Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Too many toys?
Heidi Wordhouse-Dykema
>So, I should keep accumulating thousands of dollars worth of toys everyWell, Abby,
>year because some day they *might* learn from all of them?
If the relatives really are just chucking random toys into the bin and
giving them to your kids
AND
the kids don't really play with them much,
then
The answer is a garage sale, held by the kids if possible.
The kids list prices for each toy (that THEY decide they don't want
anymore), you slap a priced sticker on it and gather it in a box, ready for
sale day. Make up some signs and get ready to be rich! The kids (of
course) get to keep the money that comes from their toys.
My kids are always setting up mini garage sales to empty their rooms and
get a little cash... of course, they're teens now, but they've been doing
it for years.
Win, win!
HeidiWD
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/18/04 1:00:06 AM Eastern Daylight Time, heidi@...
writes:
son attatches sentimental value to EVERYTHING he owns. He has exteme
difficulties parting with anything, no matter how old or tattered. What makes it
harder, is that because he has such sentimental value with all he owns, he takes
VERY good care of it all, which is another reason to him to keep it. Because
"it has nothing wrong with it." His room is packed wall to wall, and the
closet floor to ceiling with toys old and new. I don't argue with him about
keeping it, but truely, it drives me out of my mind. I cannot stand clutter, and
worse, clutter thats virtually never touched! He rarely plays with any of it,
and much of it, he doesn't play with at all. He's at an age or time in his
life where he's only interested in a choice few toys anymore. I've suggested the
tag sale thing, but he just can't bring himself to do it. UGH!! Is there
anyone else out there with this situation with their children? If so... any
suggestions at trying to encourage him to part with some of this?
We're quickly running out of room here!!
Emily
Wife to Chris, Mom to Joshua (8) and Stephanie (3)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
writes:
> My kids are always setting up mini garage sales to empty their rooms andI would LOVE to do this with my children, and have, once. Unfortunately, my
> get a little cash... of course, they're teens now, but they've been doing
> it for years.
>
> Win, win!
> HeidiWD
>
son attatches sentimental value to EVERYTHING he owns. He has exteme
difficulties parting with anything, no matter how old or tattered. What makes it
harder, is that because he has such sentimental value with all he owns, he takes
VERY good care of it all, which is another reason to him to keep it. Because
"it has nothing wrong with it." His room is packed wall to wall, and the
closet floor to ceiling with toys old and new. I don't argue with him about
keeping it, but truely, it drives me out of my mind. I cannot stand clutter, and
worse, clutter thats virtually never touched! He rarely plays with any of it,
and much of it, he doesn't play with at all. He's at an age or time in his
life where he's only interested in a choice few toys anymore. I've suggested the
tag sale thing, but he just can't bring himself to do it. UGH!! Is there
anyone else out there with this situation with their children? If so... any
suggestions at trying to encourage him to part with some of this?
We're quickly running out of room here!!
Emily
Wife to Chris, Mom to Joshua (8) and Stephanie (3)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kristi
I too struggle with this. Reading this list almost made me feel I
couldn't consider us an unschooling family w/out living in a sea of
toys and debris. Then I started playdates at the homes of local
unschooling families and realized how separate the two are. Related
in some ways, but separate.
This is how we do it:
My kids share a bedroom. The baby is in my room, but the older two
share a room just big enough for their furniture (one of the
furniture being a big bookshelf for storing toys). They have a big
closet, jammed full. Under their bunkbeds: full. Top of their
dresser: full. Bookshelf: full. There's about 30 square feet of
playspace in the middle of the room. This does include their hand-
me-downs, games, diapers, etc as well as their extra sheets; I store
those mostly in high spaces where they can't reach anyway. Orion
doesn't have a dresser to save space; I stack a plastic 3-drawer
thing ($19 at WalMart) on top of Morgaine's dresser, but this needs
to be rearranged as he is wanting to choose his own clothes now and
can't reach it. The rule in the bedroom: I need to be able to walk
to the closet without tripping (very important since baby is on my
back most of the time), and when the space they have -- say the
Barbie bin -- is full, we either need to get rid of some Barbie
stuff or get rid of something else to make room for a new bin.
The living room is mostly devoted to smaller kid stuff for now -- I
have two cabinet-style end tables (yard sale, $5/pair) and a little
cubby in our entertainment center. One drawer is for Dan and me,
the rest is for kids' toys that are baby-friendly. Also all their
hotwheels, board books, and rocking toy. When this space gets full,
I purge.
With Morgaine and Orion's room, it can be hard for them (mostly
Morgaine) and I'll make suggestions, but sh makes the final choice.
Often she prefers to give toys/clothes to friends rather than say
the Salvation Army.
I apply this to the rest of my home too. If the sewing box gets
full, I sew or purge. Video shelf, the same. Etc. I don't have a
basement and our shed is packed full.
Our home is far from clutter free but it's not the awful wall-to-
wall disaster it once was.
Hope this helps.
Kristi
couldn't consider us an unschooling family w/out living in a sea of
toys and debris. Then I started playdates at the homes of local
unschooling families and realized how separate the two are. Related
in some ways, but separate.
This is how we do it:
My kids share a bedroom. The baby is in my room, but the older two
share a room just big enough for their furniture (one of the
furniture being a big bookshelf for storing toys). They have a big
closet, jammed full. Under their bunkbeds: full. Top of their
dresser: full. Bookshelf: full. There's about 30 square feet of
playspace in the middle of the room. This does include their hand-
me-downs, games, diapers, etc as well as their extra sheets; I store
those mostly in high spaces where they can't reach anyway. Orion
doesn't have a dresser to save space; I stack a plastic 3-drawer
thing ($19 at WalMart) on top of Morgaine's dresser, but this needs
to be rearranged as he is wanting to choose his own clothes now and
can't reach it. The rule in the bedroom: I need to be able to walk
to the closet without tripping (very important since baby is on my
back most of the time), and when the space they have -- say the
Barbie bin -- is full, we either need to get rid of some Barbie
stuff or get rid of something else to make room for a new bin.
The living room is mostly devoted to smaller kid stuff for now -- I
have two cabinet-style end tables (yard sale, $5/pair) and a little
cubby in our entertainment center. One drawer is for Dan and me,
the rest is for kids' toys that are baby-friendly. Also all their
hotwheels, board books, and rocking toy. When this space gets full,
I purge.
With Morgaine and Orion's room, it can be hard for them (mostly
Morgaine) and I'll make suggestions, but sh makes the final choice.
Often she prefers to give toys/clothes to friends rather than say
the Salvation Army.
I apply this to the rest of my home too. If the sewing box gets
full, I sew or purge. Video shelf, the same. Etc. I don't have a
basement and our shed is packed full.
Our home is far from clutter free but it's not the awful wall-to-
wall disaster it once was.
Hope this helps.
Kristi
Aimee
<< Is
there
anyone else out there with this situation with their
children? If
so... any
suggestions at trying to encourage him to part with
some of this?
We're quickly running out of room here!!
him to help you clean, because the clutter makes it
harder, and let it go. Show him you understand and
accept it, and keep it in his room so you don't go
nuts. Compromise is the name of the game, here, imo.
The more you complain the more he'll want to keep
it...contrariness! lol If it's just a phase, it'll
pass, if it's the way he is, it won't, and he'll move
it all out with him when he sets up house. ;-)
Imbetween, I'll pray for you, it drives me batty too!
My son is not so bad anymore, but there are stages,
times, when *everything* has emotional value, I swear,
he finds lint in his pockets....and PUTS IT BACK!!!
LMAO
At least I'm laughing, not crying!
~Aimee
there
anyone else out there with this situation with their
children? If
so... any
suggestions at trying to encourage him to part with
some of this?
We're quickly running out of room here!!
>>Is it limited to his room? If it is, let it go, ask
him to help you clean, because the clutter makes it
harder, and let it go. Show him you understand and
accept it, and keep it in his room so you don't go
nuts. Compromise is the name of the game, here, imo.
The more you complain the more he'll want to keep
it...contrariness! lol If it's just a phase, it'll
pass, if it's the way he is, it won't, and he'll move
it all out with him when he sets up house. ;-)
Imbetween, I'll pray for you, it drives me batty too!
My son is not so bad anymore, but there are stages,
times, when *everything* has emotional value, I swear,
he finds lint in his pockets....and PUTS IT BACK!!!
LMAO
At least I'm laughing, not crying!
~Aimee
Nora or Devereaux Cannon
With 2 who have been very attached to stuff I recommend a couple
of things.
One, handing down to someone who will also love the thing is
much easier than giving it up to a yard sale or charity - find a
kid three years younger who would love to have hand me downs
(and enlist one 3 years older to pass on the "done with" stuff =
that makes the process natural).
Second, boxing away: as in "you may or may not yet be ready to
give this away - let's put it in a box for awhile and then check
back later." After a few months, it is easier for a kid to
separate what they want to keep from the dross. In my
experience, about half of what is judiciously boxed (with the
agreement of the kid and loving, involved judgment of the Mom)
really is ready for handing on, especially to someone who will
appreciate it. A quarter is "outgrown" - by some standard or
another - but needs to be kept for happiness; it heads to the
attic or garage, well packed for getting out at high school
graduation parties or to hand on to grandchildren. The last
quarter is like Christmas all over again when you get it out.
A caveat - age range and other externals don't tell you what is
excess. The child;s interests and ability to get to desired
items tell you when to act.
How often to clear the clutter - how aggressively - and how long
to agree to store it before reopening are very individual. It
is hard to maintain both actual respect for your kids and their
awareness of that respect unless you really evaluate and get
their buy in for the process. The fact that I use the same
method for thinning (ignore the pun) my own clothes may help
make it obvious that this is a tool, not an manipulation as used
here.
of things.
One, handing down to someone who will also love the thing is
much easier than giving it up to a yard sale or charity - find a
kid three years younger who would love to have hand me downs
(and enlist one 3 years older to pass on the "done with" stuff =
that makes the process natural).
Second, boxing away: as in "you may or may not yet be ready to
give this away - let's put it in a box for awhile and then check
back later." After a few months, it is easier for a kid to
separate what they want to keep from the dross. In my
experience, about half of what is judiciously boxed (with the
agreement of the kid and loving, involved judgment of the Mom)
really is ready for handing on, especially to someone who will
appreciate it. A quarter is "outgrown" - by some standard or
another - but needs to be kept for happiness; it heads to the
attic or garage, well packed for getting out at high school
graduation parties or to hand on to grandchildren. The last
quarter is like Christmas all over again when you get it out.
A caveat - age range and other externals don't tell you what is
excess. The child;s interests and ability to get to desired
items tell you when to act.
How often to clear the clutter - how aggressively - and how long
to agree to store it before reopening are very individual. It
is hard to maintain both actual respect for your kids and their
awareness of that respect unless you really evaluate and get
their buy in for the process. The fact that I use the same
method for thinning (ignore the pun) my own clothes may help
make it obvious that this is a tool, not an manipulation as used
here.
----- Original Message -----
From: <MomandMe2@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, July 19, 2004 5:08 PM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Too many toys?
| In a message dated 7/18/04 1:00:06 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
heidi@...
| writes:
|
| > My kids are always setting up mini garage sales to empty
their rooms and
| > get a little cash... of course, they're teens now, but
they've been doing
| > it for years.
| >
| > Win, win!
| > HeidiWD
| >
|
| I would LOVE to do this with my children, and have, once.
Unfortunately, my
| son attatches sentimental value to EVERYTHING he owns. He has
exteme
| difficulties parting with anything, no matter how old or
tattered. What makes it
| harder, is that because he has such sentimental value with all
he owns, he takes
| VERY good care of it all, which is another reason to him to
keep it. Because
| "it has nothing wrong with it." His room is packed wall to
wall, and the
| closet floor to ceiling with toys old and new. I don't argue
with him about
| keeping it, but truely, it drives me out of my mind. I cannot
stand clutter, and
| worse, clutter thats virtually never touched! He rarely plays
with any of it,
| and much of it, he doesn't play with at all. He's at an age
or time in his
| life where he's only interested in a choice few toys anymore.
I've suggested the
| tag sale thing, but he just can't bring himself to do it.
UGH!! Is there
| anyone else out there with this situation with their children?
If so... any
| suggestions at trying to encourage him to part with some of
this?
|
| We're quickly running out of room here!!
|
| Emily
| Wife to Chris, Mom to Joshua (8) and Stephanie (3)
|
|
| [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
|
|
|
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|
Angela
You are not in this boat alone. I have come up with a reasonable way to keep it all though, therefore respecting her wishes and keeping my sanity. I buy large rubbermaid containers and every so often I box up stuff that hasn't been used in a year or so and we store it in the basement with her name on it. She can take them when she leaves or get into them should she really want to. She feels that her wishes to keep her stuff are respected and I feel better about the amount of clutter in her room. Actually, there is still a TON of clutter, but at least we can keep a fire path to the door and windows.
Angela ~ Maine
game-enthusiast@...
-----------------------------------------------
difficulties parting with anything, no matter how old or tattered. What makes it
harder, is that because he has such sentimental value with all he owns, he takes
VERY good care of it all, which is another reason to him to keep it.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Angela ~ Maine
game-enthusiast@...
-----------------------------------------------
> From: MomandMe2@...son attatches sentimental value to EVERYTHING he owns. He has exteme
> Unfortunately, my
difficulties parting with anything, no matter how old or tattered. What makes it
harder, is that because he has such sentimental value with all he owns, he takes
VERY good care of it all, which is another reason to him to keep it.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dana Matt
> My kids share a bedroom. The baby is in my room,What has saved us has been DH's ability to build more
> but the older two
> share a room just big enough for their furniture
> (one of the
> furniture being a big bookshelf for storing toys).
> They have a big
> closet, jammed full. Under their bunkbeds: full.
> Top of their
> dresser: full. Bookshelf: full.
bookshelves. We even have a three-shelfer in the
bathroom ;) He's filled the house with 8-ft
bookshelves, and then in the playroom built kid-height
shelves on one wall...We can hold so much more stuff
than we once thought we could ;)
Dana
in Montana
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[email protected]
In a message dated 7/20/2004 11:42:03 AM Eastern Standard Time,
hoffmanwilson@... writes:
up"!!!!
Pamela
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
hoffmanwilson@... writes:
> He's filled the house with 8-ftWe've done a lot of shelving too. Instead of "filling out" we're "filling
> bookshelves
up"!!!!
Pamela
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/19/04 8:09:00 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
aimeel73@... writes:
live in a 2bdrm apartment. So his room is shared with his little sister (who
mainly sleeps with me and dad, but all of her things are in there) and also 2
stepchildren, who come on the weekends. They also have a toybox and many clothes
that are kept here. It's a large room, but with bunkbeds, 2 dressers, 4 toys
boxes, a floor to ceiling book shelf, and a small tv stand and tv, and a full
sized desk, floor space is VERY limited!!!! I hadn't meant to make my letter
sound as if I complain to him about his emotional attatchments. I NEVER do
this. In fact, I rarely say anything to him, other than to encourage him to
always go with his feelings on things. He will sometimes say things like,
"Mom, you know how I am about my things, I just can't get rid of them" I always
tell him it's fine, so long as they stayed picked up. The thing that makes the
clutter hard for ME to deal with, is that he doesn't like to clean up. Not
his own room anyways. He'll help around the rest of the house, but never wants
to clean his own room.
Emily
Wife to Chris, Mom to Joshua (8) and Stephanie (3)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
aimeel73@... writes:
> Is it limited to his room? If it is, let it go, askFortunately it is limited to 'his' room. But it's not just his room. We
> him to help you clean, because the clutter makes it
> harder, and let it go. Show him you understand and
> accept it, and keep it in his room so you don't go
> nuts. Compromise is the name of the game, here, imo.
>
>
live in a 2bdrm apartment. So his room is shared with his little sister (who
mainly sleeps with me and dad, but all of her things are in there) and also 2
stepchildren, who come on the weekends. They also have a toybox and many clothes
that are kept here. It's a large room, but with bunkbeds, 2 dressers, 4 toys
boxes, a floor to ceiling book shelf, and a small tv stand and tv, and a full
sized desk, floor space is VERY limited!!!! I hadn't meant to make my letter
sound as if I complain to him about his emotional attatchments. I NEVER do
this. In fact, I rarely say anything to him, other than to encourage him to
always go with his feelings on things. He will sometimes say things like,
"Mom, you know how I am about my things, I just can't get rid of them" I always
tell him it's fine, so long as they stayed picked up. The thing that makes the
clutter hard for ME to deal with, is that he doesn't like to clean up. Not
his own room anyways. He'll help around the rest of the house, but never wants
to clean his own room.
Emily
Wife to Chris, Mom to Joshua (8) and Stephanie (3)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Aimee
<<He'll help around the rest of the house, but
never wants
to clean his own room.>>
That might be because all that stuff feels
overwhelming. If that's really a problem for him, I
might try to help him understand that that feeling
might be connected to how many things, in sheer
number, there are. That's what finally helped my son
let go of some things.
And also, share with him the idea, if there's just so
many things that you can't possibly take care of them,
or know where anything is when you need it, really,
why have it?
Or if something important gets broken from being at
the bottom of stuff not so important, how is that
honoring these things that you really love, if he has
sentimental attachments. That made a change in my
son, when that happened. He was really pissed, lol.
There is still lots of clutter, but it all has it's
place when it's time to straighten up, now.
Nothing gets ruined anymore, and nothing gets lost for
long, and when it becomes all to overwhelming to put
away, he knows to ask for help.
This took a coupla years, I think. We've reached a
pretty happy compromise at this point.
~Aimee
never wants
to clean his own room.>>
That might be because all that stuff feels
overwhelming. If that's really a problem for him, I
might try to help him understand that that feeling
might be connected to how many things, in sheer
number, there are. That's what finally helped my son
let go of some things.
And also, share with him the idea, if there's just so
many things that you can't possibly take care of them,
or know where anything is when you need it, really,
why have it?
Or if something important gets broken from being at
the bottom of stuff not so important, how is that
honoring these things that you really love, if he has
sentimental attachments. That made a change in my
son, when that happened. He was really pissed, lol.
There is still lots of clutter, but it all has it's
place when it's time to straighten up, now.
Nothing gets ruined anymore, and nothing gets lost for
long, and when it becomes all to overwhelming to put
away, he knows to ask for help.
This took a coupla years, I think. We've reached a
pretty happy compromise at this point.
~Aimee
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/21/04 5:51:45 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
aimeel73@... writes:
part, with what he's got and how it's kept. I'm not, but, thats me, and the rest
of the place is kept how 'mom' wants it. I try very hard to respect the kids
space. Especially seeing as it's shared space. I know that alone takes it's
toll on Joshua. He's really wanting his own room now, so I try hard not to
nag him over stuff. I was just wondering if there were others out there in
similar situations where I might get advice to subtly encourage him to liquidate
some!
I'll try some of the idea's I've gotten from here and see how it all goes.
PS... By the way, my sister's name is also Aimee, spelt the same as yours.
This is the very first time I've ever come across another Aimee with this
spelling! How nice!
Emily
Wife to Chris, Mom to Joshua (8) and Stephanie (3)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
aimeel73@... writes:
> This took a coupla years, I think. We've reached aThanks Aimee... I know it'll take time, but I guess he's ok, for the most
> pretty happy compromise at this point.
>
> ~Aimee
>
part, with what he's got and how it's kept. I'm not, but, thats me, and the rest
of the place is kept how 'mom' wants it. I try very hard to respect the kids
space. Especially seeing as it's shared space. I know that alone takes it's
toll on Joshua. He's really wanting his own room now, so I try hard not to
nag him over stuff. I was just wondering if there were others out there in
similar situations where I might get advice to subtly encourage him to liquidate
some!
I'll try some of the idea's I've gotten from here and see how it all goes.
PS... By the way, my sister's name is also Aimee, spelt the same as yours.
This is the very first time I've ever come across another Aimee with this
spelling! How nice!
Emily
Wife to Chris, Mom to Joshua (8) and Stephanie (3)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]