I love this idea. I can talk unquestioned, uninterrupted and without
immediate expectations of clarification and my introverted husband
can think without having to respond for hours. Sounds like magic for

Thanks for the hint.


--- In [email protected], "Robyn Coburn"
<dezigna@c...> wrote:
> <<<<<<<I use
> > email to communicate with my dh so I can get through what I want
to say
> with
> > out being set off by his body language etc. >>>>
> I do this to. For important issues, I email dh at work. That way
what I
> want to say is uninterrupted by kidlets and he has several hours to
> about how he would like to respond.>>>>
> This email idea is a good one, and I do send him stuff, like some
of the
> replies I have received today. However dh is not away at work. He
is sitting
> across the room most of the time. One thing that has been useful to
me, is
> if either of us has to go out, on an errand or to some appointment,
> the issue is resolved, we will usually call each other and talk
much better
> on the phone than we had in person.
> This not interrupting thing is something that can really make any
> communication tough, so I think email - even when he is just over
there -
> could be a tool I should use more often.
> I have a metaphorical way to explain about it.
> My husband will say: The sky is red. So you should do such-and-
such, and
> so-and-so. I feel that your are blah, blah, blah. Also yada, yada,
yada, on
> and on and on. And another thing is you blah, yada, on-and-on and so
> forth...
> For usually about 4-6 minutes.
> Meanwhile I am thinking, "But the sky isn't red." It seems like
> following the false premise is probably also wrong, and it is
really hard
> both to listen to and to remember all the different ideas, while
caught up
> in the very first erroneous statement.
> He also believes that saying "I feel you are wrong" is the same as
> his feelings. I sent him the NVC website. So far my attempts to use
> techniques have resulted in him getting really irritated - I must
be doing
> it wrong. Validating the other person's feelings stopped a crazy
mob of
> screaming Palestinians from calling Dr. Rosenberg a murderer, but
it makes
> my dh furious.
> Robyn L. Coburn
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