BADOLBILZ

I just got home from Easter at the in-laws. My mil just got home for
the summer from their winter house in Florida. She had to confront me
with how awful unschooling was and how terrible it will be for the girls
when I have to send them to school to "fix" what I've done to them. I
said, "why would I have to send them to school?" Her answer was if dh
and I died, the girls would have to go to school. I said that you can't
spend your life basing all your actions on what-ifs, that choices should
be made on what you believe in. Then I told her that I had some great
articles and books she could read. She said even if she read them,
she'd still disagree with me. I shrugged my shoulders and said I
wouldn't even discuss it with her until she was willing to learn more
about what we're doing. The best part was when dh stood beind me and
backed up our decision to unschool.

Now I just have to get through the rest of the summer until she goes
back to Florida. If only it wasn't such a small town! HeidiC.

Betsy

**I just got home from Easter at the in-laws. My mil just got home for
the summer from their winter house in Florida. She had to confront me
with how awful unschooling was and how terrible it will be for the girls
when I have to send them to school to "fix" what I've done to them. I
said, "why would I have to send them to school?" Her answer was if dh
and I died, the girls would have to go to school. I said that you can't
spend your life basing all your actions on what-ifs, that choices should
be made on what you believe in. Then I told her that I had some great
articles and books she could read. She said even if she read them,
she'd still disagree with me. I shrugged my shoulders and said I
wouldn't even discuss it with her until she was willing to learn more
about what we're doing. The best part was when dh stood beind me and
backed up our decision to unschool.**


It sounds like you handled it well, and I'm glad to hear that your dh
backed you up.

It reminds me, vaguely, of a conversation I had with my brother where he
expressed the opinion that I was brainwashed, and all I could do was
sputter "I'm brainwashed? Me? I'm the one that's brainwashed? I don't
think so!"

I need a more persuasive way to respond to people who are thinking
INSIDE the box.

Betsy

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/20/03 7:21:42 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
ynxn96@... writes:

> . The best part was when dh stood beind me and
> backed up our decision to unschool.
>
>

How great that is. Give your husband a pat on the back and tell him I'm
clapping for him.
Pam G.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/20/03 5:21:42 PM, ynxn96@... writes:

<< She said even if she read them,
she'd still disagree with me. >>

My mother in law said that! "Well I'll read them, but it won't change my
mind."

That was about circumcision and guess what?! She DID read them, and it DID
change her mind!
Woohoo!!!

<<I shrugged my shoulders and said I
wouldn't even discuss it with her until she was willing to learn more
about what we're doing. >>

I'd slip her the books anyway if she'd take them.

Sandra

Tia Leschke

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
saftety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...
> << She said even if she read them,
> she'd still disagree with me. >>
>
> My mother in law said that! "Well I'll read them, but it won't change my
> mind."
>
Minds, like parachutes, work better when open.
Not sure who wrote that - stole somebody's sig.
Tia

BADOLBILZ

SandraDodd@... wrote:

>
>
>I'd slip her the books anyway if she'd take them.
>
>
>


I thought about that last night. I wouldn't bother if she lived in FL
all year, but here in Wayland, we can see their house from ours and with
dh and fil now business partners, we're going to be together a lot. So
I stayed up last night and made a list I could e-mail for her to read
and printed out some more articles. I have 3 John Holt books and I want
to get some of John Gatto's work. Any other persuasive material you
could suggest, I would appreciate it. Anything from well-known people
would be appreciated. She respects someone's thoughts more if they are
famous.

My mil is one of those people who LOVES to talk and talk and just knows
everything. Her big arguements last night were that children should
always know that the parents have the authority and they shouldn't be
able to do whatever they want and that when Aislinn is with her friends,
they will ridicule for not being able to read yet and she'll be
devastated for life. This from a woman who sent her children to her
mother for whole summers to take care of (just down the street as well)
and who would go on 1-2 months long vacations leaving her children with
a paid house sitter.

Oh well. I did expect it. I'm sure you have all been there. Now I
just have to gather as much info as I can for backup. That way I really
won't have to "say" anything but, "here, read this." As least that way
she can't ever try to use my own words against me or take something I
said out of context. She's pretty good at that.

Thank goodness I found all of you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
HeidiC.

Betsy

**Her big arguements last night were that children should
always know that the parents have the authority and they shouldn't be
able to do whatever they want and that when Aislinn is with her friends,
they will ridicule for not being able to read yet and she'll be
devastated for life.**


Whereas.... if she were in school... your mil is convinced that no one
would *EVERRRRR* ridicule her for any reason? ::::: scoffing ::::

Hang in there!

Betsy

Tia Leschke

>
> My mil is one of those people who LOVES to talk and talk and just knows
> everything. Her big arguements last night were that children should
> always know that the parents have the authority and they shouldn't be
> able to do whatever they want and that when Aislinn is with her friends,
> they will ridicule for not being able to read yet and she'll be
> devastated for life.

You could ask her how Aislinn would feel if she was one of the many kids in
school who don't read "on time".
Tia

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
saftety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...

Peggy

> My mil is one of those people who LOVES to talk and talk and just knows
> everything. Her big arguements last night were that children should
> always know that the parents have the authority and they shouldn't be
> able to do whatever they want and that when Aislinn is with her friends,
> they will ridicule for not being able to read yet and she'll be
> devastated for life. This from a woman who sent her children to her
> mother for whole summers to take care of (just down the street as well)
> and who would go on 1-2 months long vacations leaving her children with
> a paid house sitter.
>
> Oh well. I did expect it. I'm sure you have all been there. Now I
> just have to gather as much info as I can for backup. That way I really
> won't have to "say" anything but, "here, read this." As least that way
> she can't ever try to use my own words against me or take something I
> said out of context. She's pretty good at that.
>
> Thank goodness I found all of you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
> HeidiC.

Heidi, this says it all. You know how married couples go round and round
arguing about the correct way to squeeze the toothpaste tube or if the
toilet paper roll should be hung with the flap from the front or the
back and it ISN'T really arguing about toothpaste or toilet paper at
all? You can't persuade someone that you are a competent, caring,
responsible adult if what they really need you to be is an incompetent,
irresponsible child to prove to themselves that they weren't as
incompetent, uncaring and irresponsible as they suspect themselves to be.

Keep telling yourself, "It's not about me."

I've found with some of my relatives that they are so invested in
supporting the shaky edifice of fantasy that they began constructing on
quicksand many many years before that someone else's reality has no part
in it. How could anyone get breakthrough that rationally? So, I started
asking myself, why is is important to me to change the way this person
thinks? Why do I feel I need their approval?

Peggy

BADOLBILZ

I told you all my mil's reaction to our unschooling. Well, I've been
thinking about the things she said, like being worried about what would
happen if dh and I died, when the girls would be forced to go to school.
Now I know where she was coming from. Let me tell you a little about
the fix we're in (kind of) then maybe you'll have some advice for me.
This has to do with our wills and who we made legal guardians of our
children.

About 6 years ago we had wills made and gave custody of all and any
children we had to my parents in case of an accident where both dh and I
died. 2 years ago, I was having big problems with my mom and felt that
her raising my kids would be a big mistake, so I asked mil and fil if
they would take on the responsibility should something happen. We paid
to have the lawyer change our wills, but never followed through to sign
them and have them notarized. So my parents are still legally going to
be responsible for our kids.

Of course, hopefully none of this will ever matter. Neither set of
grandparents is ideal, in my opinion. My mother will go along with
homeschooling, maybe even unschooling, but she also will use guilt to
manipulate them and her house and her life are like a tornado went
through (picture razor blades laying around, really) plus she's a big
supporter of spanking. My mil plays with the kids a lot, but like I
said in other posts, wants to spend the majority of her time "playing"
her own games like golf, shopping, traveling. She spent very little
time with her own kids. That's where her worry is coming from, I'm
sure. What will she do if she's saddled with these kids who have never
been in school. SHE's certainly not going to spent ever minute of the
day with them.

What I think I'm going to do is tell her that the change of the wills
were never legally finalized so she's off the hook. And since my mother
never knew I was changing them, I just won't tell her.

How do the rest of you handle things like this? Is there ever anyone
good enough to raise our kids if we're out of the picture? I normally
do not live in Whatif Land, but accidents do happen and I want to know I
did my best to ensure the girls' happiness and security. HeidiC.

coyote's corner

I can't help but wonder why you would prefer your mother to your MIL.
Think about it....re-read what you wrote. Maybe your MIL wouldn't spend all that much time w/ the kids, but would she manipulate them? Would she spank them? Razor blades????

I'd re-think this.
Janis
----- Original Message -----
From: BADOLBILZ
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, April 22, 2003 1:51 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] mil confrontation


I told you all my mil's reaction to our unschooling. Well, I've been
thinking about the things she said, like being worried about what would
happen if dh and I died, when the girls would be forced to go to school.
Now I know where she was coming from. Let me tell you a little about
the fix we're in (kind of) then maybe you'll have some advice for me.
This has to do with our wills and who we made legal guardians of our
children.

About 6 years ago we had wills made and gave custody of all and any
children we had to my parents in case of an accident where both dh and I
died. 2 years ago, I was having big problems with my mom and felt that
her raising my kids would be a big mistake, so I asked mil and fil if
they would take on the responsibility should something happen. We paid
to have the lawyer change our wills, but never followed through to sign
them and have them notarized. So my parents are still legally going to
be responsible for our kids.

Of course, hopefully none of this will ever matter. Neither set of
grandparents is ideal, in my opinion. My mother will go along with
homeschooling, maybe even unschooling, but she also will use guilt to
manipulate them and her house and her life are like a tornado went
through (picture razor blades laying around, really) plus she's a big
supporter of spanking. My mil plays with the kids a lot, but like I
said in other posts, wants to spend the majority of her time "playing"
her own games like golf, shopping, traveling. She spent very little
time with her own kids. That's where her worry is coming from, I'm
sure. What will she do if she's saddled with these kids who have never
been in school. SHE's certainly not going to spent ever minute of the
day with them.

What I think I'm going to do is tell her that the change of the wills
were never legally finalized so she's off the hook. And since my mother
never knew I was changing them, I just won't tell her.

How do the rest of you handle things like this? Is there ever anyone
good enough to raise our kids if we're out of the picture? I normally
do not live in Whatif Land, but accidents do happen and I want to know I
did my best to ensure the girls' happiness and security. HeidiC.


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/22/2003 1:35:16 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
ynxn96@... writes:> How do the rest of you handle things like
> this? Is there ever anyone
> good enough to raise our kids if we're out of the picture? I normally
> do not live in Whatif Land, but accidents do happen and I want to know I
> did my best to ensure the girls' happiness and security. HeidiC.

We have two friends that are HONORED to be our boys' "unparents".

Patrick & Gillian. Gillian was Cameron's thrid grade teacher. We hit it
off---and we've all become great friends. We made it "legal" a few months
ago. Some of you met them at the conference last year---Gill's the tall Brit
and Patrick had the long beard and was hanging around the registration table
and at my house.

Gillian, although still a teacher, is a huge John Holt fan and VERY
supportive of unschooling. Patrick is a sociology prof at the Uni. He thinks
school is a total waste of time! <G>

It was VERY important to me to find someone who would NOT make the boys go to
school. We have also set up a trust fund so that they have nothing "out of
pocket"---the boys will be financially provided for.

So we have two teachers with the responsibility of rearing our unschooling
boys should something happen to both of us! One big happy family!

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tia Leschke

> I can't help but wonder why you would prefer your mother to your MIL.
> Think about it....re-read what you wrote. Maybe your MIL wouldn't spend
all that much time w/ the kids, but would she manipulate them? Would she
spank them? Razor blades????

Maybe they have some good friends? Other relatives? Aunts or uncles?
Tia

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
saftety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...

Alan & Brenda Leonard

> How do the rest of you handle things like this? Is there ever anyone
> good enough to raise our kids if we're out of the picture? I normally
> do not live in Whatif Land, but accidents do happen and I want to know I
> did my best to ensure the girls' happiness and security.

My husband and I changed our wills a while back and made his cousin and wife
guardians of Tim in the event it should become necessary. When Tim was
born, it was originally my parents who were listed. (MIL and FIL are just
too old to have ever been considered, really.)

I grew to be uncomfortable with my mother ever being guardian, and so we
changed the wills. Matt and Josie (cousin and wife) know, of course, but we
never told my parents. I figured it would hurt their feelings, it wasn't
likely to be necessary, and honestly, if it was necessary, I won't be around
to deal with it. I know the guardianship clause is strong enough to hold up
if challenged, and I think my parents would likely be relieved, though
they'd never admit it.

I'm not entirely thrilled with our choice; Matt and Josie would not
homeschool, and she works as a school counselor. However, my husband wants
to keep it in the family, and I can respect that. These are good people,
caring and kind, who won't make the same choices I would, but I know that
Tim would be well taken care of. At this point, that's the best I can do.

brenda

BADOLBILZ

I prefer my mother because I know deep down she means well. So does
mil, but I KNOW she will not be very involved with the girls if they
live with her. My mother would hopefully clean up her house and her
razor blades if the girls actually lived there. I doubt she'd ever be
able to change herself though. So it would either be guilt trips with
her or the very materialistic and uninvolved life of my mil. A good
example would be that my sil who's single w/ one dd was dating a not
very nice dentist. Mil told her she should stick with him even though
he was a jerk because he was a "doctor" and had money. Not advice I
want someone giving my daughters!

We really don't have anyone else who want to take on this many children
(4 so far). We have large life insurance policies to guarantee they
would be provided for monetarily. Anyway, I guess I just have to let it
go and not worry about it. Live in the now. Give them all the love I
have now. HeidiC.

Tia Leschke wrote:

>
>
>
>>I can't help but wonder why you would prefer your mother to your MIL.
>>Think about it....re-read what you wrote. Maybe your MIL wouldn't spend
>>
>>
>all that much time w/ the kids, but would she manipulate them? Would she
>spank them? Razor blades????
>
>Maybe they have some good friends? Other relatives? Aunts or uncles?
>Tia
>
>"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
>saftety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
>leschke@...
>
>
>
>
>To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>[email protected]
>
>
>
>Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>
>
>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/22/03 5:31:11 PM, ynxn96@... writes:

<< A good
example would be that my sil who's single w/ one dd was dating a not
very nice dentist. Mil told her she should stick with him even though
he was a jerk because he was a "doctor" and had money. >>

If you haven't already, rent and watch the musical version (not the old
movie, but the one with Rick Moranis and Steve Martin) of Little Shop of
Horrors.

It will make you feel better. And the songs are good and the kids will
probably really enjoy it.

Sandra

Kelli Traaseth

Only, don't do it if you're about to go to a dentist! I did that, didn't realize we were going to the dentist the next day. Not good for my 5 year old. I felt so bad. I had totally forgot about the Dentist part of that movie! I thought it was hilarious, Bill Murray's part too, but Kyra didn't quite like it. Poor thing!

I have a secret desire to be in that play and I'd want to be one of the back up singers! <musical notes>Da woop,,,,,oop de doo,,,,,,,Seymore 2<musical notes> I love the music in the show!! "Down on skid rooowww!!"

Kelli singing to herself


----- Original Message -----
From: SandraDodd@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, April 22, 2003 7:48 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] mil confrontation



In a message dated 4/22/03 5:31:11 PM, ynxn96@... writes:

<< A good
example would be that my sil who's single w/ one dd was dating a not
very nice dentist. Mil told her she should stick with him even though
he was a jerk because he was a "doctor" and had money. >>

If you haven't already, rent and watch the musical version (not the old
movie, but the one with Rick Moranis and Steve Martin) of Little Shop of
Horrors.

It will make you feel better. And the songs are good and the kids will
probably really enjoy it.

Sandra

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/22/03 10:31:24 PM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< -Gill's the tall Brit >>

I picked up her habit of calling everyone "Lovie"...too cute.

Ren
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."

----Frances Hodgson Burnett

BADOLBILZ

I know that movie. It's hysterical! FEED ME! Thanks, Sandra. HeidiC.

SandraDodd@... wrote:

>In a message dated 4/22/03 5:31:11 PM, ynxn96@... writes:
>
><< A good
>example would be that my sil who's single w/ one dd was dating a not
>very nice dentist. Mil told her she should stick with him even though
>he was a jerk because he was a "doctor" and had money. >>
>
>If you haven't already, rent and watch the musical version (not the old
>movie, but the one with Rick Moranis and Steve Martin) of Little Shop of
>Horrors.
>
>It will make you feel better. And the songs are good and the kids will
>probably really enjoy it.
>
>Sandra
>
>
>To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>[email protected]
>
>
>
>Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>
>
>

thinkspringblooms

--- In [email protected], BADOLBILZ <ynxn96@f...> wrote:
>
>
> We really don't have anyone else who want to take on this many
children
> (4 so far). We have large life insurance policies to guarantee
they
> would be provided for monetarily. Anyway, I guess I just have to
let it
> go and not worry about it. Live in the now. Give them all the
love I
> have now. HeidiC.


Heidi, I lurk here and love it. You don't know me but I'll take
your kids if need be!!!! Only kidding but truly, make a search. I
don't live in whatif land either but your post has sparked a
concern. I'm lucky enough to have parents and in-laws who support
our lifestyle decisions even tho they don't agree with them (mostly
by keeping their opinions to themselves and putting on a pleasant
face), but I wouldn't want them to have my kids so dh and I are
putting some time into finding someone who will continue what we've
begun. My kids are 17,15, and twin 8s; 17 lives on her own already
(looong story). And we have a supremely wonderful unschooling life
and would welcome any additions anyone would like to contribute!!!!

I can't remember if I posted an intro here so maybe I'll check the
archives and see. If not maybe it's time I did, cuz I've been here
for six months and you'all deserve to know who's "spying" on you!

namaste
crisrobinn





>
>

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/22/03 1:37:03 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
ynxn96@... writes:

> How do the rest of you handle things like this? Is there ever anyone
> good enough to raise our kids if we're out of the picture?

I have been struggling with that question a lot. I have no one that I
believe would unschool my boys. Family would not even consider homeschooling
so I have chosen my best friend. She would consider homeschooling them and
she treats them with respect and listens to what they have to say etc. I
won't be here so I don't care if my family is hurt by the decision I have to
look out for my boys. Family isn't always the only choice.
Pam G.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

BADOLBILZ

Thanks for the support. You know, you're right. The girls' future is
important to me whether I'm in it or not. At this time, I'm new to
unschooling, but as time goes on and I make more friends who are also
unschooling, maybe I can find some potential candidates who would be
willing to take care of the girls AND unschool them. HeidiC.

thinkspringblooms wrote:

>--- In [email protected], BADOLBILZ <ynxn96@f...> wrote:
>
>
>>We really don't have anyone else who want to take on this many
>>
>>
>children
>
>
>>(4 so far). We have large life insurance policies to guarantee
>>
>>
>they
>
>
>>would be provided for monetarily. Anyway, I guess I just have to
>>
>>
>let it
>
>
>>go and not worry about it. Live in the now. Give them all the
>>
>>
>love I
>
>
>>have now. HeidiC.
>>
>>
>
>
>Heidi, I lurk here and love it. You don't know me but I'll take
>your kids if need be!!!! Only kidding but truly, make a search. I
>don't live in whatif land either but your post has sparked a
>concern. I'm lucky enough to have parents and in-laws who support
>our lifestyle decisions even tho they don't agree with them (mostly
>by keeping their opinions to themselves and putting on a pleasant
>face), but I wouldn't want them to have my kids so dh and I are
>putting some time into finding someone who will continue what we've
>begun. My kids are 17,15, and twin 8s; 17 lives on her own already
>(looong story). And we have a supremely wonderful unschooling life
>and would welcome any additions anyone would like to contribute!!!!
>
>I can't remember if I posted an intro here so maybe I'll check the
>archives and see. If not maybe it's time I did, cuz I've been here
>for six months and you'all deserve to know who's "spying" on you!
>
>namaste
>crisrobinn
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>>
>>
>
>
>
>To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>[email protected]
>
>
>
>Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>
>
>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/23/2003 5:01:57 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

> >We really don't have anyone else who want to take on this many
> children
> >(4 so far). We have large life insurance policies to guarantee
> they
> >would be provided for monetarily. Anyway, I guess I just have to
> let it
> >go and not worry about it. Live in the now. Give them all the
> love I
> >have now. HeidiC.
>
>
> Heidi, I lurk here and love it. You don't know me but I'll take
> your kids if need be!!!! Only kidding but truly, make a search.

I had the same reaction!!!! Heidi, most of the things I have read have
suggested NOT having grandparents as guardians, because they are likely to be
older and not equipped to raise more kids....and this is non-homeschooling
families. (To those grandparents raising your grandchildren: you are a
wonderful, rare exception!) The point is, maybe looking to friends, or
whatever....?

Kathryn


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kerrin or Ralph Taylor

I was just wondering...Has anyone discussed this with their children and asked who they would like to be with in the unlikely event of both parents dying?

We have named Ralph's brother and my sister as trustees for our kids. That means that they get to make any decisions regarding the children. My sister and her husband are the ones most likely to take the kids as they are young and don't have any kids (despite years of trying). None of them, or anyone else in the family would homeschool, let alone unschool, our children. However I think they would be better off with the family that they love and who love them, even if they did have to go to school. They agree. I think family is incredibly important. My family is not without plenty of dysfunction, but the love and caring runs deep and is unconditional, so I think that is always the most important thing. I realise of course that not all families are like ours, but I disagree with putting mode of education before loving family bonds.

Kerrin.





Family would not even consider homeschooling
so I have chosen my best friend. She would consider homeschooling them and
she treats them with respect and listens to what they have to say etc. I
won't be here so I don't care if my family is hurt by the decision I have to
look out for my boys. Family isn't always the only choice.
Pam G.




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

coyote's corner

Thank you, I need to feel rare and wonderful today.
Last evening, there was a benefit performance in Providence - it was a total fund raiser for the Station Fire Victims. I had two front row seats & back stage passes. Brianna couldn't go. She's in much pain due to a bruised tail bone. She & I got into a conversation about whether or not I should go, or more importantly - should she stay alone? I've only ever left her for - maybe an hour - tops. And that was when I was at the market - up the street - with a cell phone.

Anyway, I didn't go.
and I did feel bad - for a bit -

The fact is Brianna is my prime responsibility - she's lots more important.

But while we're on the subject - how old do you think a child should be before being left alone.?

Anyway - thanks,
Janis
----- Original Message -----
From: KathrynJB@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, April 23, 2003 5:30 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: mil confrontation


In a message dated 4/23/2003 5:01:57 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

> >We really don't have anyone else who want to take on this many
> children
> >(4 so far). We have large life insurance policies to guarantee
> they
> >would be provided for monetarily. Anyway, I guess I just have to
> let it
> >go and not worry about it. Live in the now. Give them all the
> love I
> >have now. HeidiC.
>
>
> Heidi, I lurk here and love it. You don't know me but I'll take
> your kids if need be!!!! Only kidding but truly, make a search.

I had the same reaction!!!! Heidi, most of the things I have read have
suggested NOT having grandparents as guardians, because they are likely to be
older and not equipped to raise more kids....and this is non-homeschooling
families. (To those grandparents raising your grandchildren: you are a
wonderful, rare exception!) The point is, maybe looking to friends, or
whatever....?

Kathryn


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 4/23/2003 6:15:26 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
kerrin@... writes:


> I was just wondering...Has anyone discussed this with their children and
> asked who they would like to be with in the unlikely event of both parents
> dying?


Both boys LOVE Gillian andPatrick. It's their first choice.

> . I realise of course that not all families are like ours, but I disagree
> with putting mode of education before loving family bonds.

Then you don't know our families! <g>

My children's well-being is MUCH more important than other family members.
And unschooling, fo us, is MUCH more than a "mode of education". It's a way
of life that our families would put an end to quickly.

We all choose unschooling----the lifestyle-- over hurt feelings.

~Kelly



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

BADOLBILZ

I think the issue isn't so much changing a mode of education, it's
changing a complete lifestyle, which unschooling really is. Of course
children can overcome amazing hardships and they would overcome the loss
of their parents and having to completely change their way of life,
especially if they were surrounded by loved ones. But I hope they won't
have to make that drastic change. Not if I can help it. I don't think
there will ever be a perfect choice for us. I just want to know I've
done the best I can. HeidiC.

Kerrin or Ralph Taylor wrote:

>I was just wondering...Has anyone discussed this with their children and asked who they would like to be with in the unlikely event of both parents dying?
>
>We have named Ralph's brother and my sister as trustees for our kids. That means that they get to make any decisions regarding the children. My sister and her husband are the ones most likely to take the kids as they are young and don't have any kids (despite years of trying). None of them, or anyone else in the family would homeschool, let alone unschool, our children. However I think they would be better off with the family that they love and who love them, even if they did have to go to school. They agree. I think family is incredibly important. My family is not without plenty of dysfunction, but the love and caring runs deep and is unconditional, so I think that is always the most important thing. I realise of course that not all families are like ours, but I disagree with putting mode of education before loving family bonds.
>
>Kerrin.
>
>
>
>
>
> Family would not even consider homeschooling
>so I have chosen my best friend. She would consider homeschooling them and
>she treats them with respect and listens to what they have to say etc. I
>won't be here so I don't care if my family is hurt by the decision I have to
>look out for my boys. Family isn't always the only choice.
>Pam G.
>
>
>
>
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>
>
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>

BADOLBILZ

I've left my 6 1/2 yr old alone, with my two youngest so I could walk my
5 yr old to preschool across the street. Tops, I've been gone about 15
minutes. But it really goes against all my instincts because I'm a
dreadful worrier and she's not really good with the phone yet in case of
an emergency. I'm just starting to let the two older ones play alone
in the backyard, and even with that, I have to check on them every
couple of minutes just to make sure some "bad" man hasn't run off with
them. See, plain old paranoid, that's me. How old is Brianna? How
does she really feel about being alone? HeidiC.

coyote's corner wrote:

>Thank you, I need to feel rare and wonderful today.
>Last evening, there was a benefit performance in Providence - it was a total fund raiser for the Station Fire Victims. I had two front row seats & back stage passes. Brianna couldn't go. She's in much pain due to a bruised tail bone. She & I got into a conversation about whether or not I should go, or more importantly - should she stay alone? I've only ever left her for - maybe an hour - tops. And that was when I was at the market - up the street - with a cell phone.
>
>Anyway, I didn't go.
>and I did feel bad - for a bit -
>
>The fact is Brianna is my prime responsibility - she's lots more important.
>
>But while we're on the subject - how old do you think a child should be before being left alone.?
>
>Anyway - thanks,
>Janis
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: KathrynJB@...
> To: [email protected]
> Sent: Wednesday, April 23, 2003 5:30 PM
> Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: mil confrontation
>
>
> In a message dated 4/23/2003 5:01:57 PM Eastern Standard Time,
> [email protected] writes:
>
> > >We really don't have anyone else who want to take on this many
> > children
> > >(4 so far). We have large life insurance policies to guarantee
> > they
> > >would be provided for monetarily. Anyway, I guess I just have to
> > let it
> > >go and not worry about it. Live in the now. Give them all the
> > love I
> > >have now. HeidiC.
> >
> >
> > Heidi, I lurk here and love it. You don't know me but I'll take
> > your kids if need be!!!! Only kidding but truly, make a search.
>
> I had the same reaction!!!! Heidi, most of the things I have read have
> suggested NOT having grandparents as guardians, because they are likely to be
> older and not equipped to raise more kids....and this is non-homeschooling
> families. (To those grandparents raising your grandchildren: you are a
> wonderful, rare exception!) The point is, maybe looking to friends, or
> whatever....?
>
> Kathryn
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
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Kerrin or Ralph Taylor

HeidiC said:
I think the issue isn't so much changing a mode of education, it's
changing a complete lifestyle, which unschooling really is.


Now I say:
Yes I totally agree with you. However I can't imagine a much bigger lifestyle change than losing both parents. There's just no way that the children's lifestyle would continue no matter who they were with. The unschooling life IS a family life for most of us.

Kerrin.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kerrin or Ralph Taylor

> Both boys LOVE Gillian andPatrick. It's their first choice.

That's great! You are lucky to have such good friends.


> Then you don't know our families! <g>

Of course I don't and I realise that family is not always best. I just
wondered if children's preferences were being taken into account. In your
case they are <g>


> My children's well-being is MUCH more important than other family members.

I agree. It is to me as well. I wasn't thinking of other family members. I
was thinking of the children who after losing their parents might be
devastated all over again by being taken away from their grandparents, aunt,
or whoever.


> And unschooling, fo us, is MUCH more than a "mode of education". It's a
way
> of life that our families would put an end to quickly.

It is for us too. I didn't mean to trivialise it. But as I said in another
post, the way of life would already be over if the parents died.

Kerrin.