Re: Bi-racial kids
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/23/2002 8:42:56 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
common to be blatantly racist (or homophobic or whatever) these days, but we
have this stuff institutionalized. It makes a difference if we're aware,
notice our discomforts, and make a point to "walk our talk." You KNOW you
have some racist hangups and wish you didn't? Wow, that's WONDERFUL! You're
most of the way there already!
I learned an interesting parenting thing from a good friend of mine about the
assumptions we make.
This is a straight married woman who was talking about her kids. She
mentioned she was gently teasing her then 15 year old daughter about a couple
of kids she had met over a weekend, a boy and a girl. She asked about the
boy, "So do you LIKE him?" THEN she asked if she LIKED the girl.
I was flabbergasted! ( I just love that word). She had an awareness that her
daughter just might not be straight, and without even really trying,
communicated to her that it was okay and natural, in the light teasing way
that parents do with their kids sometimes. (This kid is one who was fine with
her mom asking about this kind of thing.) Now, most of our kids are likely to
be straight. BUT even very enlightened parents often talk to their kids in
ways that would make it hard for a questioning kid to think it was okay.
Kathleen gracefully, in a normal situation, did that (and does consistently.)
Until she told me that story (and, even more amazingly, it was not to show
me how enlightenened she was. She was genuinely startled when I complimented
her on that aspect of it.), it hadn't occurred to me how much >I< took for
granted that Julian would probably be straight. I think about the messages I
give much more now.
Is this as clear as mud? I'm still a little addled.
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
> I always wish I could wear a t-shirt that would explain it all. ThenThe thing is...WE ALL have these hangups. It's not really acceptable or
> I have to ask myself what am I trying to prove? Maybe I am the
> obnoxious white girl who's trying to prove she's not racist to
> herself. I know I have some racist hangups. I know this. I wish I
> didn't.
>
> So what is the best way? From people who have biracial families or
> people who are in same sex relationships. What is the best way for
> me to let you know that I think wht you're doing is great. And I
> wish it wasn't such a big deal and I hope some day we won't even have
> to think twice about it?
>
>
common to be blatantly racist (or homophobic or whatever) these days, but we
have this stuff institutionalized. It makes a difference if we're aware,
notice our discomforts, and make a point to "walk our talk." You KNOW you
have some racist hangups and wish you didn't? Wow, that's WONDERFUL! You're
most of the way there already!
I learned an interesting parenting thing from a good friend of mine about the
assumptions we make.
This is a straight married woman who was talking about her kids. She
mentioned she was gently teasing her then 15 year old daughter about a couple
of kids she had met over a weekend, a boy and a girl. She asked about the
boy, "So do you LIKE him?" THEN she asked if she LIKED the girl.
I was flabbergasted! ( I just love that word). She had an awareness that her
daughter just might not be straight, and without even really trying,
communicated to her that it was okay and natural, in the light teasing way
that parents do with their kids sometimes. (This kid is one who was fine with
her mom asking about this kind of thing.) Now, most of our kids are likely to
be straight. BUT even very enlightened parents often talk to their kids in
ways that would make it hard for a questioning kid to think it was okay.
Kathleen gracefully, in a normal situation, did that (and does consistently.)
Until she told me that story (and, even more amazingly, it was not to show
me how enlightenened she was. She was genuinely startled when I complimented
her on that aspect of it.), it hadn't occurred to me how much >I< took for
granted that Julian would probably be straight. I think about the messages I
give much more now.
Is this as clear as mud? I'm still a little addled.
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Heidi Wordhouse-Dykema
...which reminds me of something that happened with my teenage daughter.
She was having a (male) homeschooling friend from another city over to stay
for a few days and she was trying to plan out where he was going to
sleep. She had intended that he would sleep in her room (she had a queen
sized bed at the time, but she also has a cat which means her door needs to
stay closed as we're allergic.) I said that I didn't know the young man
well enough and that he or they both were welcome to sleep in a more public
room, but not closed off in her room. After all, I'd met him for a grand
total of maybe 20 minutes... give me a break!
She was complaining to a friend over the phone about how 'awful' I was
being and took the opportunity to argue with me again. She asked, "Well,
you let <a female friend> sleep with me in my room, why not <the male
friend>? I mean, what if <the female friend> is lesbian?"
I said with a shrug, "I guess I'm just more comfortable with lesbian love."
Not quite what she expected from her old mum. (grin) Blew her mind. She
chattered about that one to her friends for a few days. (and yes, she
knows I have lesbian friends and transgendered acquaintances, but I don't
really stress it much and as she's never had a romantic interest come
calling there's been little call for it.)
That one made it into my mental 'parenting moments' book.
Heidi
She was having a (male) homeschooling friend from another city over to stay
for a few days and she was trying to plan out where he was going to
sleep. She had intended that he would sleep in her room (she had a queen
sized bed at the time, but she also has a cat which means her door needs to
stay closed as we're allergic.) I said that I didn't know the young man
well enough and that he or they both were welcome to sleep in a more public
room, but not closed off in her room. After all, I'd met him for a grand
total of maybe 20 minutes... give me a break!
She was complaining to a friend over the phone about how 'awful' I was
being and took the opportunity to argue with me again. She asked, "Well,
you let <a female friend> sleep with me in my room, why not <the male
friend>? I mean, what if <the female friend> is lesbian?"
I said with a shrug, "I guess I'm just more comfortable with lesbian love."
Not quite what she expected from her old mum. (grin) Blew her mind. She
chattered about that one to her friends for a few days. (and yes, she
knows I have lesbian friends and transgendered acquaintances, but I don't
really stress it much and as she's never had a romantic interest come
calling there's been little call for it.)
That one made it into my mental 'parenting moments' book.
Heidi
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/25/2002 1:58:45 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
"does it" with her friend Tanya, she can't get pregnant. LOL
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
> She was complaining to a friend over the phone about how 'awful' I wasHeehee...and the rest of us all know that part of you was thinking...If she
> being and took the opportunity to argue with me again. She asked, "Well,
> you let sleep with me in my room, why not <the male
> friend>? I mean, what if <the female friend> is lesbian?"
>
> I said with a shrug, "I guess I'm just more comfortable with lesbian love."
>
> Not quite what she expected from her old mum. (grin) Blew her mind. She
> chattered about that one to her friends for a few days. (and yes, she
> knows I have lesbian friends and transgendered acquaintances, but I don't
> really stress it much and as she's never had a romantic interest come
> calling there's been little call for it.)
>
"does it" with her friend Tanya, she can't get pregnant. LOL
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Heidi Wordhouse-Dykema
At 10:09 AM 11/25/2002 -0500, you wrote:
Brain. Sex-a-holics. Nymphos. This makes three or four of you who came
up with that! ...and you're absolutely spot on!
Hmmm, must be a room full of Unschoolers in here....
Heidi
>Heehee...and the rest of us all know that part of you was thinking...If sheWow, this list of full of sex-fiends, isn't it!!! Sex on the
>"does it" with her friend Tanya, she can't get pregnant. LOL
Brain. Sex-a-holics. Nymphos. This makes three or four of you who came
up with that! ...and you're absolutely spot on!
Hmmm, must be a room full of Unschoolers in here....
Heidi