Kimberly

Crystal (4) and Ronnie (4) are doing more and more imaginitive
play. I love to watch them and try not to direct them unless they
include me. Today they came walking out of her room both holding a
container with her baby doll in it. each holding one side. They where
saying baby was dead and bloody. My roomate was shocked and told them
it was discusting and to not play that way anymore. They kept doing
it and so I jumped in before she could get upset with them. I told
them that maybe baby was not dead but just hurt and that they could
go get a band-aid for her boo-boo. They loved that idea and are now
playing Dr. to the baby.

My daughter has long been interested in death. at 2 years old we
were in a video store and a movie box had a scull on it and she said,
look dead. Hubby and I where confused as to where she ever saw
sculls. Since then she talks a lot about death. You should have seen
me in tears when hubby was in Iraq and Crystal kept saying that Daddy
was dead. She has never had anything or anyone die in her life.

How should I handle this?

Blessings,
Kimmy

Dina Fraize

hi there

i would just keep talking and not worry to much. my
boys (2,4,8,17,20 years old) have all done things that
are shocking at one point or another. I think
sometimes we are worried about things that are just
kids exploring different things. talk to her about
death maybe she is interested. Death is such a taboo
in our culture and people are so afraid of death and
all that means to people and are so reluctant to talk
about it maybe your daughter is picking up on the fact
that others are uncomfortable and so is more curious
about it.

good luck
love and peace
dina
--- Kimberly <kontessa_rose@...> wrote:
>
> Crystal (4) and Ronnie (4) are doing more and more
> imaginitive
> play. I love to watch them and try not to direct
> them unless they
> include me. Today they came walking out of her room
> both holding a
> container with her baby doll in it. each holding one
> side. They where
> saying baby was dead and bloody. My roomate was
> shocked and told them
> it was discusting and to not play that way anymore.
> They kept doing
> it and so I jumped in before she could get upset
> with them. I told
> them that maybe baby was not dead but just hurt and
> that they could
> go get a band-aid for her boo-boo. They loved that
> idea and are now
> playing Dr. to the baby.
>
> My daughter has long been interested in death. at 2
> years old we
> were in a video store and a movie box had a scull on
> it and she said,
> look dead. Hubby and I where confused as to where
> she ever saw
> sculls. Since then she talks a lot about death. You
> should have seen
> me in tears when hubby was in Iraq and Crystal kept
> saying that Daddy
> was dead. She has never had anything or anyone die
> in her life.
>
> How should I handle this?
>
> Blessings,
> Kimmy
>
>
>
>
>





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J. Stauffer

<<How should I handle this?>>

Talk to her about the "why's" of her play without directing it. The baby in
the bottle scenario could lead to questions about what happened to the baby,
how did the mommy feel, will the baby be ok later, etc..

My kids are very interested in death. One of their favorite places is the
old cemetary. We go get slushies and stop in, walk around, talk about the
tombstones and the possible lives of the people who have passed.

We have lots of animals and so deaths of loved ones occur her with a bit of
regularity. The kids thoroughly examine the dead bodies, help bury them,
etc..

Death is a very natural thing and to be interested in it, to me, is no more
curious than being interested in childbirth.

Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Kimberly" <kontessa_rose@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, April 28, 2004 3:41 PM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Pre-K Play -- Disturbing?


>
> Crystal (4) and Ronnie (4) are doing more and more imaginitive
> play. I love to watch them and try not to direct them unless they
> include me. Today they came walking out of her room both holding a
> container with her baby doll in it. each holding one side. They where
> saying baby was dead and bloody. My roomate was shocked and told them
> it was discusting and to not play that way anymore. They kept doing
> it and so I jumped in before she could get upset with them. I told
> them that maybe baby was not dead but just hurt and that they could
> go get a band-aid for her boo-boo. They loved that idea and are now
> playing Dr. to the baby.
>
> My daughter has long been interested in death. at 2 years old we
> were in a video store and a movie box had a scull on it and she said,
> look dead. Hubby and I where confused as to where she ever saw
> sculls. Since then she talks a lot about death. You should have seen
> me in tears when hubby was in Iraq and Crystal kept saying that Daddy
> was dead. She has never had anything or anyone die in her life.
>
> How should I handle this?
>
> Blessings,
> Kimmy
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

diana jenner

>>>My daughter has long been interested in death. at 2 years old we
were in a video store and a movie box had a scull on it and she said,
look dead. Hubby and I where confused as to where she ever saw
sculls. Since then she talks a lot about death. You should have seen
me in tears when hubby was in Iraq and Crystal kept saying that Daddy
was dead. She has never had anything or anyone die in her life.

How should I handle this?<<<

As a mother who has dealt with the death of my children's father, I think I
can offer some great insight here... Death should be dealt with just as any
other part of life is dealt with, it happens to everyone! <bg> Allow your
children to talk about their own ideas about death without judgment and
answer their questions HONESTLY. My kids were 2 & 4 when Mitch died, but
they had been dealing with cancer for almost three years before that. We
found out the hard way that honesty IS the best policy; keeping secrets only
terrified my children and the truth (even admitting we didn't know
EVERYTHING) comforted them. Explain the difference between gone (temporary)
and GONE (death/permanent). Nothing should be off limits between parents &
children!
Let me know if there is anything specific I can help you with! :)


~diana, Queen of Everything
Mother to the Princess of Quite-a-lot and the Prince of Whatever's Left.
Living proof that today's mighty oak is yesterday's nut who stood her
ground. ~anonymous

_________________________________________________________________
Mother�s Day is May 9. Make it special with great ideas from the Mother�s
Day Guide! http://special.msn.com/network/04mothersday.armx

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/3/2004 5:54:45 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
hahamommy@... writes:

> Let me know if there is anything specific I can help you with! :)
>

Well... I know you weren't asking me specifically... but... :~) My son has
been on a big kick lately with, "I don't want to die" Saturday, he said he
wanted to live forever. We've been telling him that everything that lives dies-in
its own time; flowers, kitties (we've had 3 of those that have died since he
was born, 1 that he was old enough to remember or know what it really meant),
trees, bugs, people. Some live shorter like fruitflies, some live very long like
tortises. He has mentioned once or twice that he doesn't want me or his
father to die, and while I don't want to lie and say we WON'T die any time soon, I
do say we dont' have any plans on dying soon. I haven't added that we don;t
have control over that... I'm not sure that would help the situation, and I kind
of think he "gets" that. He's mostly concerned with dying himself. We tell
him that most people don't die until they get old (his response to that was that
he didnt' want to get old, and I couldn't argue with him there! LOL), and not
very many children die-and those that do often are because of accidents. (I
brought up cars again, because he seems to have no concept of how dangerous
cars can be when they come in contact with little bodies-he forgets to look when
he's crossing the parking lot and doesn't pay much attention at all to cars or
trucks when in their vicinity).
Anyway-does anyone have any suggestions on what I could say that might help
him cope with this? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Síocháin ar domhan,
Sang


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

J. Stauffer

<<<<Anyway-does anyone have any suggestions on what I could say that might
help
him cope with this? Any help would be greatly appreciated.>>>>

It might be helpful to him to read stories that deal with death in different
kinds of ways....like fairy tales, myths, stories from different religions.

Just a thought.

Julie S.

----- Original Message -----
From: <Sanguinegirl83@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, May 04, 2004 12:17 AM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Pre-K Play -- Disturbing?


In a message dated 5/3/2004 5:54:45 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
hahamommy@... writes:

> Let me know if there is anything specific I can help you with! :)
>

Well... I know you weren't asking me specifically... but... :~) My son has
been on a big kick lately with, "I don't want to die" Saturday, he said he
wanted to live forever. We've been telling him that everything that lives
dies-in
its own time; flowers, kitties (we've had 3 of those that have died since he
was born, 1 that he was old enough to remember or know what it really
meant),
trees, bugs, people. Some live shorter like fruitflies, some live very long
like
tortises. He has mentioned once or twice that he doesn't want me or his
father to die, and while I don't want to lie and say we WON'T die any time
soon, I
do say we dont' have any plans on dying soon. I haven't added that we don;t
have control over that... I'm not sure that would help the situation, and I
kind
of think he "gets" that. He's mostly concerned with dying himself. We tell
him that most people don't die until they get old (his response to that was
that
he didnt' want to get old, and I couldn't argue with him there! LOL), and
not
very many children die-and those that do often are because of accidents. (I
brought up cars again, because he seems to have no concept of how dangerous
cars can be when they come in contact with little bodies-he forgets to look
when
he's crossing the parking lot and doesn't pay much attention at all to cars
or
trucks when in their vicinity).
Anyway-does anyone have any suggestions on what I could say that might help
him cope with this? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Síocháin ar domhan,
Sang


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.

Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: http://www.unschooling.com
Yahoo! Groups Links

Christina Morrissey

Sang,

Can you ferret out what is the source of all this concern? Why is he so
concerned about dying? Did he see something that started him thinking
about this? scared him? Time to start asking him what's bothering him most
about all this. I'm sure it didn't just come out of the blue. My son's
death kick started the first time he saw a tombstone in a cemetery at the
age of 4. Many convoluted questions later it turned out he was scared he
would be left alone, thought if we went to sleep, we might die; could I get
so angry (as I was want to do in those days) that I could get a heart
attack and die?; etc....but of course, those were not the questions he
asked directly. I had to sit down and do some detective work with him, on
his bed, sitting next to him quietly asking him what was really bothering
him. (Mind you both my kids kept up this death thing for years--they're
now 15 and 11 and it's over!)

Christina in Seattle



<< My son has been on a big kick lately with, "I don't want to die"
Saturday, he said he
>wanted to live forever. I'm not sure that would help the situation, and I
>kind
>of think he "gets" that. He's mostly concerned with dying himself.
>Anyway-does anyone have any suggestions on what I could say that might help
>him cope with this? Any help would be greatly appreciated.>>
>
>Síocháin ar domhan,
>Sang

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/4/04 9:00:05 AM, jnjstau@... writes:

<< <<<<Anyway-does anyone have any suggestions on what I could say that might

help

him cope with this? Any help would be greatly appreciated.>>>>


It might be helpful to him to read stories that deal with death in different

kinds of ways....like fairy tales, myths, stories from different religions.


Just a thought.


Julie S. >>

WHAT A GREAT IDEA~~

Maybe tie in Egyptian tombs and mummies (they didn't do that for just anybody
though, so maybe not), Hindus and cremation and the Ganghes (I think I'd
leave out the wifely self-immolation, depending on the kid), and other exotic (to
us) treatments of the remains of the deceased, and what the beliefs are about
their souls.

For a child really obsessed with death (an older child) a visit to a mortuary
might be interesting. If they're too busy and uninterested in sharing
details with a child, you could at least look at the display room of coffins, and
maybe just casually view someone else's relative a moment.

Sandra

Danielle Conger

Sandra wrote: Maybe tie in Egyptian tombs and mummies (they didn't do that
for just anybody
> though, so maybe not), Hindus and cremation and the Ganghes (I think I'd
> leave out the wifely self-immolation, depending on the kid), and other
exotic (to
> us) treatments of the remains of the deceased, and what the beliefs are
about
> their souls.
>
> For a child really obsessed with death (an older child) a visit to a
mortuary
> might be interesting. If they're too busy and uninterested in sharing
> details with a child, you could at least look at the display room of
coffins, and
> maybe just casually view someone else's relative a moment.
=============================================

Emily went through an obsession with death about 3 years ago that lasted for
about 2 years. I think part of what spurred it on was my mother, who was
living with us at the time, lost several older relatives and went back East
for several funerals.

At any rate, a really great book for kids is _What Happens When Dinosaurs
Die?_ It removes death by talking about it in terms of dinosaurs, but
addresses all the different ways people die and all the questions kids might
have in a book/ cartoon strip format. *Beware:* it does talk about the rare
instances when parents die either from a violent death like a car crash or
disease. While this can be a frightening concept, I'm guessing that kids
have already put two and two together and *are* worried about losing someone
they love even if they haven't formulated the thought very clearly yet.

We used Em's fascination to talk about different religions and different
customs. I talked about traveling to Asia--one of the most fascinating
cultural differences were the way they buried and treated ancestors. We read
William Wordsworth's poem "We are Seven", written from a little girls
perspective back in the late 1700's about losing siblings. It's a really
happy, upbeat, matter-of-fact perspective--she plays with them when she
visits their graves--which the narrator just cannot grasp. It's a neat way
to explore death from a child's perspective.

I think that death is just a normal fascination for children. It's a really
tough concept to wrap their minds around. Em was so excited when my
grandfather died because she was going to attend his funeral. It was such an
important event, and I'm so glad my children were part of it. All 3 of mine
(6, 4 and 3 at the time) attended the funeral and grave-side services, and I
think they really got a lot out of all of it, particularly the honor guard
service at the grave. I was sooo mad when dh's grandmother died and his
mother didn't want the children to attend the services. I bit my tongue, and
we stayed home instead of travelling the 4.5 hours to New Jersey. I figured
if they weren't welcome, there was no way in hell I was going to make them
endure the drive! Argh! I just feel it's so important to treat children with
respect and equality, to be honest with them. (Diana's post about being
honest with children dealing with death rung so true! My dad died a long
drawn-out, cancer-like illness when I was 12, and I have never forgiven my
mother for keeping me in the dark and shipping me off the night he died.
That's a whole 'nother post, but it explains where I'm coming from with my
own children.) Even young children gain so much by being a part of family
rituals, including funerals. They learn about death, grief, family history,
ritual, tradition--you name it. Most of all, they learn that they are an
important part of their own family.

Sorry, jumping off my soapbox, now. *sheepish grin*

--Danielle

http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html