Alyce - VintageGuitarPro.com

I sent this to another list as well, but for some reason it really got
me going... So any input from you all would be appreciated. Gosh
sometimes the littlest things make me nuts. Lol. I hope you don't
think this too trivial to bother you with.

And here it is:

Hi all! Here's a quick little story. Was wondering what you all might
make of it. I know how it hit me! Anyway...

The kids and I were at Border's books last night (my daughter was
spending a b'day gift certificate.) While she and my other daughter
shopped, my son (age 6) and I sat down to look at a dinosaur book he
found - was for adults, but had great pictures with captions! (we did
end up buying it). As he and I sat with the crowd of other parents and
kids looking at books, I overheard a mom say to her child regarding
selecting books "It's what I want or it's nothing." I gathered the
child didn't have any say in what they were going to buy. The little
girl was crying over it.

It just kind of struck me as sad and counterproductive. Wouldn't the
child be more likely to learn from and want to read a book she selected?
I just don't get it. If I made my son read what I wanted to read, I
doubt he'd sit still very long. I personally have NO interest in
dinosaurs... Lol... But he loves them, and I have to admit I learned a
lot from that book. We haven't finished it yet. And heck, if he's
willing and interested in sitting still for a book that's written for
adults... I only had to explain a couple of the bigger words... Then why
not? Heck his vocabulary is certainly going to be good. And it was
hitting on aspects of "being a dinosaur" that I've never seen in the
kids books.

I guess I just needed to share. I'd also be interested in hearing from
you guys what your feelings on the scenario might have been. Maybe I'm
missing something? Maybe my own viewpoint is too narrow? Maybe she was
right in some way? I don't know. :) Thanks!

~Alyce

Nancy Wooton

on 2/16/03 10:47 AM, Alyce - VintageGuitarPro.com at
alyce@... wrote:

> I sent this to another list as well, but for some reason it really got
> me going... So any input from you all would be appreciated. Gosh
> sometimes the littlest things make me nuts. Lol. I hope you don't
> think this too trivial to bother you with.
>
> And here it is:
>
> Hi all! Here's a quick little story. Was wondering what you all might
> make of it. I know how it hit me! Anyway...
>
> The kids and I were at Border's books last night (my daughter was
> spending a b'day gift certificate.) While she and my other daughter
> shopped, my son (age 6) and I sat down to look at a dinosaur book he
> found - was for adults, but had great pictures with captions! (we did
> end up buying it). As he and I sat with the crowd of other parents and
> kids looking at books, I overheard a mom say to her child regarding
> selecting books "It's what I want or it's nothing." I gathered the
> child didn't have any say in what they were going to buy. The little
> girl was crying over it.
>
> It just kind of struck me as sad and counterproductive. Wouldn't the
> child be more likely to learn from and want to read a book she selected?
> I just don't get it. If I made my son read what I wanted to read, I
> doubt he'd sit still very long. I personally have NO interest in
> dinosaurs... Lol... But he loves them, and I have to admit I learned a
> lot from that book. We haven't finished it yet. And heck, if he's
> willing and interested in sitting still for a book that's written for
> adults... I only had to explain a couple of the bigger words... Then why
> not? Heck his vocabulary is certainly going to be good. And it was
> hitting on aspects of "being a dinosaur" that I've never seen in the
> kids books.
>
> I guess I just needed to share. I'd also be interested in hearing from
> you guys what your feelings on the scenario might have been. Maybe I'm
> missing something? Maybe my own viewpoint is too narrow? Maybe she was
> right in some way? I don't know. :) Thanks!
>
> ~Alyce
>

Alyce, in what way could that mom have been right?

My mom, though flawed in many ways <g>, raised us to be readers and book
lovers: if I could make a case for a book I wanted, she'd buy it. Toys
would often be met with "use your allowance" or "wait until Christmas," but
books were always purchased. (I don't remember ever being unable to
convince her ;-)

I've followed the same policy when possible; when not possible, I do what
mom did back when we were broke: we go to the library a LOT. I've never
restricted their choices to the children's section, either.

As for dinosaurs, well... They (and Calvin and Hobbes) got my son reading
at 4. He loved Eyewitness books, and he and his sister went through a
couple of years where they collected the Eyewitness Pocket books; Santa
found they fit well in the stockings.

If you want a more literary book about dinos, try Robert Bakker's "Raptor
Red," in which a female Utah raptor's life is told from her point of view.
It was the one good dino book left out of Home Education Magazine's article
about them; I tried to get Alex to write a letter to the editor, but he
forgot ;-)

Nancy


--
Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog,
it's too dark to read.
-- Groucho Marx

Kelly Grimes

I don't think your mind is too narrow,this seems to
just be a power play.

=====
KELLY
mama to:
RAINY
PHOENIX
& TIA

__________________________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
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http://shopping.yahoo.com

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/16/03 11:50:18 AM, alyce@... writes:

<< I overheard a mom say to her child regarding
selecting books "It's what I want or it's nothing." I gathered the
child didn't have any say in what they were going to buy. The little
girl was crying over it. >>

Eeek.

I just wrote this on another list:


In a message dated 2/16/03 10:57:08 AM, mummyone24@... writes:

<< Once she knew she had the
option, or maybe even the power to say I've had enough, things turned
around. SHE turned them around. She stayed in school because it was
something she knew she didn't "have" to do. She's there because she wants to
be. >>

This is really important.

In most (maybe all) of the school-at-home families I've met or read about,
the parents made that decision without the children's input. They parents
sometimes then make a decision to put the children back on school, without
regard for what the children want.

The difference between "schooling" and unschooling has way more to do with
the relationship between the parents and the children than it has to do with
workbooks or location or hours.

That's not to say that someone with a great relationship with her kids whose
kids are in a Catholic boarding school is an unschooler. What I mean to say
is that if parents are controlling and children aren't free to say "no" (even
to the point of saying "No, I don't want to homeschool anymore, I want to go
back to school), then the children aren't learning in freedom. And until the
child has some independent rights, the miraculous kinds of things that
families report here can't start to happen.

Children who are in school by their own choice are having a different school
experience than their own choice are having a different homeschooling
experience than those whose parents won't let them go to school even if they
want to.

Sandra

==========================

I cried a lot as a kid.
One of my primary goals is not to make my kids cry!

Poor little girl.

<<It just kind of struck me as sad and counterproductive. >>

And destructive of love and trust.

<<Maybe I'm missing something? Maybe my own viewpoint is too narrow? Maybe
she was
right in some way? I don't know. :) >>

NO, I think you're exactly right.

The norm in this culture is for parents NOT to respect children, not listen
to them, and to move them quickly along the path to adulthood.

I don't think it's right or good.
Your reaction is just what mine would have been, but I would probably have
given the mom a business card of mine and tell her she should just buy her
kid the book she wants and they AND we other customers would all be much
happier.

Sandra

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/16/03 1:50:08 PM Eastern Standard Time,
alyce@... writes:

> I guess I just needed to share. I'd also be interested in hearing from
> you guys what your feelings on the scenario might have been. Maybe I'm
> missing something? Maybe my own viewpoint is too narrow? Maybe she was
> right in some way? I don't know. :) Thanks!
>
>

I am like you. My boys choose the books they want. They don't pick for me
and I don't pick for them. Sometimes they say they are looking for a certain
subject and I help them search. And they read the books they choose. And
they are not limited to the "children's" section. They go where the books
they are interested in are located.

But there are people out there that are like that "It's my way or no way". I
saw a young boy looking at Arthur books in a B&N. The Mom came up and took
the books away and said in a very sickeningly sweet voice. "Now honey you
know we don't buy Arthur books". And she gave him something else to look at.
He looked like "when did we decide that" but didn't say anything. Just went
along as instructed. Like the "good little boy" YUCK!!!
Pam G.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tia Leschke

>
> The kids and I were at Border's books last night (my daughter was
> spending a b'day gift certificate.) While she and my other daughter
> shopped, my son (age 6) and I sat down to look at a dinosaur book he
> found - was for adults, but had great pictures with captions! (we did
> end up buying it). As he and I sat with the crowd of other parents and
> kids looking at books, I overheard a mom say to her child regarding
> selecting books "It's what I want or it's nothing." I gathered the
> child didn't have any say in what they were going to buy. The little
> girl was crying over it.

I hear that a lot when I'm in the library. A parent will tell the child
that they already have enough books, or they must take 2 and only 2, or
something like that. For Pete's sake, the things are *free*! What's the
big deal. If the parent has problems with the books getting back on time,
then deal with *that* problem. I go online to the library catalog and just
get carried away ordering this, and that, and oh that one looks interesting.
Why shouldn't the kids do the same?
Tia

coyote's corner

Good Morning,
Brianna & I are pow wow traders. Just about every weekend we are at our
"port-a-store". We see all kinds of people.
When we first started, Brianna was going on 4 years old. We used to set up,
occasionally, at a 'high-end/tourist ' flea market near the shore here in
SouthEastern New England.
This one day, a family walked up the row to our tent. This family was very
well dressed. Mom had a Rolex. The dad went to the vendor across the way.
The mom & son were at our table. We had a glass bowl of arrowheads. The son
went through the bowl while mom looked at blankets, t-shirts, etc.
The son wanted an arrowhead, this one arrowhead that caused his eyes to
light up! They were priced at $1.00 each. He asked his mom if he could get
one. "Why?" she asked, "I really want one, Mom." "Why?" she asked again.
Well this boy gave her a reason, "I really like it." This went on and on. He
got so tense, so desperate. This poor kid was probably 9 or 10. He went
through the wringer with his mom.
"Please, mom, I really want this, please?"
Finally, after begging and pleading for a bit, the son said, "Mom, please, I
earned the money. It's my money."

Mom told him to ask his father.
Dad was called.
The son went through a list of reasons
I like it.
It's a keepsake.
It's my money.

His father said, "No, it's junk and you don't need it."

It was awful.
The family walked away.
Brianna looked at me and asked if she could give the boy the arrowhead. I
said yes.
She grabbed the arrowhead and ran up to the family, she cut in front of the
dad and said to the boy, "You forgot your arrowhead" The boy just looked at
her, the dad said "That's not his, he didn't pay for it." Brianna never
looked at the dad. She just stood there, holding the arrowhead out for the
boy to take. The dad got more severe w/ Brianna.
"He didn't pay for it. And it's junk!"
Brianna said to the boy, "You paid for this, this is yours. My cousins on
the reservation make these. You keep it."
Then she looked at the dad and said "Your mean."
That's the worst I've seen.
I can't tell you how many people bring kids to a pow wow and yell at them to
stay clean.
Or totally disrespect the kids wishes, opinions, tastes, and choices.
It's horrible!

Janis
-----Original Message-----
From: Tia Leschke [mailto:leschke@...]
Sent: Sunday, February 16, 2003 4:39 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] What do you make of this

>
> The kids and I were at Border's books last night (my daughter was
> spending a b'day gift certificate.) While she and my other daughter
> shopped, my son (age 6) and I sat down to look at a dinosaur book he
> found - was for adults, but had great pictures with captions! (we did
> end up buying it). As he and I sat with the crowd of other parents and
> kids looking at books, I overheard a mom say to her child regarding
> selecting books "It's what I want or it's nothing." I gathered the
> child didn't have any say in what they were going to buy. The little
> girl was crying over it.

I hear that a lot when I'm in the library. A parent will tell the child
that they already have enough books, or they must take 2 and only 2, or
something like that. For Pete's sake, the things are *free*! What's the
big deal. If the parent has problems with the books getting back on time,
then deal with *that* problem. I go online to the library catalog and just
get carried away ordering this, and that, and oh that one looks interesting.
Why shouldn't the kids do the same?
Tia




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[email protected]

In a message dated 2/17/2003 9:56:42 AM Eastern Standard Time,
janis@... writes:


> "He didn't pay for it. And it's junk!"
> Brianna said to the boy, "You paid for this, this is yours. My cousins on
> the reservation make these. You keep it."
> Then she looked at the dad and said "Your mean."
> That's the worst I've seen.
>

I'm an Usborne consultant and we have bookfairs at preschools periodically. I
remember one where a 4yo little boy was begging for a book from the table.
His mom looked tired and irritable and said as she pulled him away, "You
don't need another book; you have one at home." ONE, as in singular.
I gave him the book.

Amy Kagey
E-mail me for a list of used
homeschooling books for sale!
<A HREF="http://www.ubah.com/ecommerce/default.asp?sid=Z0939&gid=462366">Shop: Usborne Books!</A>




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Dawn Falbe

Alyce: I've been in stores and seen the same thing and now know that it
doesn't benefit the child.

I think that as I've been through a deschooling process it seems that
making kids read or do anything I want them to do (unless it's for
safety reasons) is a waste of my energy. I have to ask myself "how do I
benefit from making my children do something I want them to do as
opposed to them doing what they want?" I find it takes a lot more
effort and energy out of me to try and make my kids do what I want.
That is very exhausting and what would I get out of it, except I'd be
annoyed, frustrated and p**sed off at them. That doesn't make for a
harmonious living arrangement. I'm learning the more I let go of what
they are up too, not only is my life calmer but so is theirs.

Dawn F.
Tucson, AZ

Alyce - VintageGuitarPro.com"
What do you make of this

I sent this to another list as well, but for some reason it really got
me going... So any input from you all would be appreciated. Gosh
sometimes the littlest things make me nuts. Lol. I hope you don't
think this too trivial to bother you with.

And here it is:

Hi all! Here's a quick little story. Was wondering what you all might
make of it. I know how it hit me! Anyway...

The kids and I were at Border's books last night (my daughter was
spending a b'day gift certificate.) While she and my other daughter
shopped, my son (age 6) and I sat down to look at a dinosaur book he
found - was for adults, but had great pictures with captions! (we did
end up buying it). As he and I sat with the crowd of other parents and
kids looking at books, I overheard a mom say to her child regarding
selecting books "It's what I want or it's nothing." I gathered the
child didn't have any say in what they were going to buy. The little
girl was crying over it.

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/18/03 2:47:42 AM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< Then she looked at the dad and said "Your mean." >>

And she was right...good for her!!
I can't believe he not only insulted his son, but he insulted you too. He was
not only mean spirited, but incredibly rude.
Wow.
That whole story made me feel sick to my stomache. I think of all the
children having to live that way from day to day and it breaks my heart.

Ren, off to celebrate Jared's half-Birthday today!!
"The sun is shining--the sun is shining. That is the magic. The flowers are
growing--the roots are stirring. That is the magic. Being alive is the
magic--being strong is the magic The magic is in me--the magic is in
me....It's in every one of us."

----Frances Hodgson Burnett

Lisa Hardiman

Good for Brianna! The world too often looks on quietly to terrible
things. Peace to you and your family this fine day. Lisa of MT

-----Original Message-----
From: coyote's corner [mailto:janis@...]
Sent: Monday, February 17, 2003 7:55 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: [AlwaysLearning] What do you make of this

Good Morning,
Brianna & I are pow wow traders. Just about every weekend we are at our
"port-a-store". We see all kinds of people.
When we first started, Brianna was going on 4 years old. We used to set
up,
occasionally, at a 'high-end/tourist ' flea market near the shore here
in
SouthEastern New England.
This one day, a family walked up the row to our tent. This family was
very
well dressed. Mom had a Rolex. The dad went to the vendor across the
way.
The mom & son were at our table. We had a glass bowl of arrowheads. The
son
went through the bowl while mom looked at blankets, t-shirts, etc.
The son wanted an arrowhead, this one arrowhead that caused his eyes to
light up! They were priced at $1.00 each. He asked his mom if he could
get
one. "Why?" she asked, "I really want one, Mom." "Why?" she asked
again.
Well this boy gave her a reason, "I really like it." This went on and
on. He
got so tense, so desperate. This poor kid was probably 9 or 10. He went
through the wringer with his mom.
"Please, mom, I really want this, please?"
Finally, after begging and pleading for a bit, the son said, "Mom,
please, I
earned the money. It's my money."

Mom told him to ask his father.
Dad was called.
The son went through a list of reasons
I like it.
It's a keepsake.
It's my money.

His father said, "No, it's junk and you don't need it."

It was awful.
The family walked away.
Brianna looked at me and asked if she could give the boy the arrowhead.
I
said yes.
She grabbed the arrowhead and ran up to the family, she cut in front of
the
dad and said to the boy, "You forgot your arrowhead" The boy just looked
at
her, the dad said "That's not his, he didn't pay for it." Brianna never
looked at the dad. She just stood there, holding the arrowhead out for
the
boy to take. The dad got more severe w/ Brianna.
"He didn't pay for it. And it's junk!"
Brianna said to the boy, "You paid for this, this is yours. My cousins
on
the reservation make these. You keep it."
Then she looked at the dad and said "Your mean."
That's the worst I've seen.
I can't tell you how many people bring kids to a pow wow and yell at
them to
stay clean.
Or totally disrespect the kids wishes, opinions, tastes, and choices.
It's horrible!

Janis
-----Original Message-----
From: Tia Leschke [mailto:leschke@...]
Sent: Sunday, February 16, 2003 4:39 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] What do you make of this

>
> The kids and I were at Border's books last night (my daughter was
> spending a b'day gift certificate.) While she and my other daughter
> shopped, my son (age 6) and I sat down to look at a dinosaur book he
> found - was for adults, but had great pictures with captions! (we did
> end up buying it). As he and I sat with the crowd of other parents
and
> kids looking at books, I overheard a mom say to her child regarding
> selecting books "It's what I want or it's nothing." I gathered the
> child didn't have any say in what they were going to buy. The little
> girl was crying over it.

I hear that a lot when I'm in the library. A parent will tell the child
that they already have enough books, or they must take 2 and only 2, or
something like that. For Pete's sake, the things are *free*! What's
the
big deal. If the parent has problems with the books getting back on
time,
then deal with *that* problem. I go online to the library catalog and
just
get carried away ordering this, and that, and oh that one looks
interesting.
Why shouldn't the kids do the same?
Tia




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