Nanci Kuykendall

>So I thought maybe my confidence makes people feel
>uncomfortable. Maybe I should list some doubts and
>fears.

I know you wrote this as an affirmation that you are
human and to make it clear that you do have fears and
doubts. I know you can probably answer these doubts
yourself in the same ways that I have below, but I
thought it would be a good exercise for me in
affirmation as well, from the other side.

>Sometimes I'm afraid my kids will resent not having
>school stories to tell. No prom, no team sports, no
>horrible teacher tales.

Instead they have encounters with weird
school-at-homers and condemning and judgemental
relatives, public school families, and even strangers
to tell. They have the chip of being "different" to
bear on their shoulders if they choose, and tons of
experiences going to parties, events and activities
that they would not have been able to do if they had
been in school.

>I wish they had had the opportunity to be in school
>band or orchestra or chorus, which they WOULD have
>done if it had been a better choice than another
>write-a-report class.

I believe you mean that you wish they had the IDEAL of
the band experience, without all the crap stuff that
comes with it, which is not possible. Instead they
have social opportunities to play music with family,
friends and other social groups, and the freedom to
study as much or as little as they want. Remember
that family whose kids all got accepted to Julliard
(sp?) at the same time recently for piano? Fist time
in the history of the school that siblings have been
there at the same time, let alone 4 of them. But they
were all just THAT good. They were also all
homeschooled, to give them oodles of time with their
music. The parents decided early on that school was
interferring with their children's desire to play
piano. So they cut out the school.

>I think of friends I still have from school, and
>realize I would never have met them if I'd been
>homeschooled.

I think of friends whom we never would have met if we
had not been homeschooling. These friends enrich our
lives, and include adults as well as kids. I don't
have any friends from my years in school, despite
attempting to maintain relationships with several.

>I imagine that Marty and Kirby will blame me forever
>for their handwriting being scrawly printing.

If the handwriting is the fault of the "teacher" or
the learning opportunity, or amount of practice, or
the amount of "formal" education, than what is the
excuse of all the professionals whose indeciperable
heiroglyphics have to be decoded by administrative
assistants, and technical editors around the world?
There are many of them who cannot even put together a
decent paragraph, or spell reliably, and who find
punctuation hopelessly baffling, despite multiple
college degrees.

>I wonder if Marty won't do well if he's on Jeopardy.

My sister in law is a lawyer. She lost on Jeopardy,
regardless.

>Once in a while I'm afraid I'll get in trouble with
>the state, but then I remember that all they'll do is
>notify me that I'm not in compliance, and then I'll
>just comply.

Ahh the homeschooling apocolyptic vision. We all
suffer from that sometimes.

>I worry that I'll die and they'll have their peaceful
>unschooling disrupted.

If a child's mother dies, I doubt the child's
continuing education would be the greatest of the
child's concerns at the time, nor the event which has
the greater impact upon their lives. However, you can
always write up your wishes for how your children
should be educated (including books their chosen
guardians should read.)

>I worry that they'll think they're not as smart as
>kids who go to school are.

But then I remember that my children know how to think
for themselves and are not slaves to peer pressure or
peer concepts. They also know, because I tell them
all the time, that school has nothing to do with
smarts. You are either born smart, or you aren't.
School is only a place to access information and learn
to use it (ideally) and access to good and timely
information may affect how large your knowledge base
is, it may decrease ignorance. But how smart or
intelligent you are is something that is a part of you
that no school or teacher can take credit for.

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/27/2003 12:50:47 PM Eastern Standard Time,
aisliin@... writes:


> >So I thought maybe my confidence makes people feel
> >uncomfortable. Maybe I should list some doubts and
> >fears.
>
> I know you wrote this as an affirmation that you are
> human and to make it clear that you do have fears and
> doubts. I know you can probably answer these doubts
> yourself in the same ways that I have below, but I
> thought it would be a good exercise for me in
> affirmation as well, from the other side. <snip>

How wonderful! Thanks!


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

callymom2000 <scenichillhomeschool@hotma

--- In [email protected], Nanci Kuykendall
<aisliin@y...> wrote:


> >Sometimes I'm afraid my kids will resent not having
> >school stories to tell. No prom, no team sports, no
> >horrible teacher tales.
>
> Instead they have encounters with weird
> school-at-homers and condemning and judgemental
> relatives, public school families, and even strangers
> to tell. They have the chip of being "different" to
> bear on their shoulders if they choose, and tons of
> experiences going to parties, events and activities
> that they would not have been able to do if they had
> been in school.>>>>>

Nancy~
Thanks for your entire post. It is a healthly prespective.

I know my children have had many experiences, they will cherish the
rest of their lives, that they would have missed out on if they had
to be at school 9-3 everyday.

My oldest has gone to a homecoming dance. She still has friends that
attend school, she can go to activities with them if it is important
to her.

Cally

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/27/03 10:50:59 AM, aisliin@... writes:

<< I know you can probably answer these doubts
yourself in the same ways that I have below, but I
thought it would be a good exercise for me in
affirmation as well, from the other side. >>

I liked reading it. You had some ideas I hadn't had.

Thanks! That was cool!

Sandra

Peggy

Nancy K. wrote about Sandra's words:

>>I worry that I'll die and they'll have their peaceful
>>>unschooling disrupted.
>
>
> If a child's mother dies, I doubt the child's
> continuing education would be the greatest of the
> child's concerns at the time, nor the event which has
> the greater impact upon their lives. However, you can
> always write up your wishes for how your children
> should be educated (including books their chosen
> guardians should read.)


Much as I loved the section around this you wrote I have to disagree
with this. A child's life is how they live it. They live in the
immediate present and having to go to school due to the death of a
parent would be a very significant event. It could definitely add to the
grief.

Nothing many of us can do about preventing it however.

I'm with Dar, I just have to keep living for a while at least.

Peggy

Tia Leschke

>
> Much as I loved the section around this you wrote I have to disagree
> with this. A child's life is how they live it. They live in the
> immediate present and having to go to school due to the death of a
> parent would be a very significant event. It could definitely add to the
> grief.

When my friend Bonnie died, her four kids had never been to school. Her
husband's major priority was keeping them out of school. He took a year or
so and lived on next to nothing while he concentrated on the kids. Here in
Canada, widows and widowers with kids get a pension until the kids are
grown. Low income parents also get what they call a child tax benefit.
Between the two, they were able to survive. Now he works for my husband,
and the 17 year old looks after the boys while he works. One of the biggest
things Dennis had to deal with was the kids' fear that he could die as well.
Tia

Peggy

Tia wrote:

> When my friend Bonnie died, her four kids had never been to school. Her
> husband's major priority was keeping them out of school. He took a year or
> so and lived on next to nothing while he concentrated on the kids. Here in
> Canada, widows and widowers with kids get a pension until the kids are
> grown. Low income parents also get what they call a child tax benefit.
> Between the two, they were able to survive. Now he works for my husband,
> and the 17 year old looks after the boys while he works. One of the biggest
> things Dennis had to deal with was the kids' fear that he could die as well.
> Tia

Thanks for sharing this Tia. Manys the times I've wondered and worried
about Bonnie's children. I was orphaned myself and can be very painful.
I'm so glad that they were able to work it out so that the boys aren't
in school.

We get a bit of social security here but it is dependent upon the income
of the parent at time of death. Still better than welfare since they
make that dependent upon a lot of other things now.

I'm curious about poverty in Canada. Do you think it is more or less
invisible than poverty in the States?

Peggy

Tia Leschke

> I worry about this for Julian. For those of you who don't know, he has
three
> parents: Me (biological mother), my partner Beth, and his father, Perry.
We
> have an excellent relationship with Perry, but the truth is, that if
> something happened to me, whatever Julian needed or Beth wanted, Perry
could
> call all the shots. I THINK he would want to do what's best for Julian,
> including NOT sending him to school, but I am not certain. It's scary. And
> Julian HAS thought about it, and has talked about it.

Would it help for him to talk about his worries with Perry?
Tia