December 5, 2017, I posted something by accident at Radical Unschooling Info that was intended for Transgender Questions (Parents). Someone wrote to me politely on the side, and a polite exchange ensued. I will call her "the mom." The mom isn't trans, nor does she have a trans child, but she does have a young child.

The Mom:

I am a parent in your Unschooling group. I am leaving because your perspective on transgender youth makes me feel ill. Please talk to more transgender people about this. Please consider the high rates of suicide and self-harm in this demographic. You are a leader and the things you are telling parents are DANGEROUS.

Being an Unschooler is all about respect for your child. If a child is transgender, you believe them. I have many transgender friends and am an ally, I have only seen transitioning as a necessary and healthy move for a transgender child.

I am a lesbian who grew up with intolerant, homophobic parents. It is so important to support your children. I have lived with tremendous pain because of my parents’ lack of support, their inability to believe who I say I am.

I am leaving the group because this your perspective on this is toxic and I can find other support with Unschooling elsewhere.

It really, truly, should have nothing to do with unschooling.
If unschoolers weren't conflating the two things, I wouldn't have an opinion, but they are, and it's not right.

-=-I have only seen transitioning as a necessary and healthy move for a transgender child.-=-

Lots of people are, and idealizing it. and making promises that can't be kept. There are over 100 young women who had "become men" with testosterone use, and many with mastectomies, who are now reporting terrible problems, who have found one another and are trying to figure out how to roll back from that and to make others aware of unforeseen and unwarned-of physical effects, with resulting emotional, social, personal problems.

They don't see it as necessary or healthy, in retrospect, and they have personal, physical, social, political knowledge.

When they've had a while to share their stories, I hope mothers of daughters will listen to them.

I think you’re wrong about all of this. I don’t usually try to engage people in discussions like this, but I know how admired you are in the Unschooling community and so I am trying to express my perspective. Please, read this article. It’s excellent and if you want to go more in depth, you can click on some of the many links that are embedded in it.

Hit by “Trans-Friendly” Fire
When they interviewed me and my young trans daughter, both reporters seemed sympathetic to us and claimed to be trans-friendly. So why did they turn around and write such transphobic articles? I…
gendermom.wordpress.com

I've read that before. Thanks.

I appreciate your polite objection.

I don't think what I have learned about transgender problems affects the unschooling advice.

Some of my advice, and Joyce's is being used to pressure parents, and that's a problem for the integrity of our collected works.

We're trying to defend unschooling.

I'm sorry I put that post in the wrong forum.

This is untouched by any of it.

Just Add Light and Stir
Inspiration and Encouragement for Unschooling Parents

Thank you for the link. Is there a minority group you feel particularly protective of? Jews? Blacks? Children, probably? I just get really upset and literally sickened to see things like that pop up on a group that I usually turn to for guidance. It would be like a friend posting something from nazis or the kkk or something advocating the use of physical force for children. I have so many trans friends and I hear how they suffer. I have friends with trans kids and I watch their journeys as they figure out how to accept themselves in such a harsh environment. I think you need to be careful. I disagree that unschooling has nothing to do with being accepting of trans youth... but why does it matter? Why the passion in fighting this? Why say anything at all?

Also, I just wrote that while having lunch with a squirmy, overtired [child]. I’m drained. I’m doing my best. I hope that made sense.

-=- Is there a minority group you feel particularly protective of?-=-

Unschoolers. Unschooling. Integrity.

-=-I think you need to be careful. -=-

In what way?
Is it a threat? Do you think others will harm me for asking questions in public?

It is not a threat. I’m sorry if it came off that way to you. You are a leader to so many parents. You are very respected. I admire all the work you’ve done to spread the word on unschooling and improve families’ lives while unschooling. Transgender youth are vulnerable though. You have the ability to impact whether parents accept their trans kids. Parents’ acceptance and support greatly impacts trans youth’s well being. If you are telling parents things that lead them to not accept/support their child, their child is more likely to self-harm and kill themselves. That’s all I mean by ‘be careful.’ It’s a delicate population.

I have access to research backing up everything I just said. I am happy to send it your way if you’d like. It seems like you’re doing more than just asking questions.

It started off with questions. That has led to more.

Unschoolers have been accepting their children—it's part of unschooling. I think the transactivist definition of "accept" is very narrow.

I have read all the transactivist links anyone has sent. They repeat the same few things. But those folks generally refuse to read accounts of desisters and detransitioners.

People who have been through transition (full medical, surgical) and seen problems are being ignored, and that seems more dangerous than all the questions and articles in the world.

Unschooling is being ill-used by some, and I would like for them to step away from the unschooling, and separate their rhetoric.

Thanks for letting me know your feelings.

What do you think is the ideal way for parents to respond to their child coming out as trans, then? Because pronoun and name changes, hormone blockers and different clothing is all reversible.

Hormone blockers aren't really "reversible." They put the brakes on normal development. Stunting growth for two years or more—including mental and emotional growth—doesn't fit in with the natural learning and joy that make unschooling work well.

Families whose girls (and it's girls, overwhelmingly) have gone into this for a few years and come back out some, or all the way out, report that their entire lives became focused on gender-related issues. Other learning stopped. Family happiness was curtailed.

If someone asked me I would refer them to links and resources, remind them that there's misinformation, and they should take their time and think, rather than being pressured to sudden action.

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Transgender index page Links and commentary (originating in an unschooling forum) Transgender Questions (Parents), Public facebook group