question about preschoolers &friends
[email protected]
Hi again.
I'm wondering what to do for my son who is almost 4 and currently attending
preschool in a short AM program. Next year I would like to keep him home but
I'm worried about him having friends to play with. I am in a MOMS Club chapter
here and we attend many events with him and his 1 year old sister. Most of
the older children are in preschool so the events are mostly for the under 3
crowd.
The "problem" is that he is a very active, loud, spirited child who enjoys
playing around other children but often just gets too rough. He really needs
another little boy who plays like he does to be buddies with. Unfortunately, we
haven't found any friends like this yet. He attends events with these other
children but does not have a friend and doesn't get invited to do things with
other families. Although some people do come over to our house for a playdate
when invited, he is not a child who others seek out to play with, and many
parents aren't too keen on him playing with their kids because of his activity
level I'm guessing.
We've just decided to start a "boys only" playgroup in hopes of finding some
other boys for him to be friends with. Currently, he plays "appropriately"
with a boy in his preschool class who will be going to kindergarten in the fall
(they live way out in the country and mom works, so play dates have not worked
out). Although we live in a neighborhood with other children, we don't have
good friends down here yet.
I worry that if he is home with me all the time, he may only get the chance
to interact with other children once a week or so, plus the children his age
will all be heading off to school leaving him with only preschoolers in our MOMS
club.
Does anyone have any suggestions for finding friends for my very active
little boy?
He is getting services from the school district right now for social skills,
speech , and OT (sensory issues) but I am planning on discontinuing them at
the end of this year as he has come a long way this year and can now play with
other kids for an hour or so without anyone getting hurt. (He used to crash his
body into other people all the time, in an attempt to engage in play).
Our local (45 minutes away) hs support group does some activites for
preschool age children but they have tended to all be structured activities like a
museum or art class, rather than less formal play or park dates which we'd
prefer. I'm hoping to perhaps find homeschoolers who are closer to us who aren't
the school-at-home type.
Sorry this is so long.
Amanda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm wondering what to do for my son who is almost 4 and currently attending
preschool in a short AM program. Next year I would like to keep him home but
I'm worried about him having friends to play with. I am in a MOMS Club chapter
here and we attend many events with him and his 1 year old sister. Most of
the older children are in preschool so the events are mostly for the under 3
crowd.
The "problem" is that he is a very active, loud, spirited child who enjoys
playing around other children but often just gets too rough. He really needs
another little boy who plays like he does to be buddies with. Unfortunately, we
haven't found any friends like this yet. He attends events with these other
children but does not have a friend and doesn't get invited to do things with
other families. Although some people do come over to our house for a playdate
when invited, he is not a child who others seek out to play with, and many
parents aren't too keen on him playing with their kids because of his activity
level I'm guessing.
We've just decided to start a "boys only" playgroup in hopes of finding some
other boys for him to be friends with. Currently, he plays "appropriately"
with a boy in his preschool class who will be going to kindergarten in the fall
(they live way out in the country and mom works, so play dates have not worked
out). Although we live in a neighborhood with other children, we don't have
good friends down here yet.
I worry that if he is home with me all the time, he may only get the chance
to interact with other children once a week or so, plus the children his age
will all be heading off to school leaving him with only preschoolers in our MOMS
club.
Does anyone have any suggestions for finding friends for my very active
little boy?
He is getting services from the school district right now for social skills,
speech , and OT (sensory issues) but I am planning on discontinuing them at
the end of this year as he has come a long way this year and can now play with
other kids for an hour or so without anyone getting hurt. (He used to crash his
body into other people all the time, in an attempt to engage in play).
Our local (45 minutes away) hs support group does some activites for
preschool age children but they have tended to all be structured activities like a
museum or art class, rather than less formal play or park dates which we'd
prefer. I'm hoping to perhaps find homeschoolers who are closer to us who aren't
the school-at-home type.
Sorry this is so long.
Amanda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
joylyn
Mattamandab@... wrote:
loud spirited children who demand what they want, when compared to quiet
children. Unless I have a headache.
too rough it's often because they aren't being closely supervised, where
someone steps in before they become rough enough to hurt another child.
spirited who love to play in active,loud ways. The perfect friend for
your son might be a little girl!
seems some people think that really rough play is a "boy being a boy"
when in reality it is play out of control and that child needs some help
playing more gently.
acivity level but because he needs some help being more gentle and easy
with other children.
daughter at home to avoid exposing her to these rough little boys?
"roughness?"
seems to me that your child needs a few things. First, little girls can
behave just as you say above. Stop being so sexist. Your child needs
to be in a play group with children of all ages and sexes. Second, if
your child has a hard time understanding physical boundries and rules
for play, then he needs your one on one help continually to get that
message. When he's playing with another child, you should be RIGHT
THERE, next to him. You and your son should come up with a signal you
can give him when he is is starting to get rough--it can simply be a
touch on his arm or a secret code word. With that word, or touch, he
can then back off, count to ten, or have some other self-controlling
activity to do until he gets it together. It seems that your son might
need to find a lot of other really gentle children to play with so he
can model THOSE behaviors, instead of putting him in with other "active"
boys. A lot of time I see parents of active children sitting with the
other parents across the park when the mom of the active child needs to
be WITH her child, all the time, in order to help that child learn the
skills he or she needs to behave in a social setting.
I am not at all convinced that all children under the age of five or six
need constant interaction of children their own age.
I also think that the best way for your child to find and make friends
is for you to be right there helping him through the process and
teaching him one on one constantly what behaviors he needs to be a friend.
Joylyn
> Hi again.If you call it a problem it is a problem. Personally, I prefer active,
> I'm wondering what to do for my son who is almost 4 and currently
> attending
> preschool in a short AM program. Next year I would like to keep him
> home but
> I'm worried about him having friends to play with. I am in a MOMS
> Club chapter
> here and we attend many events with him and his 1 year old sister.
> Most of
> the older children are in preschool so the events are mostly for the
> under 3
> crowd.
> The "problem"
loud spirited children who demand what they want, when compared to quiet
children. Unless I have a headache.
> is that he is a very active, loud, spirited child who enjoysHave you talked to him about the too rough? I think when children get
> playing around other children but often just gets too rough.
too rough it's often because they aren't being closely supervised, where
someone steps in before they become rough enough to hurt another child.
> He really needsThat's pretty sexist. I know lots of girls who are active, loud, and
> another little boy
spirited who love to play in active,loud ways. The perfect friend for
your son might be a little girl!
> who plays like he does to be buddies with. Unfortunately, weMaybe that's becuase you are limiting his friends to boys?
> haven't found any friends like this yet
> He attends events with these otherHave you asked why? Maybe it's because his play often turns rough. It
> children but does not have a friend and doesn't get invited to do
> things with
> other families.
seems some people think that really rough play is a "boy being a boy"
when in reality it is play out of control and that child needs some help
playing more gently.
> Although some people do come over to our house for a playdateI have two very active children. I'm think it may not be because of his
> when invited, he is not a child who others seek out to play with, and
> many
> parents aren't too keen on him playing with their kids because of his
> activity
> level I'm guessing.
acivity level but because he needs some help being more gentle and easy
with other children.
>Well, that's pretty sexist, again. Will you leave your 3 year old
> We've just decided to start a "boys only" playgroup in hopes of
> finding some
> other boys for him to be friends with.
daughter at home to avoid exposing her to these rough little boys?
> Currently, he plays "appropriately"Hmm, wonder what it is about the preschool class? Are limits set on
"roughness?"
> with a boy in his preschool class who will be going to kindergarten inAmanda, I am not going to respond to every bit of what you say. It
> the fall
> (they live way out in the country and mom works, so play dates have
> not worked
> out). Although we live in a neighborhood with other children, we
> don't have
> good friends down here yet.
> I worry that if he is home with me all the time, he may only get the
> chance
> to interact with other children once a week or so, plus the children
> his age
> will all be heading off to school leaving him with only preschoolers
> in our MOMS
> club.
> Does anyone have any suggestions for finding friends for my very active
> little boy?
> He is getting services from the school district right now for social
> skills,
> speech , and OT (sensory issues) but I am planning on discontinuing
> them at
> the end of this year as he has come a long way this year and can now
> play with
> other kids for an hour or so without anyone getting hurt. (He used to
> crash his
> body into other people all the time, in an attempt to engage in play).
> Our local (45 minutes away) hs support group does some activites for
> preschool age children but they have tended to all be structured
> activities like a
> museum or art class, rather than less formal play or park dates which
> we'd
> prefer. I'm hoping to perhaps find homeschoolers who are closer to us
> who aren't
> the school-at-home type.
> Sorry this is so long.
seems to me that your child needs a few things. First, little girls can
behave just as you say above. Stop being so sexist. Your child needs
to be in a play group with children of all ages and sexes. Second, if
your child has a hard time understanding physical boundries and rules
for play, then he needs your one on one help continually to get that
message. When he's playing with another child, you should be RIGHT
THERE, next to him. You and your son should come up with a signal you
can give him when he is is starting to get rough--it can simply be a
touch on his arm or a secret code word. With that word, or touch, he
can then back off, count to ten, or have some other self-controlling
activity to do until he gets it together. It seems that your son might
need to find a lot of other really gentle children to play with so he
can model THOSE behaviors, instead of putting him in with other "active"
boys. A lot of time I see parents of active children sitting with the
other parents across the park when the mom of the active child needs to
be WITH her child, all the time, in order to help that child learn the
skills he or she needs to behave in a social setting.
I am not at all convinced that all children under the age of five or six
need constant interaction of children their own age.
I also think that the best way for your child to find and make friends
is for you to be right there helping him through the process and
teaching him one on one constantly what behaviors he needs to be a friend.
Joylyn
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Amanda
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
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[email protected]
In a message dated 3/20/2004 3:22:04 PM Mountain Standard Time,
joylyn@... writes:
====
But it was the same post, so no sense pointing it out twice.
Maybe he could use playing with older boys, bigger than he is.
The idea that kids need same-gender, same-age playmates is recent. School
divides by age but that's not any ancient tradition. It's quite a
school-related idea. Kids seem to learn more and get along better by playing in mixed
age groups.
-=-> Does anyone have any suggestions for finding friends for my very active
times, or he might just get to interact with them in class, but find classes
and take him. Maybe even go with him, if it's a mixed class.
-=-When he's playing with another child, you should be RIGHT
THERE, next to him.=-
I agree. Maybe even playing with him. There are things adults and kids can
do together, and if he's not safe with other kids, he shouldn't be with other
kids alone yet. He'll gain skills to handle himself socially as he gets older.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
joylyn@... writes:
> We've just decided to start a "boys only" playgroup in hopes ofWell, that's pretty sexist, again.
> finding some
> other boys for him to be friends with.
====
But it was the same post, so no sense pointing it out twice.
Maybe he could use playing with older boys, bigger than he is.
The idea that kids need same-gender, same-age playmates is recent. School
divides by age but that's not any ancient tradition. It's quite a
school-related idea. Kids seem to learn more and get along better by playing in mixed
age groups.
-=-> Does anyone have any suggestions for finding friends for my very active
> little boy?-=-Martial arts classes. He might meet kids there he can hang out with other
times, or he might just get to interact with them in class, but find classes
and take him. Maybe even go with him, if it's a mixed class.
-=-When he's playing with another child, you should be RIGHT
THERE, next to him.=-
I agree. Maybe even playing with him. There are things adults and kids can
do together, and if he's not safe with other kids, he shouldn't be with other
kids alone yet. He'll gain skills to handle himself socially as he gets older.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Denise Thomas
I understand a little bit how you feel because I also
have a 4 year old unschooled boy. My situation is a
little different because he has a big sister, but she
often has friends over and he gets left out.
My suggestions are twofold:
First, I would start a local unschooling group,
perhaps even focused on preschool/kindergarden age. I
would make up flyers and post them anywhere parents
go: Library, Health food store, grocery store,
playgrouds, baby product stores, etc. where they will
let you put up flyers. There may be parents who have
decided to postpone sending their child to
kindergarden for one year who are also looking for
playmates. You may even want to start a yahoo group
just for local unschoolers. Advertize it to all
homeschoolers in the area, the word will eventually
get around! I did this and to my surprise have 22
members within on month. Of course I don't know how
big of a town you live in, but I think it's woth a
try. I bet there are people out there in the same
situation as you are in, and all you really need are 3
or 4 that you get along with and you can get to know
them and start trading babysitting eventually.
Also, on a sunny day, go to playgrounds, walk up to
Moms who are there with kids his age and strike up a
conversation. You will eventually meet some friends.
Regarding the second isssue, about him being too
rough, I don't think it is sexist to want him to play
with boys and to encourage that. I have a daughter who
is very rough and tumble, very active and loved
playing with boys up to a certain age, and then no
more! I think it is a developmental phase they go
through. As long as you don't deny him the opportunity
to play with a girl who wants to be rough and tumble,
I don't see any harm in trying to find more boys for
him. They do have a big reserve of testosterone after
all and they do sometimes act in ways that are very
"boyish", I think if we honor that in our sons we can
really help their self esteem in the long run rather
that act like it is negative is some way.
That said, of course he shouldn't hurt anyone, and
from your description, I wonder if he might not suffer
from food allergies. Have you looked into that at all?
I hope some of this helps,
D-
=====
Denise Thomas
Please visit us at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NWAcohousingcommunity to learn more about the cohousing community currently forming in Nortwest Arkansas. To learn more about cohousing in general visit the co-housing web site at http://cohousing.org/.
Also please visit Symphony Sam, an exciting upcoming TV show for children about Classical Music that we are creating:
http://www.hotmusic.org/SymphonySam
__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Finance Tax Center - File online. File on time.
http://taxes.yahoo.com/filing.html
have a 4 year old unschooled boy. My situation is a
little different because he has a big sister, but she
often has friends over and he gets left out.
My suggestions are twofold:
First, I would start a local unschooling group,
perhaps even focused on preschool/kindergarden age. I
would make up flyers and post them anywhere parents
go: Library, Health food store, grocery store,
playgrouds, baby product stores, etc. where they will
let you put up flyers. There may be parents who have
decided to postpone sending their child to
kindergarden for one year who are also looking for
playmates. You may even want to start a yahoo group
just for local unschoolers. Advertize it to all
homeschoolers in the area, the word will eventually
get around! I did this and to my surprise have 22
members within on month. Of course I don't know how
big of a town you live in, but I think it's woth a
try. I bet there are people out there in the same
situation as you are in, and all you really need are 3
or 4 that you get along with and you can get to know
them and start trading babysitting eventually.
Also, on a sunny day, go to playgrounds, walk up to
Moms who are there with kids his age and strike up a
conversation. You will eventually meet some friends.
Regarding the second isssue, about him being too
rough, I don't think it is sexist to want him to play
with boys and to encourage that. I have a daughter who
is very rough and tumble, very active and loved
playing with boys up to a certain age, and then no
more! I think it is a developmental phase they go
through. As long as you don't deny him the opportunity
to play with a girl who wants to be rough and tumble,
I don't see any harm in trying to find more boys for
him. They do have a big reserve of testosterone after
all and they do sometimes act in ways that are very
"boyish", I think if we honor that in our sons we can
really help their self esteem in the long run rather
that act like it is negative is some way.
That said, of course he shouldn't hurt anyone, and
from your description, I wonder if he might not suffer
from food allergies. Have you looked into that at all?
I hope some of this helps,
D-
=====
Denise Thomas
Please visit us at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NWAcohousingcommunity to learn more about the cohousing community currently forming in Nortwest Arkansas. To learn more about cohousing in general visit the co-housing web site at http://cohousing.org/.
Also please visit Symphony Sam, an exciting upcoming TV show for children about Classical Music that we are creating:
http://www.hotmusic.org/SymphonySam
__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Finance Tax Center - File online. File on time.
http://taxes.yahoo.com/filing.html