[email protected]

In a message dated 1/15/2003 10:40:05 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:


> Okay, I need a little reality check. ...alright, I need a BIG reality
> check.
>
> Here's the situation.
> I have two kids. One is 16, Rachael, awesome (of course), who was in a
> 'progressive' private school (her decision) until 8th grade, then a charter
>
> high for a few months, and is now unschooling her high school years. The
> second kid, Damian is 13, in seventh grade at the same 'progressive'
> private school in 7th grade (it goes to 8th), is dyslexic so he writes
> extremely slowly but loves the school for its Acivities (he's making
> chainmail at the moment) and his friends there.
>
> Damian was having a meltdown a few months back over homework he wasn't able
>
> to get done in time - and he was exhausted, it was late, etc, etc. I wrote
>
> on his homework that I was not going to require him to do homework during
> family time and at Damian's request, wrote another note saying that this
> idea was mine, not Damians. (He wanted the teacher to not get mad at
> him.) I later confirmed with the teacher that life was okay with this
> decision and she made some murmurings about it being alright and that
> they'd find a way to get the work done in school or something.
>
> I just found out how she's been getting her work done.
>
> She's been keeping Damian in during lunch EVERY SINGLE DAY to get his 'LATE
>
> WORK' done. He can't remember the last time he had a lunch free. Every
> single day his friends from 7th and 8th grade have been gathering on the
> steps to chat, reconnect, plan after-school activities and eat their
> lunches... and Damian's been kept inside. I just had a
> trying-to-be-nonchalant-but-not-very-effectively chat with the boy about it
>
> and he seems to feel that he NEEDS to do the homework because otherwise
> he's not going to learn anything and he wants to be successful with his
> life.
>
> I'm about to scream with rage and frustration, not at the boy, but at the
> teacher and the stupid ficking society that says homework is more important
>
> than family, friends, activities and that if it's not done, a kid will be
> stupid and not have a good life. Never MIND that it's costing an arm and a
>
> leg to keep him in the stupid fricking school too!
>
> I want to pull him immediately, even though it's his choice to BE at that
> school because that viewpoint is so whacked out I can hardly stand it. I
> want to un-brainwash him! I want an intervention!!!
>
> I want to honor his wishes to stay with his friends at the school, but I
> also don't know how much of that desire is prompted by the idea that if
> he's not 'taught', he won't learn anything, so he needs a 'teacher',
> complete with homework.
>
> Intending to bolster the argument about not needing homework and the joys
> of unschooling, I asked Rachael to talk about how she's doing with the
> unschooling thing and she said, "I don't agree with having homework, but
> I'm learning jack-shit." Blew me out of the water. Here's a bright,
> intelligent girl who can dye hair almost any color (usually a bright one),
> can build webpages, work with digital images, handle more than 5 chat rooms
>
> at a time, taught herself to knit, planned her own trip to Oregon on
> Amtrak, including paying for it... and all she can say is that she doesn't
> know geometry well enough. I ask her why she thinks she'll need geometry
> and can't she brush up on it when she really needs it and she just
> shrugs. Meanwhile her brother is sitting there just nodding his head,
> saying, "see what I mean?"
>
> ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I finally told them that they had
> blown me out of the water and I needed a little while alone to write to you
>
> guys and figure out what is going on (and maybe even get some suggestions
> on how to handle it.) I also wasn't the coolest because I just went inside
>
> to find Rae with one of her unschooling buddies (my honorary second
> daughter) and I blew up, asking the buddy to explain to Rae how bright and
> intelligent she is and how few other kids would be able to manage to get
> themselves up to Oregon and back again successfully on their own, yadda,
> yadda, yadda. I then proceeded to burst into tears.
>
> Way to stay cool, mom.
>
> So, any ideas?
> Heidi-the-blown-away-and-seriously-mind-ficked...
> Where is my Tahitian island when I need it?
>
>

Argh!
I have a few ideas that MIGHT help....
Re: Damian and the Pooky Old School.... You say it's costing you $1000 a
month to keep him in school...What about BRIBERY???? What if you offered him
not only the opportunity to do LOTS of cool Learny things, but also CASH?
Tell him you really believe school is bad for him, and that you also respect
that it needs to be his choice...but that you're willing to make it worth his
while. Might also be a good time to assign a little REQUIRED reading (LOL)
to both kids....maybe Teeenage Liberation Handbook, or maybe actually pay for
a phone appointment with Grace Llewellyn?

Kids (and the rest of us) are bombarded by all those academic messages, and
it's hard to overcome them. But if your daughter isn't learning anything (and
maybe she's not), it's HER responsibility. I assume you're willing to offer
most resources she wants.

When I was a freshman in college I transferred from a plain old regular
college to a cool hippy college. I was bored, and I figured if I went to the
cool college and was bored (or certainly, not learning) it was my own fault.
Same thing with unschooling.

Maybe it would be good for your kids to connect with more unschooling (and
happy) kids?

By the way, my son is making chain mail too. Those rings remind one of the
Leggo days, don't they? Almost as painful to step on.

Kathryn


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