[email protected]

-=-Anyhow, from an unschooling parenting point of view, what do you all think
about this issue? Sorry so long, I got chatty and had lots to say about this
issue. Thanks for sticking with me to the bottom.-=-

One problem occurs when parents give a child money and then refuse to buy him
things after that. "You have money, you buy it," or whatever. When we
give our children money, we mean for them to decide how to use that money on
their own, without having to ask. But I might want to buy them something and I
will (or at least offer), or if they see something they want that would
reasonably be part of their health, welfare, food, shelter, clothing, "education," I
can justify that in the budget, and if we can afford it and it seems like a
good deal, I won't make them use their own money.

-=-If you currently know enough about finances to work with your son in a
responsible manner, I don't think it is fair to blame your current financial
problems on "how you were raised."-=-

People can get stuck feeling needy in one area or another, and it can cause a
lot of problems. It is possible for a parent to see how not to cause the
same vacuum in a child, yet still find self-comfort in eating or shopping or

If I don't keep in mind how treatment of children can have longlasting
effects, I might be less vigilant than I want to be.

I'm better with money than I used to be, but my children area already better
than I am. I might be better later, but I will never be as good as they
already are.

I have an article about this here:

While there are issues of temperament, there are many other factors that will
determine a child's relationship with money and other people. At the Dallas
airport yesterday we had a layover. Marty, Holly and I were in a little
magazine stand. Holly wanted gummy bears, but settled for Red Vines. Marty was
getting a root beer. I picked up a magazine with an article about the coming
movie "Alexander" on the cover, as that's Marty's middle name and he has an
interest in the historical character separate from that too.

I had a ten dollar bill out. Two women were working there, and no one else
was in the shop.

Holly was already at the counter, and I handed the magazine over, and the
money (toward Holly) but she said, "No, I'm paying for this with my money." Her
candy was the least expensive thing on the counter.

"Even my magazine?"


The woman who had been stocking in the corner came over to see this child who
was offering to buy things for her mom and brother. Both women commented on
being glad when their kids bought them things someday.

But their kids might not. And I don't think that's just temperament, though
temperament is a starting place.

Some other factors are neediness, self esteem, self image, relationship with
those particular others, feelings of safety, trust, and probably others people
here could think of.

In the nature vs. nurture discussions, I always think of the crowded rats
experiments done in the 1960's (I think). Rats were bred for a few
rat-generations, some to be agressive and others to be pacifist. Then some of both kinds
of rats were put in spacious, interesting environments, and some of both were
put in crowded, stark places.

Nice rats in bad environments acted worse than mean rats in good environments.
Nice rats in good environments acted better than mean rats in good
Nice rats in bad environments acted better than mean rats in bad environments.

No one factor decides all.