callymom2000 <scenichillhomeschool@hotma

Thank you all for your imput. You all gave me a lot to think about
and that is always helpful.

Well you know what they say about the best laid plans. My dd.
changed them and as it turns out that was for the best.

My dd. Elaine decided (unknown to me) that she would call her friend
and let her know that if her father was there she would not come over
or stay the night. Her friend asked, why? Elaine said I do not want
to talk about it now. Then asked her friend to come over, she said no
and hung up.

Ok, at this time I had a house with guest and strange dogs unsure of
each other and my phone rings. I answer it. "Hi, Carol (my real
name) this is S. my dd. is upstairs crying, she is mad at me and told
me I ruined every thing and your dd. is afraid to come over here if I
am here and she won't stay the night. Ummm, did I do something
wrong?" WHOA! Let me find a quite room to talk. (Everyone was well
fed and busy with the dogs or game).

Let me say, that this man is not one of my favorite neighbors, but he
is not some kind of monster either. He is a man that most people
would like. His children are not trouble makers and he is doing the
best he, at this point, knows how. I do disagree SRONGLY with is
parenting philosophy. I am not sure if he really knows what his
philosopy is, he just wants to have *good kids*.

After I explained to him what Elaine had said happened he offered an
apology and his side of the story. Which really opened up the
conversation to parenting. He asked genuine questions and really
wanted anwsers. When I was able to give him real examples, from what
he said, why he is the source of some of the problems he listened and
had great questions.

So in the end he said how do I fix this with you dd. I told him
honestly she was uncomfortable with him and did not want to be there
if he was there. He respected that. Maybe, hopefully, in the future
Elaine will feel better and that will change, but I think if Elaine
does go over it will be only if the wife is home.

One thing that was really bothering me, and I told him, and he was
suprised, because he never actually thought about it, is the fact
that my dd. is a girl and a child, she needs to KNOW that she has the
right to say to ANYONE that touches her in a way that makes her
uncomfortable STOP! He understood because he has three children and
two are daughters. I think this helped him to see another point of
view.

Heidi, thank you you had some great points. I will most definetly do
this<<<<

* leave him a copy of 'how to talk to kids so they listen and listen
so
they'll talk" by that Adelle Faber woman. Free for him.*

And a copy of "Whole Child/Whole Parent" by Polly Berrien Breends.

I think he will read them.

Cally

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/27/03 2:25:47 PM Eastern Standard Time,
scenichillhomeschool@... writes:

> After I explained to him what Elaine had said happened he offered an
> apology and his side of the story. Which really opened up the
> conversation to parenting. He asked genuine questions and really
> wanted anwsers. When I was able to give him real examples, from what
> he said, why he is the source of some of the problems he listened and
> had great questions.
>
>

Thanks for letting us know what happened in the end. It was great for some
discussion. Glad things worked out.
Pam G.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joylyn

I'm glad that this worked out well, and that he was open to listening....

Joylyn

callymom2000 wrote:

> Thank you all for your imput. You all gave me a lot to think about
> and that is always helpful.
>
> Well you know what they say about the best laid plans. My dd.
> changed them and as it turns out that was for the best.
>
> My dd. Elaine decided (unknown to me) that she would call her friend
> and let her know that if her father was there she would not come over
> or stay the night. Her friend asked, why? Elaine said I do not want
> to talk about it now. Then asked her friend to come over, she said no
> and hung up.
>
> Ok, at this time I had a house with guest and strange dogs unsure of
> each other and my phone rings. I answer it. "Hi, Carol (my real
> name) this is S. my dd. is upstairs crying, she is mad at me and told
> me I ruined every thing and your dd. is afraid to come over here if I
> am here and she won't stay the night. Ummm, did I do something
> wrong?" WHOA! Let me find a quite room to talk. (Everyone was well
> fed and busy with the dogs or game).
>
> Let me say, that this man is not one of my favorite neighbors, but he
> is not some kind of monster either. He is a man that most people
> would like. His children are not trouble makers and he is doing the
> best he, at this point, knows how. I do disagree SRONGLY with is
> parenting philosophy. I am not sure if he really knows what his
> philosopy is, he just wants to have *good kids*.
>
> After I explained to him what Elaine had said happened he offered an
> apology and his side of the story. Which really opened up the
> conversation to parenting. He asked genuine questions and really
> wanted anwsers. When I was able to give him real examples, from what
> he said, why he is the source of some of the problems he listened and
> had great questions.
>
> So in the end he said how do I fix this with you dd. I told him
> honestly she was uncomfortable with him and did not want to be there
> if he was there. He respected that. Maybe, hopefully, in the future
> Elaine will feel better and that will change, but I think if Elaine
> does go over it will be only if the wife is home.
>
> One thing that was really bothering me, and I told him, and he was
> suprised, because he never actually thought about it, is the fact
> that my dd. is a girl and a child, she needs to KNOW that she has the
> right to say to ANYONE that touches her in a way that makes her
> uncomfortable STOP! He understood because he has three children and
> two are daughters. I think this helped him to see another point of
> view.
>
> Heidi, thank you you had some great points. I will most definetly do
> this<<<<
>
> * leave him a copy of 'how to talk to kids so they listen and listen
> so
> they'll talk" by that Adelle Faber woman. Free for him.*
>
> And a copy of "Whole Child/Whole Parent" by Polly Berrien Breends.
>
> I think he will read them.
>
> Cally
>
>
>
>
>
>
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

I think it's sad that the friend, whose fault none of this was, had to cry,
not get to visit, and not get an explanation.

I always care more about the kids in these cases than the parents, so for me
I was disappointed in the outcome.

The kids weren't playing together, and one was crying.

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/27/03 5:19:11 PM Eastern Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:

> The kids weren't playing together, and one was crying.
>
>

But I think it was good that the girl who was hit stood her ground and
verbalized how she felt and that she was uncomfortable being around the
father and wouldn't put herself in that situation.
Pam G.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tia Leschke

> I think it's sad that the friend, whose fault none of this was, had to
cry,
> not get to visit, and not get an explanation.
>
> I always care more about the kids in these cases than the parents, so for
me
> I was disappointed in the outcome.
>
> The kids weren't playing together, and one was crying.

But it sounds like there is a resolution that's going to end up improving
things for the one child, and the other one will still play except around
the dad. If he really did listen, and changes because of it, then
everybody's going to win.
Tia

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/27/03 5:14:28 PM, leschke@... writes:

<< If he really did listen, and changes because of it, then
everybody's going to win. >>

Absolutely true. I wish it could have happened without tears.

When I was little I cried enough for a dozen little girls. The more who can
be spared from here on out the better.

Sandra

Tia Leschke

>
> Absolutely true. I wish it could have happened without tears.
>
> When I was little I cried enough for a dozen little girls. The more who
can
> be spared from here on out the better.
>
I'm with you there. I wonder how many tears we cried between us. I was
mostly ok at home, but at school I was the school "crybaby" all through
elementary school.
Tia