Sticky fingers update--long
[email protected]
Remember the little girl who stole a dollar out of the candy sale drawer?
Here's the update.
We talked to her grandmother ahead of time and decided she would help us find
a way for the girl to earn the dollar back. We structured our entire meeting
this weekend around the concept of trustworthiness, honesty and stealing. I
mean, we really did it up. And the girl responded with all the right
answers, etc. She *got it*. I know because I was paying attention.
So, after the meeting my co-leader and I sat down with the girl. I was very
gentle with her, reminded her about the incident and how I would know that a
dollar was missing, and that it was. She denied that she took it. We talked
some more, told her we weren't upset, etc., and after a while, she admitted
she took it. No tears, no remorse, no nothing, though. She looked at me,
right in the eye, the whole time. We brought the grandmother in and the girl
and she worked out some chores she could do around the house.
We thought we did a good job, even though my co-leader and I disagreed on the
girl's reaction. She thought the girl was fighting back tears, and I never
once thought that. In fact, I thought she was tuning us out, and only
nodding when necessary.
Fast forward to Saturday afternoon's candy sale. I took her straight away
with me from the meeting to the sale. All the kids were hungry, and she was
the only one without money, so I bought her a meal on the way, which I didn't
mind in the least. In the Burger King she found a dime that someone had
dropped (I saw it first). I said, "Oh, a reward for being honest!" and said
she could put it in her pocket.
About an hour into the candy sale, she comes up with a quarter and the dime
and asks if she can buy some of the mints we are selling. I told her she
didn't have enough, but asked her where she got the quarter. She said, "From
that man." It's not unusual for people to offer the kids money, and so I
didn't think much about it...but I did ask her if he gave any of the other
kids money. She said no. The rest of the day went on without incident.
However, when I get home with the money from the sale, the drawer was $10
short. Now, I KNOW that there are a hundred other explanations to why that
could be. I could have given someone change for a $20 instead of a $10, it
could have blown away, etc. Our candy is $4/box, so it's probably not an
accounting error. Besides all our inventory is correct, etc. But this is
very suspicious. I have no evidence that says she could have taken it, other
than her bad reputation. I did find the lid of the money box kind of ajar a
couple of times, and I know at least once I had left it that way, and the
other time I was surprised and thought I'd locked it back.
Her reputation gets worse, however. Another parent, who didn't know about
the missing dollar or 10, told my co-leader that he heard the girl ask
someone for a quarter at a candy sale 2 weekends ago. He said he was too
shocked to say anything at the time, and just remembered today. We can't
have our kids asking for people's money to put in their pocket. There's no
excuse for that. But now we know how she got the quarter yesterday, too.
I've decided that since she's been at enough sales to meet her fair share,
that she's not invited back to any more. I think I will notify the
grandmother that if the girl turns up with a lot of money or something she
bought worth $10, then we know where she probably got it. I'm not going to
accuse her outright, because I have no evidence. Luckily for us, we also
received $20 in donations that day, so I made up the $10 out of that.
Thanks for reading this far. Does anyone have any input?
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Here's the update.
We talked to her grandmother ahead of time and decided she would help us find
a way for the girl to earn the dollar back. We structured our entire meeting
this weekend around the concept of trustworthiness, honesty and stealing. I
mean, we really did it up. And the girl responded with all the right
answers, etc. She *got it*. I know because I was paying attention.
So, after the meeting my co-leader and I sat down with the girl. I was very
gentle with her, reminded her about the incident and how I would know that a
dollar was missing, and that it was. She denied that she took it. We talked
some more, told her we weren't upset, etc., and after a while, she admitted
she took it. No tears, no remorse, no nothing, though. She looked at me,
right in the eye, the whole time. We brought the grandmother in and the girl
and she worked out some chores she could do around the house.
We thought we did a good job, even though my co-leader and I disagreed on the
girl's reaction. She thought the girl was fighting back tears, and I never
once thought that. In fact, I thought she was tuning us out, and only
nodding when necessary.
Fast forward to Saturday afternoon's candy sale. I took her straight away
with me from the meeting to the sale. All the kids were hungry, and she was
the only one without money, so I bought her a meal on the way, which I didn't
mind in the least. In the Burger King she found a dime that someone had
dropped (I saw it first). I said, "Oh, a reward for being honest!" and said
she could put it in her pocket.
About an hour into the candy sale, she comes up with a quarter and the dime
and asks if she can buy some of the mints we are selling. I told her she
didn't have enough, but asked her where she got the quarter. She said, "From
that man." It's not unusual for people to offer the kids money, and so I
didn't think much about it...but I did ask her if he gave any of the other
kids money. She said no. The rest of the day went on without incident.
However, when I get home with the money from the sale, the drawer was $10
short. Now, I KNOW that there are a hundred other explanations to why that
could be. I could have given someone change for a $20 instead of a $10, it
could have blown away, etc. Our candy is $4/box, so it's probably not an
accounting error. Besides all our inventory is correct, etc. But this is
very suspicious. I have no evidence that says she could have taken it, other
than her bad reputation. I did find the lid of the money box kind of ajar a
couple of times, and I know at least once I had left it that way, and the
other time I was surprised and thought I'd locked it back.
Her reputation gets worse, however. Another parent, who didn't know about
the missing dollar or 10, told my co-leader that he heard the girl ask
someone for a quarter at a candy sale 2 weekends ago. He said he was too
shocked to say anything at the time, and just remembered today. We can't
have our kids asking for people's money to put in their pocket. There's no
excuse for that. But now we know how she got the quarter yesterday, too.
I've decided that since she's been at enough sales to meet her fair share,
that she's not invited back to any more. I think I will notify the
grandmother that if the girl turns up with a lot of money or something she
bought worth $10, then we know where she probably got it. I'm not going to
accuse her outright, because I have no evidence. Luckily for us, we also
received $20 in donations that day, so I made up the $10 out of that.
Thanks for reading this far. Does anyone have any input?
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/17/02 6:40:12 PM, Tuckervill@... writes:
<< I've decided that since she's been at enough sales to meet her fair share,
that she's not invited back to any more. >>
<<Thanks for reading this far. Does anyone have any input?>>
Well I have a comment and a question.
She's living with her grandmother for some reason. Was her mother drinking
too much? Is she fetal-alcohol damaged so that her conscience isn't going to
develop? This happens.
And the first comment above, although sensible for the group and probably
inavoidable, is just one in ten or twenty such rejections she will receive
before she's grown, and they will form her basis for justification of her bad
actions when she's older.
A child like that is a GOOD justification for religion, even lame religion.
If she could be saved and have a church that would pressure her to be good
out of fear of hell, maybe she could become a more reliable member of
society. Or maybe she'd become secretary and steal from the church.
I don't know the answer to kids who don't want to do better.
Sandra
<< I've decided that since she's been at enough sales to meet her fair share,
that she's not invited back to any more. >>
<<Thanks for reading this far. Does anyone have any input?>>
Well I have a comment and a question.
She's living with her grandmother for some reason. Was her mother drinking
too much? Is she fetal-alcohol damaged so that her conscience isn't going to
develop? This happens.
And the first comment above, although sensible for the group and probably
inavoidable, is just one in ten or twenty such rejections she will receive
before she's grown, and they will form her basis for justification of her bad
actions when she's older.
A child like that is a GOOD justification for religion, even lame religion.
If she could be saved and have a church that would pressure her to be good
out of fear of hell, maybe she could become a more reliable member of
society. Or maybe she'd become secretary and steal from the church.
I don't know the answer to kids who don't want to do better.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/18/2002 8:22:06 AM Central Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
does all the "extra" stuff with them, like Camp Fire. Although, I do not
know any of her "history" so to speak. I met her mother yesterday, who was
seems so entirely reasonable, but is apparently making it on just her salary.
It appears to me that the two families (the boy cousin and the 2 sisters
live next door to each other in the same apartment complex) are both
dominated by overbearing fathers. The boy's life is further complicated by
his also over-bearing step-father. oy.
<<And the first comment above, although sensible for the group and probably
inavoidable, is just one in ten or twenty such rejections she will receive
before she's grown, and they will form her basis for justification of her bad
actions when she's older.>>
Yeah, I know. I keep thinking if I had more time with them all, I would be
able to have more influence. But so much is sacrificed for the group and for
expediency. I can only hope to be a small part. I wasn't going to actually
inform her that she wasn't invited back. She's only 8...she doesn't know when
her next turn is, anyway. The grandmother was simply not going to take her.
She's already been a time when it wasn't her turn, anyway, and the littlest
sister is behind in her turns.
But, now that I've found the money, I only have to work on the begging issue.
Would anyone else call that behavior "begging"?
Thanks, Sandra.
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> She's living with her grandmother for some reason. Was her mother drinkingNo, she's not. She lives with her parents and sister, and the grandmother
> too much? Is she fetal-alcohol damaged so that her conscience isn't going
> to
> develop? This happens.
>
does all the "extra" stuff with them, like Camp Fire. Although, I do not
know any of her "history" so to speak. I met her mother yesterday, who was
seems so entirely reasonable, but is apparently making it on just her salary.
It appears to me that the two families (the boy cousin and the 2 sisters
live next door to each other in the same apartment complex) are both
dominated by overbearing fathers. The boy's life is further complicated by
his also over-bearing step-father. oy.
<<And the first comment above, although sensible for the group and probably
inavoidable, is just one in ten or twenty such rejections she will receive
before she's grown, and they will form her basis for justification of her bad
actions when she's older.>>
Yeah, I know. I keep thinking if I had more time with them all, I would be
able to have more influence. But so much is sacrificed for the group and for
expediency. I can only hope to be a small part. I wasn't going to actually
inform her that she wasn't invited back. She's only 8...she doesn't know when
her next turn is, anyway. The grandmother was simply not going to take her.
She's already been a time when it wasn't her turn, anyway, and the littlest
sister is behind in her turns.
But, now that I've found the money, I only have to work on the begging issue.
Would anyone else call that behavior "begging"?
Thanks, Sandra.
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Heidi Wordhouse-Dykema
At 09:21 AM 11/18/2002 -0500, you wrote:
for institutional education or maybe a good stiff paddle. (shiver) (no
offense intended to those of you who find comfort in organized religions.)
It turns out that after her oblique talking to, she did NOT take more money
(or did I read that wrong? It was awhile ago.), even though the
opportunity was there, right in front of her *and* there were times that
nobody was watching! She resisted the temptation! How many adults can
resist when they really, really want something?! (c'mon, fess up. Did you
finish off that carton of ice cream all by yourself? Of course you
didn't... I got to it first!)
Secondly, what assumptions were made when people thought money had gone
missing? Did people assume it was an accounting error, or did they assume
that the 'previously caught' child had taken not one dollar now, but
Ten. What does that say about latent expectations for the child? What
sort of expectations should we have for the kids who have not yet been
caught in teh act? Do those latent expectations (if any) influence how she
or the other kids are treated?
What she did end up doing was ask a total stranger for money - odd maybe,
but there it is. She's a telemarketer without a phone, a street musician
without a guitar, a kid without a paying job. Did she ask for the money in
the name of the group or for herself and does she know what 'accepting
donations under false pretences' is? Did the man give the money in the
expectation that it would go into the group kitty? Was he just being kind
to a child?
I asked complete strangers for money once during a Ren Fair maybe 20 years
ago. Made a good 8 or 10 bucks by offering to write their names for a
quarter. I was a most learned individual, you see. They'd pay up, I'd
write a big florid "X", make an exclamation on how wonderous it was and
they'd laugh and wander off. My friend and I got dinner. Is what we did,
different from what she did? I suppose it rests on how she represented
herself, and to whom exactly the man thought he was donating money (the
troop or the individual child.) I don't suppose you could find and ask the
man?
Personally, I think maybe the child needs a way to make some money of her
own. Some that she can keep for herself and use for her own little
wants... but what kind of safe jobs would be out there for an 8 year old, I
couldn't begin to say.
Maybe she could work a Ren Fair...
Heidi
>A child like that is a GOOD justification for religion, even lame religion.Ooooh, next you'll be saying that opinionated children are a GOOD reason
>If she could be saved and have a church that would pressure her to be good
>out of fear of hell, maybe she could become a more reliable member of
>society. Or maybe she'd become secretary and steal from the church.
for institutional education or maybe a good stiff paddle. (shiver) (no
offense intended to those of you who find comfort in organized religions.)
It turns out that after her oblique talking to, she did NOT take more money
(or did I read that wrong? It was awhile ago.), even though the
opportunity was there, right in front of her *and* there were times that
nobody was watching! She resisted the temptation! How many adults can
resist when they really, really want something?! (c'mon, fess up. Did you
finish off that carton of ice cream all by yourself? Of course you
didn't... I got to it first!)
Secondly, what assumptions were made when people thought money had gone
missing? Did people assume it was an accounting error, or did they assume
that the 'previously caught' child had taken not one dollar now, but
Ten. What does that say about latent expectations for the child? What
sort of expectations should we have for the kids who have not yet been
caught in teh act? Do those latent expectations (if any) influence how she
or the other kids are treated?
What she did end up doing was ask a total stranger for money - odd maybe,
but there it is. She's a telemarketer without a phone, a street musician
without a guitar, a kid without a paying job. Did she ask for the money in
the name of the group or for herself and does she know what 'accepting
donations under false pretences' is? Did the man give the money in the
expectation that it would go into the group kitty? Was he just being kind
to a child?
I asked complete strangers for money once during a Ren Fair maybe 20 years
ago. Made a good 8 or 10 bucks by offering to write their names for a
quarter. I was a most learned individual, you see. They'd pay up, I'd
write a big florid "X", make an exclamation on how wonderous it was and
they'd laugh and wander off. My friend and I got dinner. Is what we did,
different from what she did? I suppose it rests on how she represented
herself, and to whom exactly the man thought he was donating money (the
troop or the individual child.) I don't suppose you could find and ask the
man?
Personally, I think maybe the child needs a way to make some money of her
own. Some that she can keep for herself and use for her own little
wants... but what kind of safe jobs would be out there for an 8 year old, I
couldn't begin to say.
Maybe she could work a Ren Fair...
Heidi
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/19/2002 12:48:26 AM Central Standard Time,
heidi@... writes:
complete strangers for money.
Of course I counted and recounted the money before I settled on the idea that
the $10 may have been stolen. It could have blown away, too. It's very easy
to see how an adult or someone else could have slipped their hand in behind
me and taken a wad of money. I didn't accuse her and had no intentions of
doing so. It wasn't until after I went back and counted and recounted six
DAYS worth of the money that I found the $10. That's how much I didn't want
to accuse her.
I am taking your post philosophically, however. This kind of input is
exactly what I need to become a better leader.
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
heidi@... writes:
> Personally, I think maybe the child needs a way to make some money of herI think that's a great idea, but there's no way I can justify her asking
> own. Some that she can keep for herself and use for her own little
> wants... but what kind of safe jobs would be out there for an 8 year old, I
>
> couldn't begin to say.
>
complete strangers for money.
Of course I counted and recounted the money before I settled on the idea that
the $10 may have been stolen. It could have blown away, too. It's very easy
to see how an adult or someone else could have slipped their hand in behind
me and taken a wad of money. I didn't accuse her and had no intentions of
doing so. It wasn't until after I went back and counted and recounted six
DAYS worth of the money that I found the $10. That's how much I didn't want
to accuse her.
I am taking your post philosophically, however. This kind of input is
exactly what I need to become a better leader.
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Heidi Wordhouse-Dykema
At 08:13 AM 11/19/2002 -0500, you wrote:
Thanks, because it was *meant* philosophically not personally... after all,
I'm hardly in your shoes, running from any and all opportunities to lead a
troupe of any kind! (grin)
More power to you,
Heidi
>I am taking your post philosophically, however.Hey Tuck,
Thanks, because it was *meant* philosophically not personally... after all,
I'm hardly in your shoes, running from any and all opportunities to lead a
troupe of any kind! (grin)
More power to you,
Heidi
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/18/02 11:48:27 PM, heidi@... writes:
<< Ooooh, next you'll be saying that opinionated children are a GOOD reason
for institutional education or maybe a good stiff paddle. (shiver) (no
offense intended to those of you who find comfort in organized religions.) >>
If they're of the opinion that stealing from other people is okay, yes.
Not just for being opinionated; for lacking a conscience.
-=-Secondly, what assumptions were made when people thought money had gone
missing? Did people assume it was an accounting error, or did they assume
that the 'previously caught' child had taken not one dollar now, but
Ten. What does that say about latent expectations for the child?-=-
It says that once someone doesn't trust you, you are no longer trustworthy.
It's more "fair" and right to be wary of those we shouldn't trust than to try
to be so "fair" and openminded and forgiving and non-prejudiced and
politically correct that we leave our families and our possessions as open to
potential thieves as to those who have been trustworthy for years.
Some thieves count on the embarrassment others would feel at having a
suspicious first reaction. They LIKE to make people feel bad for not having
trusted them.
-=-What
sort of expectations should we have for the kids who have not yet been
caught in teh act? Do those latent expectations (if any) influence how she
or the other kids are treated?-=-
Some kids don't like old women because one yelled at them and told them to
get out of her yard.
Some kids hate teachers. Some adults still do, til they die.
Prejudices are often based on something that really happened to a person. If
a marine in uniform had raped my sister, I would have had an uneasy feeling
about marines forever more. But the guy who raped my sister was in everyday
t-shirt and jeans and it's harder to be prejudiced against every human (or
half, even) as it is to be against a limited group.
-=-What she did end up doing was ask a total stranger for money - odd maybe,
but there it is. She's a telemarketer without a phone, a street musician
without a guitar, a kid without a paying job. -=-
I love this: -=-a telemarketer without a phone, a street musician
without a guitar-=-
Sandra
<< Ooooh, next you'll be saying that opinionated children are a GOOD reason
for institutional education or maybe a good stiff paddle. (shiver) (no
offense intended to those of you who find comfort in organized religions.) >>
If they're of the opinion that stealing from other people is okay, yes.
Not just for being opinionated; for lacking a conscience.
-=-Secondly, what assumptions were made when people thought money had gone
missing? Did people assume it was an accounting error, or did they assume
that the 'previously caught' child had taken not one dollar now, but
Ten. What does that say about latent expectations for the child?-=-
It says that once someone doesn't trust you, you are no longer trustworthy.
It's more "fair" and right to be wary of those we shouldn't trust than to try
to be so "fair" and openminded and forgiving and non-prejudiced and
politically correct that we leave our families and our possessions as open to
potential thieves as to those who have been trustworthy for years.
Some thieves count on the embarrassment others would feel at having a
suspicious first reaction. They LIKE to make people feel bad for not having
trusted them.
-=-What
sort of expectations should we have for the kids who have not yet been
caught in teh act? Do those latent expectations (if any) influence how she
or the other kids are treated?-=-
Some kids don't like old women because one yelled at them and told them to
get out of her yard.
Some kids hate teachers. Some adults still do, til they die.
Prejudices are often based on something that really happened to a person. If
a marine in uniform had raped my sister, I would have had an uneasy feeling
about marines forever more. But the guy who raped my sister was in everyday
t-shirt and jeans and it's harder to be prejudiced against every human (or
half, even) as it is to be against a limited group.
-=-What she did end up doing was ask a total stranger for money - odd maybe,
but there it is. She's a telemarketer without a phone, a street musician
without a guitar, a kid without a paying job. -=-
I love this: -=-a telemarketer without a phone, a street musician
without a guitar-=-
Sandra
Heidi Wordhouse-Dykema
At 01:06 PM 11/19/2002 -0500, you wrote:
forming her conscience, her sense of right, wrong and social expectations,
part of which are being defined by participating in Tuck's
group. Determining individual goods from community goods is another
distinction that takes some kids a bit of learning. It took years before
my daughter would stop giving our 'stuff' away. You needed it? She gave
it, sometimes even if you didn't need it! Thankfully, it was mostly small
stuff. ...and I don't think I stopped saying, "Honey, that's socially
inappropriate. I Really need you to not do that right now, okay?" until
the kids were at least 12 or so. Okay, so I still want to say it sometimes.
Anyway, what seems to speak most strongly to me is that when she was subtly
remonstrated with for her actions, she stopped the behavior. (Okay, and
switched to something a little more odd-ball, granted!) Anyway, I don't
know the kid, I wasn't there, I won't be dealing with her, and will
probably never meet her, but it sounds to me like she's at least *trying*
to be trustworthy. If she'd been reasoned/remonstrated with and still
continued the behavior, then I'd have to agree with your point to a much
greater degree.
Nobody's perfect, myself included. I could be reading it completely
wrong... then again, I could be wrong about that too. (grin)
My hat's still off to Tuck for dealing with this. Glad it's not me!!!
Heidi
>It says that once someone doesn't trust you, you are no longer trustworthy.You make a very good point, but goodness, the kid is only 8! She's still
>It's more "fair" and right to be wary of those we shouldn't trust than to try
>to be so "fair" and openminded and forgiving and non-prejudiced and
>politically correct that we leave our families and our possessions as open to
>potential thieves as to those who have been trustworthy for years.
forming her conscience, her sense of right, wrong and social expectations,
part of which are being defined by participating in Tuck's
group. Determining individual goods from community goods is another
distinction that takes some kids a bit of learning. It took years before
my daughter would stop giving our 'stuff' away. You needed it? She gave
it, sometimes even if you didn't need it! Thankfully, it was mostly small
stuff. ...and I don't think I stopped saying, "Honey, that's socially
inappropriate. I Really need you to not do that right now, okay?" until
the kids were at least 12 or so. Okay, so I still want to say it sometimes.
Anyway, what seems to speak most strongly to me is that when she was subtly
remonstrated with for her actions, she stopped the behavior. (Okay, and
switched to something a little more odd-ball, granted!) Anyway, I don't
know the kid, I wasn't there, I won't be dealing with her, and will
probably never meet her, but it sounds to me like she's at least *trying*
to be trustworthy. If she'd been reasoned/remonstrated with and still
continued the behavior, then I'd have to agree with your point to a much
greater degree.
Nobody's perfect, myself included. I could be reading it completely
wrong... then again, I could be wrong about that too. (grin)
My hat's still off to Tuck for dealing with this. Glad it's not me!!!
Heidi
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/19/02 12:33:40 PM, heidi@... writes:
<< My hat's still off to Tuck for dealing with this. Glad it's not me!!! >>
Me too, and I'm glad it's turning out well.
But I wouldn't blame Tuck if she never wanted to give the kid her PIN number.
Sandra
<< My hat's still off to Tuck for dealing with this. Glad it's not me!!! >>
Me too, and I'm glad it's turning out well.
But I wouldn't blame Tuck if she never wanted to give the kid her PIN number.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/19/2002 1:33:18 PM Central Standard Time,
heidi@... writes:
really in a position to do anything about it *permanently* (i.e., not her
parent), but I don't think she got that it's wrong to steal. I don't think
she thought what she did WAS stealing. Some things kids don't get. I wonder
whether this one will ever get it.
And for the record, she did not steal again after we had our little talk.
But I think she's going to have to prove herself before I will trust her.
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
heidi@... writes:
> If she'd been reasoned/remonstrated with and stillMaybe it's because I don't consider her trustworthy anymore, and I'm not
> continued the behavior, then I'd have to agree with your point to a much
> greater degree.
>
really in a position to do anything about it *permanently* (i.e., not her
parent), but I don't think she got that it's wrong to steal. I don't think
she thought what she did WAS stealing. Some things kids don't get. I wonder
whether this one will ever get it.
And for the record, she did not steal again after we had our little talk.
But I think she's going to have to prove herself before I will trust her.
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joylyn
How sad. This child has a need that is not being fulfilled. I don't
have any answers. But if it were me, I think I would a. make sure the
child has no access to money, so she doesn't have the opportunity to
take any. Not having her at any more sales is good. and b. I would love
her. Unconditionally and make sure she knew she was loved. At meetings
I would greet her with much joy, giving her lots of physical attention,
letting her know that you love her unconditionally and always. I'd give
her responsibility in ways that she can succeed and not blow it.
Joylyn
Tuckervill@... wrote:
have any answers. But if it were me, I think I would a. make sure the
child has no access to money, so she doesn't have the opportunity to
take any. Not having her at any more sales is good. and b. I would love
her. Unconditionally and make sure she knew she was loved. At meetings
I would greet her with much joy, giving her lots of physical attention,
letting her know that you love her unconditionally and always. I'd give
her responsibility in ways that she can succeed and not blow it.
Joylyn
Tuckervill@... wrote:
> Remember the little girl who stole a dollar out of the candy sale
> drawer?
> Here's the update.
>
> We talked to her grandmother ahead of time and decided she would help
> us find
> a way for the girl to earn the dollar back. We structured our entire
> meeting
> this weekend around the concept of trustworthiness, honesty and
> stealing. I
> mean, we really did it up. And the girl responded with all the right
> answers, etc. She *got it*. I know because I was paying attention.
>
> So, after the meeting my co-leader and I sat down with the girl. I
> was very
> gentle with her, reminded her about the incident and how I would know
> that a
> dollar was missing, and that it was. She denied that she took it. We
> talked
> some more, told her we weren't upset, etc., and after a while, she
> admitted
> she took it. No tears, no remorse, no nothing, though. She looked at
> me,
> right in the eye, the whole time. We brought the grandmother in and
> the girl
> and she worked out some chores she could do around the house.
>
> We thought we did a good job, even though my co-leader and I disagreed
> on the
> girl's reaction. She thought the girl was fighting back tears, and I
> never
> once thought that. In fact, I thought she was tuning us out, and only
> nodding when necessary.
>
> Fast forward to Saturday afternoon's candy sale. I took her straight
> away
> with me from the meeting to the sale. All the kids were hungry, and
> she was
> the only one without money, so I bought her a meal on the way, which I
> didn't
> mind in the least. In the Burger King she found a dime that someone had
> dropped (I saw it first). I said, "Oh, a reward for being honest!"
> and said
> she could put it in her pocket.
>
> About an hour into the candy sale, she comes up with a quarter and the
> dime
> and asks if she can buy some of the mints we are selling. I told her she
> didn't have enough, but asked her where she got the quarter. She
> said, "From
> that man." It's not unusual for people to offer the kids money, and so I
> didn't think much about it...but I did ask her if he gave any of the
> other
> kids money. She said no. The rest of the day went on without incident.
>
> However, when I get home with the money from the sale, the drawer was $10
> short. Now, I KNOW that there are a hundred other explanations to why
> that
> could be. I could have given someone change for a $20 instead of a
> $10, it
> could have blown away, etc. Our candy is $4/box, so it's probably not an
> accounting error. Besides all our inventory is correct, etc. But
> this is
> very suspicious. I have no evidence that says she could have taken
> it, other
> than her bad reputation. I did find the lid of the money box kind of
> ajar a
> couple of times, and I know at least once I had left it that way, and the
> other time I was surprised and thought I'd locked it back.
>
> Her reputation gets worse, however. Another parent, who didn't know
> about
> the missing dollar or 10, told my co-leader that he heard the girl ask
> someone for a quarter at a candy sale 2 weekends ago. He said he was too
> shocked to say anything at the time, and just remembered today. We can't
> have our kids asking for people's money to put in their pocket.
> There's no
> excuse for that. But now we know how she got the quarter yesterday,
> too.
>
> I've decided that since she's been at enough sales to meet her fair
> share,
> that she's not invited back to any more. I think I will notify the
> grandmother that if the girl turns up with a lot of money or something
> she
> bought worth $10, then we know where she probably got it. I'm not
> going to
> accuse her outright, because I have no evidence. Luckily for us, we also
> received $20 in donations that day, so I made up the $10 out of that.
>
> Thanks for reading this far. Does anyone have any input?
>
> Tuck
>
>
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>
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