"a taste of his own medicine" and other cruel ideas
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Lately about something or other someone used a phrase that had been used with
memorable meanness toward me, and when I mentioned it the point was made that
that person was not my mother.
Very true!
Still, I think if smoke detectors are any use to the world, it is that they
sound their alarm whether there's a definite fire or maybe just almost a reason
to believe there's a fire.
There are other phrases I don't think are useful outside the subset of human
behavior involving the putting down of children and the gleeful victory of
parents.
"Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about."
"Stay in that bed or... [you'll be sorry]."
"Give her a taste of her own medicine."
(Used to recommend treating children the way they've treated us or someone
else, as in biting them back or pulling their hair or breaking something THEY
loved because they've broken something else.)
"Act your age."
(Not often used of teenagers; when teenagers act their age they are insulted
for thinking they know everything, that they're grown, that they're "too big
for their britches," or something else to indicate you want them to act like
the age of their younger sibling.)
"I'm not your slave / servant / maid."
"His mother waits on him hand and foot." (NEVER said admiringly, but
derisively, usually to someone his age whose mother [often the speaker] does NOT
"wait on him" and is finding the virtue in it. Goes with a prediction of how
helpless the other one will be and how spoiled because someone is not telling him
to do things himself, she's not his slave/servant/maid.)
"If you want that done, you can do it yourself."
I've always liked the idea I had inside me that those kinds of phrases were
fading from awareness. I think it's just that I was hanging around with
humans who had either not had those phrases used on them or who had chosen not to
use them anymore.
But if I hear a thoughtless phrase or if I read one and it comes out in my
mom's voice, or HER mom's voice (I'll blister your butt; if you know what's good
for you; it doesn't matter what you want, you're going to do what I say), my
alarm goes off. And it's rare that my alarm goes off in and around
unschooling discussions. So if it was just the steam from the shower, or grilled
cheese sandwiches or whatever, and not really a harsh attitude toward children,
that's great. Better that it goes off too much than never.
Sandra
memorable meanness toward me, and when I mentioned it the point was made that
that person was not my mother.
Very true!
Still, I think if smoke detectors are any use to the world, it is that they
sound their alarm whether there's a definite fire or maybe just almost a reason
to believe there's a fire.
There are other phrases I don't think are useful outside the subset of human
behavior involving the putting down of children and the gleeful victory of
parents.
"Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about."
"Stay in that bed or... [you'll be sorry]."
"Give her a taste of her own medicine."
(Used to recommend treating children the way they've treated us or someone
else, as in biting them back or pulling their hair or breaking something THEY
loved because they've broken something else.)
"Act your age."
(Not often used of teenagers; when teenagers act their age they are insulted
for thinking they know everything, that they're grown, that they're "too big
for their britches," or something else to indicate you want them to act like
the age of their younger sibling.)
"I'm not your slave / servant / maid."
"His mother waits on him hand and foot." (NEVER said admiringly, but
derisively, usually to someone his age whose mother [often the speaker] does NOT
"wait on him" and is finding the virtue in it. Goes with a prediction of how
helpless the other one will be and how spoiled because someone is not telling him
to do things himself, she's not his slave/servant/maid.)
"If you want that done, you can do it yourself."
I've always liked the idea I had inside me that those kinds of phrases were
fading from awareness. I think it's just that I was hanging around with
humans who had either not had those phrases used on them or who had chosen not to
use them anymore.
But if I hear a thoughtless phrase or if I read one and it comes out in my
mom's voice, or HER mom's voice (I'll blister your butt; if you know what's good
for you; it doesn't matter what you want, you're going to do what I say), my
alarm goes off. And it's rare that my alarm goes off in and around
unschooling discussions. So if it was just the steam from the shower, or grilled
cheese sandwiches or whatever, and not really a harsh attitude toward children,
that's great. Better that it goes off too much than never.
Sandra
Inna Manni
Oh, I hear those phrases used by other parents all the time :(
One I really dislike: "Serves you right" or some other expression of
glee from a parent whose child got hurt because s/he was not
"listening".
--Inna
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One I really dislike: "Serves you right" or some other expression of
glee from a parent whose child got hurt because s/he was not
"listening".
--Inna
__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Movies - Buy advance tickets for 'Shrek 2'
http://movies.yahoo.com/showtimes/movie?mid=1808405861
J. Stauffer
But I wonder if these messages seem more or less offensive based on how you
heard them in your childhood. When someone says "I'm not a short-order
cook", I assume they simply mean they don't want to cook a bunch of seperate
meals.....not that they feel resentful and mean towards their child.
But I was lucky enough to have a very loving, happy childhood. And I think
that makes a difference. When I hear the above statement, it isn't like
picking the scab off an old wound like it would be if people had said it
with ill intent to me as a child .
Julie S.
heard them in your childhood. When someone says "I'm not a short-order
cook", I assume they simply mean they don't want to cook a bunch of seperate
meals.....not that they feel resentful and mean towards their child.
But I was lucky enough to have a very loving, happy childhood. And I think
that makes a difference. When I hear the above statement, it isn't like
picking the scab off an old wound like it would be if people had said it
with ill intent to me as a child .
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Inna Manni" <SpinFrog@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Thursday, May 13, 2004 12:12 AM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] "a taste of his own medicine" and other
cruel ideas
> Oh, I hear those phrases used by other parents all the time :(
>
> One I really dislike: "Serves you right" or some other expression of
> glee from a parent whose child got hurt because s/he was not
> "listening".
>
> --Inna
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> __________________________________
> Do you Yahoo!?
> Yahoo! Movies - Buy advance tickets for 'Shrek 2'
> http://movies.yahoo.com/showtimes/movie?mid=1808405861
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
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http://www.unschooling.com
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In a message dated 5/13/04 3:26:06 AM, SpinFrog@... writes:
<< One I really dislike: "Serves you right" or some other expression of
glee from a parent whose child got hurt because s/he was not
"listening". >>
Oh yes.
That was so much a part of the wallpaper of my childhood that it didn't even
come to mind as a memorable phrase.
Yuck.
Thanks, though. I'll add it to my list of things not to say.
Sandra
<< One I really dislike: "Serves you right" or some other expression of
glee from a parent whose child got hurt because s/he was not
"listening". >>
Oh yes.
That was so much a part of the wallpaper of my childhood that it didn't even
come to mind as a memorable phrase.
Yuck.
Thanks, though. I'll add it to my list of things not to say.
Sandra
Fetteroll
on 5/13/04 12:15 PM, J. Stauffer at jnjstau@... wrote:
matter whether the mom is feeling resentful or whether she's saying what
sounds like a reasonable remark to her?
I said "That's your mess. You'll need to clean it up," to my daughter when
she was small and it sounded like a reasonable fact of life: that we're
responsible for our own messes. But when she said it to me about something I
spilled it didn't sound reasonable. It sounded mean and I'm sure that's
exactly how I sounded to her.
Joyce
> When someone says "I'm not a short-orderWhen it's said to the child and the child hears resentfulness, does it
> cook", I assume they simply mean they don't want to cook a bunch of seperate
> meals.....not that they feel resentful and mean towards their child.
matter whether the mom is feeling resentful or whether she's saying what
sounds like a reasonable remark to her?
I said "That's your mess. You'll need to clean it up," to my daughter when
she was small and it sounded like a reasonable fact of life: that we're
responsible for our own messes. But when she said it to me about something I
spilled it didn't sound reasonable. It sounded mean and I'm sure that's
exactly how I sounded to her.
Joyce