Krisula Moyer

Joyce said:

>>We can be a catalyst of change (by offering information) but we can't
control the change (by somehow making people behave the way we want them

Help your son see what choices he does have rather than being upset with
things that are beyond his control. He can choose not to play volleyball. He
could find some other team. He could put up with the "rain" and enjoy
himself despite the weather.<<

I love this response. You can offer information and perspective to the
offending person. What he does with that is out of your control but it
doesn't mean it's wasted. After that the changes you *can* make are within
yourself. You can take the person way less seriously, you can set up
boundaries so that the coach knows how the kid feels and the child has some
control over how much he is willing to take before saying that's enough and
finding another team or sport.

My dd was reduced to tears by a director who just had too few skills. He's
older and though he seems to love working with children, he relies heavily
on empty threats, bluster and embarrassing kids to get them to do what he
needs them to do. I was furious and ready to pull her out of the play but
that wasn't what she wanted. (she's 8). Sydney said she was going to tell
him what she thought of him the last day and until then she just didn't care
what he said because she didn't respect him anymore. She certainly wasn't
going to sign up for any more of his productions. We had a lot of talks
about the effect words have on people, the responsibility we have to be
respectful to people and why this man wasn't. (he was rarely rude to the
adults - just the kids). She learned a lot, finished the play and by the
end wanted to do it again. By this time DH an I had found her another group
and she chose to do that instead.

I dealt with the situation as best as I could. Stuffing all that anger
ended up making me rather sick - so I learned a lesson too. In the end I
gave him a copy of How to talk so kids can learn and to my surprise, he
received it graciously and said he would read it. If Sydney had decided to
bail I would have left that man behind and shaken the dust from my shoes but
I'm glad she knew what she wanted and I'm glad I didn't unload on him before
I was able to pass on that book. Next time I will know not to bury my anger