Re: censoring tv/media
Ali Kat
****************Nope.
Not if it were something the child(ren) wanted to see. What image (that
they
would want to watch) would be so "unpeaceful" that I would need to
censor?
and justify?
~Kelly
***********************
Sex, blood, gore, violence, murdering folks, raping folks, porn etc... Of course, I am thinking on young child terms (lets say under 10). This is part of my concern in allowing my daughter to watch whatever she wants. It is not that I shelter her from the knowledge that these things exist, but I limit her exposure to what she can understand and emotionally handle.
I can remember the first time I saw a movie where a woman got raped in front of her son and I had to ask what "rape" meant. I vomited, and to this very day it is emotionally disturbing to me. I still have images of violent porn that I was exposed to (or "allowed" to decide to watch) at young ages in my head. I loved alien stuff, but watched/read so much that it freaks me out now. I don't know how that can be considered "healthy", and often wish that my mother or someone would have paid enough attention to me to step in and monitor what I was reading and seeing.
What do you do about that? What do you do if your child sees or hears about something like that and wants to see it for themselves?
Curious...
---------------------------------
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Yahoo! Mail - You care about security. So do we.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Not if it were something the child(ren) wanted to see. What image (that
they
would want to watch) would be so "unpeaceful" that I would need to
censor?
and justify?
~Kelly
***********************
Sex, blood, gore, violence, murdering folks, raping folks, porn etc... Of course, I am thinking on young child terms (lets say under 10). This is part of my concern in allowing my daughter to watch whatever she wants. It is not that I shelter her from the knowledge that these things exist, but I limit her exposure to what she can understand and emotionally handle.
I can remember the first time I saw a movie where a woman got raped in front of her son and I had to ask what "rape" meant. I vomited, and to this very day it is emotionally disturbing to me. I still have images of violent porn that I was exposed to (or "allowed" to decide to watch) at young ages in my head. I loved alien stuff, but watched/read so much that it freaks me out now. I don't know how that can be considered "healthy", and often wish that my mother or someone would have paid enough attention to me to step in and monitor what I was reading and seeing.
What do you do about that? What do you do if your child sees or hears about something like that and wants to see it for themselves?
Curious...
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail - You care about security. So do we.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/16/2004 5:11:35 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
sweetgypsiedncer@... writes:
I can remember the first time I saw a movie where a woman got raped in front
of her son and I had to ask what "rape" meant. I vomited, and to this very
day it is emotionally disturbing to me. I still have images of violent porn
that I was exposed to (or "allowed" to decide to watch) at young ages in my
head. I loved alien stuff, but watched/read so much that it freaks me out
now. I don't know how that can be considered "healthy", and often wish that my
mother or someone would have paid enough attention to me to step in and
monitor what I was reading and seeing. <<<<<<
Alert! Alert! That last sentence was the most telling!
No one here is suggesting that your child watch tv in a vacuum. We suggest
that you be there WITH your child. Pay ATTENTION to your child. Be with her,
watch with her, answer her questions, ask her questions.
Even YOU wish for that same thing.
I'm there. And he knows he can turn it off if he wants to. He knows we can
talk about it before, during, and after and after and after.
Big difference.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sweetgypsiedncer@... writes:
I can remember the first time I saw a movie where a woman got raped in front
of her son and I had to ask what "rape" meant. I vomited, and to this very
day it is emotionally disturbing to me. I still have images of violent porn
that I was exposed to (or "allowed" to decide to watch) at young ages in my
head. I loved alien stuff, but watched/read so much that it freaks me out
now. I don't know how that can be considered "healthy", and often wish that my
mother or someone would have paid enough attention to me to step in and
monitor what I was reading and seeing. <<<<<<
Alert! Alert! That last sentence was the most telling!
No one here is suggesting that your child watch tv in a vacuum. We suggest
that you be there WITH your child. Pay ATTENTION to your child. Be with her,
watch with her, answer her questions, ask her questions.
Even YOU wish for that same thing.
>>>>What do you do about that? What do you do if your child sees or hearsabout something like that and wants to see it for themselves?<<<<<
I'm there. And he knows he can turn it off if he wants to. He knows we can
talk about it before, during, and after and after and after.
Big difference.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Fetteroll
on 8/16/04 4:27 PM, Ali Kat at sweetgypsiedncer@... wrote:
folks, raping folks, porn" and that you are preventing her? How does she
know she wants to see those things?
handle? Would you want to be sitting watching a movie and have your husband
keep silent about an upcoming scene he knew would upset you?
If there were a movie you'd heard good things about and wanted to see would
you want your husband to say "No, you can't see that," and stop you from
watching it or "I've heard there's a violent rape scene and I know you don't
like such scenes," and then let you decide? The first removes control from
you, puts the decision power in his hands. The second gives you some
information to help make your own decision or to find out more.
(I'm not advocating giving kids information and then shrugging your
shoulders when they make a different decision than you'd want them to.
They're going to want to want to test their personal boundaries to see what
they're capable of handling and we need them to know we'll be there to
support them while they explore.)
If we give our kids the idea we're trying to protect them from the world and
protect them from their own under-developed powers of judgement, they'll
resent being told "No, you don't want to see that," since it means you're
taking the power to decide away from them. But if we build a sense of trust
in them that they understand we're trying to help them see what they want to
see and avoid what they want to avoid, they'll hear "No, you don't want to
see that," as trusted advice. I'd also tell my daughter why, but I'd leave
the decision up to her. If she decided to watch anyway, I'd be there with
her to pause or fast forward or talk about it or turn it off and find
something else to do, or whatever would help her tackle something that might
be a little difficult for her. If she decides she's ready to test her wings,
I'll happily stand under her with a net. :-)
I've knee jerk said "No you have to go to class," when she doesn't want to
see the afternoon spent on a lot of driving for a 1 hour class. And she then
*really* doesn't want to go. But when I realize what I've said and tell her
of course she doesn't have to go, she thinks about it and generally decides
she'll go. She doesn't want to do the things she "shouldn't". (Not going to
a class isn't a good example of a "shouldn't" but I can't think of a better
one at the moment.) What she does want is to have the choice.
Kids don't want to do things that are bad for them. But they often will do
things they don't want to do because they aren't given the choice. Kids have
been known to sit through a horror movie that disturbs them if they think
that this is the only chance they'll ever get to watch it, that if they turn
it off or if they end up with nightmares, mom will say she was right to not
want them to watch it and she'll never let them see something she feels
uncomfortable about again.
But if they know they can watch whatever they want, that mom will do her
best to give them information if she knows something might be disturbing,
and they know they can turn it off at any time, and that mom will be there
to help them, they'll learn to listen to what their feelings are inside of
them to help them make decisions. It's way better than basing decisions on
what someone else says they are feeling or will feel.
Joyce
> This is part of my concern in allowing my daughter to watch whatever sheSo you're saying she wants to see "Sex, blood, gore, violence, murdering
> wants.
folks, raping folks, porn" and that you are preventing her? How does she
know she wants to see those things?
> but I limit her exposure to what she can understand and emotionallyDo you want to be exposed to things you find upsetting and can't emotionally
> handle.
handle? Would you want to be sitting watching a movie and have your husband
keep silent about an upcoming scene he knew would upset you?
If there were a movie you'd heard good things about and wanted to see would
you want your husband to say "No, you can't see that," and stop you from
watching it or "I've heard there's a violent rape scene and I know you don't
like such scenes," and then let you decide? The first removes control from
you, puts the decision power in his hands. The second gives you some
information to help make your own decision or to find out more.
(I'm not advocating giving kids information and then shrugging your
shoulders when they make a different decision than you'd want them to.
They're going to want to want to test their personal boundaries to see what
they're capable of handling and we need them to know we'll be there to
support them while they explore.)
If we give our kids the idea we're trying to protect them from the world and
protect them from their own under-developed powers of judgement, they'll
resent being told "No, you don't want to see that," since it means you're
taking the power to decide away from them. But if we build a sense of trust
in them that they understand we're trying to help them see what they want to
see and avoid what they want to avoid, they'll hear "No, you don't want to
see that," as trusted advice. I'd also tell my daughter why, but I'd leave
the decision up to her. If she decided to watch anyway, I'd be there with
her to pause or fast forward or talk about it or turn it off and find
something else to do, or whatever would help her tackle something that might
be a little difficult for her. If she decides she's ready to test her wings,
I'll happily stand under her with a net. :-)
I've knee jerk said "No you have to go to class," when she doesn't want to
see the afternoon spent on a lot of driving for a 1 hour class. And she then
*really* doesn't want to go. But when I realize what I've said and tell her
of course she doesn't have to go, she thinks about it and generally decides
she'll go. She doesn't want to do the things she "shouldn't". (Not going to
a class isn't a good example of a "shouldn't" but I can't think of a better
one at the moment.) What she does want is to have the choice.
Kids don't want to do things that are bad for them. But they often will do
things they don't want to do because they aren't given the choice. Kids have
been known to sit through a horror movie that disturbs them if they think
that this is the only chance they'll ever get to watch it, that if they turn
it off or if they end up with nightmares, mom will say she was right to not
want them to watch it and she'll never let them see something she feels
uncomfortable about again.
But if they know they can watch whatever they want, that mom will do her
best to give them information if she knows something might be disturbing,
and they know they can turn it off at any time, and that mom will be there
to help them, they'll learn to listen to what their feelings are inside of
them to help them make decisions. It's way better than basing decisions on
what someone else says they are feeling or will feel.
Joyce