though. I did not freak out and take
> his scooter away. I said calmly, I have asked you over and over to
> wait for me to come outside. I'm putting this away for a bit so you
> won't be tempted. I then told him to stay inside the rest of the day,
> this part I regret. My son leans towards special needs and is not
> very verbal, taking away the scooter was done to get his attention,
> not to be malicious. (by the way, my DH always requires more dramatic
> approaches...asking rarely gets me anywhere). We have been dealing
> with this for at least two weeks now, everytime I say nicely I want
> him inside or the back when he is without me. By the way, there is no
> way to keep him inside if he is inclined to go out...another reason I
> took the scooter. We did go out as a family today and did several
> things he is very fond of.
>
> I do spend tons of time outside with him. Today, he got up early so I
> didn't have time to do my stuff. I was attempting to get breakfast
> (it was noon, no one had eaten yet) and not an unreasonable, nor
> non-unschooling request to wait for me or play someplace more
> appropriate. He has waited many times, and knows I live up to my
> word.
>
> My big issue is that this is new behavior. I'm not used to him
> deliberately doing things after being told something else. He has
> never been an easy child and we have worked very hard to create a
> happy and respect
>
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Kris
<<As I said before, I'm not a fan of the taking away of things. But, I am
with Holly in one respect. Some freedoms need to be limited for the
safety of children. I absolutely will not let my 3 & 7 year old sons go
outside the house without an adult present. There is too much danger in
this world. >>
Yes, agreed. Here's the beauty though, my kids have never considered my
presence a limitation. At this age they loved having me there, watching
them, being a part of their play. I could never let them play alone in an
insecure area either but I also made it my priority to be there with them
when they wanted to be outside. Heck, even now Lanora (13) likes me with
her, see what I started back then?
Kris
with Holly in one respect. Some freedoms need to be limited for the
safety of children. I absolutely will not let my 3 & 7 year old sons go
outside the house without an adult present. There is too much danger in
this world. >>
Yes, agreed. Here's the beauty though, my kids have never considered my
presence a limitation. At this age they loved having me there, watching
them, being a part of their play. I could never let them play alone in an
insecure area either but I also made it my priority to be there with them
when they wanted to be outside. Heck, even now Lanora (13) likes me with
her, see what I started back then?
Kris
Tia Leschke
>Maybe you could make it a game. You're going to guess why he goes out when
>
>Excellent point, Tia! I'll try. He is not very verbal and sometimes I get
>answers like "i like ice cream". :)
you've asked him not to, and he tells you if you're right. Make some
outlandish guesses and some realistic ones. Or make it hot and cold. He
tells you if you're getting warmer or colder when you guess. Just an idea.
Tia
Dawn Bennink
Kris wrote:
outside without me didn't mean I go out kicking and screaming or that
they don't want me there. I don't have to tell my boys they cannot go
outside without me. They don't want to go outside without me. I'm
totally involved with their play, their projects, their discoveries,
etc. The only time I ever have an issue with it is if they are really
into something and nature calls for one of us. My 7 year old can go
into the house to go to the bathroom by himself, but the three year old
still needs some help sometimes. And I don't want to leave them out
there without me while I go in. They have to come in with
me...period...but just for the moment I'm in the bathroom and then back
outside. They don't like it, but they understand why they have to do
it. We are in the city, and things can happen in a heartbeat, from the
front of the house, the back of the house, wherever.
Dawn
> Yes, agreed. Here's the beauty though, my kids have never considered myOh, I agree with this as well. Just because I said I don't allow them
> presence a limitation. At this age they loved having me there, watching
> them, being a part of their play. I could never let them play alone
> in an insecure area either but I also made it my priority to be there
> with them when they wanted to be outside. Heck, even now Lanora (13)
> likes me with her, see what I started back then?
outside without me didn't mean I go out kicking and screaming or that
they don't want me there. I don't have to tell my boys they cannot go
outside without me. They don't want to go outside without me. I'm
totally involved with their play, their projects, their discoveries,
etc. The only time I ever have an issue with it is if they are really
into something and nature calls for one of us. My 7 year old can go
into the house to go to the bathroom by himself, but the three year old
still needs some help sometimes. And I don't want to leave them out
there without me while I go in. They have to come in with
me...period...but just for the moment I'm in the bathroom and then back
outside. They don't like it, but they understand why they have to do
it. We are in the city, and things can happen in a heartbeat, from the
front of the house, the back of the house, wherever.
Dawn
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> Kris
>
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