eriksmama2001

I love this idea. I can talk unquestioned, uninterrupted and without
immediate expectations of clarification and my introverted husband
can think without having to respond for hours. Sounds like magic for
us.

Thanks for the hint.


Pat



--- In [email protected], "Robyn Coburn"
<dezigna@c...> wrote:
> <<<<<<<I use
> > email to communicate with my dh so I can get through what I want
to say
> with
> > out being set off by his body language etc. >>>>
>
> I do this to. For important issues, I email dh at work. That way
what I
> want to say is uninterrupted by kidlets and he has several hours to
think
> about how he would like to respond.>>>>
>
> This email idea is a good one, and I do send him stuff, like some
of the
> replies I have received today. However dh is not away at work. He
is sitting
> across the room most of the time. One thing that has been useful to
me, is
> if either of us has to go out, on an errand or to some appointment,
before
> the issue is resolved, we will usually call each other and talk
much better
> on the phone than we had in person.
>
> This not interrupting thing is something that can really make any
verbal
> communication tough, so I think email - even when he is just over
there -
> could be a tool I should use more often.
>
> I have a metaphorical way to explain about it.
>
> My husband will say: The sky is red. So you should do such-and-
such, and
> so-and-so. I feel that your are blah, blah, blah. Also yada, yada,
yada, on
> and on and on. And another thing is you blah, yada, on-and-on and so
> forth...
>
> For usually about 4-6 minutes.
>
> Meanwhile I am thinking, "But the sky isn't red." It seems like
everything
> following the false premise is probably also wrong, and it is
really hard
> both to listen to and to remember all the different ideas, while
caught up
> in the very first erroneous statement.
>
> He also believes that saying "I feel you are wrong" is the same as
sharing
> his feelings. I sent him the NVC website. So far my attempts to use
these
> techniques have resulted in him getting really irritated - I must
be doing
> it wrong. Validating the other person's feelings stopped a crazy
mob of
> screaming Palestinians from calling Dr. Rosenberg a murderer, but
it makes
> my dh furious.
>
> Robyn L. Coburn
>
>
>
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