about adding to families
[email protected]
Not about any one family, but as clarification for bringing up the subject in
the first place:
In a message dated 1/14/04 8:11:46 AM, fetteroll@... writes:
<< > Fortunately for my children, our niece is the youngest, so I've not
disrupted
True. While it's commendable that the younger children are sometimes letting
the babies' needs come first, they would have BEEN the babies.
I know a mom with nine children of her own, ranging from two to 20 or so.
She and her husband were from families of 10 and 12, so they have lots of
experience with big families, and many of the people in their church have such
large families too.
One is too many for some people. Twelve can work for some people.
I don't think there's anyone who couldn't find her limit at some point. And
there will ALWAYS be needy children in the world. Always have been, and
always will be, and if I adopted thirty children there would still be hundreds of
thousands more.
I understand entirely my mother's desire to take her sister's children to
raise. Some of it was selfless, some was selfish. She wasn't always as nice to
them as she would have liked to have thought she was. My sister and I
"learned" to share our lives equally with them. My mom earned many points within her
family that she NEEDED, because she was trying to prove she was better and
brighter than some of the others. Alcoholism was the problem with my aunt, and
became the problem with my mother too.
But none of that applies to the other family I cited, a homeschooling family
my kids used to hang out with. (I don't know if they're still homeschooling;
we lost touch.) The mom LOVED saying she had little Korean." It was a
little too much like a doll collection and of such intense interest to the mom
that I used to try to spend special time and attention on her biological
daughter, who would have been two of two, and the youngest, but was now deeply buried
in the middle of five, with an older sister and two younger brothers. Her
biological brother was still the oldest, but oldest of five, one of three boys,
and not very special. He was expected to help the little boys get dressed and
help them eat and help them play and help them everything. Yet he wasn't the
one who wanted more children.
Someone could say "Well you obviously have personally issues."
Yeah, that's one way to minimize what I would call "actual experience."
My point at first and now was that if an oldest child with or without a
diagnosis of some frustration-producing "disorder" seems frustrated and the mom
doesn't have time to soothe and calm him, the fact of the mom's lack of time IS a
factor and should be considered a factor.
It might be nice if he could just be TOLD to buck up and get over it, but
he's a kid with real kid needs. He could be drugged, but when the drugs wear off
will he be in a smaller family with a happier mom?
When parents decide kids' feelings aren't justified or aren't "okay," that's
the beginning of the end of their relationship with that child.
Sandra
the first place:
In a message dated 1/14/04 8:11:46 AM, fetteroll@... writes:
<< > Fortunately for my children, our niece is the youngest, so I've not
disrupted
> anyone's birth order.<<The youngest got displaced!>>
True. While it's commendable that the younger children are sometimes letting
the babies' needs come first, they would have BEEN the babies.
I know a mom with nine children of her own, ranging from two to 20 or so.
She and her husband were from families of 10 and 12, so they have lots of
experience with big families, and many of the people in their church have such
large families too.
One is too many for some people. Twelve can work for some people.
I don't think there's anyone who couldn't find her limit at some point. And
there will ALWAYS be needy children in the world. Always have been, and
always will be, and if I adopted thirty children there would still be hundreds of
thousands more.
I understand entirely my mother's desire to take her sister's children to
raise. Some of it was selfless, some was selfish. She wasn't always as nice to
them as she would have liked to have thought she was. My sister and I
"learned" to share our lives equally with them. My mom earned many points within her
family that she NEEDED, because she was trying to prove she was better and
brighter than some of the others. Alcoholism was the problem with my aunt, and
became the problem with my mother too.
But none of that applies to the other family I cited, a homeschooling family
my kids used to hang out with. (I don't know if they're still homeschooling;
we lost touch.) The mom LOVED saying she had little Korean." It was a
little too much like a doll collection and of such intense interest to the mom
that I used to try to spend special time and attention on her biological
daughter, who would have been two of two, and the youngest, but was now deeply buried
in the middle of five, with an older sister and two younger brothers. Her
biological brother was still the oldest, but oldest of five, one of three boys,
and not very special. He was expected to help the little boys get dressed and
help them eat and help them play and help them everything. Yet he wasn't the
one who wanted more children.
Someone could say "Well you obviously have personally issues."
Yeah, that's one way to minimize what I would call "actual experience."
My point at first and now was that if an oldest child with or without a
diagnosis of some frustration-producing "disorder" seems frustrated and the mom
doesn't have time to soothe and calm him, the fact of the mom's lack of time IS a
factor and should be considered a factor.
It might be nice if he could just be TOLD to buck up and get over it, but
he's a kid with real kid needs. He could be drugged, but when the drugs wear off
will he be in a smaller family with a happier mom?
When parents decide kids' feelings aren't justified or aren't "okay," that's
the beginning of the end of their relationship with that child.
Sandra
J. Stauffer
<<<<When parents decide kids' feelings aren't justified or aren't "okay,"
that's
being a foster parent and while I was on the telephone Adriane came in,
oldest of 5. She asked who I was talking to and I told her. She screeches
"Are YOU CRAZY?!?!?!"
I gently hung up the phone and put that idea aside.
Julie S.--who at the time had 3 kids under 5
that's
> the beginning of the end of their relationship with that child.>>>>I would love to have more children. I called to talk to the state about
being a foster parent and while I was on the telephone Adriane came in,
oldest of 5. She asked who I was talking to and I told her. She screeches
"Are YOU CRAZY?!?!?!"
I gently hung up the phone and put that idea aside.
Julie S.--who at the time had 3 kids under 5
----- Original Message -----
From: <SandraDodd@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, January 14, 2004 2:22 PM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] about adding to families
> Not about any one family, but as clarification for bringing up the subject
in
> the first place:
>
> In a message dated 1/14/04 8:11:46 AM, fetteroll@... writes:
>
> << > Fortunately for my children, our niece is the youngest, so I've not
> disrupted
> > anyone's birth order.
>
> <<The youngest got displaced!>>
>
> True. While it's commendable that the younger children are sometimes
letting
> the babies' needs come first, they would have BEEN the babies.
>
> I know a mom with nine children of her own, ranging from two to 20 or so.
> She and her husband were from families of 10 and 12, so they have lots of
> experience with big families, and many of the people in their church have
such
> large families too.
>
> One is too many for some people. Twelve can work for some people.
>
> I don't think there's anyone who couldn't find her limit at some point.
And
> there will ALWAYS be needy children in the world. Always have been, and
> always will be, and if I adopted thirty children there would still be
hundreds of
> thousands more.
>
> I understand entirely my mother's desire to take her sister's children to
> raise. Some of it was selfless, some was selfish. She wasn't always as
nice to
> them as she would have liked to have thought she was. My sister and I
> "learned" to share our lives equally with them. My mom earned many points
within her
> family that she NEEDED, because she was trying to prove she was better and
> brighter than some of the others. Alcoholism was the problem with my
aunt, and
> became the problem with my mother too.
>
> But none of that applies to the other family I cited, a homeschooling
family
> my kids used to hang out with. (I don't know if they're still
homeschooling;
> we lost touch.) The mom LOVED saying she had little Korean." It was a
> little too much like a doll collection and of such intense interest to the
mom
> that I used to try to spend special time and attention on her biological
> daughter, who would have been two of two, and the youngest, but was now
deeply buried
> in the middle of five, with an older sister and two younger brothers.
Her
> biological brother was still the oldest, but oldest of five, one of three
boys,
> and not very special. He was expected to help the little boys get dressed
and
> help them eat and help them play and help them everything. Yet he wasn't
the
> one who wanted more children.
>
> Someone could say "Well you obviously have personally issues."
> Yeah, that's one way to minimize what I would call "actual experience."
>
> My point at first and now was that if an oldest child with or without a
> diagnosis of some frustration-producing "disorder" seems frustrated and
the mom
> doesn't have time to soothe and calm him, the fact of the mom's lack of
time IS a
> factor and should be considered a factor.
>
> It might be nice if he could just be TOLD to buck up and get over it, but
> he's a kid with real kid needs. He could be drugged, but when the drugs
wear off
> will he be in a smaller family with a happier mom?
>
> >
> Sandra
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> To unsubscribe from this send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
> To visit your group on the web, go to:
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDiscussion/
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to:
> http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>
Danielle Conger
<lol> Now, when the war in Afghanistan broke out, I had 3 under 6, and my girls thought that we should adopt ALL of the Afghani children who were left without parents. Must admit, they made me feel good talking about how those kids needed a family like ours.
Remember when Bush called on American children to send a dollar to the White House? Well, we were watching the presidential addresses as a family, so this was a big topic around here.
--danielle
I would love to have more children. I called to talk to the state about
being a foster parent and while I was on the telephone Adriane came in,
oldest of 5. She asked who I was talking to and I told her. She screeches
"Are YOU CRAZY?!?!?!"
I gently hung up the phone and put that idea aside.
Julie S.--who at the time had 3 kids under 5
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Remember when Bush called on American children to send a dollar to the White House? Well, we were watching the presidential addresses as a family, so this was a big topic around here.
--danielle
I would love to have more children. I called to talk to the state about
being a foster parent and while I was on the telephone Adriane came in,
oldest of 5. She asked who I was talking to and I told her. She screeches
"Are YOU CRAZY?!?!?!"
I gently hung up the phone and put that idea aside.
Julie S.--who at the time had 3 kids under 5
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/14/04 2:40:49 PM, SandraDodd@... writes:
<< The mom LOVED saying she had little Korean." It was a
little too much like a doll collection >>
My post glitched. I think I can reconstruct.
It should have said
"The mom LOVED saying she had five kids, but she would refer to them oddly.
She would say "My little Russian boy" and "my little Korean" instead of using
their names, way too often.
Sandra
<< The mom LOVED saying she had little Korean." It was a
little too much like a doll collection >>
My post glitched. I think I can reconstruct.
It should have said
"The mom LOVED saying she had five kids, but she would refer to them oddly.
She would say "My little Russian boy" and "my little Korean" instead of using
their names, way too often.
Sandra