how do you get stuff done?
Ali Kat
I have tried to let go of the whole bedtime thing. DD (8) tends to go to bed now after I have. I have traditionally used the evening time to get done all the mundane but important things that I try to avoid when I'm with dd so that I can focus my attention and time on her. i.e. refilling Rx, sending out bill payments, writing letters/emails, organizing paperwork and medical stuff, etc... I also use the time for school work (i'm taking online courses). I know I can drop these. Other than the fact that when done with school I can earn more money (which is attractive because I am a single mom), I realize it's not an ultimate priority. At the same time, it takes about 1 hour a night that I would otherwise devote to television or reading for pleasure.
Anyway, I find my daughter tends to "bug" me 50 times over. She wants the computer, she wants me to make her something to eat, she wants me to come talk to her while she's on the toilet, she wants to know exactly how far away her birthday is, and so on... I feel like I sit down, then I jump up, then I sit down, then I jump up, or I'm the evil mom saying "make yourself a sandwich or heat up something", or "it's my turn for the computer", or "bathroom time should be private time/PUHLEASE just do your thing and get it over" etc... How do you do it? I do as much school/email stuff as possible while I'm at lunch or on break at work. I am away from the house for 10 hours a day for work/travel time. When I get home, I must make dinner. Sometimes that's something simple like sandwiches. Otherwise, it takes time to prepare. Eating out is not financially feasible on a daily or even weekly basis. Additionally, since I do work I do need to do laundry sometimes, and because I don't like
maggots I clean the plates and take out garbage. I don't always wash the dishes, but if I don't do it right away then it's twice as long next time. I try to use paper as much as possible but that feels like throwing away money. Also, since i'm so tight on time I dont' shop that often and run out sometimes - or plain forget to get new when I do go shopping. How do you do it?
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Anyway, I find my daughter tends to "bug" me 50 times over. She wants the computer, she wants me to make her something to eat, she wants me to come talk to her while she's on the toilet, she wants to know exactly how far away her birthday is, and so on... I feel like I sit down, then I jump up, then I sit down, then I jump up, or I'm the evil mom saying "make yourself a sandwich or heat up something", or "it's my turn for the computer", or "bathroom time should be private time/PUHLEASE just do your thing and get it over" etc... How do you do it? I do as much school/email stuff as possible while I'm at lunch or on break at work. I am away from the house for 10 hours a day for work/travel time. When I get home, I must make dinner. Sometimes that's something simple like sandwiches. Otherwise, it takes time to prepare. Eating out is not financially feasible on a daily or even weekly basis. Additionally, since I do work I do need to do laundry sometimes, and because I don't like
maggots I clean the plates and take out garbage. I don't always wash the dishes, but if I don't do it right away then it's twice as long next time. I try to use paper as much as possible but that feels like throwing away money. Also, since i'm so tight on time I dont' shop that often and run out sometimes - or plain forget to get new when I do go shopping. How do you do it?
---------------------------------
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Robyn Coburn
<<<Anyway, I find my daughter tends to "bug" me 50 times over. She wants
the computer, she wants me to make her something to eat, she wants me to
come talk to her while she's on the toilet, she wants to know exactly how
far away her birthday is, and so on... I feel like I sit down, then I jump
up, then I sit down, then I jump up, or I'm the evil mom saying "make
yourself a sandwich or heat up something", or "it's my turn for the
computer", or "bathroom time should be private time/PUHLEASE just do your
thing and get it over" etc.. How do you do it? I do as much school/email
stuff as possible while I'm at lunch or on break at work. I am away from the
house for 10 hours a day for work/travel time. >>>
Well here's your answer as to why your dd is bugging you so much. She is
trying to cram the same hours of your attention [that those of us who don't
need to do outside work are so fortunately able to give to our kids all day]
into the few short hours between this other stuff you are doing and your
need to get to bed. I don't pretend to have a solution, but it sure is
understandable seen in that light.
Jayn(4.75) will say anything, and do any kind of disruptive or annoying
behavior directed at her Dad, to get his attention when he has been at work
all the long filmmakers' day - a fairly new phenomenon for her to deal with,
as he is just recently off disability. He was baffled. It was obvious to me.
They got together and talked it over, and he made a commitment to her that
they would spend time playing together when he got home, instead of him
immediately getting onto his computer, or phoning his producer buddy to talk
the day over at length.
He has also agreed to make us the priority on the weekend for as long as
this show lasts, instead of helping his buddies do some other thing as had
been his habit while not working during the week. Having Jayn as a priority
in his head doesn't mean as much to her as him taking action to make her his
priority.
<<< When I get home, I must make dinner. Sometimes that's something simple
like sandwiches. Otherwise, it takes time to prepare. Eating out is not
financially feasible on a daily or even weekly basis. Additionally, since I
do work I do need to do laundry sometimes, and because I don't like
maggots I clean the plates and take out garbage. I don't always wash the
dishes, but if I don't do it right away then it's twice as long next time.
I try to use paper as much as possible but that feels like throwing away
money. Also, since i'm so tight on time I dont' shop that often and run out
sometimes - or plain forget to get new when I do go shopping. How do you do
it?>>>
I have some practical ideas, that may be useful or not to you. I won't be
offended if you reject all of them. However the spiritual advice I have is
to return your daughter to the forefront of your priorities in the brief
time you have to spend with her in the evenings.
Flylady has a whole focus on working mothers - slightly different routines
etc.
Fill the sink with hot, sudsy water before you start to cook dinner.
Everything goes into it at once. Washing up is faster.
Put the garbage bag by your front door night before, and carry it down with
you in the morning. A smaller bin is actually easier to empty more often
than a larger one.
I clean only one wall of the shower recess at a time when I take a shower -
unless Jayn gets to it first in a cleaning game.
Do you have an internet grocer that will make deliveries in your area? This
was the most fantastic saving of my time and energy while pregnant - then
that particular service collapsed unfortunately. It did not cost
significantly more, especially once you factor in gas.
Someone once posted a website that was about daily menus and shopping lists
for them - it removed the how to decide/dither factor from preparing meals.
I buy paper goods in bulk from a warehouse store - one of Jayn's favorite
outings.
I'm often tired and lazy-feeling at night. If I prepare the dinner in the
morning when I have energy - like put the veges into the steamer basket in
the fridge, fill the pot with water as needed, and rub the chicken with
spices - or even just plan it onto paper (ie the menu) - I get a much better
meal made in the evening.
When you can afford it, I urge you to get a second computer, especially a
laptop. You may then be able to take some of your work or reading to where
your dd is, and you remove the competition for the use of the computer.
Nothing like sitting side by side playing computer games together.
Ah the laundry. What I have to do is have a laundry day - or I am washing
all week long. The only reason that is a problem is because I have to haul
the stuff downstairs to the apartment complex laundry room, pay a heap of
quarters, and share the time with the other tenants. Sometimes we go to the
local Laundromat for a change - Jayn enjoys going to get a donut at the same
time. If I had a washer/dryer combo in my apartment (my big wish for my
future house) I would do one small load a day. In your case (assuming you
have this in your apt) I would suggest turning on the dryer last thing
before you head out the door, having as much non-iron knitwear as possible,
and hanging blouses to dry to reduce ironing. One day your dd will surprise
you by folding the laundry for you. Eventually she will be doing her own
laundry.
Good luck finding a balance.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
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the computer, she wants me to make her something to eat, she wants me to
come talk to her while she's on the toilet, she wants to know exactly how
far away her birthday is, and so on... I feel like I sit down, then I jump
up, then I sit down, then I jump up, or I'm the evil mom saying "make
yourself a sandwich or heat up something", or "it's my turn for the
computer", or "bathroom time should be private time/PUHLEASE just do your
thing and get it over" etc.. How do you do it? I do as much school/email
stuff as possible while I'm at lunch or on break at work. I am away from the
house for 10 hours a day for work/travel time. >>>
Well here's your answer as to why your dd is bugging you so much. She is
trying to cram the same hours of your attention [that those of us who don't
need to do outside work are so fortunately able to give to our kids all day]
into the few short hours between this other stuff you are doing and your
need to get to bed. I don't pretend to have a solution, but it sure is
understandable seen in that light.
Jayn(4.75) will say anything, and do any kind of disruptive or annoying
behavior directed at her Dad, to get his attention when he has been at work
all the long filmmakers' day - a fairly new phenomenon for her to deal with,
as he is just recently off disability. He was baffled. It was obvious to me.
They got together and talked it over, and he made a commitment to her that
they would spend time playing together when he got home, instead of him
immediately getting onto his computer, or phoning his producer buddy to talk
the day over at length.
He has also agreed to make us the priority on the weekend for as long as
this show lasts, instead of helping his buddies do some other thing as had
been his habit while not working during the week. Having Jayn as a priority
in his head doesn't mean as much to her as him taking action to make her his
priority.
<<< When I get home, I must make dinner. Sometimes that's something simple
like sandwiches. Otherwise, it takes time to prepare. Eating out is not
financially feasible on a daily or even weekly basis. Additionally, since I
do work I do need to do laundry sometimes, and because I don't like
maggots I clean the plates and take out garbage. I don't always wash the
dishes, but if I don't do it right away then it's twice as long next time.
I try to use paper as much as possible but that feels like throwing away
money. Also, since i'm so tight on time I dont' shop that often and run out
sometimes - or plain forget to get new when I do go shopping. How do you do
it?>>>
I have some practical ideas, that may be useful or not to you. I won't be
offended if you reject all of them. However the spiritual advice I have is
to return your daughter to the forefront of your priorities in the brief
time you have to spend with her in the evenings.
Flylady has a whole focus on working mothers - slightly different routines
etc.
Fill the sink with hot, sudsy water before you start to cook dinner.
Everything goes into it at once. Washing up is faster.
Put the garbage bag by your front door night before, and carry it down with
you in the morning. A smaller bin is actually easier to empty more often
than a larger one.
I clean only one wall of the shower recess at a time when I take a shower -
unless Jayn gets to it first in a cleaning game.
Do you have an internet grocer that will make deliveries in your area? This
was the most fantastic saving of my time and energy while pregnant - then
that particular service collapsed unfortunately. It did not cost
significantly more, especially once you factor in gas.
Someone once posted a website that was about daily menus and shopping lists
for them - it removed the how to decide/dither factor from preparing meals.
I buy paper goods in bulk from a warehouse store - one of Jayn's favorite
outings.
I'm often tired and lazy-feeling at night. If I prepare the dinner in the
morning when I have energy - like put the veges into the steamer basket in
the fridge, fill the pot with water as needed, and rub the chicken with
spices - or even just plan it onto paper (ie the menu) - I get a much better
meal made in the evening.
When you can afford it, I urge you to get a second computer, especially a
laptop. You may then be able to take some of your work or reading to where
your dd is, and you remove the competition for the use of the computer.
Nothing like sitting side by side playing computer games together.
Ah the laundry. What I have to do is have a laundry day - or I am washing
all week long. The only reason that is a problem is because I have to haul
the stuff downstairs to the apartment complex laundry room, pay a heap of
quarters, and share the time with the other tenants. Sometimes we go to the
local Laundromat for a change - Jayn enjoys going to get a donut at the same
time. If I had a washer/dryer combo in my apartment (my big wish for my
future house) I would do one small load a day. In your case (assuming you
have this in your apt) I would suggest turning on the dryer last thing
before you head out the door, having as much non-iron knitwear as possible,
and hanging blouses to dry to reduce ironing. One day your dd will surprise
you by folding the laundry for you. Eventually she will be doing her own
laundry.
Good luck finding a balance.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.752 / Virus Database: 503 - Release Date: 9/3/2004
SHYRLEY WILLIAMS
<warning, tongue in cheek alert...>
Borrow 3 or 4 more kids of various ages for a month. Then go back to having one. You will be amazed at how much time you have ;-)
<tongue back out of cheek>
I include my in activitues like doing the dishes or cleaning. They either help or find something to do instantly. At 8 I would say your daughter was old enough to understand about 'me' time. If she's bugging you all the time its possible that you are giving her part-time harried attention all the time. Sit down with her and explain you'll do something for an hour where she has your whole attention then you want to do some chores. She can either help or read or something. Then more 'her' time. Then 'you' time. Because she would have had some undivided attention then she will feel more content and less bugging.
It takes a while to change this but I do it with 4 kids. They all get undivided attention to do something special for them (sort off, as I have to hold the baby all day) but it does stop that all day fight for attention cos they know that they 'special' project will get done without siblings joining in.
Anyway, thats what worked for me. There are still days when I'm washing the dishes at 11pm and gritting my teeth or I forget to put he garbage out and it only gets collected once a fortnight or we're at the hospital all day with the baby so everybody is whining and competeing for mummy-time.
But on the whole the children 'join in' We talk when we walk to the shops -an every day chore. Or we chat on the bus on the way to the hospital - also every day at the moment. They also enjoy playing Runescape online so will play for hours which is a great time for me to get the chores done and have a cup of tea.
Shyrley
Ali Kat <sweetgypsiedncer@...> wrote:
I have tried to let go of the whole bedtime thing. DD (8) tends to go to bed now after I have. I have traditionally used the evening time to get done all the mundane but important things that I try to avoid when I'm with dd so that I can focus my attention and time on her. i.e. refilling Rx, sending out bill payments, writing letters/emails, organizing paperwork and medical stuff, etc... I also use the time for school work (i'm taking online courses). I know I can drop these. Other than the fact that when done with school I can earn more money (which is attractive because I am a single mom), I realize it's not an ultimate priority. At the same time, it takes about 1 hour a night that I would otherwise devote to television or reading for pleasure.
Anyway, I find my daughter tends to "bug" me 50 times over. She wants the computer, she wants me to make her something to eat, she wants me to come talk to her while she's on the toilet, she wants to know exactly how far away her birthday is, and so on... I feel like I sit down, then I jump up, then I sit down, then I jump up, or I'm the evil mom saying "make yourself a sandwich or heat up something", or "it's my turn for the computer", or "bathroom time should be private time/PUHLEASE just do your thing and get it over" etc... How do you do it? I do as much school/email stuff as possible while I'm at lunch or on break at work. I am away from the house for 10 hours a day for work/travel time. When I get home, I must make dinner. Sometimes that's something simple like sandwiches. Otherwise, it takes time to prepare. Eating out is not financially feasible on a daily or even weekly basis. Additionally, since I do work I do need to do laundry sometimes, and because I don't like
maggots I clean the plates and take out garbage. I don't always wash the dishes, but if I don't do it right away then it's twice as long next time. I try to use paper as much as possible but that feels like throwing away money. Also, since i'm so tight on time I dont' shop that often and run out sometimes - or plain forget to get new when I do go shopping. How do you do it?
---------------------------------
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Borrow 3 or 4 more kids of various ages for a month. Then go back to having one. You will be amazed at how much time you have ;-)
<tongue back out of cheek>
I include my in activitues like doing the dishes or cleaning. They either help or find something to do instantly. At 8 I would say your daughter was old enough to understand about 'me' time. If she's bugging you all the time its possible that you are giving her part-time harried attention all the time. Sit down with her and explain you'll do something for an hour where she has your whole attention then you want to do some chores. She can either help or read or something. Then more 'her' time. Then 'you' time. Because she would have had some undivided attention then she will feel more content and less bugging.
It takes a while to change this but I do it with 4 kids. They all get undivided attention to do something special for them (sort off, as I have to hold the baby all day) but it does stop that all day fight for attention cos they know that they 'special' project will get done without siblings joining in.
Anyway, thats what worked for me. There are still days when I'm washing the dishes at 11pm and gritting my teeth or I forget to put he garbage out and it only gets collected once a fortnight or we're at the hospital all day with the baby so everybody is whining and competeing for mummy-time.
But on the whole the children 'join in' We talk when we walk to the shops -an every day chore. Or we chat on the bus on the way to the hospital - also every day at the moment. They also enjoy playing Runescape online so will play for hours which is a great time for me to get the chores done and have a cup of tea.
Shyrley
Ali Kat <sweetgypsiedncer@...> wrote:
I have tried to let go of the whole bedtime thing. DD (8) tends to go to bed now after I have. I have traditionally used the evening time to get done all the mundane but important things that I try to avoid when I'm with dd so that I can focus my attention and time on her. i.e. refilling Rx, sending out bill payments, writing letters/emails, organizing paperwork and medical stuff, etc... I also use the time for school work (i'm taking online courses). I know I can drop these. Other than the fact that when done with school I can earn more money (which is attractive because I am a single mom), I realize it's not an ultimate priority. At the same time, it takes about 1 hour a night that I would otherwise devote to television or reading for pleasure.
Anyway, I find my daughter tends to "bug" me 50 times over. She wants the computer, she wants me to make her something to eat, she wants me to come talk to her while she's on the toilet, she wants to know exactly how far away her birthday is, and so on... I feel like I sit down, then I jump up, then I sit down, then I jump up, or I'm the evil mom saying "make yourself a sandwich or heat up something", or "it's my turn for the computer", or "bathroom time should be private time/PUHLEASE just do your thing and get it over" etc... How do you do it? I do as much school/email stuff as possible while I'm at lunch or on break at work. I am away from the house for 10 hours a day for work/travel time. When I get home, I must make dinner. Sometimes that's something simple like sandwiches. Otherwise, it takes time to prepare. Eating out is not financially feasible on a daily or even weekly basis. Additionally, since I do work I do need to do laundry sometimes, and because I don't like
maggots I clean the plates and take out garbage. I don't always wash the dishes, but if I don't do it right away then it's twice as long next time. I try to use paper as much as possible but that feels like throwing away money. Also, since i'm so tight on time I dont' shop that often and run out sometimes - or plain forget to get new when I do go shopping. How do you do it?
---------------------------------
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SHYRLEY WILLIAMS
That tongue in cheek thing was meant to be a funny although on reflection I suddenly thought some people might take offence so, no offence meant. My sense of humour and that of americans is often different.
SHYRLEY WILLIAMS <shyrley.williams@...> wrote:<warning, tongue in cheek alert...>
Borrow 3 or 4 more kids of various ages for a month. Then go back to having one. You will be amazed at how much time you have ;-)
<tongue back out of cheek>
I include my in activitues like doing the dishes or cleaning. They either help or find something to do instantly. At 8 I would say your daughter was old enough to understand about 'me' time. If she's bugging you all the time its possible that you are giving her part-time harried attention all the time. Sit down with her and explain you'll do something for an hour where she has your whole attention then you want to do some chores. She can either help or read or something. Then more 'her' time. Then 'you' time. Because she would have had some undivided attention then she will feel more content and less bugging.
It takes a while to change this but I do it with 4 kids. They all get undivided attention to do something special for them (sort off, as I have to hold the baby all day) but it does stop that all day fight for attention cos they know that they 'special' project will get done without siblings joining in.
Anyway, thats what worked for me. There are still days when I'm washing the dishes at 11pm and gritting my teeth or I forget to put he garbage out and it only gets collected once a fortnight or we're at the hospital all day with the baby so everybody is whining and competeing for mummy-time.
But on the whole the children 'join in' We talk when we walk to the shops -an every day chore. Or we chat on the bus on the way to the hospital - also every day at the moment. They also enjoy playing Runescape online so will play for hours which is a great time for me to get the chores done and have a cup of tea.
Shyrley
Ali Kat <sweetgypsiedncer@...> wrote:
I have tried to let go of the whole bedtime thing. DD (8) tends to go to bed now after I have. I have traditionally used the evening time to get done all the mundane but important things that I try to avoid when I'm with dd so that I can focus my attention and time on her. i.e. refilling Rx, sending out bill payments, writing letters/emails, organizing paperwork and medical stuff, etc... I also use the time for school work (i'm taking online courses). I know I can drop these. Other than the fact that when done with school I can earn more money (which is attractive because I am a single mom), I realize it's not an ultimate priority. At the same time, it takes about 1 hour a night that I would otherwise devote to television or reading for pleasure.
Anyway, I find my daughter tends to "bug" me 50 times over. She wants the computer, she wants me to make her something to eat, she wants me to come talk to her while she's on the toilet, she wants to know exactly how far away her birthday is, and so on... I feel like I sit down, then I jump up, then I sit down, then I jump up, or I'm the evil mom saying "make yourself a sandwich or heat up something", or "it's my turn for the computer", or "bathroom time should be private time/PUHLEASE just do your thing and get it over" etc... How do you do it? I do as much school/email stuff as possible while I'm at lunch or on break at work. I am away from the house for 10 hours a day for work/travel time. When I get home, I must make dinner. Sometimes that's something simple like sandwiches. Otherwise, it takes time to prepare. Eating out is not financially feasible on a daily or even weekly basis. Additionally, since I do work I do need to do laundry sometimes, and because I don't like
maggots I clean the plates and take out garbage. I don't always wash the dishes, but if I don't do it right away then it's twice as long next time. I try to use paper as much as possible but that feels like throwing away money. Also, since i'm so tight on time I dont' shop that often and run out sometimes - or plain forget to get new when I do go shopping. How do you do it?
---------------------------------
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Yahoo! Mail is new and improved - Check it out!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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---------------------------------
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---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SHYRLEY WILLIAMS <shyrley.williams@...> wrote:<warning, tongue in cheek alert...>
Borrow 3 or 4 more kids of various ages for a month. Then go back to having one. You will be amazed at how much time you have ;-)
<tongue back out of cheek>
I include my in activitues like doing the dishes or cleaning. They either help or find something to do instantly. At 8 I would say your daughter was old enough to understand about 'me' time. If she's bugging you all the time its possible that you are giving her part-time harried attention all the time. Sit down with her and explain you'll do something for an hour where she has your whole attention then you want to do some chores. She can either help or read or something. Then more 'her' time. Then 'you' time. Because she would have had some undivided attention then she will feel more content and less bugging.
It takes a while to change this but I do it with 4 kids. They all get undivided attention to do something special for them (sort off, as I have to hold the baby all day) but it does stop that all day fight for attention cos they know that they 'special' project will get done without siblings joining in.
Anyway, thats what worked for me. There are still days when I'm washing the dishes at 11pm and gritting my teeth or I forget to put he garbage out and it only gets collected once a fortnight or we're at the hospital all day with the baby so everybody is whining and competeing for mummy-time.
But on the whole the children 'join in' We talk when we walk to the shops -an every day chore. Or we chat on the bus on the way to the hospital - also every day at the moment. They also enjoy playing Runescape online so will play for hours which is a great time for me to get the chores done and have a cup of tea.
Shyrley
Ali Kat <sweetgypsiedncer@...> wrote:
I have tried to let go of the whole bedtime thing. DD (8) tends to go to bed now after I have. I have traditionally used the evening time to get done all the mundane but important things that I try to avoid when I'm with dd so that I can focus my attention and time on her. i.e. refilling Rx, sending out bill payments, writing letters/emails, organizing paperwork and medical stuff, etc... I also use the time for school work (i'm taking online courses). I know I can drop these. Other than the fact that when done with school I can earn more money (which is attractive because I am a single mom), I realize it's not an ultimate priority. At the same time, it takes about 1 hour a night that I would otherwise devote to television or reading for pleasure.
Anyway, I find my daughter tends to "bug" me 50 times over. She wants the computer, she wants me to make her something to eat, she wants me to come talk to her while she's on the toilet, she wants to know exactly how far away her birthday is, and so on... I feel like I sit down, then I jump up, then I sit down, then I jump up, or I'm the evil mom saying "make yourself a sandwich or heat up something", or "it's my turn for the computer", or "bathroom time should be private time/PUHLEASE just do your thing and get it over" etc... How do you do it? I do as much school/email stuff as possible while I'm at lunch or on break at work. I am away from the house for 10 hours a day for work/travel time. When I get home, I must make dinner. Sometimes that's something simple like sandwiches. Otherwise, it takes time to prepare. Eating out is not financially feasible on a daily or even weekly basis. Additionally, since I do work I do need to do laundry sometimes, and because I don't like
maggots I clean the plates and take out garbage. I don't always wash the dishes, but if I don't do it right away then it's twice as long next time. I try to use paper as much as possible but that feels like throwing away money. Also, since i'm so tight on time I dont' shop that often and run out sometimes - or plain forget to get new when I do go shopping. How do you do it?
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J. Stauffer
<<<<<Anyway, I find my daughter tends to "bug" me 50 times over. She wants
the computer, she wants me to make her something to eat, she wants me to
come talk to her while she's on the toilet, >>>>>
It may help to consider that she doesn't mean to "bug" you, she is trying to
love you, albeit in a rather "annoying" way.
She thinks you're awesome and wants to spend time with you. You need to get
some stuff done and then have some down time. Here is what I would suggest.
Invite her to help you.....really help you. If you are paying bills,
explain to her what you are doing as you go along, let her do the math part
on the calculator, let her stuff the envelope, etc..
Then make her a yummy snack, a library book or a video and let her know that
you are needing to recharge and that you will be available in 20 minutes.
You might think about asking her to get the next project organized that you
can do together when you are finished relaxing. She is going to interrupt
several times. Be nice, gentle but let her know you will be out soon. Then
be sure to be right there physically and emotionally as soon as the time is
up.
Julie S.
the computer, she wants me to make her something to eat, she wants me to
come talk to her while she's on the toilet, >>>>>
It may help to consider that she doesn't mean to "bug" you, she is trying to
love you, albeit in a rather "annoying" way.
She thinks you're awesome and wants to spend time with you. You need to get
some stuff done and then have some down time. Here is what I would suggest.
Invite her to help you.....really help you. If you are paying bills,
explain to her what you are doing as you go along, let her do the math part
on the calculator, let her stuff the envelope, etc..
Then make her a yummy snack, a library book or a video and let her know that
you are needing to recharge and that you will be available in 20 minutes.
You might think about asking her to get the next project organized that you
can do together when you are finished relaxing. She is going to interrupt
several times. Be nice, gentle but let her know you will be out soon. Then
be sure to be right there physically and emotionally as soon as the time is
up.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Ali Kat" <sweetgypsiedncer@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, September 07, 2004 10:17 PM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] how do you get stuff done?
>
> I have tried to let go of the whole bedtime thing. DD (8) tends to go to
bed now after I have. I have traditionally used the evening time to get
done all the mundane but important things that I try to avoid when I'm with
dd so that I can focus my attention and time on her. i.e. refilling Rx,
sending out bill payments, writing letters/emails, organizing paperwork and
medical stuff, etc... I also use the time for school work (i'm taking
online courses). I know I can drop these. Other than the fact that when
done with school I can earn more money (which is attractive because I am a
single mom), I realize it's not an ultimate priority. At the same time, it
takes about 1 hour a night that I would otherwise devote to television or
reading for pleasure.
>
> Anyway, I find my daughter tends to "bug" me 50 times over. She wants the
computer, she wants me to make her something to eat, she wants me to come
talk to her while she's on the toilet, she wants to know exactly how far
away her birthday is, and so on... I feel like I sit down, then I jump up,
then I sit down, then I jump up, or I'm the evil mom saying "make yourself a
sandwich or heat up something", or "it's my turn for the computer", or
"bathroom time should be private time/PUHLEASE just do your thing and get it
over" etc... How do you do it? I do as much school/email stuff as possible
while I'm at lunch or on break at work. I am away from the house for 10
hours a day for work/travel time. When I get home, I must make dinner.
Sometimes that's something simple like sandwiches. Otherwise, it takes time
to prepare. Eating out is not financially feasible on a daily or even
weekly basis. Additionally, since I do work I do need to do laundry
sometimes, and because I don't like
> maggots I clean the plates and take out garbage. I don't always wash the
dishes, but if I don't do it right away then it's twice as long next time.
I try to use paper as much as possible but that feels like throwing away
money. Also, since i'm so tight on time I dont' shop that often and run out
sometimes - or plain forget to get new when I do go shopping. How do you do
it?
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Do you Yahoo!?
> Yahoo! Mail is new and improved - Check it out!
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
soggyboysmom
I agree with Julie. Most of the time, when DS (6 yrs old)
gets "pestery" (is that a word? lol) it's because he needs focused
attention and isn't getting it - even if it seems like I'm there but
I'm mentally elsewhere. I have worked from home on occasion (and
hope to make several days per week at home the norm) and DH worked
from home (part time) for a few years. We found that even 15 minutes
of focused being there time WHEN DS wanted it alleviated hours of
pestering and "Are you done yet?!" frustration. We also include DS
in the laundry, the dishes, the bill paying, the shopping, etc. as
much as he chooses to be involved. Laundry has always been a once a
week thing - back when DS was little and we lived in a bitty campus
apartment, after we moved and could use MIL's washer and dryer
(which meant a 30 minute drive each way), and now when we have a
house with a washer and dryer right there in the basement. That's
the way DH prefers it (he's the at home parent) so that's how it
goes. And, DS has his own computer - purchased very inexpensively at
a used/refurbished computer place but with enough power to go online
to play and such. He sits with me sometimes when I'm doing bills and
does his own "bills" - he'll draw or scribble or write on small bits
of paper (3x5 size) and use old envelopes and those freebie address
labels and assorted stickers. He keeps me company while I talk about
what bills I'm paying and all. We also used a grocery delivery
service for a while when DH was working because it was taking too
much of our time away to manage the drive to the store, shopping,
driving back, putting it away, etc. By timing the delivery to a time
when DH was home anyhow (like on laundry day) both things could get
accomplished without eating up more of the day. Also, things like
developing menus and keeping staples on hand helped with dinner - DH
and I can tag-team dinner if we both know what is happening.
As far as the original post, what struck me right off is being away
10 hours per day and then get home and "must" make dinner because
when I thought about it, I'm gone 10 hrs per day too (didn't realize
it was that many hours because I'm so close to home). Something that
really helps is that dinner can wait for 15 or 20 minutes while DS
and I reconnect - whether I sit and watch part of whatever he's
watching or we sit and look at a book or something together or draw
on the table (yes, -on- we have big rolls of brown paper we use as a
table covering and keep containers of markers, pens, and crayons
where most people have the lazy susan with salt and pepper). I also
make sure I am available to talk to him once or twice during the
day - I call home or he calls me here at work and we chat. We even
have what might seem a silly bit: one day when he was particularly
sad about me leaving for work, I told him about the "purple part"
that grows in every mommy's brain when they have a baby. That part
(and I pointed to a specific part of my head) spends the whole day,
no matter what, just thinking on that baby. He has decided he has a
purple part too. So I kiss his purple part (his moves around his
head sometimes) and he kisses mine (it's roughly behind my right
ear) and I give an extra hug and kiss to a small purple teddy bear
who holds onto it for him in case he needs and extra hug and kiss
during the day. Simple enough routine, takes all of 5 minutes maybe
IF he's awake before I leave. If he's asleep I write a note for him
by his seat at the table. When he was a pre-reader, I wrote the same
thing over and over. Those were the first words he could recognize
on sight in other contexts. It's all about developing the routines
and habits that promote staying connected because that's what all
the pestering is about to start with - connecting.
gets "pestery" (is that a word? lol) it's because he needs focused
attention and isn't getting it - even if it seems like I'm there but
I'm mentally elsewhere. I have worked from home on occasion (and
hope to make several days per week at home the norm) and DH worked
from home (part time) for a few years. We found that even 15 minutes
of focused being there time WHEN DS wanted it alleviated hours of
pestering and "Are you done yet?!" frustration. We also include DS
in the laundry, the dishes, the bill paying, the shopping, etc. as
much as he chooses to be involved. Laundry has always been a once a
week thing - back when DS was little and we lived in a bitty campus
apartment, after we moved and could use MIL's washer and dryer
(which meant a 30 minute drive each way), and now when we have a
house with a washer and dryer right there in the basement. That's
the way DH prefers it (he's the at home parent) so that's how it
goes. And, DS has his own computer - purchased very inexpensively at
a used/refurbished computer place but with enough power to go online
to play and such. He sits with me sometimes when I'm doing bills and
does his own "bills" - he'll draw or scribble or write on small bits
of paper (3x5 size) and use old envelopes and those freebie address
labels and assorted stickers. He keeps me company while I talk about
what bills I'm paying and all. We also used a grocery delivery
service for a while when DH was working because it was taking too
much of our time away to manage the drive to the store, shopping,
driving back, putting it away, etc. By timing the delivery to a time
when DH was home anyhow (like on laundry day) both things could get
accomplished without eating up more of the day. Also, things like
developing menus and keeping staples on hand helped with dinner - DH
and I can tag-team dinner if we both know what is happening.
As far as the original post, what struck me right off is being away
10 hours per day and then get home and "must" make dinner because
when I thought about it, I'm gone 10 hrs per day too (didn't realize
it was that many hours because I'm so close to home). Something that
really helps is that dinner can wait for 15 or 20 minutes while DS
and I reconnect - whether I sit and watch part of whatever he's
watching or we sit and look at a book or something together or draw
on the table (yes, -on- we have big rolls of brown paper we use as a
table covering and keep containers of markers, pens, and crayons
where most people have the lazy susan with salt and pepper). I also
make sure I am available to talk to him once or twice during the
day - I call home or he calls me here at work and we chat. We even
have what might seem a silly bit: one day when he was particularly
sad about me leaving for work, I told him about the "purple part"
that grows in every mommy's brain when they have a baby. That part
(and I pointed to a specific part of my head) spends the whole day,
no matter what, just thinking on that baby. He has decided he has a
purple part too. So I kiss his purple part (his moves around his
head sometimes) and he kisses mine (it's roughly behind my right
ear) and I give an extra hug and kiss to a small purple teddy bear
who holds onto it for him in case he needs and extra hug and kiss
during the day. Simple enough routine, takes all of 5 minutes maybe
IF he's awake before I leave. If he's asleep I write a note for him
by his seat at the table. When he was a pre-reader, I wrote the same
thing over and over. Those were the first words he could recognize
on sight in other contexts. It's all about developing the routines
and habits that promote staying connected because that's what all
the pestering is about to start with - connecting.
[email protected]
<< I have tried to let go of the whole bedtime thing. >>
Bedtime is a good thing, if it's time to go to bed because the house has
gotten quiet and the children are sleepy.
Arbitrary bedtime by the clock might be a thing to reconsider, but not to let
go of entirely all at once.
Gradually saying "yes" more and "okay" more, and being willing to do things
in new and different and more peaceful ways is healing. Getting rid of whole
things can be disturbing.
-=-Anyway, I find my daughter tends to "bug" me 50 times over. -=-
If you look at the individual moments instead of the overall, you can sort
out the threads of what she needs and what she wants, and if you're willing to
rearrange your life so that different priorities and needs are foremost, it
will dissolve itself into the new fabric, I think.
-=-I feel like I sit down, then I jump up, then I sit down, then I jump up,
or I'm the evil mom saying "make yourself a sandwich or heat up something", or
"it's my turn for the computer", or "bathroom time should be private
time/PUHLEASE just do your thing and get it over" etc... How do you do it? -=-
By making sandwiches, letting them use the computer until they're through and
letting them talk to me while I'm on the pot if they want to. But we
started that from the beginning, and didn't jump to it all at once.
-=-When I get home, I must make dinner. Sometimes that's something simple
like sandwiches. Otherwise, it takes time to prepare. -=-
Do you want us to help you brainstorm options? Crockpot from the morning?
Take something out of the freezer you made twice as much of another day?
-=-and because I don't like
maggots I clean the plates and take out garbage. -=-
This kind of visualizing and justification is harsh on your own soul. Who
told you you'll get maggots if you don't clean the plates and take out the
garbage? Do you even have flies? (In the Middle Ages, there was a belief that
maggots appeared on their own somehow because of the sun, but really--flies have
to lay eggs, and it takes a while for them to develop into maggots. More than
a week, I think.) If you take the trash out every few days and you swat the
flies, you won't have maggots. And maggots only grow on rotting meat and
such, not on plastic bags and paper.
Don't have boogy-men in your life that aren't realistic. Don't act in
response to boogy-men (or boogy-maggots).
-=-Also, since i'm so tight on time I dont' shop that often and run out
sometimes - or plain forget to get new when I do go shopping. How do you do it?-=-
Breathing to calm myself always helps.
Keeping lists (magnet to the fridge) and never going to the store without the
list helps.
Putting things on the list before I run out helps. If I know when I get to
the store that we don't REALLY need it yet (butter is on my list, but we have a
pound still), I'll put it back on the new list when I get back, having chosen
to wait another time.
Sandra
Bedtime is a good thing, if it's time to go to bed because the house has
gotten quiet and the children are sleepy.
Arbitrary bedtime by the clock might be a thing to reconsider, but not to let
go of entirely all at once.
Gradually saying "yes" more and "okay" more, and being willing to do things
in new and different and more peaceful ways is healing. Getting rid of whole
things can be disturbing.
-=-Anyway, I find my daughter tends to "bug" me 50 times over. -=-
If you look at the individual moments instead of the overall, you can sort
out the threads of what she needs and what she wants, and if you're willing to
rearrange your life so that different priorities and needs are foremost, it
will dissolve itself into the new fabric, I think.
-=-I feel like I sit down, then I jump up, then I sit down, then I jump up,
or I'm the evil mom saying "make yourself a sandwich or heat up something", or
"it's my turn for the computer", or "bathroom time should be private
time/PUHLEASE just do your thing and get it over" etc... How do you do it? -=-
By making sandwiches, letting them use the computer until they're through and
letting them talk to me while I'm on the pot if they want to. But we
started that from the beginning, and didn't jump to it all at once.
-=-When I get home, I must make dinner. Sometimes that's something simple
like sandwiches. Otherwise, it takes time to prepare. -=-
Do you want us to help you brainstorm options? Crockpot from the morning?
Take something out of the freezer you made twice as much of another day?
-=-and because I don't like
maggots I clean the plates and take out garbage. -=-
This kind of visualizing and justification is harsh on your own soul. Who
told you you'll get maggots if you don't clean the plates and take out the
garbage? Do you even have flies? (In the Middle Ages, there was a belief that
maggots appeared on their own somehow because of the sun, but really--flies have
to lay eggs, and it takes a while for them to develop into maggots. More than
a week, I think.) If you take the trash out every few days and you swat the
flies, you won't have maggots. And maggots only grow on rotting meat and
such, not on plastic bags and paper.
Don't have boogy-men in your life that aren't realistic. Don't act in
response to boogy-men (or boogy-maggots).
-=-Also, since i'm so tight on time I dont' shop that often and run out
sometimes - or plain forget to get new when I do go shopping. How do you do it?-=-
Breathing to calm myself always helps.
Keeping lists (magnet to the fridge) and never going to the store without the
list helps.
Putting things on the list before I run out helps. If I know when I get to
the store that we don't REALLY need it yet (butter is on my list, but we have a
pound still), I'll put it back on the new list when I get back, having chosen
to wait another time.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/8/04 1:07:56 AM, dezigna@... writes:
<< What I have to do is have a laundry day - or I am washing
all week long. >>
Because we have a washer and dryer right in the middle of the house, I can
run laundry as a background program. <g> There are usually things dry in the
dryer, and they come out when someone needs an item or when someone else needs
the dryer. That gets dumped on the couch, and part of my "job" is watching
movies so that I will sort what's on the couch (what hasn't already been picked
up by people looking for their favorite things, or towels). My current
laundry plan includes the BBC Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth, and that makes
laundry fun.
Sandra
<< What I have to do is have a laundry day - or I am washing
all week long. >>
Because we have a washer and dryer right in the middle of the house, I can
run laundry as a background program. <g> There are usually things dry in the
dryer, and they come out when someone needs an item or when someone else needs
the dryer. That gets dumped on the couch, and part of my "job" is watching
movies so that I will sort what's on the couch (what hasn't already been picked
up by people looking for their favorite things, or towels). My current
laundry plan includes the BBC Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth, and that makes
laundry fun.
Sandra
SHYRLEY WILLIAMS
SandraDodd@... wrote:
In a message dated 9/8/04 1:07:56 AM, dezigna@... writes:
<< What I have to do is have a laundry day - or I am washing
all week long. >>
Because we have a washer and dryer right in the middle of the house, I can
run laundry as a background program. <g> There are usually things dry in the
dryer, and they come out when someone needs an item or when someone else needs
the dryer. That gets dumped on the couch, and part of my "job" is watching
movies so that I will sort what's on the couch (what hasn't already been picked
up by people looking for their favorite things, or towels). My current
laundry plan includes the BBC Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth, and that makes
laundry fun.
Sandra
Ooooooooo, the lake scene :-)
Thats what I miss about America. A dryer. And a dishwasher. We cant afford either on a Brit salary and there aren't places in the kitchen to put them if we could. I loved my dishwasher in the US :-(
Waaaah.
Shyrley
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In a message dated 9/8/04 1:07:56 AM, dezigna@... writes:
<< What I have to do is have a laundry day - or I am washing
all week long. >>
Because we have a washer and dryer right in the middle of the house, I can
run laundry as a background program. <g> There are usually things dry in the
dryer, and they come out when someone needs an item or when someone else needs
the dryer. That gets dumped on the couch, and part of my "job" is watching
movies so that I will sort what's on the couch (what hasn't already been picked
up by people looking for their favorite things, or towels). My current
laundry plan includes the BBC Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth, and that makes
laundry fun.
Sandra
Ooooooooo, the lake scene :-)
Thats what I miss about America. A dryer. And a dishwasher. We cant afford either on a Brit salary and there aren't places in the kitchen to put them if we could. I loved my dishwasher in the US :-(
Waaaah.
Shyrley
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Kelli Traaseth
**My current
laundry plan includes the BBC Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth, and that makes
laundry fun.**
I do the same thing, just throw it all in a clump on the couch and fold and fold and fold. For a long time it was the LOTR Extended versions. I now have to go and rent Pride and Prejudice, I haven't seen that in a long time. :)
I also do this with my son when he's playing video games. I can be with him, talk with him and at the same time accomplish the mundane task of folding clothes.
Oh, I thought of you two today, Shyley and Sandra, I was at a Claire's boutique where I saw wristbands that had " I love Colin" stitched on them. I wondered which Colin it was, but thought you guys would like them. <g> I wanted the Mrs. Bloom handbag. I'm sooo adolescent. <G>
Kelli~
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laundry plan includes the BBC Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth, and that makes
laundry fun.**
I do the same thing, just throw it all in a clump on the couch and fold and fold and fold. For a long time it was the LOTR Extended versions. I now have to go and rent Pride and Prejudice, I haven't seen that in a long time. :)
I also do this with my son when he's playing video games. I can be with him, talk with him and at the same time accomplish the mundane task of folding clothes.
Oh, I thought of you two today, Shyley and Sandra, I was at a Claire's boutique where I saw wristbands that had " I love Colin" stitched on them. I wondered which Colin it was, but thought you guys would like them. <g> I wanted the Mrs. Bloom handbag. I'm sooo adolescent. <G>
Kelli~
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