Allowances, spending money, etc.
Kristi
I love the idea of giving the kids a budget. I want my kids to be
able to have things they want, like dance lessons, toys, snacks,
etc. We're in a situation though where if I were to add up the
money I spent on extras for the kids, most months it would be under
$5-$10. I'm frugal and tight because that's how we have to be.
Occasionally, perhaps once a month, we splurge and order pizzas for
$11, or maybe every other month go to a movie. I buy little
convenience food either, and what I do buy is like veggie burgers or
bread or cold cereal.
My kids are little. My oldest is not yet 5. When she asks, which
she's doing more often, for things, I say, "You can buy it with the
money in your piggy bank." Only once has she wanted to, when we
were yard-saling one day. I had given her a dollar to spend, and
asked if she wanted to bring extra; she pulled out 43 cents, and
spent it all at the first yard sale. I reminded her there would be
other yard sales that day, but she finalized her purchase and spent
the day asking. I'm ok with saying "no," because I know we don't
have it. I was looking for specific items for our home and not
buying things for me or the kids, and I explained that to her, and
she started asking differently, "Would you buy this for me because
you love me?" Again, a gentle no, a cuddle, love, move on.
I feel badly. I hate having to tell a child of 4 we can't afford
it, and explaining why. I did work for a while when my second child
was only 4 months old, and she cried each night that I went to
work. We talk about that. I'm starting a home business to make
extra, and we talk about that too. DH is starting a new career as a
nurse, so things will get better soon. He's just graduated and
starts his new job soon. But now my mother, in front of my
daughter, likes to say things like "Now that Dan's got a "real job"
you can send her to dance class." I try to redirect the
conversation but have told my mother again and again that, no,
before dance classes we will first buy a house that better fits our
family since we've outgrown our trailer and get some savings for
emergencies like car repair, etc.
Do any of you deal with these issues? Sometimes reading this list
and allowance figures of $50 or $60 a month I feel like we're the
only ones. DH and I don't even have a disposable income for
ourselves of that much. I know others have to struggle with it
too. Do any of you have small children who've found ways to make
their own income without having to spend money for startup, etc.?
I'd love to hear about it. I want something she can do only when
she wants that can allow her to raise money for things between
holidays.
Thanks,
Kristi
able to have things they want, like dance lessons, toys, snacks,
etc. We're in a situation though where if I were to add up the
money I spent on extras for the kids, most months it would be under
$5-$10. I'm frugal and tight because that's how we have to be.
Occasionally, perhaps once a month, we splurge and order pizzas for
$11, or maybe every other month go to a movie. I buy little
convenience food either, and what I do buy is like veggie burgers or
bread or cold cereal.
My kids are little. My oldest is not yet 5. When she asks, which
she's doing more often, for things, I say, "You can buy it with the
money in your piggy bank." Only once has she wanted to, when we
were yard-saling one day. I had given her a dollar to spend, and
asked if she wanted to bring extra; she pulled out 43 cents, and
spent it all at the first yard sale. I reminded her there would be
other yard sales that day, but she finalized her purchase and spent
the day asking. I'm ok with saying "no," because I know we don't
have it. I was looking for specific items for our home and not
buying things for me or the kids, and I explained that to her, and
she started asking differently, "Would you buy this for me because
you love me?" Again, a gentle no, a cuddle, love, move on.
I feel badly. I hate having to tell a child of 4 we can't afford
it, and explaining why. I did work for a while when my second child
was only 4 months old, and she cried each night that I went to
work. We talk about that. I'm starting a home business to make
extra, and we talk about that too. DH is starting a new career as a
nurse, so things will get better soon. He's just graduated and
starts his new job soon. But now my mother, in front of my
daughter, likes to say things like "Now that Dan's got a "real job"
you can send her to dance class." I try to redirect the
conversation but have told my mother again and again that, no,
before dance classes we will first buy a house that better fits our
family since we've outgrown our trailer and get some savings for
emergencies like car repair, etc.
Do any of you deal with these issues? Sometimes reading this list
and allowance figures of $50 or $60 a month I feel like we're the
only ones. DH and I don't even have a disposable income for
ourselves of that much. I know others have to struggle with it
too. Do any of you have small children who've found ways to make
their own income without having to spend money for startup, etc.?
I'd love to hear about it. I want something she can do only when
she wants that can allow her to raise money for things between
holidays.
Thanks,
Kristi
[email protected]
Kristi you are NOT the only ones lol. I have 3 kids 12, 8 and almost 7. We
have little disposable income. I laughed at the 50 bucks a month. I don't
spend that much on ANY extras. When we can afford it the kids get an
allowance. the equivilant of half thier age. So the 8 yo gets 4 dollars.
But it is only MAYBE once a month that we can afford it. We do go out to a
fast food place once a week.
I don't know how people do it. We live on one income and one car. I spend
MAYBE 200 dollars a year on ALL of our clothes and that includes shoes sock
and underwear. LOL Our "extras" include bubble bath , chips and the 2
letter of soda at walmart that is .50. I WISH I could give them more money
but it is not possible. The kids do not always understand but it gets easier
as they get older. THey don't like it any less but they understand. My 12
yo dd Wanted to color her hair so she saved her money and bought the hair
color.
Don't feel bad telling a 4 yo you can't afford it. From the time they were
babies I would say: "mommy can't afford this now" or " We do not NEED this,
we just WANT it maybe next time we can get things we WANT but this time we
are getting things we NEED" I tried to start early letting them see the
difference between WANTS and NEEDS. I do however let them look at anything
they want and even press all the buttons on the toys with demo buttons.
It is hard when the money is just not there. Especially when you or the
child sees freinds or others getting a lot of stuff. OR even a large
allowance.
Anyway you are not alone there are many of us out here in the same boat
Michelle
-------Original Message-------
From: [email protected]
Date: 06/19/04 09:14:21
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Allowances, spending money, etc.
I love the idea of giving the kids a budget. I want my kids to be
able to have things they want, like dance lessons, toys, snacks,
etc. We're in a situation though where if I were to add up the
money I spent on extras for the kids, most months it would be under
$5-$10. I'm frugal and tight because that's how we have to be.
Occasionally, perhaps once a month, we splurge and order pizzas for
$11, or maybe every other month go to a movie. I buy little
convenience food either, and what I do buy is like veggie burgers or
bread or cold cereal.
My kids are little. My oldest is not yet 5. When she asks, which
she's doing more often, for things, I say, "You can buy it with the
money in your piggy bank." Only once has she wanted to, when we
were yard-saling one day. I had given her a dollar to spend, and
asked if she wanted to bring extra; she pulled out 43 cents, and
spent it all at the first yard sale. I reminded her there would be
other yard sales that day, but she finalized her purchase and spent
the day asking. I'm ok with saying "no," because I know we don't
have it. I was looking for specific items for our home and not
buying things for me or the kids, and I explained that to her, and
she started asking differently, "Would you buy this for me because
you love me?" Again, a gentle no, a cuddle, love, move on.
I feel badly. I hate having to tell a child of 4 we can't afford
it, and explaining why. I did work for a while when my second child
was only 4 months old, and she cried each night that I went to
work. We talk about that. I'm starting a home business to make
extra, and we talk about that too. DH is starting a new career as a
nurse, so things will get better soon. He's just graduated and
starts his new job soon. But now my mother, in front of my
daughter, likes to say things like "Now that Dan's got a "real job"
you can send her to dance class." I try to redirect the
conversation but have told my mother again and again that, no,
before dance classes we will first buy a house that better fits our
family since we've outgrown our trailer and get some savings for
emergencies like car repair, etc.
Do any of you deal with these issues? Sometimes reading this list
and allowance figures of $50 or $60 a month I feel like we're the
only ones. DH and I don't even have a disposable income for
ourselves of that much. I know others have to struggle with it
too. Do any of you have small children who've found ways to make
their own income without having to spend money for startup, etc.?
I'd love to hear about it. I want something she can do only when
she wants that can allow her to raise money for things between
holidays.
Thanks,
Kristi
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
have little disposable income. I laughed at the 50 bucks a month. I don't
spend that much on ANY extras. When we can afford it the kids get an
allowance. the equivilant of half thier age. So the 8 yo gets 4 dollars.
But it is only MAYBE once a month that we can afford it. We do go out to a
fast food place once a week.
I don't know how people do it. We live on one income and one car. I spend
MAYBE 200 dollars a year on ALL of our clothes and that includes shoes sock
and underwear. LOL Our "extras" include bubble bath , chips and the 2
letter of soda at walmart that is .50. I WISH I could give them more money
but it is not possible. The kids do not always understand but it gets easier
as they get older. THey don't like it any less but they understand. My 12
yo dd Wanted to color her hair so she saved her money and bought the hair
color.
Don't feel bad telling a 4 yo you can't afford it. From the time they were
babies I would say: "mommy can't afford this now" or " We do not NEED this,
we just WANT it maybe next time we can get things we WANT but this time we
are getting things we NEED" I tried to start early letting them see the
difference between WANTS and NEEDS. I do however let them look at anything
they want and even press all the buttons on the toys with demo buttons.
It is hard when the money is just not there. Especially when you or the
child sees freinds or others getting a lot of stuff. OR even a large
allowance.
Anyway you are not alone there are many of us out here in the same boat
Michelle
-------Original Message-------
From: [email protected]
Date: 06/19/04 09:14:21
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Allowances, spending money, etc.
I love the idea of giving the kids a budget. I want my kids to be
able to have things they want, like dance lessons, toys, snacks,
etc. We're in a situation though where if I were to add up the
money I spent on extras for the kids, most months it would be under
$5-$10. I'm frugal and tight because that's how we have to be.
Occasionally, perhaps once a month, we splurge and order pizzas for
$11, or maybe every other month go to a movie. I buy little
convenience food either, and what I do buy is like veggie burgers or
bread or cold cereal.
My kids are little. My oldest is not yet 5. When she asks, which
she's doing more often, for things, I say, "You can buy it with the
money in your piggy bank." Only once has she wanted to, when we
were yard-saling one day. I had given her a dollar to spend, and
asked if she wanted to bring extra; she pulled out 43 cents, and
spent it all at the first yard sale. I reminded her there would be
other yard sales that day, but she finalized her purchase and spent
the day asking. I'm ok with saying "no," because I know we don't
have it. I was looking for specific items for our home and not
buying things for me or the kids, and I explained that to her, and
she started asking differently, "Would you buy this for me because
you love me?" Again, a gentle no, a cuddle, love, move on.
I feel badly. I hate having to tell a child of 4 we can't afford
it, and explaining why. I did work for a while when my second child
was only 4 months old, and she cried each night that I went to
work. We talk about that. I'm starting a home business to make
extra, and we talk about that too. DH is starting a new career as a
nurse, so things will get better soon. He's just graduated and
starts his new job soon. But now my mother, in front of my
daughter, likes to say things like "Now that Dan's got a "real job"
you can send her to dance class." I try to redirect the
conversation but have told my mother again and again that, no,
before dance classes we will first buy a house that better fits our
family since we've outgrown our trailer and get some savings for
emergencies like car repair, etc.
Do any of you deal with these issues? Sometimes reading this list
and allowance figures of $50 or $60 a month I feel like we're the
only ones. DH and I don't even have a disposable income for
ourselves of that much. I know others have to struggle with it
too. Do any of you have small children who've found ways to make
their own income without having to spend money for startup, etc.?
I'd love to hear about it. I want something she can do only when
she wants that can allow her to raise money for things between
holidays.
Thanks,
Kristi
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--------------------------------------------------------------------~->
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Andrea Burlingame
Kristi,
I can totally relate to your situation. I can't say I have any specific
advice, because I struggle with being able to afford what my children need
and want all the time, but I wanted you to know that you aren't the only
one. My own children are young, also--the oldest is not yet 5, but my
stepdaughter who is with us for awhile until her mom returns from a study
abroad in Germany is 10. She is really helpful and fun to have around, but
she eats so much! I used to be able to serve leftovers for lunch the next
day--no more! She eats as much and more often much more than I do.
Anyway, this has been difficult financially, and it's so frustrating when
you are trying to change and give the kids the freedom to eat what they want
when they want it, and they just eat it all, right away. I really can't
afford this. My 4 year old does this, in part, I think, because she watches
her older sister and figures, she better eat a bunch too, or she might not
get any. Very frustrating.
~Andrea
I can totally relate to your situation. I can't say I have any specific
advice, because I struggle with being able to afford what my children need
and want all the time, but I wanted you to know that you aren't the only
one. My own children are young, also--the oldest is not yet 5, but my
stepdaughter who is with us for awhile until her mom returns from a study
abroad in Germany is 10. She is really helpful and fun to have around, but
she eats so much! I used to be able to serve leftovers for lunch the next
day--no more! She eats as much and more often much more than I do.
Anyway, this has been difficult financially, and it's so frustrating when
you are trying to change and give the kids the freedom to eat what they want
when they want it, and they just eat it all, right away. I really can't
afford this. My 4 year old does this, in part, I think, because she watches
her older sister and figures, she better eat a bunch too, or she might not
get any. Very frustrating.
~Andrea
----- Original Message -----
From: "Kristi" <hayes@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Saturday, June 19, 2004 7:12 AM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Allowances, spending money, etc.
> I love the idea of giving the kids a budget. I want my kids to be
> able to have things they want, like dance lessons, toys, snacks,
> etc. We're in a situation though where if I were to add up the
> money I spent on extras for the kids, most months it would be under
> $5-$10. I'm frugal and tight because that's how we have to be.
> Occasionally, perhaps once a month, we splurge and order pizzas for
> $11, or maybe every other month go to a movie. I buy little
> convenience food either, and what I do buy is like veggie burgers or
> bread or cold cereal.
>
> My kids are little. My oldest is not yet 5. When she asks, which
> she's doing more often, for things, I say, "You can buy it with the
> money in your piggy bank." Only once has she wanted to, when we
> were yard-saling one day. I had given her a dollar to spend, and
> asked if she wanted to bring extra; she pulled out 43 cents, and
> spent it all at the first yard sale. I reminded her there would be
> other yard sales that day, but she finalized her purchase and spent
> the day asking. I'm ok with saying "no," because I know we don't
> have it. I was looking for specific items for our home and not
> buying things for me or the kids, and I explained that to her, and
> she started asking differently, "Would you buy this for me because
> you love me?" Again, a gentle no, a cuddle, love, move on.
>
> I feel badly. I hate having to tell a child of 4 we can't afford
> it, and explaining why. I did work for a while when my second child
> was only 4 months old, and she cried each night that I went to
> work. We talk about that. I'm starting a home business to make
> extra, and we talk about that too. DH is starting a new career as a
> nurse, so things will get better soon. He's just graduated and
> starts his new job soon. But now my mother, in front of my
> daughter, likes to say things like "Now that Dan's got a "real job"
> you can send her to dance class." I try to redirect the
> conversation but have told my mother again and again that, no,
> before dance classes we will first buy a house that better fits our
> family since we've outgrown our trailer and get some savings for
> emergencies like car repair, etc.
>
> Do any of you deal with these issues? Sometimes reading this list
> and allowance figures of $50 or $60 a month I feel like we're the
> only ones. DH and I don't even have a disposable income for
> ourselves of that much. I know others have to struggle with it
> too. Do any of you have small children who've found ways to make
> their own income without having to spend money for startup, etc.?
> I'd love to hear about it. I want something she can do only when
> she wants that can allow her to raise money for things between
> holidays.
>
> Thanks,
> Kristi
>
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
Michelle
Kristi:
We have not always been in the position to give this much allowance to our son. Also, we only have one child. Which I know makes a HUGE difference in the household budget. If we had more than one child, we would not be giving so much allowance. We have finally got ourselves where we can afford to do this, and I figured we were probably spending more than this a month on toys and video games. Wanting to get it under control, hubby and I decided on an amount that we could now handle, and that would give him enough to buy what he really wanted. Right now it works for us, but a year ago we would not have been able to afford it. Time has just made our situation better for us.
Michelle
Do any of you deal with these issues? Sometimes reading this list
and allowance figures of $50 or $60 a month I feel like we're the
only ones. DH and I don't even have a disposable income for
ourselves of that much. I know others have to struggle with it
too. Do any of you have small children who've found ways to make
their own income without having to spend money for startup, etc.?
I'd love to hear about it. I want something she can do only when
she wants that can allow her to raise money for things between
holidays.
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
New and Improved Yahoo! Mail - Send 10MB messages!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
We have not always been in the position to give this much allowance to our son. Also, we only have one child. Which I know makes a HUGE difference in the household budget. If we had more than one child, we would not be giving so much allowance. We have finally got ourselves where we can afford to do this, and I figured we were probably spending more than this a month on toys and video games. Wanting to get it under control, hubby and I decided on an amount that we could now handle, and that would give him enough to buy what he really wanted. Right now it works for us, but a year ago we would not have been able to afford it. Time has just made our situation better for us.
Michelle
Do any of you deal with these issues? Sometimes reading this list
and allowance figures of $50 or $60 a month I feel like we're the
only ones. DH and I don't even have a disposable income for
ourselves of that much. I know others have to struggle with it
too. Do any of you have small children who've found ways to make
their own income without having to spend money for startup, etc.?
I'd love to hear about it. I want something she can do only when
she wants that can allow her to raise money for things between
holidays.
---------------------------------
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New and Improved Yahoo! Mail - Send 10MB messages!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/19/04 11:12:34 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
mamatoethan1@... writes:
They should do things to help because they are part of the family, not because
we pay them.
I am not saying they don't occasionally get a buck or two if they go out of
their way and really do something above and beyond. There is, however, no
weekly/monthly allowance.
Just my two cents.
Lynn ~ Mom to Jake 11 and Abbie 9
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mamatoethan1@... writes:
> Sometimes reading this listI just felt I needed to add that we do not give allowance to our children.
> and allowance figures of $50 or $60 a month I feel like we're the
> only ones.
They should do things to help because they are part of the family, not because
we pay them.
I am not saying they don't occasionally get a buck or two if they go out of
their way and really do something above and beyond. There is, however, no
weekly/monthly allowance.
Just my two cents.
Lynn ~ Mom to Jake 11 and Abbie 9
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pam sorooshian
On Jun 19, 2004, at 7:12 AM, Kristi wrote:
bigger, but we still have the same real-life constraints when they get
older - we can't do everything or buy everything that we'd like, we
have to make choices.
My 16 and 19 yo's want so MUCH to go see Miss Saigon at the Pantages
Theater in Hollywood - like this week. Prices are $40 to $65. I've seen
it - saw the L.A. premier. They love the music. They don't have the
money - I just can't spring for it this week. They understand better
than a 4 yo would.
They've both bought quite a few cd's in the past month with their own
money - I have to remind myself that they HAD the money and spent it
already. If they'd "saved it for a rainy day" they'd have it now to get
tickets to this show.
Still --- I think it is normal for parents to wish they could give
their kids everything. Especially when they're little and don't yet
really understand the constraints of income and time.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> I feel badly. I hate having to tell a child of 4 we can't affordI guess that's just part of being a parent, huh? The price tags get -
> it, and explaining why.
bigger, but we still have the same real-life constraints when they get
older - we can't do everything or buy everything that we'd like, we
have to make choices.
My 16 and 19 yo's want so MUCH to go see Miss Saigon at the Pantages
Theater in Hollywood - like this week. Prices are $40 to $65. I've seen
it - saw the L.A. premier. They love the music. They don't have the
money - I just can't spring for it this week. They understand better
than a 4 yo would.
They've both bought quite a few cd's in the past month with their own
money - I have to remind myself that they HAD the money and spent it
already. If they'd "saved it for a rainy day" they'd have it now to get
tickets to this show.
Still --- I think it is normal for parents to wish they could give
their kids everything. Especially when they're little and don't yet
really understand the constraints of income and time.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
Kimberly Fry
"pmteet@..." <pmteet@...> wrote:
Kim
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>>>>>Don't feel bad telling a 4 yo you can't afford it. From the time they were babies I would say: "mommy can't afford this now" or " We do not NEED this, we just WANT it maybe next time we can get things we WANT but this time we are getting things we NEED" I tried to start early letting them see the difference between WANTS and NEEDS. I do however let them look at anything they want and even press all the buttons on the toys with demo buttons.<<<<<When Andy was little and we went to the store, some days were "looking days" others were "buying days." I would always let him know BEFORE we went into the store if that day was looking only or if he could buy something. If there was a price limit on a buying day he also knew what it was before going in.
Kim
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kimberly Fry
Fiskecnn@... wrote:
I'd be more inclined to give the allowance, just not tie it to chores or things to be done around the house. Andy helps, because he's part of the family, lives here, and makes part of the mess, not because of money or things he's given.
Kim
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>>>>>I just felt I needed to add that we do not give allowance to our children. They should do things to help because they are part of the family, not becausewe pay them.<<<<<
I'd be more inclined to give the allowance, just not tie it to chores or things to be done around the house. Andy helps, because he's part of the family, lives here, and makes part of the mess, not because of money or things he's given.
Kim
__________________________________________________
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pam sorooshian
On Jun 19, 2004, at 8:17 PM, Kimberly Fry wrote:
or wherever - my kids always ask, "Is this a drink day?"
This is a code for - should we just ask for water or can we order a
soda or milk or juice? And - they know - if it is a "water day" - they
should look for lower priced items on the menu, too.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> When Andy was little and we went to the store, some days were "lookingWhen we go out to eat - fast food or low-cost coffee shop or restaurant
> days" others were "buying days." I would always let him know BEFORE
> we went into the store if that day was looking only or if he could buy
> something. If there was a price limit on a buying day he also knew
> what it was before going in.
or wherever - my kids always ask, "Is this a drink day?"
This is a code for - should we just ask for water or can we order a
soda or milk or juice? And - they know - if it is a "water day" - they
should look for lower priced items on the menu, too.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
[email protected]
> I would always let him know BEFORE we went into the store if that day was looking only or if he could buy something. If there was a price limit on a buying day he also knew what itI have always tried to just avoid being where things are for sale if we have no money to spend at all. It's less painful. If we were going to a big store or a mall for one purpose, kind of in and out, I would make that clear.
> was before going in.
But to say in advance "you can buy something"... what if they don't want anything they see, really, but they find something just because it was "buy something" time?
So I would declare the "just here for underwear" days (or whatever) but otherwise didn't specify. And as to price limit, if you see a most glorious thing that would make all your lives better and last for forty years, but it costs $20 and you've already said "We're only spending $10," the kids might resent the discrepancy.
Sometimes at a thrift store, yard sale or the fleamarket we find something wonderful. A local-tradition table and three chairs, all hand-joined, no nails or even pegs. $50. I would have put back any and everything else we had to get that.
Flexibility in spending might have come from flexibility in pursuing other kinds of subjects and activities in life. If we go to a museum just to see the Imax movie, but there's a new display the kids are excited about, I will rearrange life and schedules if I can to allow them a chance to see it.
Learning and spontaneity are higher priorities than budget and schedule for me. Sometimes there ARE reasons people absolutely have to leave. "Because I said so" has never been one of them for me. "Someone is waiting for us" is prime for us. If nobody is waiting for us, there is much flexibility. "Have no money whatsoever" (and charge cards are past limit, and dad is fearful for cashflow, and the sewer needs redone, and Marty needs braces)--that's a reason NOT to buy some things, but it's not a reason not to buy something that will never come along again and is worth many times more than the price being asked.
My kids aren't needy of stuff, and I'm not sure of all the reasons for it, but because of that, we negotiate each request on its merits in the full context of need, interest, benefit, sharability (sometimes that's a cool aspect, if lots of other people can benefit too)...
Flexibility and being open to special opportunities seems important to me.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/19/2004 2:12:25 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
mamatoethan1@... writes:
Do any of you have small children who've found ways to make
their own income without having to spend money for startup, etc.?
I'd love to hear about it. I want something she can do only when
she wants that can allow her to raise money for things between
holidays.
My older two children had LOTS of jobs when they were younger. One was
delivering newspapers, not a daily newspaper but the weekly local paper. They
dropped them off, the kids had to fold them and stuff them into baggies and
deliver them to the front porches of two hundred townhouses/homes. They got
paid three cents per paper. They got paid once a month.
They would put them in their wagon and pull them around the neighborhood and
the next one over to deliver. That was of course ten years ago and would
depend on if you had houses close enough for this. Or kids determined. They
did it in snow, rain, even and ice storm once. THEY felt it HAD to be done.
Mothers' helper is also a good way for them to earn money. Sometimes
parents would not be quite sure if they were old enough at ten or eleven to watch
their child so they would bring them to our house just for added security.
They usually made big bucks doing that.
When my older boy was about ten he started mowing neighbor's lawns,
shoveling snow, etc. He had a regular client list that he did on certain days and
got quite a savings account from that.
A not so fun job but paid well was popper scooping yards. My youngest did
that, with regular customers and made about a hundred a week or more, several
years ago. People with fenced in yards that let their dogs do their business
there often don't have time to clean it up for parties or to keep the kids
or anyone from stepping in it. He got twenty dollars a week per dog per
house. A teen that I knew a couple years ago took that idea and he made a LOT of
money the summer before he headed off to college and had lots of free time as
well.
Those are just some of the things I can think of right now that my children
did. The of course had the lemonade/koolaid stands in the summer for "quick"
money at times too.
Hope these ideas help.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mamatoethan1@... writes:
Do any of you have small children who've found ways to make
their own income without having to spend money for startup, etc.?
I'd love to hear about it. I want something she can do only when
she wants that can allow her to raise money for things between
holidays.
My older two children had LOTS of jobs when they were younger. One was
delivering newspapers, not a daily newspaper but the weekly local paper. They
dropped them off, the kids had to fold them and stuff them into baggies and
deliver them to the front porches of two hundred townhouses/homes. They got
paid three cents per paper. They got paid once a month.
They would put them in their wagon and pull them around the neighborhood and
the next one over to deliver. That was of course ten years ago and would
depend on if you had houses close enough for this. Or kids determined. They
did it in snow, rain, even and ice storm once. THEY felt it HAD to be done.
Mothers' helper is also a good way for them to earn money. Sometimes
parents would not be quite sure if they were old enough at ten or eleven to watch
their child so they would bring them to our house just for added security.
They usually made big bucks doing that.
When my older boy was about ten he started mowing neighbor's lawns,
shoveling snow, etc. He had a regular client list that he did on certain days and
got quite a savings account from that.
A not so fun job but paid well was popper scooping yards. My youngest did
that, with regular customers and made about a hundred a week or more, several
years ago. People with fenced in yards that let their dogs do their business
there often don't have time to clean it up for parties or to keep the kids
or anyone from stepping in it. He got twenty dollars a week per dog per
house. A teen that I knew a couple years ago took that idea and he made a LOT of
money the summer before he headed off to college and had lots of free time as
well.
Those are just some of the things I can think of right now that my children
did. The of course had the lemonade/koolaid stands in the summer for "quick"
money at times too.
Hope these ideas help.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/19/2004 2:12:12 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
pmteet@... writes:
I try to redirect the
conversation but have told my mother again and again that, no,
before dance classes we will first buy a house that better fits our
family since we've outgrown our trailer and get some savings for
emergencies like car repair, etc.
I know people that have nice houses. Big houses, wonderful houses. They do
little with or for their children because they can't afford it. I live in
an old house, old neighborhood. We surely could have used more room when all
the children lived at home.
We stayed in our old, needs repairs/remolding house and spent the money on
the things the kids wanted to do.
They are in our lives wholly for such a few years, I figure the house can
wait, the savings can wait. Dance lessons are important to some children. To
others a new leather baseball glove is important, important today, not so
important some years or months from now when we might or might not have savings
and a better house.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pmteet@... writes:
I try to redirect the
conversation but have told my mother again and again that, no,
before dance classes we will first buy a house that better fits our
family since we've outgrown our trailer and get some savings for
emergencies like car repair, etc.
I know people that have nice houses. Big houses, wonderful houses. They do
little with or for their children because they can't afford it. I live in
an old house, old neighborhood. We surely could have used more room when all
the children lived at home.
We stayed in our old, needs repairs/remolding house and spent the money on
the things the kids wanted to do.
They are in our lives wholly for such a few years, I figure the house can
wait, the savings can wait. Dance lessons are important to some children. To
others a new leather baseball glove is important, important today, not so
important some years or months from now when we might or might not have savings
and a better house.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mamaaj2000
--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
in the full context of need, interest, benefit, sharability
(sometimes that's a cool aspect, if lots of other people can benefit
too)...
to me.
My son (3.5 y o) is very needy of stuff and I'm trying to figure out
how to respond to that. He doesn't get money really yet. If I say
something is too expensive, he suggests we buy it for $1. Yeh, I'd
like to do that, but...
I've been thinking back to when I was a kid and I think he's a lot
like me. Always wanting to look at catalogs, pick out the best of
whatever, never satisfied with what I had, and so on.
I don't really know how to respond to him. When we get a new Thomas
toy and he plays with it for ten minutes and then spends an hour
looking at the catalog that came with it...and is upset that I won't
take him right back out to the store, etc. I'm not telling him to put
the catalog down and play, damn it, but I worry (quietly, I hope)
about how happy he is and will be. I am happier now that I'm less
materialistic, but I didn't learn that until my 30's!
There is a positive side, I know, to the relentless search for more,
for the best. And I know Mikey will learn math skills with no
problem...my parents sent me to the store when I was 5 or 6 and told
me I could buy a treat with the change. I bought the milk or
whatever, then went back and bought a big container of cookies and
came home with 1 cent!
Anywho, I'd love to hear perspectives on this. I sense that I'm to
close to the situation and too worried to really think about it
objectively.
Thanks,
aj
> My kids aren't needy of stuff, and I'm not sure of all the reasonsfor it, but because of that, we negotiate each request on its merits
in the full context of need, interest, benefit, sharability
(sometimes that's a cool aspect, if lots of other people can benefit
too)...
to me.
My son (3.5 y o) is very needy of stuff and I'm trying to figure out
how to respond to that. He doesn't get money really yet. If I say
something is too expensive, he suggests we buy it for $1. Yeh, I'd
like to do that, but...
I've been thinking back to when I was a kid and I think he's a lot
like me. Always wanting to look at catalogs, pick out the best of
whatever, never satisfied with what I had, and so on.
I don't really know how to respond to him. When we get a new Thomas
toy and he plays with it for ten minutes and then spends an hour
looking at the catalog that came with it...and is upset that I won't
take him right back out to the store, etc. I'm not telling him to put
the catalog down and play, damn it, but I worry (quietly, I hope)
about how happy he is and will be. I am happier now that I'm less
materialistic, but I didn't learn that until my 30's!
There is a positive side, I know, to the relentless search for more,
for the best. And I know Mikey will learn math skills with no
problem...my parents sent me to the store when I was 5 or 6 and told
me I could buy a treat with the change. I bought the milk or
whatever, then went back and bought a big container of cookies and
came home with 1 cent!
Anywho, I'd love to hear perspectives on this. I sense that I'm to
close to the situation and too worried to really think about it
objectively.
Thanks,
aj
Kimberly Fry
SandraDodd@... wrote:
Andy has heard his Gram say both of those statements. It bothers him to hear it. I've explained it's not what *she* means. But he knows that if he hears me say, "I'm broke," or whatever that's exactly what it means.
"Looking days" were broke days. A spending limit and the finances needed to be watched. "Have no money whatsoever," and it wouldn't matter if it was a once in a lifetime thing that would never come along again, it would mean I had no money -- zip, zero, zilch, nada.
When money is available, it's for whatever he'd like -- sometimes even when I think it's a bad purchase. This is how he learned commercials aren't necessarily an accurate representation of the product. Example: The Clorox pen bleaching areas it didn't touch.
Sometimes when it hasn't been readily available, I've found it because he's wanted something really bad, or for a specific purpose.
Kim
__________________________________________________
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>>>>>But to say in advance "you can buy something"... what if they don't want anything they see, really, but they find something just because it was "buy something" time?<<<<<I must have made it sound as if I was totally inflexible with "looking and buying days." Andy hasn't really ever had the gimmes. I don't remember him ever buying something just to buy something. He could and would sometimes save the money for another trip or another store.
>>>>>So I would declare the "just here for underwear" days (or whatever) but otherwise didn't specify. And as to price limit, if you see a most glorious thing that would make all your lives better and last for forty years, but it costs $20 and you've already said "We're only spending $10," the kids might resent the discrepancy.<<<<<A spending limit was an "ish" thing. $20ish or $10ish. If he saw something and he really wanted it, be it a toy or something for everyone, he would ask about it, no matter what the cost was in relation to the limit. Sometimes I could afford it, and sometimes it had to be put off for a couple of weeks or a month.
>>>>>"Have no money whatsoever" (and charge cards are past limit, and dad is fearful for cashflow, and the sewer needs redone, and Marty needs braces)--that's a reason NOT to buy some things, but it's not a reason not to buy something that will never come along again and is worth many times more than the price being asked.<<<<<"I'm broke or I'm overdrawn," is something my Mom would say frequently as I was growing up. It didn't mean either one. It meant I have less than an extra $x,xxx stubbed off in the checking account.
Andy has heard his Gram say both of those statements. It bothers him to hear it. I've explained it's not what *she* means. But he knows that if he hears me say, "I'm broke," or whatever that's exactly what it means.
"Looking days" were broke days. A spending limit and the finances needed to be watched. "Have no money whatsoever," and it wouldn't matter if it was a once in a lifetime thing that would never come along again, it would mean I had no money -- zip, zero, zilch, nada.
When money is available, it's for whatever he'd like -- sometimes even when I think it's a bad purchase. This is how he learned commercials aren't necessarily an accurate representation of the product. Example: The Clorox pen bleaching areas it didn't touch.
Sometimes when it hasn't been readily available, I've found it because he's wanted something really bad, or for a specific purpose.
Kim
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
eriksmama2001
Another approach is to write down what he wants. I remember making a
wish list for Christmas: EVERYTHING the Sears catalog had that I
wanted was written down, with page number and item number. You know,
hundreds of items! Obviously, I did not receive everything on my
lists but writing it down made my desire more real and acknowledged.
This helped me to see the extent of my wishes and I could review it,
change my mind or decide something really was a high priority. And
worth waiting for. Basically, I do this now too. We are renovating
our house. I want everything (new roof, new heating/air, patio, new
kitchen counters, new floors)....but this is not possible all at
once. And I change my mind. I mark things off the list as something
more important to me comes up. So, this is a useful tool in
prioritizing our wants. This works the same when my 3 y/o wants to do
x and y and z all right NOW! We have/get to choose what is most
important.
Often we have to wait for things we want....I get to model this all
the time. I tried to keep my wants non-verbalized, but I realized
that my child couldn't see me model waiting for things if I didn't
tell him how I wanted things too and why I was wanting to wait (what
I was doing/getting) instead.
We also give our 3 y/o money of his own (not attached to any behavior
except that he is part of our family). When he wants something, I
explain why I do or don't want to buy it (plastic, limited use,
poorly made...) but he can buy anything he wants with his money.
Sometimes I buy things for him because I want to. Sometimes he saves
the money for later. We decide to start when he asked for a $250 drum
set. (he has a small, cheaper set already) He gets $5 a week. He has
saved a lot so far. He wants the drums. Most weeks, it is at the top
of his list.
I suggest toys that I think look interesting. However, he frequently
says "I don't want anything today". Anything that he does want to
touch or hold in the store I try to facilitate. This alone seems to
be the key for us though. Usually, he just wants to touch and see
things up close. Then I ask "are you done holding it?" and we put it
back. We go to the drum store and touch ALL of them, and touch all of
the guitars...everything. This outing alone is worth owning any one
thing from the store. We go several times a month, cheap fun.
Hope this helps.
Pat
--- In [email protected], "mamaaj2000"
<mamaaj2000@y...> wrote:
wish list for Christmas: EVERYTHING the Sears catalog had that I
wanted was written down, with page number and item number. You know,
hundreds of items! Obviously, I did not receive everything on my
lists but writing it down made my desire more real and acknowledged.
This helped me to see the extent of my wishes and I could review it,
change my mind or decide something really was a high priority. And
worth waiting for. Basically, I do this now too. We are renovating
our house. I want everything (new roof, new heating/air, patio, new
kitchen counters, new floors)....but this is not possible all at
once. And I change my mind. I mark things off the list as something
more important to me comes up. So, this is a useful tool in
prioritizing our wants. This works the same when my 3 y/o wants to do
x and y and z all right NOW! We have/get to choose what is most
important.
Often we have to wait for things we want....I get to model this all
the time. I tried to keep my wants non-verbalized, but I realized
that my child couldn't see me model waiting for things if I didn't
tell him how I wanted things too and why I was wanting to wait (what
I was doing/getting) instead.
We also give our 3 y/o money of his own (not attached to any behavior
except that he is part of our family). When he wants something, I
explain why I do or don't want to buy it (plastic, limited use,
poorly made...) but he can buy anything he wants with his money.
Sometimes I buy things for him because I want to. Sometimes he saves
the money for later. We decide to start when he asked for a $250 drum
set. (he has a small, cheaper set already) He gets $5 a week. He has
saved a lot so far. He wants the drums. Most weeks, it is at the top
of his list.
I suggest toys that I think look interesting. However, he frequently
says "I don't want anything today". Anything that he does want to
touch or hold in the store I try to facilitate. This alone seems to
be the key for us though. Usually, he just wants to touch and see
things up close. Then I ask "are you done holding it?" and we put it
back. We go to the drum store and touch ALL of them, and touch all of
the guitars...everything. This outing alone is worth owning any one
thing from the store. We go several times a month, cheap fun.
Hope this helps.
Pat
--- In [email protected], "mamaaj2000"
<mamaaj2000@y...> wrote:
> --- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:reasons
> > My kids aren't needy of stuff, and I'm not sure of all the
> for it, but because of that, we negotiate each request on itsmerits
> in the full context of need, interest, benefit, sharabilitybenefit
> (sometimes that's a cool aspect, if lots of other people can
> too)...out
> to me.
>
> My son (3.5 y o) is very needy of stuff and I'm trying to figure
> how to respond to that. He doesn't get money really yet. If I saywon't
> something is too expensive, he suggests we buy it for $1. Yeh, I'd
> like to do that, but...
>
> I've been thinking back to when I was a kid and I think he's a lot
> like me. Always wanting to look at catalogs, pick out the best of
> whatever, never satisfied with what I had, and so on.
>
> I don't really know how to respond to him. When we get a new Thomas
> toy and he plays with it for ten minutes and then spends an hour
> looking at the catalog that came with it...and is upset that I
> take him right back out to the store, etc. I'm not telling him toput
> the catalog down and play, damn it, but I worry (quietly, I hope)more,
> about how happy he is and will be. I am happier now that I'm less
> materialistic, but I didn't learn that until my 30's!
>
> There is a positive side, I know, to the relentless search for
> for the best. And I know Mikey will learn math skills with notold
> problem...my parents sent me to the store when I was 5 or 6 and
> me I could buy a treat with the change. I bought the milk or
> whatever, then went back and bought a big container of cookies and
> came home with 1 cent!
>
> Anywho, I'd love to hear perspectives on this. I sense that I'm to
> close to the situation and too worried to really think about it
> objectively.
>
> Thanks,
> aj
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/22/2004 8:25:41 AM Eastern Daylight Time, scubamama@... writes:
One reason I love garage sales and flea markets so much is you CAN pick things up and mess with them. At stores, sometimes the toys are in boxes, but still if the kid can turn the box over, look at the back, have someone read the contents or discuss what's good about it.
Sometimes I've seen parents with kids in toy stores and it's not like they're even there together. The kid is all on his own, looking or not looking with no assistance. Maybe taking something home is his most likely way to really examine it, sometimes, perhaps.
But I do agree about touching things sometimes being the "I want that" originally intended. "I want to touch that" or whatever.
Sometimes having a toy in the cart, and the kid getting to hold it a while, and really examine it, was enough for mine. THey'd be fine with putting it back, or putting it on a list or things they might want for birthday or Christmas. And lots of times I've said "We can get it if you want to," but they'll say "No, that's okay."
Sandra
> Anything that he does want toThat's a really good point.
> touch or hold in the store I try to facilitate. This alone seems to
> be the key for us though. Usually, he just wants to touch
> and see
> things up close.
One reason I love garage sales and flea markets so much is you CAN pick things up and mess with them. At stores, sometimes the toys are in boxes, but still if the kid can turn the box over, look at the back, have someone read the contents or discuss what's good about it.
Sometimes I've seen parents with kids in toy stores and it's not like they're even there together. The kid is all on his own, looking or not looking with no assistance. Maybe taking something home is his most likely way to really examine it, sometimes, perhaps.
But I do agree about touching things sometimes being the "I want that" originally intended. "I want to touch that" or whatever.
Sometimes having a toy in the cart, and the kid getting to hold it a while, and really examine it, was enough for mine. THey'd be fine with putting it back, or putting it on a list or things they might want for birthday or Christmas. And lots of times I've said "We can get it if you want to," but they'll say "No, that's okay."
Sandra
mamaaj2000
--- In [email protected], "eriksmama2001"
<scubamama@e...> wrote:
last year before Christmas listening to "I want..." all day everyday,
until someone suggested giving ds scissors and a catalog!!! He cut
out tons of stuff he wanted and then we talked about it.
Thanks,
aj
<scubamama@e...> wrote:
> Another approach is to write down what he wants. I remember makinga
> wish list for Christmas: EVERYTHING the Sears catalog had that Iknow,
> wanted was written down, with page number and item number. You
> hundreds of items!Oh, yes, I've done this before, but not lately. I almost went nuts
last year before Christmas listening to "I want..." all day everyday,
until someone suggested giving ds scissors and a catalog!!! He cut
out tons of stuff he wanted and then we talked about it.
Thanks,
aj
mamaaj2000
--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
I think I've been focusing on the money aspect and on the actual
buying, including saying "hurry up and pick something" usually
because Caroline is getting fussy. But maybe I could do something
differently, like instead of getting a toy while we're out shopping
for other things, Mikey and I could make a separate trip and spend
more time picking things out.
I think I'll start talking to Mikey about the different things you
could do with $5...buy 5 things at the dollar store, 1 small toy, a
present for someone else, save it to buy something bigger next time,
etc. He'd probably be fine if I just handed him $5 a week, but I need
to work up to the hours of conversation about it!
thanks,
aj
> In a message dated 6/22/2004 8:25:41 AM Eastern Daylight Time,scubamama@e... writes:
>to
> > Anything that he does want to
> > touch or hold in the store I try to facilitate. This alone seems
> > be the key for us though. Usually, he just wants to touchYeh...
> > and see
> > things up close.
>
> That's a really good point.
I think I've been focusing on the money aspect and on the actual
buying, including saying "hurry up and pick something" usually
because Caroline is getting fussy. But maybe I could do something
differently, like instead of getting a toy while we're out shopping
for other things, Mikey and I could make a separate trip and spend
more time picking things out.
I think I'll start talking to Mikey about the different things you
could do with $5...buy 5 things at the dollar store, 1 small toy, a
present for someone else, save it to buy something bigger next time,
etc. He'd probably be fine if I just handed him $5 a week, but I need
to work up to the hours of conversation about it!
thanks,
aj
pam sorooshian
On Jun 22, 2004, at 8:50 AM, SandraDodd@... wrote:
were little enough to be in the cart. I'd say, "Do you want an "in the
store toy?"" They would pick out something to hold in the store and
then we'd put it back at the end of the trip.
In the grocery store, my kids liked to play "babies" with bags of beans
or rice. They'd cradle the bag and sing to it and pat it and pretend it
was their baby.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> Sometimes having a toy in the cart, and the kid getting to hold it aAh - I'd forgotten about this. I used to do that a lot when the kids
> while, and really examine it, was enough for mine. THey'd be fine
> with putting it back, or putting it on a list or things they might
> want for birthday or Christmas. And lots of times I've said "We can
> get it if you want to," but they'll say "No, that's okay."
were little enough to be in the cart. I'd say, "Do you want an "in the
store toy?"" They would pick out something to hold in the store and
then we'd put it back at the end of the trip.
In the grocery store, my kids liked to play "babies" with bags of beans
or rice. They'd cradle the bag and sing to it and pat it and pretend it
was their baby.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
Priscilla Martinez
howdy everyone!
if sandra allows, i'd like y'all's input. we're planning to finish our basement within the next year. it's about 1200 square feet of space.
while i *definitely* do not believe in the school-at-home thing, and *definitely* plan to get our kids' input, what i'm looking for from y'all would be the tried-and-true, it'd-be-good-to-have, if-only-i-had kinda things. (ie not specific suggestions, like a pottery wheel corner because someone's daughter/son like theirs -- i'll get specific input based on my kids and their interests, of course!) any suggestions that would facilitiate our long-term unschooling approach is what i'm looking for!
i've already figured out that we need lots of built-in storage space. and that we need flexibility in the entire space. and that we're not doing anything typical! what i'd really love is astrotuf floors, padded/paintable/staplable/pinable/chalkable/etc walls, and a gigantic drain in the middle of the floor so i can just hose-down whatever and whenever! including the kids and myself! lol!
if this discussion needs to be off-list, then please email me directly at ummhjm@... . and, as always, even when i'm on the receiving end of change-how-you're-thinking advice, i thank y'all in advance because i so, so appreciate it!
~peace, priscilla
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
if sandra allows, i'd like y'all's input. we're planning to finish our basement within the next year. it's about 1200 square feet of space.
while i *definitely* do not believe in the school-at-home thing, and *definitely* plan to get our kids' input, what i'm looking for from y'all would be the tried-and-true, it'd-be-good-to-have, if-only-i-had kinda things. (ie not specific suggestions, like a pottery wheel corner because someone's daughter/son like theirs -- i'll get specific input based on my kids and their interests, of course!) any suggestions that would facilitiate our long-term unschooling approach is what i'm looking for!
i've already figured out that we need lots of built-in storage space. and that we need flexibility in the entire space. and that we're not doing anything typical! what i'd really love is astrotuf floors, padded/paintable/staplable/pinable/chalkable/etc walls, and a gigantic drain in the middle of the floor so i can just hose-down whatever and whenever! including the kids and myself! lol!
if this discussion needs to be off-list, then please email me directly at ummhjm@... . and, as always, even when i'm on the receiving end of change-how-you're-thinking advice, i thank y'all in advance because i so, so appreciate it!
~peace, priscilla
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kristi
Thanks everyone for your input about this! I've decided to offer to
Morgaine that she can make things to sell on the website I'm putting
up if she wants, and so far she's declined. I've started asking her
at the beginning of each outing if she wants to bring money from her
piggy bank, since I dislike always making her put off purchases, and
she usually says No, and is asking less often. I'm wondering if my
attitude about money is making her want to horde, but I'm not sure
what to do about that. I am extremely tight with our money, right
now we are paying off debt and hoping to sell our trailer and move
within three years (when baby will certainly be moving out of our
room and the three kids will be sharing a little bedroom). They
could continue sharing a room, but I expect that by the age of 7 or
8 they'll want some more space of their own.
As far as the comments from my Mom about dance, I should have been
more clear -- my Mom wants Morgaine to take dance. As soon as she
was potty trained at 25 months, my mother enrolled her in dance.
Orion loves to dance and also wants to do it, and my mother doesn't
think boys should dance, so will only pay for Morgaine. I stopped
lessons just about the time baby was born, since Orion was crying
through them and I couldn't give him such complete attention with a
newborn, and told my mom that she'd need to send them both if she
wanted to continue, or stop the lessons. That's when she decided I
should pay for one child -- though Morgaine seems perfectly content
with what she calls "homeschool dance class" -- putting on music to
suit her mood and dancing at home for long stretches of time while I
and her dolls act as the audience. I'm just frustrated by my mother
trying to create a need -- both for dance lessons as well as other
things -- for something that isn't there, and saying in front of the
kids that now we can pay for it since Dan's getting a better job.
The better job helps him not have to work 80 hour weeks to make ends
meet so he can be home to enjoy our family. *Sigh* Having parents
living nearby can be such a mixed blessing, much as we love them!
Anyway, thanks again for the input and encouragement. I really
appreciated it.
Kristi
mama to Morgaine, 4.5, Orion, 2, and Isaac, 3.5 mo.
Morgaine that she can make things to sell on the website I'm putting
up if she wants, and so far she's declined. I've started asking her
at the beginning of each outing if she wants to bring money from her
piggy bank, since I dislike always making her put off purchases, and
she usually says No, and is asking less often. I'm wondering if my
attitude about money is making her want to horde, but I'm not sure
what to do about that. I am extremely tight with our money, right
now we are paying off debt and hoping to sell our trailer and move
within three years (when baby will certainly be moving out of our
room and the three kids will be sharing a little bedroom). They
could continue sharing a room, but I expect that by the age of 7 or
8 they'll want some more space of their own.
As far as the comments from my Mom about dance, I should have been
more clear -- my Mom wants Morgaine to take dance. As soon as she
was potty trained at 25 months, my mother enrolled her in dance.
Orion loves to dance and also wants to do it, and my mother doesn't
think boys should dance, so will only pay for Morgaine. I stopped
lessons just about the time baby was born, since Orion was crying
through them and I couldn't give him such complete attention with a
newborn, and told my mom that she'd need to send them both if she
wanted to continue, or stop the lessons. That's when she decided I
should pay for one child -- though Morgaine seems perfectly content
with what she calls "homeschool dance class" -- putting on music to
suit her mood and dancing at home for long stretches of time while I
and her dolls act as the audience. I'm just frustrated by my mother
trying to create a need -- both for dance lessons as well as other
things -- for something that isn't there, and saying in front of the
kids that now we can pay for it since Dan's getting a better job.
The better job helps him not have to work 80 hour weeks to make ends
meet so he can be home to enjoy our family. *Sigh* Having parents
living nearby can be such a mixed blessing, much as we love them!
Anyway, thanks again for the input and encouragement. I really
appreciated it.
Kristi
mama to Morgaine, 4.5, Orion, 2, and Isaac, 3.5 mo.
Ali Kat
I pretty much did the same thing with my daughter. I hate trying to say "we don't have money for that" etc... or trying to explain it when I know she just doesn't get it. She doesn't care that the electric bill needs paid, all she knew was that you hit the switch and get light...
I would try to accomodate some of her smaller requests when possible - i.e. bubbles, cheap puzzle or game, 50 cents for the silly gum/toy machines at the checkouts... stuff like that. That way, I wasn't always saying "no", and I wasn't saying "yes" to stuff we really couldn't afford.
When we went to the store, we usually would head for the toy aisles first... I would tell DD that we were not buying any toys today, but she could pick out 1 or 2 to play with as we shopped, and that she'd have to give them to the cashier when we left. Not only did that help keep her occupied while I focused on getting the shopping done, but she would willingly give up the toy to the cashier as we left. I think there was only one time that she started to fuss and I told her that if she fussed then she wouldn't get to play with a toy next time. Worked for me - and of course I meant it... I found it very important to say what you mean and mean what you say...
Good luck
Alicia
eriksmama2001 <scubamama@...> wrote:
Another approach is to write down what he wants. I remember making a
wish list for Christmas: EVERYTHING the Sears catalog had that I
wanted was written down, with page number and item number. You know,
hundreds of items! Obviously, I did not receive everything on my
lists but writing it down made my desire more real and acknowledged.
This helped me to see the extent of my wishes and I could review it,
change my mind or decide something really was a high priority. And
worth waiting for. Basically, I do this now too. We are renovating
our house. I want everything (new roof, new heating/air, patio, new
kitchen counters, new floors)....but this is not possible all at
once. And I change my mind. I mark things off the list as something
more important to me comes up. So, this is a useful tool in
prioritizing our wants. This works the same when my 3 y/o wants to do
x and y and z all right NOW! We have/get to choose what is most
important.
Often we have to wait for things we want....I get to model this all
the time. I tried to keep my wants non-verbalized, but I realized
that my child couldn't see me model waiting for things if I didn't
tell him how I wanted things too and why I was wanting to wait (what
I was doing/getting) instead.
We also give our 3 y/o money of his own (not attached to any behavior
except that he is part of our family). When he wants something, I
explain why I do or don't want to buy it (plastic, limited use,
poorly made...) but he can buy anything he wants with his money.
Sometimes I buy things for him because I want to. Sometimes he saves
the money for later. We decide to start when he asked for a $250 drum
set. (he has a small, cheaper set already) He gets $5 a week. He has
saved a lot so far. He wants the drums. Most weeks, it is at the top
of his list.
I suggest toys that I think look interesting. However, he frequently
says "I don't want anything today". Anything that he does want to
touch or hold in the store I try to facilitate. This alone seems to
be the key for us though. Usually, he just wants to touch and see
things up close. Then I ask "are you done holding it?" and we put it
back. We go to the drum store and touch ALL of them, and touch all of
the guitars...everything. This outing alone is worth owning any one
thing from the store. We go several times a month, cheap fun.
Hope this helps.
Pat
--- In [email protected], "mamaaj2000"
<mamaaj2000@y...> wrote:
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I would try to accomodate some of her smaller requests when possible - i.e. bubbles, cheap puzzle or game, 50 cents for the silly gum/toy machines at the checkouts... stuff like that. That way, I wasn't always saying "no", and I wasn't saying "yes" to stuff we really couldn't afford.
When we went to the store, we usually would head for the toy aisles first... I would tell DD that we were not buying any toys today, but she could pick out 1 or 2 to play with as we shopped, and that she'd have to give them to the cashier when we left. Not only did that help keep her occupied while I focused on getting the shopping done, but she would willingly give up the toy to the cashier as we left. I think there was only one time that she started to fuss and I told her that if she fussed then she wouldn't get to play with a toy next time. Worked for me - and of course I meant it... I found it very important to say what you mean and mean what you say...
Good luck
Alicia
eriksmama2001 <scubamama@...> wrote:
Another approach is to write down what he wants. I remember making a
wish list for Christmas: EVERYTHING the Sears catalog had that I
wanted was written down, with page number and item number. You know,
hundreds of items! Obviously, I did not receive everything on my
lists but writing it down made my desire more real and acknowledged.
This helped me to see the extent of my wishes and I could review it,
change my mind or decide something really was a high priority. And
worth waiting for. Basically, I do this now too. We are renovating
our house. I want everything (new roof, new heating/air, patio, new
kitchen counters, new floors)....but this is not possible all at
once. And I change my mind. I mark things off the list as something
more important to me comes up. So, this is a useful tool in
prioritizing our wants. This works the same when my 3 y/o wants to do
x and y and z all right NOW! We have/get to choose what is most
important.
Often we have to wait for things we want....I get to model this all
the time. I tried to keep my wants non-verbalized, but I realized
that my child couldn't see me model waiting for things if I didn't
tell him how I wanted things too and why I was wanting to wait (what
I was doing/getting) instead.
We also give our 3 y/o money of his own (not attached to any behavior
except that he is part of our family). When he wants something, I
explain why I do or don't want to buy it (plastic, limited use,
poorly made...) but he can buy anything he wants with his money.
Sometimes I buy things for him because I want to. Sometimes he saves
the money for later. We decide to start when he asked for a $250 drum
set. (he has a small, cheaper set already) He gets $5 a week. He has
saved a lot so far. He wants the drums. Most weeks, it is at the top
of his list.
I suggest toys that I think look interesting. However, he frequently
says "I don't want anything today". Anything that he does want to
touch or hold in the store I try to facilitate. This alone seems to
be the key for us though. Usually, he just wants to touch and see
things up close. Then I ask "are you done holding it?" and we put it
back. We go to the drum store and touch ALL of them, and touch all of
the guitars...everything. This outing alone is worth owning any one
thing from the store. We go several times a month, cheap fun.
Hope this helps.
Pat
--- In [email protected], "mamaaj2000"
<mamaaj2000@y...> wrote:
> --- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:reasons
> > My kids aren't needy of stuff, and I'm not sure of all the
> for it, but because of that, we negotiate each request on itsmerits
> in the full context of need, interest, benefit, sharabilitybenefit
> (sometimes that's a cool aspect, if lots of other people can
> too)...out
> to me.
>
> My son (3.5 y o) is very needy of stuff and I'm trying to figure
> how to respond to that. He doesn't get money really yet. If I saywon't
> something is too expensive, he suggests we buy it for $1. Yeh, I'd
> like to do that, but...
>
> I've been thinking back to when I was a kid and I think he's a lot
> like me. Always wanting to look at catalogs, pick out the best of
> whatever, never satisfied with what I had, and so on.
>
> I don't really know how to respond to him. When we get a new Thomas
> toy and he plays with it for ten minutes and then spends an hour
> looking at the catalog that came with it...and is upset that I
> take him right back out to the store, etc. I'm not telling him toput
> the catalog down and play, damn it, but I worry (quietly, I hope)more,
> about how happy he is and will be. I am happier now that I'm less
> materialistic, but I didn't learn that until my 30's!
>
> There is a positive side, I know, to the relentless search for
> for the best. And I know Mikey will learn math skills with notold
> problem...my parents sent me to the store when I was 5 or 6 and
> me I could buy a treat with the change. I bought the milk or"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
> whatever, then went back and bought a big container of cookies and
> came home with 1 cent!
>
> Anywho, I'd love to hear perspectives on this. I sense that I'm to
> close to the situation and too worried to really think about it
> objectively.
>
> Thanks,
> aj
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[email protected]
In a message dated 6/23/04 3:35:12 PM, sweetgypsiedncer@... writes:
<< Not only did that help keep her occupied while I focused on getting the
shopping done, but she would willingly give up the toy to the cashier as we
left. >>
We always put them back on the shelf ourselves. In my view, asking the
employees to replace a toy we never meant to buy isn't cool.
Focussing on the kids, even when I was grocery shopping, really helped us in
lots of ways. We could talk about their day, or ideas, or about things at
the store, and slowing down to their pace and making being at the store as good
as (better, often) being at a park or museum made it soothing instead of
jittery, and enjoyable for all of us (or most, and the kid having the least fun
needed the most attention).
<<I found it very important to say what you mean and mean what you say...>>
You used past tense, "found."
Have you changed your mind?
Are your kids grown?
I think having the flexibility to do what seems best outweighs clinging to an
artibitrary decision for the sake of "consistency." I consistently tried to
be flexible and compassionate. Others around me made a priority of "doing
what they said" without correspondingly being extra careful what they
promised/threatened/claimed.
They tied their own hands with the hope that "consistency" would be the thing
that would make them good moms and their kids contented.
Sandra
<< Not only did that help keep her occupied while I focused on getting the
shopping done, but she would willingly give up the toy to the cashier as we
left. >>
We always put them back on the shelf ourselves. In my view, asking the
employees to replace a toy we never meant to buy isn't cool.
Focussing on the kids, even when I was grocery shopping, really helped us in
lots of ways. We could talk about their day, or ideas, or about things at
the store, and slowing down to their pace and making being at the store as good
as (better, often) being at a park or museum made it soothing instead of
jittery, and enjoyable for all of us (or most, and the kid having the least fun
needed the most attention).
<<I found it very important to say what you mean and mean what you say...>>
You used past tense, "found."
Have you changed your mind?
Are your kids grown?
I think having the flexibility to do what seems best outweighs clinging to an
artibitrary decision for the sake of "consistency." I consistently tried to
be flexible and compassionate. Others around me made a priority of "doing
what they said" without correspondingly being extra careful what they
promised/threatened/claimed.
They tied their own hands with the hope that "consistency" would be the thing
that would make them good moms and their kids contented.
Sandra
Kate Sitzman
<< Not only did that help keep her occupied while I focused on getting the
shopping done, but she would willingly give up the toy to the cashier as we
left. >>
grocery for over 10 years). He said stores are annoyed if you take a frozen
item and ditch it in the bakery section (thereby spoiling the item) but it
is fine to ditch toys in the checkout. Stores understand that people with
happy kids shop longer and spend more money. If having an in-store toy makes
your child happy, they are generally pleased to accommodate you by
re-stocking the item. The basic rule of thumb is - will the item still be
in sellable condition when they re-stock it? If yes, you are ethically in
the clear. If no (like when a toddler chews it up) you really ought to buy
it. Obviously it is extra-considerate to put it back where you found it, but
just so you know, there is no bad karma for leaving it with the checker -
and it's easier for the store than if you put it back in the wrong place.
Kate
shopping done, but she would willingly give up the toy to the cashier as we
left. >>
>>>>We always put them back on the shelf ourselves. In my view, asking theVeering OT here, but I recently put this question to my husband (who worked
>>>>employees to replace a toy we never meant to buy isn't cool.
grocery for over 10 years). He said stores are annoyed if you take a frozen
item and ditch it in the bakery section (thereby spoiling the item) but it
is fine to ditch toys in the checkout. Stores understand that people with
happy kids shop longer and spend more money. If having an in-store toy makes
your child happy, they are generally pleased to accommodate you by
re-stocking the item. The basic rule of thumb is - will the item still be
in sellable condition when they re-stock it? If yes, you are ethically in
the clear. If no (like when a toddler chews it up) you really ought to buy
it. Obviously it is extra-considerate to put it back where you found it, but
just so you know, there is no bad karma for leaving it with the checker -
and it's easier for the store than if you put it back in the wrong place.
Kate
Julie
>>I consistently tried to be flexible and compassionate. >>I love this Sandra. What our kids need to know is that we love them and how
they feel does matter to us.
Consistency is often just an unwillingness to look at something from
another's point of view. I said this and I'm sticking to it no matter what.
All that really does is show our kids that how they feel and what they think
is unimportant to us. I think too that that attitude is a big obstacle to
learning new things. Showing our kids flexibility, listening to them,
adapting old ideas to new situations not only makes for a better
relationship but I think it models "learning skills" well too.
Julie
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/23/04 6:22:29 PM, kate@... writes:
<< but
just so you know, there is no bad karma for leaving it with the checker -
and it's easier for the store than if you put it back in the wrong place. >>
We never put things in the wrong place.
I don't want to model for my kids that it's okay to make work for people
unnecessarily.
People from NYC who have moved here tend to do things like that, and it's
offensive to the locals.
-=-Consistency is often just an unwillingness to look at something from
another's point of view. . . . Showing our kids flexibility, listening to
them,
adapting old ideas to new situations not only makes for a better
relationship but I think it models "learning skills" well too.-=-
I think some people think if they don't stick to their consistency, they'll
be wishy-washy, or have no basis for decision making. But if principles are
strongly in place, that's how decisions are made.
People who haven't thought a whole lot about it can seem to think either the
parent is in charge, and calling all shots, or the kid is in charge, and
calling all shots. There's a universe in between those two theoretical points.
Sandra
<< but
just so you know, there is no bad karma for leaving it with the checker -
and it's easier for the store than if you put it back in the wrong place. >>
We never put things in the wrong place.
I don't want to model for my kids that it's okay to make work for people
unnecessarily.
People from NYC who have moved here tend to do things like that, and it's
offensive to the locals.
-=-Consistency is often just an unwillingness to look at something from
another's point of view. . . . Showing our kids flexibility, listening to
them,
adapting old ideas to new situations not only makes for a better
relationship but I think it models "learning skills" well too.-=-
I think some people think if they don't stick to their consistency, they'll
be wishy-washy, or have no basis for decision making. But if principles are
strongly in place, that's how decisions are made.
People who haven't thought a whole lot about it can seem to think either the
parent is in charge, and calling all shots, or the kid is in charge, and
calling all shots. There's a universe in between those two theoretical points.
Sandra
Ali Kat
I guess that does sound selfish and lazy. I feel like a horrible person now! Most times we do put the toys back, but sometimes we don't. I meant no offense, and certainly have never meant to selfishly place a burden on any cashier. I was a cashier at one time, and just saw it as part of my job and was glad to be of service to folks - it also gave me some time away from the register to reshelve things and learn the layout of the store so I could better direct people. I guess I have been looking through the wrong glasses though...
My daughter started walking at 6 months of age (walking - not cruising) - and pretty much hated being confined in a stroller or shopping cart. Additionally, her fine motor skills were such that she could work buttons, buckles, snaps and ties better than even I could. She is a regular Houdini at times. She wanted to be up walking and running. She is intense, active, and curious. While that is good and I have encouraged it (and part of the reason I've kept her from school so it would not be squashed), it can be dangerous in some situations - especially at such a young age.
We have had and continue to have intense converstions while shopping or otherwise. I used the toys as a tool to keep her from running off and hiding under racks, slipping down ailses, standing up in the cart and falling out, or from being snatched by someone. I am human and one person and when you are looking on a shelf it can be quite easy for such a wee one to get away from you. At least, in my experience it can be. I am a full-time working single mom, and while shopping is necessary, it isn't something I like to spend a lot of time doing. I already feel guilty that I am not home with my daughter, and so I like to spend our time differently - doing things she truly enjoys. I make it as pleasant as possible, take time where needed, but since neither my daughter or I are the "shopper" types we don't spend much time in a store. Her brain goes so fast and furious that she is easily bored, so I have used toys to occupy her. The only exception is the material department at
Wal-Mart where my daughter and I spend time selecting fabrics for her to sew with since that is a high interest to her.
Past tense "found" because it was something I "found" in the past - discovered, learned, realized... I apparently was not clear that I was remarking on the part where the previous writer said someone said "We are broke" and meant "I don't want to spend money on that".
They tied their own hands with the hope that "consistency" would be the thing
that would make them good moms and their kids contented.
I have flexibility in plans, etc... I am ADD... I was born with flexibility, and consistency is hardly used to describe my life... LOL. Saying what you mean and meaning what you say is simply choosing words carefully. i.e. my sister moved in with us for a short time and ran up a $300 phone bill. I asked her to pay it. She said "I have no money - I'm broke." What she meant was "I am planning on taking a two week vacation and treating my boyfriend to a trip to Chicago to see 2 concerts and spending my money there" etc... It's a big difference to say "I have no money" and "I have allocated my money elsewhere"... Am I wrong?
As far as promises, I try not to say "I promise" unless I can be as sure as possible that I can fulfill those promises. I also try not to say that we have certain activities planned, etc... because this is life. Things happen, plans change, something better or more important can come up. Like the time we planned on attending a big tea party, but I fell down the back steps and broke my arm - we spent all day at the ER instead of the tea party... or the time we planned to go to the drive-in but Bekka was beyond crabby an hour before we were to leave, ended up crawling in bed and falling asleep. I thought it wiser to reschedule than to try to drag a sleeping child to a drive-in that she wouldn't enjoy or remember. Also, I may plan yardwork, but an opportunity may come up to go tadpole hunting or bike riding, or Bekka would like to show me her new play... quite frankly, the yard can wait! (well... at least until the city is knocking on the door - gotta love neighbors)
I hope I have not come off with an attitude... I know this online communication can be a challenge, and I will try harder to clarify more in the future. Thank you for your patience with me. Also, if I have misunderstood or have skewed perceptions please tell me. I appreciate it very much, as I am still learning, and I realize that I can be selfish and simply not pay attention to life or people around me.
Alicia
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My daughter started walking at 6 months of age (walking - not cruising) - and pretty much hated being confined in a stroller or shopping cart. Additionally, her fine motor skills were such that she could work buttons, buckles, snaps and ties better than even I could. She is a regular Houdini at times. She wanted to be up walking and running. She is intense, active, and curious. While that is good and I have encouraged it (and part of the reason I've kept her from school so it would not be squashed), it can be dangerous in some situations - especially at such a young age.
We have had and continue to have intense converstions while shopping or otherwise. I used the toys as a tool to keep her from running off and hiding under racks, slipping down ailses, standing up in the cart and falling out, or from being snatched by someone. I am human and one person and when you are looking on a shelf it can be quite easy for such a wee one to get away from you. At least, in my experience it can be. I am a full-time working single mom, and while shopping is necessary, it isn't something I like to spend a lot of time doing. I already feel guilty that I am not home with my daughter, and so I like to spend our time differently - doing things she truly enjoys. I make it as pleasant as possible, take time where needed, but since neither my daughter or I are the "shopper" types we don't spend much time in a store. Her brain goes so fast and furious that she is easily bored, so I have used toys to occupy her. The only exception is the material department at
Wal-Mart where my daughter and I spend time selecting fabrics for her to sew with since that is a high interest to her.
Past tense "found" because it was something I "found" in the past - discovered, learned, realized... I apparently was not clear that I was remarking on the part where the previous writer said someone said "We are broke" and meant "I don't want to spend money on that".
>>>>>I think having the flexibility to do what seems best outweighs clinging to an artibitrary decision for the sake of "consistency." I consistently tried to be flexible and compassionate. Others around me made a priority of "doingwhat they said" without correspondingly being extra careful what they promised/threatened/claimed.
They tied their own hands with the hope that "consistency" would be the thing
that would make them good moms and their kids contented.
>>>>>Forgive me, I am unsure what you mean by all this. I think I am misreading your comments, or perhaps it is because I did not provide clarity in my post for you.
I have flexibility in plans, etc... I am ADD... I was born with flexibility, and consistency is hardly used to describe my life... LOL. Saying what you mean and meaning what you say is simply choosing words carefully. i.e. my sister moved in with us for a short time and ran up a $300 phone bill. I asked her to pay it. She said "I have no money - I'm broke." What she meant was "I am planning on taking a two week vacation and treating my boyfriend to a trip to Chicago to see 2 concerts and spending my money there" etc... It's a big difference to say "I have no money" and "I have allocated my money elsewhere"... Am I wrong?
As far as promises, I try not to say "I promise" unless I can be as sure as possible that I can fulfill those promises. I also try not to say that we have certain activities planned, etc... because this is life. Things happen, plans change, something better or more important can come up. Like the time we planned on attending a big tea party, but I fell down the back steps and broke my arm - we spent all day at the ER instead of the tea party... or the time we planned to go to the drive-in but Bekka was beyond crabby an hour before we were to leave, ended up crawling in bed and falling asleep. I thought it wiser to reschedule than to try to drag a sleeping child to a drive-in that she wouldn't enjoy or remember. Also, I may plan yardwork, but an opportunity may come up to go tadpole hunting or bike riding, or Bekka would like to show me her new play... quite frankly, the yard can wait! (well... at least until the city is knocking on the door - gotta love neighbors)
I hope I have not come off with an attitude... I know this online communication can be a challenge, and I will try harder to clarify more in the future. Thank you for your patience with me. Also, if I have misunderstood or have skewed perceptions please tell me. I appreciate it very much, as I am still learning, and I realize that I can be selfish and simply not pay attention to life or people around me.
Alicia
---------------------------------
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Yahoo! Mail Address AutoComplete - You start. We finish.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kristi
>It's a big difference to say "I have no money" and "I have allocatedThis is a large part of my problem with my daughter. (And, probably
>my money elsewhere"... Am I wrong?
>
soon, my middle child as well, since he keeps on growing -- LOL!) I
can't just say "we can't afford that." Instead, when she wants
something, I explain that it costs money and we don't have alot of
money. -why? -well, Mommy quit her job so that .... -why do we need
money? -insert explanation with way too much info here. -I wish Daddy
could stay home too. -conversation about this.
There are variants to this conversation, far too many to list, and
she understands our desire to get a house; the trailer park we live
in just made us get rid of some of our outdoor toys, she wants a pool
and some personal space that she's not sharing with her baby
brothers, etc. But I just feel that I'm immersing her in adult
concerns at a young age (4.5), and she's a very sensitive little
person; I'm concerned that I may be transferring my general anxiety
about finances to her by being forthright and showing her how many
different bills we're paying right now. If she has a few ready ways
to make money, though, I can skip this part of the conversation and
go to, "I want xyz." "OK! Let's make a plan to pay for it."
Unfortunately Dan and I are pretty much stretched as far as we can
go, definitely past our comfort lines. And it seems wrong to me
sometimes to suggest to a 4yo to make her own money tp meet her
wants, but I think it will give her the option to step outside our
tight, frugal lifestyle if she wants. Physically, she gets what she
*needs,* but then I feel sometimes that she also *needs* certain
things to make her feel more comfortable inside this world (like a
child who wants brand name shoes even though second hand shoes do the
same physical job). We've already worked out a few ideas and we'll
see how they go!
Kristi
Kristi
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/24/2004 10:36:53 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
hayes@... writes:
We've already worked out a few ideas and we'll
see how they go!
Kristi
My little neighbor girl is recently turned five. She sometimes comes and
wants to "help" me do stuff. She pulls weeds with me in my flower beds. She
LOVES to run the vacuum (even though to me it seems bigger than her!). She
loves putting her hands in soapy water and washing dishes.
She recently told me quite matter of factly that she is now "grown" and does
ALL the cooking and cleaning at her house, she's even allowed to use a
knife! I had to laugh. I was peeling potatoes and she wanted to do it for me!
Of course at her house, those things aren't nearly as attractive to do as at
my house. Maybe because I have no other small children and I have patience
and time to wait patiently while she does this "work".
I always send her home with a few dollars. She feels very proud. If I know
she especially wants something, I usually pick it up for her.
I know some people think it's odd or unusual for a five year old to "work"
but I think a lot of it is just being listened to and responding to her and
enjoying her company that makes her want to do this so much. I don't think she
has a lot of interaction with her mother. I do know one Grandmother is very
hands on, but of course would never let a "toddler" do "work".
Maybe your daughter can find an adult lady to "help out" and befriend. It
could be beneficial in many ways to both of them.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
hayes@... writes:
We've already worked out a few ideas and we'll
see how they go!
Kristi
My little neighbor girl is recently turned five. She sometimes comes and
wants to "help" me do stuff. She pulls weeds with me in my flower beds. She
LOVES to run the vacuum (even though to me it seems bigger than her!). She
loves putting her hands in soapy water and washing dishes.
She recently told me quite matter of factly that she is now "grown" and does
ALL the cooking and cleaning at her house, she's even allowed to use a
knife! I had to laugh. I was peeling potatoes and she wanted to do it for me!
Of course at her house, those things aren't nearly as attractive to do as at
my house. Maybe because I have no other small children and I have patience
and time to wait patiently while she does this "work".
I always send her home with a few dollars. She feels very proud. If I know
she especially wants something, I usually pick it up for her.
I know some people think it's odd or unusual for a five year old to "work"
but I think a lot of it is just being listened to and responding to her and
enjoying her company that makes her want to do this so much. I don't think she
has a lot of interaction with her mother. I do know one Grandmother is very
hands on, but of course would never let a "toddler" do "work".
Maybe your daughter can find an adult lady to "help out" and befriend. It
could be beneficial in many ways to both of them.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Hello everyone. I recently joined the group, and have been reading posts
eagerly for several weeks now. My name is Emily and I am currently homeschooling
(leaning and learning more on unschooling) for some time now. My children
are Joshua who's 8 (close to 9) and Stephanie who is 3 (close to 4). Both bdays
are at the end of summer.
The latest topics on the list have had me very eager to respond, but being
that the custom and request is for new members to read for several weeks, I have
been biding my time.
The more I read, however, the more I realize that my natural instincts in
parenting, since my son was born, truly matches much of what I've learned about
unschooling families. And, yet, I've only recently learned of that
terminology. It's great to realize I have not been alone in how I've always felt most
comfortable in raising my children. Meaning ... allowing them their freedom in
growing and learning, rather than restricting them simply because it's how
"everyone else has been raised."
I've often been criticized, lectured, and sneered at for what I believe, but
rarely let it effect me. But the funny thing is, many of the people who have
done this, eventually tell me that my children are considerably "brighter,"
and "more socially well behaved" than the majority of other kids they have come
across. (Please note, I am quoting specific comments that I've heard more
than once from people)
Anyway... I've been wanting to comment myself, on the latest topic of
discussion here. About allowances, spending money and such.
My children are young, and often have the "gimmes" and "I wants." But coming
from a one income family we live on a tight budget. From the time my son was
born, I've always believed in being very honest and open with him and then my
daughter. Especially about money and finances. My parents always kept
income and finances some sort of sacred secret, and that left me in the dark once I
was adult and on my own. Therefore, I've had to learn as I go ... which was
difficult. I didn't want the same for my kids ... but my honesty goes with
all topics, not just money. Anyhow, what I find myself doing with my kids is
being honest, and allowing them to help me with bills and shopping, rather than
just saying "bills need to be paid, so we have no extra money." Every pay day
is "running" day for us. And being that the kids are home with me, this
means they go with me to do this. I find the fact that they must do the traveling
means their day is being effected and disrupted so instead them being bored,
and miserable, they become a part of the day and responsibilities. And of
course, they love to be helpers, so I allow them to do just that. Being that my
daughter is only 3, she likes to help me make my daily lists. She 'writes' the
lists, and then tells me what's on them. This may be for where we need to
go, and is also for the groceries. I always try to keep mental note of what she
tells me is on there so that I can be sure to accommodate some of what she
puts. Such as carrots and dip (her favorite) or brownies, or what type of juice
she wants. This allows her to feel important and an active and appreciated
part of the family and decision making. My son, being older helps me with the
math part of things a lot. After going to the bank he'll keep a notebook and
pen with him. He'll write down the money amount we are beginning with ... and
after each stop and bill paid, he'll subtract what we spent for me. This
allows him to truly visualize and understand where the money goes, and why. We
always discuss what's being paid, and why it's important and/or necessary for
each thing paid. Such as, electric bill, or phone bill, or rent. The last
stop we always make is the grocery store. He already knows ahead of time what
amount of money is left for shopping, since he did the math along the way. As
we shop with our list (Stephanie's in hand also) both kids will help choose the
items and put them in the cart. Yes, we have a list, but the list may simply
say "cereal," so they can pick which type they want. Or it may say "yogurt"
so they can pick their favorite flavors. This also allows them to feel
appreciated. After all, they are human, and have likes, dislikes, and emotions
also! I've always resented those who demand children "must eat what's made, like
it or not," or the comment "it's what was made and you will sit there until
your plate is cleared." I have NEVER expected such things from my kids, and
always shop keeping in mind what they do or do not like. If they do not like
beef stew (which they don't), when I make it, I will always accommodate something
separate for them. Well, my point is, I keep my kids, even the youngest,
involved. I allow them to make their choices and give their input. But I also
have them help me, so they gain an understanding of where the money goes. So
there is never empty comments of "we don't have the money." My son especially
now has a very mature understanding of what "bills need paying" means. He
sees, on paper, how the money dwindles down each week. We discuss freely the
importance of what each bill paid is for. He may not understand yet the
complications ... but he knows we cannot drive our car unless we pay to keep that
license plate on it and the car insurance paid. "What insurance?" he asks.... I
keep it simple, I say, "Insurance is so that if there is a car accident, the
insurance company helps pay for the expensive damages and/or doctor bills." The
phone bill needs to be paid so that we can have the phone to keep in touch
with friends and family. Cable bill ... well, you have your favorite shows, and
we have ours. If I don't pay for the cable, we will not be able to watch
them.
I know I've written SO much here, and I apologize if this is too long for
some to want to read. But I just had one more comment I'd like to make.
Someone made comment about using worldly comparisons to make kids
"appreciate" their lives. This is something I would and have never done. My thoughts on
this is that few people are better off than anyone else, because money and
material things do not buy happiness. Perhaps people in 3rd world countries do
not have the modern technology America does. But why on earth would that make
"us" better than them? If it's all they've known, and it's the only life
they've lived, they may not know of, or resent our modernization's. Of course,
without doubt, there is poverty and starvation over seas ... but ya know ...
there is PLENTY of that in America also. We never compare, but we do help!
THAT is something that makes my son come to me on his own and say, "Mommy, I
really feel sad for them, we are lucky we have all our toys, clothes, food, etc."
We give to food shelters, donate old clothes and toys to abuse shelters,
homeless shelters, and things such as that. My son will pack boxes and go through
his dresser and closet and toy boxes once a month to donate. They go with me
to drop the things off. Always a companion, never a "tagalong."
Thanks for all who took the time to read this mini-novel. (hehehe) I look
forward to continuing reading, and perhaps making some new friends and confidants
here.
Sincerely,
Emily
Wife to Chris, Mom to Joshua (8), Stephanie (3)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
eagerly for several weeks now. My name is Emily and I am currently homeschooling
(leaning and learning more on unschooling) for some time now. My children
are Joshua who's 8 (close to 9) and Stephanie who is 3 (close to 4). Both bdays
are at the end of summer.
The latest topics on the list have had me very eager to respond, but being
that the custom and request is for new members to read for several weeks, I have
been biding my time.
The more I read, however, the more I realize that my natural instincts in
parenting, since my son was born, truly matches much of what I've learned about
unschooling families. And, yet, I've only recently learned of that
terminology. It's great to realize I have not been alone in how I've always felt most
comfortable in raising my children. Meaning ... allowing them their freedom in
growing and learning, rather than restricting them simply because it's how
"everyone else has been raised."
I've often been criticized, lectured, and sneered at for what I believe, but
rarely let it effect me. But the funny thing is, many of the people who have
done this, eventually tell me that my children are considerably "brighter,"
and "more socially well behaved" than the majority of other kids they have come
across. (Please note, I am quoting specific comments that I've heard more
than once from people)
Anyway... I've been wanting to comment myself, on the latest topic of
discussion here. About allowances, spending money and such.
My children are young, and often have the "gimmes" and "I wants." But coming
from a one income family we live on a tight budget. From the time my son was
born, I've always believed in being very honest and open with him and then my
daughter. Especially about money and finances. My parents always kept
income and finances some sort of sacred secret, and that left me in the dark once I
was adult and on my own. Therefore, I've had to learn as I go ... which was
difficult. I didn't want the same for my kids ... but my honesty goes with
all topics, not just money. Anyhow, what I find myself doing with my kids is
being honest, and allowing them to help me with bills and shopping, rather than
just saying "bills need to be paid, so we have no extra money." Every pay day
is "running" day for us. And being that the kids are home with me, this
means they go with me to do this. I find the fact that they must do the traveling
means their day is being effected and disrupted so instead them being bored,
and miserable, they become a part of the day and responsibilities. And of
course, they love to be helpers, so I allow them to do just that. Being that my
daughter is only 3, she likes to help me make my daily lists. She 'writes' the
lists, and then tells me what's on them. This may be for where we need to
go, and is also for the groceries. I always try to keep mental note of what she
tells me is on there so that I can be sure to accommodate some of what she
puts. Such as carrots and dip (her favorite) or brownies, or what type of juice
she wants. This allows her to feel important and an active and appreciated
part of the family and decision making. My son, being older helps me with the
math part of things a lot. After going to the bank he'll keep a notebook and
pen with him. He'll write down the money amount we are beginning with ... and
after each stop and bill paid, he'll subtract what we spent for me. This
allows him to truly visualize and understand where the money goes, and why. We
always discuss what's being paid, and why it's important and/or necessary for
each thing paid. Such as, electric bill, or phone bill, or rent. The last
stop we always make is the grocery store. He already knows ahead of time what
amount of money is left for shopping, since he did the math along the way. As
we shop with our list (Stephanie's in hand also) both kids will help choose the
items and put them in the cart. Yes, we have a list, but the list may simply
say "cereal," so they can pick which type they want. Or it may say "yogurt"
so they can pick their favorite flavors. This also allows them to feel
appreciated. After all, they are human, and have likes, dislikes, and emotions
also! I've always resented those who demand children "must eat what's made, like
it or not," or the comment "it's what was made and you will sit there until
your plate is cleared." I have NEVER expected such things from my kids, and
always shop keeping in mind what they do or do not like. If they do not like
beef stew (which they don't), when I make it, I will always accommodate something
separate for them. Well, my point is, I keep my kids, even the youngest,
involved. I allow them to make their choices and give their input. But I also
have them help me, so they gain an understanding of where the money goes. So
there is never empty comments of "we don't have the money." My son especially
now has a very mature understanding of what "bills need paying" means. He
sees, on paper, how the money dwindles down each week. We discuss freely the
importance of what each bill paid is for. He may not understand yet the
complications ... but he knows we cannot drive our car unless we pay to keep that
license plate on it and the car insurance paid. "What insurance?" he asks.... I
keep it simple, I say, "Insurance is so that if there is a car accident, the
insurance company helps pay for the expensive damages and/or doctor bills." The
phone bill needs to be paid so that we can have the phone to keep in touch
with friends and family. Cable bill ... well, you have your favorite shows, and
we have ours. If I don't pay for the cable, we will not be able to watch
them.
I know I've written SO much here, and I apologize if this is too long for
some to want to read. But I just had one more comment I'd like to make.
Someone made comment about using worldly comparisons to make kids
"appreciate" their lives. This is something I would and have never done. My thoughts on
this is that few people are better off than anyone else, because money and
material things do not buy happiness. Perhaps people in 3rd world countries do
not have the modern technology America does. But why on earth would that make
"us" better than them? If it's all they've known, and it's the only life
they've lived, they may not know of, or resent our modernization's. Of course,
without doubt, there is poverty and starvation over seas ... but ya know ...
there is PLENTY of that in America also. We never compare, but we do help!
THAT is something that makes my son come to me on his own and say, "Mommy, I
really feel sad for them, we are lucky we have all our toys, clothes, food, etc."
We give to food shelters, donate old clothes and toys to abuse shelters,
homeless shelters, and things such as that. My son will pack boxes and go through
his dresser and closet and toy boxes once a month to donate. They go with me
to drop the things off. Always a companion, never a "tagalong."
Thanks for all who took the time to read this mini-novel. (hehehe) I look
forward to continuing reading, and perhaps making some new friends and confidants
here.
Sincerely,
Emily
Wife to Chris, Mom to Joshua (8), Stephanie (3)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]