Testing me?
Andrea Burlingame
Okay, this is difficult for me to explain, and it may take a few clarification, but here goes:
I have been consciously trying to change some habitual reactions I have when my children quarrel or whine, etc...I've also been working hard to say yes wherever possible and not to lose my cool when I'm really frustrated. Of course, I'm still working on this, but I am, I think, noticeably different to my kids.
What I'm noticing, and I've noticed this before when I have tried to get a handle on my behavior and make significant changes in the way we are living together, is that my 4 yo daughter Stella seems to get more pointedly petulant (like that alliteration!?). I mean, it seems like she wants to see just how far she can push things with me. It's as though she senses a weakness or maybe just doesn't like the unfamiliar change in my overall demeanor. It's not like I was an ogre all the time before, but my attitude is different in general and she seems suspicious. I can see her wheels turning before she does something that before would really set me off, like suddenly snatching something Annie's been happily playing with and screeching in her face, "That's mine!" when just five minutes before she could care less that Annie had it. She looks at me first and then afterwards to see what my reaction will be. I swear she is doing this to get a rise out of me, not Annie! That's only example I can think of at the moment, and it isn't even the best one.
What I'm wondering is if anyone else saw this kind of thing when they started being more connected and aware? Do you think it will last long?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I have been consciously trying to change some habitual reactions I have when my children quarrel or whine, etc...I've also been working hard to say yes wherever possible and not to lose my cool when I'm really frustrated. Of course, I'm still working on this, but I am, I think, noticeably different to my kids.
What I'm noticing, and I've noticed this before when I have tried to get a handle on my behavior and make significant changes in the way we are living together, is that my 4 yo daughter Stella seems to get more pointedly petulant (like that alliteration!?). I mean, it seems like she wants to see just how far she can push things with me. It's as though she senses a weakness or maybe just doesn't like the unfamiliar change in my overall demeanor. It's not like I was an ogre all the time before, but my attitude is different in general and she seems suspicious. I can see her wheels turning before she does something that before would really set me off, like suddenly snatching something Annie's been happily playing with and screeching in her face, "That's mine!" when just five minutes before she could care less that Annie had it. She looks at me first and then afterwards to see what my reaction will be. I swear she is doing this to get a rise out of me, not Annie! That's only example I can think of at the moment, and it isn't even the best one.
What I'm wondering is if anyone else saw this kind of thing when they started being more connected and aware? Do you think it will last long?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
J. Stauffer
<<Do you think it will last long?>>
The more you react, the longer it will last.
Your daughter had a "map of the world" before. She would do "A" and you
would do "B". Suddenly, the map changed. "B" doesn't happen.
Being a smart and inquisitive child, she wants to know what happened, why
the cause didn't have the same effect.
Your dd isn't testing you....she is performing a social psychology
experiment <grin>.
No really, she isn't defying you....she is trying to understand what is
going on. If you go back to raving, even once, she will need to experiment
longer to find out what is going on.
Julie S.
The more you react, the longer it will last.
Your daughter had a "map of the world" before. She would do "A" and you
would do "B". Suddenly, the map changed. "B" doesn't happen.
Being a smart and inquisitive child, she wants to know what happened, why
the cause didn't have the same effect.
Your dd isn't testing you....she is performing a social psychology
experiment <grin>.
No really, she isn't defying you....she is trying to understand what is
going on. If you go back to raving, even once, she will need to experiment
longer to find out what is going on.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Andrea Burlingame" <aburlingame@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, June 07, 2004 12:26 PM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Testing me?
> Okay, this is difficult for me to explain, and it may take a few
clarification, but here goes:
>
> I have been consciously trying to change some habitual reactions I have
when my children quarrel or whine, etc...I've also been working hard to say
yes wherever possible and not to lose my cool when I'm really frustrated.
Of course, I'm still working on this, but I am, I think, noticeably
different to my kids.
>
> What I'm noticing, and I've noticed this before when I have tried to get a
handle on my behavior and make significant changes in the way we are living
together, is that my 4 yo daughter Stella seems to get more pointedly
petulant (like that alliteration!?). I mean, it seems like she wants to see
just how far she can push things with me. It's as though she senses a
weakness or maybe just doesn't like the unfamiliar change in my overall
demeanor. It's not like I was an ogre all the time before, but my attitude
is different in general and she seems suspicious. I can see her wheels
turning before she does something that before would really set me off, like
suddenly snatching something Annie's been happily playing with and
screeching in her face, "That's mine!" when just five minutes before she
could care less that Annie had it. She looks at me first and then
afterwards to see what my reaction will be. I swear she is doing this to
get a rise out of me, not Annie! That's only example I can think of at the
moment, and it isn't even the best one.
>
> What I'm wondering is if anyone else saw this kind of thing when they
started being more connected and aware? Do you think it will last long?
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
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>
Andrea Burlingame
From: "J. Stauffer":
"Being a smart and inquisitive child, she wants to know what happened, why
the cause didn't have the same effect."
You know this more of what I've been suspecting...didn't know how to word
it. Stella has always tried hard to understand the "why" of things,
especially why people say and do the things they do. She is very
smart...nothing seems to get by her!
I'll just have to try hard to stay on track so that the new way makes sense
and she trusts it.
Today has been a really fun day of "yesses" by the ways!
~Andrea
"Being a smart and inquisitive child, she wants to know what happened, why
the cause didn't have the same effect."
You know this more of what I've been suspecting...didn't know how to word
it. Stella has always tried hard to understand the "why" of things,
especially why people say and do the things they do. She is very
smart...nothing seems to get by her!
I'll just have to try hard to stay on track so that the new way makes sense
and she trusts it.
Today has been a really fun day of "yesses" by the ways!
~Andrea