Niamh was napping on my lap, the way she has done since she was born. I was reading. And, I am sorry to admit it, feeling a bit resentful of the distinct lack of me-time I've had...well...for a long time. Feeling ashamedly resentful towards a certain little someone, who through no fault of her own happened to be born into my world, and who without doubt did not deserve the negativity flowing her way.
Things have been a bit flat the last few days. Niamh hasn't really been into any activities, and I somehow haven't been able to muster the energy to make her world more fun. Well, I did create a few activities for her, but she wasn't into any of them...and although that's perfectly okay with me, I was feeling a bit hard done-by. You know how it goes. I think a slow, sad violin might be playing for me, somewhere...
Realising I was in need of some mental refreshment, I pulled two well-read books from the shelf before being pinned to the lounge for the duration. (I say "well-read"...but not necessarily always well-remembered!!) One was Naomi Aldort's wonderful Raising Our Children; Raising Ourselves, and the other was Sandra Dodd's Big Book of Unschooling. I flicked open Sandra's first, and the above quote leapt off the page at me. Really at me. It got me right between the eyes...and thank god, it buried itself right in. (Yes, occasionally snippets of information do make it into the inner sanctum. Usually only once they have solved the infamous "two brothers" riddle and braved the labrynth, thoughâ€¦)
I can't quite describe the feeling. It was a combination of relief, embarrassment (at my self-centredness), calm, truth, peace, and a whole heap of "well, duh," aimed squarely in my own direction. I think, though I'm not entirely sure...but I think there was a slapping sound, as it connected.
Without wanting to wax too lyrical (oh, what the hell!), it was like a great big, warm, blankety hug for my soul. Ahhhhhhhhh!
Life is lumpy. Let it be. I'm going to type it again (for my own therapy...skip over it, if you think you've already got it!). "Life is lumpy; let it be."
Not every day is perfect. Not every moment is memorable. Perfection is never perfect. And you know what? That's okay! Fighting it only makes you miserable. You can choose to be miserable, of course. But that's your choice. Hard to feel victimised if you refuse to be the victim...
A lot of Sandra's book spoke to me today. And I'm grateful for it. It has helped ease my mind a little, and to clear a little of the fog from the path at my feet. I'm not saying it doesn't lead up to some pretty intimidating mountains...and it's kind of rocky and unkempt. But at least there is a path.
The best teacher is the one who recognises that they are as much the student. The best teachers in the world are those who never try to teach, but who support others to learn for themselves.
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