not helping the capable
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In a message dated 6/4/04 11:26:20 AM, sylgt04@... writes:
<< He's terrible about leaving stuff in his pockets and I don't check pockets
for people old enough to do their own laundry. >>
I do. I check for me, and my husband, because it's a shame when things get
ruined, and it's a shame when a paper napkin or kleenex gets all over the other
clothes.
-=-My mil added a few later steps -- things like how to sort, how to choose a
dryer cycle, etc -- the summer he spent with them when he was 13. -=-
That didn't come first??
I'm glad to help my kids help take care of my things, and so I'm glad to help
them take care of theirs.
Sandra
<< He's terrible about leaving stuff in his pockets and I don't check pockets
for people old enough to do their own laundry. >>
I do. I check for me, and my husband, because it's a shame when things get
ruined, and it's a shame when a paper napkin or kleenex gets all over the other
clothes.
-=-My mil added a few later steps -- things like how to sort, how to choose a
dryer cycle, etc -- the summer he spent with them when he was 13. -=-
That didn't come first??
I'm glad to help my kids help take care of my things, and so I'm glad to help
them take care of theirs.
Sandra
Sylvia Toyama
-=-My mil added a few later steps -- things like how to sort, how to choose a
dryer cycle, etc -- the summer he spent with them when he was 13. -=-
That didn't come first??
***
Well, I had explained sorting, but he couldn't be bothered to actually do it. She insisted on sorting, and watched him as he did the laundry. I left him to do it himself once I'd explained the process. He was more likely to wash only the few things he wanted the moment he discovered he had no clean clothes, so he usually washed very small loads, more often.
I suspect I probably won't be so hard-ass this time around, as a much more relaxed Mom than in those days. Then, I was working a full-time job, caring for a baby and the only household responsibility Will had was his own laundry. I was doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping and the bulk of care for a fussy baby. I'll admit I didn't get the whole better parenting thing then. I figured I was doing much better than was done to me. When I was 6, my Mom got a stepstool and I was assigned to dry dishes, the next year my brother took over drying and I washed. By the time I was 9, my Mom never hired another baby sitter -- I watched my brother and sister after school, and all day, all summer. I was 'in charge' meaning I was on the hook to make sure all the chores were done, the house was clean, and dinner was ready when Mom & Dad got home. I went into parenting with only one simple wish -- to not burden my kids the way my parents burdened me. I had to do it in the face
of my Mom and extended family telling me (unsolicited, mind you) that I was spoiling him, and should make him do chores to teach him responsibility and make my life easier. I had what I was told was a lofty goal, but no support to make it work.
I really didn't find that until we started homeschooling, the bulk of it when I began reading at unschooling.com about how to really make happen what I wanted for my kids. I wish I'd known how to do it when Will was younger, but I didn't have the energy or time to look for answers until I quit work and came home, I just trudged on doing jobs I was told my kid should be doing, constantly being told I was too permissive and would raise brats if I kept it up. It was overwhelming, but no excuse for not doing better.
I wouldn't insist Andy or Dan do any more around the house than they were willing. It's been different with them than it was with Will -- they're actually eager to learn how to use the dishwasher or clothes washer, where Will was less willing. Then again, he spent most of his days in school, being told what to do and constantly harrassed about whether he'd spent his evenings doing homework (not by me, by the teachers). I can see why he felt that way. Heck, I felt that way as a kid, but doing chores was better than a spanking with a belt. Will had a choice, and knew I wouldn't hit him for non-compliance.
Yeah, looking at it in a kinder light, I can see where the empty pockets thing was wrong on my part.
Syl
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dryer cycle, etc -- the summer he spent with them when he was 13. -=-
That didn't come first??
***
Well, I had explained sorting, but he couldn't be bothered to actually do it. She insisted on sorting, and watched him as he did the laundry. I left him to do it himself once I'd explained the process. He was more likely to wash only the few things he wanted the moment he discovered he had no clean clothes, so he usually washed very small loads, more often.
I suspect I probably won't be so hard-ass this time around, as a much more relaxed Mom than in those days. Then, I was working a full-time job, caring for a baby and the only household responsibility Will had was his own laundry. I was doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping and the bulk of care for a fussy baby. I'll admit I didn't get the whole better parenting thing then. I figured I was doing much better than was done to me. When I was 6, my Mom got a stepstool and I was assigned to dry dishes, the next year my brother took over drying and I washed. By the time I was 9, my Mom never hired another baby sitter -- I watched my brother and sister after school, and all day, all summer. I was 'in charge' meaning I was on the hook to make sure all the chores were done, the house was clean, and dinner was ready when Mom & Dad got home. I went into parenting with only one simple wish -- to not burden my kids the way my parents burdened me. I had to do it in the face
of my Mom and extended family telling me (unsolicited, mind you) that I was spoiling him, and should make him do chores to teach him responsibility and make my life easier. I had what I was told was a lofty goal, but no support to make it work.
I really didn't find that until we started homeschooling, the bulk of it when I began reading at unschooling.com about how to really make happen what I wanted for my kids. I wish I'd known how to do it when Will was younger, but I didn't have the energy or time to look for answers until I quit work and came home, I just trudged on doing jobs I was told my kid should be doing, constantly being told I was too permissive and would raise brats if I kept it up. It was overwhelming, but no excuse for not doing better.
I wouldn't insist Andy or Dan do any more around the house than they were willing. It's been different with them than it was with Will -- they're actually eager to learn how to use the dishwasher or clothes washer, where Will was less willing. Then again, he spent most of his days in school, being told what to do and constantly harrassed about whether he'd spent his evenings doing homework (not by me, by the teachers). I can see why he felt that way. Heck, I felt that way as a kid, but doing chores was better than a spanking with a belt. Will had a choice, and knew I wouldn't hit him for non-compliance.
Yeah, looking at it in a kinder light, I can see where the empty pockets thing was wrong on my part.
Syl
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In a message dated 6/4/04 3:32:24 PM, sylgt04@... writes:
<< Heck, I felt that way as a kid, but doing chores was better than a
spanking with a belt. >>
Hey, put it that way and I had lots of choices as a kid too!
(Not really, unless the choice was do the work with or without a spanking.
:-/ )
Sandra
<< Heck, I felt that way as a kid, but doing chores was better than a
spanking with a belt. >>
Hey, put it that way and I had lots of choices as a kid too!
(Not really, unless the choice was do the work with or without a spanking.
:-/ )
Sandra
Sylvia Toyama
Hey, put it that way and I had lots of choices as a kid too!
(Not really, unless the choice was do the work with or without a spanking.
:-/ )
***
well, yeah, it wasn't like taking the spanking eliminated the chores. It just meant you did them sniffling and maybe next time you didn't argue over it. I just learned to do what was expected of me, quietly planning my escape into adulthood. My brother, and especially my sister, were much more in-your-face, which won them many more spankings (sometimes outright hair-pulling beatings) to an older age, too.
Syl
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(Not really, unless the choice was do the work with or without a spanking.
:-/ )
***
well, yeah, it wasn't like taking the spanking eliminated the chores. It just meant you did them sniffling and maybe next time you didn't argue over it. I just learned to do what was expected of me, quietly planning my escape into adulthood. My brother, and especially my sister, were much more in-your-face, which won them many more spankings (sometimes outright hair-pulling beatings) to an older age, too.
Syl
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