Again, it's hard to talk about this since there are many forms of media exposure

Not among unschoolers. And it's really only helpful to discuss the effects on unschoolers because it isolates what are truly the effects of TV from the effects of parenting and schooling.

In unschooling families TV doesn't take from family time. It's just another activity among many activities.

Which is why it isn't useful to use examples from families that aren't unschooling.

Kids in families who aren't unschooling watch TV for different reasons than unschooling kids do. As a schooled child I watched a lot of TV. It was relaxing after the social pressures of school. As an introvert I needed a lot of depressurizing after being forced into being social 6 hours a day. As a child of traditional parenting, my parents welcomed the TV and friends and toys as a way to keep us entertained. While we did things together (vacations, skiing, card games), there wasn't a true connection. I don't think they really knew us. Their main concern was that we were being molded into decent adults.

And the effect of TV even with all that negative stuff? I learned a lot about a lot of things. I'm fairly knowledgeable about classic movies. I'm literate in 60's & 70's "junk" TV (Lost in Space, Gilligan's Island, Brady Bunch ;-). And now, though I love TV, I have a hard time fitting in all the stuff I would like to watch because there are just too many other things I want to do.

None of the pressures of 2-parent familes and so on has anything to do with unschooling or mindful parenting.

But how many unschooling kids have you met?

While I think the arguments against TV sound plausible, what you're telling us is theory and data points that make the point the authors want to make.

What are the real effects on real children who are growing up unschoolers.

*That's* what you need to ask. Because everything else is honestly irrelevant.

Again while it sounds like a plausible argument, does it happen with real unschoolers? How many unschooled children with free access to TV have been disturbed to the point of needing a lifetime of therapy (or honestly even traumatized at all) by something on TV? How many unschooled children have been traumatized by other pretending?

That's what you need to ask.

It's not that sensitive unschooled children won't come across something that scares them (in books, in puppet shows, at circuses, on TV). What blocks clear thinking is holding TV up as something far more likely to be harmful than anything else they'll see. In unschooling homes, TV is just another aspect in kids lives. When parents know their kids, they *help* them avoid what bothers them (in any media), they help them find ways to be more powerful than an object.

As an example, my daughter doesn't like moving skeletons. I would read at ScreenIt.com to see if there was anything in a movie that might bother her and tell her about it to help her make an informed decision. She decided to go to one of the Lord of the Ring movies despite the fact there were dead faces floating in one scene of the movie. I was able to warn her it was coming up and she closed her eyes and was fine with the rest of the movie.

That's one strategy to be more powerful than a media.

I don't like books and movies where the main character dies. I find that disturbing. I've learned to check the last few pages of books that look like they might do that to see if the character survives.

Another strategy so that *I* have the power, not the media.

That's just part of unschooling.

Again, it's a plausible argument that seeing pretend violence desensitizes people to real violence. It's even more plausible because of the violent society we live in and that violent people are drawn to violent media.

But, if that is so, then shouldn't unschoolers who have unlimited access to TV and violent video games be violent? Shouldn't unschoolers be even more violent than ghetto kids who are at least protected from TV during the day by school?

Obviously you've never been to an unschooling conference! While it isn't safe to make generalized statements about how an individual unschooled child will behave (not all of them have been unschooled their whole lives and various other reasons) but *on the whole* they are kinder, more respectful, more honest than your average batch of schooled kids.

Which says a lot about the effects of school and traditional parenting. Unschooling parents just don't see the negative effects of TV and TV violence that everyone claims must be true. And if TV isn't having the impact on unschooling families then it isn't the TV that's causing what people fear it's causing. It's the combination of school, traditional parenting and the reasons kids who are being raised under those are watching TV.

You state that as a fact. What evidence do you have that it happens in unschooling families.

Two of our favorite shows were Buffy and Xena. (And if you saw my daughter and her friends whacking each other in the video game Super Smash Brothers you'd rate that even higher in terms of violence.) And yet the most violent thing she's probably ever done is repeatedly pick up a cat who doesn't like held.

When pretend violence exists without the other issues (parenting, school, neglect) it just doesn't have the effect that people fear it will.

For kids who are respected and loved, all sorts of aspects of life that they wouldn't want in their lives can be interesting to visit through fantasy. When you know you'd have to give up the things you value in life to have the "fun" of a violent life as well as the real life consequences, why would anyone choose it? It's only the kids who are growing up severely lacking in love, understanding, support, respect that see violence as a means to something better.

Only when it's mixed in with traditional parenting, school, disconnection.

In unschooling families it's simple: we help our kids explore what interests them in ways that are safe. And the side effects are that they find being loved and trusted and accepted for who they are is a whole lot more attractive than hatefulness and meanness. When their lives are full to overflowing with love, they don't need violence to get something they're lacking. All they need is to ask and they have a parent who will help them get it.

It's really that simple! Not complex at all.

Again, stated as though it were a fact.

What is the reality of unschooled parents? What are the experiences of unschooling parents (who are deeply connected with their children, it should go without saying as part of unschooling) whose children are allowed unlimited (violent) play, unlimited (violent) TV, unlimited (violent) video games? Do we see negative effects?

No, we see kids who are growing up joyfully and exploring aspects of life through pretend that they have no interest in including in their life. When kids are full, there's no reason to be using violence to get something. All they need do is ask.

There's a huge disconnect in the clarity of your thinking if you see similarities between driving a car and watching a TV. A 3 yo isn't capable of the physical and mental skills of driving a car. (But a parent *can* hold a child on his lap in an empty parking lot and let a child steer. And a parent can do that until the child has gotten his fill.) But a mindfully parenting 3 yo is perfectly capable of watching TV when parents are aware of a particular child's sensitivities so can *help* him find ways to find what he wants and avoid what he doesn't want.

That statement might make sense if it could be shown that in unschooling, mindfully parenting homes that the effects of TV were as dangerous as those of power tools.

The reality is that it just isn't. TV is no worse than any other media children can use in a mindful home.

Sounds scary.

What are the effects in an unschooling home?

My 15 yo daughter can drink alcohol at home. Occasionally if we have a fruity wine, she'll have some. 99.9% she drinks Gatorade or Coke or juice or anything else but.

Which suggests unschooled kids who have the opportunity to see way more of that should be smoking like chimneys, having sex as soon as possible and doing all sorts of risky things.

Are they?

And if they aren't and other kids are, doesn't that loudly say that it's something *other than* TV that's behind it?

In unschooling families?

And what criteria did the use to define "interacting" for the study?

My daughter and I have done a great deal of interacting as a direct result of TV. It's tied into her other interests in story telling. Without TV she wouldn't have the huge collection of comics she's written. Without TV we wouldn't have discovered manga. Without TV we wouldn't being going to Anime conventions together (I even dress up).

Really look at that statement presented as fact. You are *telling* us that our kids have sleep problems, behavior problems, are fat and are engaging in risky behaviors. You are assuming we are incapable of noticing and taking action.

I'm not saying that in an angry way. I'm saying that in a way that says "Do you believe that could be true in the unschooling families you're writing to?" If so then you should get far far away from us. We obviously are so totally unaware of the effects our life style is having on our kids that we are menace to society.

Again, not at all angry because the reality is so far from your supposed truth. What you state as truth doesn't even make sense in an unschooling family.

Are unschooling parents depending on TV to teach their children anything?

Are we so unaware of what our children are learning that we can't see a connection between one aspect of their lives and another?

Really I've never met people who are more aware and sensitive to their children's developing view of the world.

Um, so you're saying we're unaware of why our children are turning out as they are?

Again, not angry. Again, you can feel that statement has validity because you've never been to an unschooling conference, haven't met scores of kids who are growing up in homes where they have free access to what interests them.

While true, a conventional parent will take something different from that statement than an unschooling parent. Conventional parents view the world through a lens of shaping and protecting their children. Mindful parents view the world through the lens of walking along side their kids helping them explore what interests them. The two world views are very very different.

What experience do you have with children who have been mindfully parented who are able to decide?

But you *are* speaking to hundreds of families who have been living this life for *years*. Your statements are telling us a truth that isn't our reality.

You'll learn a *whole* lot more about the effects of TV on kids by asking questions of us than by throwing "facts" at us that relate to schooled and conventionally parented kids.