Ali Kat

Has anyone dealt with hostile exes and DCF?

I haven't heard from my ex in probably close to 2 years. Last night he IMed me and went off on a tirade. Amongst other things, he said that Bekka needs to be in school before she becomes socially dysfunctional. While I know that's a crock of hooey, it won't stop him from calling DCF and causing trouble. What do I do? What are my "rights" as far as that goes? Thank you.

Alicia


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Kelly Muzyczka

At 08:44 AM 8/31/2004, you wrote:

>Has anyone dealt with hostile exes and DCF?
>
>I haven't heard from my ex in probably close to 2 years. Last night he
>IMed me and went off on a tirade. Amongst other things, he said that
>Bekka needs to be in school before she becomes socially
>dysfunctional. While I know that's a crock of hooey, it won't stop him
>from calling DCF and causing trouble. What do I do? What are my "rights"
>as far as that goes? Thank you.
>
>Alicia


I would say it depends on a couple things. What state you live in would be
one. And what kind of custody arrangement you have. If you have fully
custody, then he'd have a harder time saying what he wants to happen. And
full custody doesn't just mean who she lives with. It also means who has
the "custodial" role. In some agreements that's shared.

Mind you, since he's been "gone" for so long, you do have a leg up.

Save the IM, if you can. If it included other things that can be called
abusive, it could be useful. And make sure all your ducks are in a row in
terms of your state's paperwork.

Good luck.

(oh, and remind me to thank my parents for not being jerks after their
divorce. -sigh- I can't believe what some people have to put up with.)


Kelly
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand. --Linus

Lee Roversi

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. No matter the outcome, it is
always a terrible feeling to have those kind of encounters with an ex. I
have had various exchanges with my ex about my childrens' schooling, or
lack of, in his opinion. Not being defensive or stooping to his tirade
level helps. I am happy to email you privately and send you a copy of the
'discussion of learning experiences' I have compiled to appease my ex. And,
usually I find it cools him down to see such richness in our unschooling
path.
Aloha, Lee
NORTH COUNTRY FARMS
~an eco-tourism destination~
P.O. Box 723
Kilauea, Kauai, Hawaii 96754
808-828-1513phone & voice mail
808-828-0805fax
www.northcountryfarms.com

Mary Gold

> I haven't heard from my ex in probably close to 2 years. Last
night he IMed me and went off on a tirade. Amongst other things, he
said that Bekka needs to be in school before she becomes socially
dysfunctional. While I know that's a crock of hooey, it won't stop
him from calling DCF and causing trouble. What do I do? What are
my "rights" as far as that goes? Thank you.

I don't know much about dealing with DCF, but could you difuse the
situation with your ex now to prevent him from calling? Maybe send
him a nice, informative email acknowledging his concerns about
Bekka's socialization. (Even though we all know it's a crock of
hooey!) Tell him about all the ways she IS being socialized with
other kids her age. Does she do scouts, gymnastics, dance, park
groups, classes, church group, etc.? Then let him know about it.
Maybe with some soothing words you can get him to back down.

Life is good.
~Mary

J. Stauffer

<<<< What do I do? What are my "rights" as far as that goes? >>>>>

Homeschooling is legal in all states but that doesn't keep judges from
ruling against it.

I would document what you guys are doing. Not change what you are doing
necessarily but keep track of books read, shows watched, math skills, trips
to museums, etc. in a notebook. I wouldn't even mention to my child what I
was doing.

I would make sure that ex was up to date on his child support and, next time
I hear from him, I would explain that if dd goes to school, I will be asking
for an increase to cover the cost of school clothes, supplies, lunch money,
etc..

Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Ali Kat" <sweetgypsiedncer@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, August 31, 2004 7:44 AM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] not exactly unschooling, but i need help


>
> Has anyone dealt with hostile exes and DCF?
>
> I haven't heard from my ex in probably close to 2 years. Last night he
IMed me and went off on a tirade. Amongst other things, he said that Bekka
needs to be in school before she becomes socially dysfunctional. While I
know that's a crock of hooey, it won't stop him from calling DCF and causing
trouble. What do I do? What are my "rights" as far as that goes? Thank
you.
>
> Alicia
>
>
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