[email protected]

Hi ~
I love unschooling ...even though it's only been a few months. It has been
wonderful and I love the changes we have made to just "living life".

I have a very small concern though <<G>>.
My ds (7) is writing thank you notes for Christmas gifts .His handwriting
is horrible (compared to a few months ago). He doesn't even care.
And he doesn't even want to TRY spelling any words at all ( even words that
he's known all along).
I have changed my ways , ( since unschooling) and have told him how to
spell something when he has asks, instead of making him sound it out.
And it seems he's lazy about it now.

I feel that if people took the time and money to buy him a gift, he can at
least write something legible to show his appreciation.
I know it is said that boys take longer to write well, but my son's
handwriting has been outstanding even last year.
It seems it's more about attitude.

Opinions welcome...as always :)

~Marcia


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

echornby

I'm a newbie, so hello and I hope I get the tone right :)

In a non-TCS though fairly non-coercive childhood, one of the worst
chores of the year(for everyone, including both parents) was to write
thank you letters to relatives for the money they had sent at
Christmas time. One had to invent 'suitable' things one wanted to do
with the money that would not offend the sensibilities of the noble
benefactors (!) and one had to present these thanks, together with
suitably edited highlights of the year's festivities (rudely
interrupted by writing of said letter), in legible handwriting.

20-odd years later...

I still go through this charade with the relevant (and now very
ancient) relatives. My younger brother, who hated writing these
letters and hated writing legibly even more, stopped writing thank
you letters. He no longer gets the £20 notes, but nor does he have
the ghastly chore to do.

If attempts at finding an alternative non-coercive solution have
failed (would they not accept a phone call instead? How about if he
made them some fudge as a return gift? He could write a letter on the
computer and work out how to mail merge personal greetings to each
relative?) and your son thinks that lack of treasury notes is a small
price to pay for the FREEDOM of not having one's spelling and
handwriting scrutinised by elderly relatives who are more interested
in style than content, then that's his decision (and one I heartily
applaud)!

Emma



> My ds (7) is writing thank you notes for Christmas gifts .His
handwriting
> is horrible (compared to a few months ago). He doesn't even care.
> And he doesn't even want to TRY spelling any words at all ( even
words that
> he's known all along).
> I have changed my ways , ( since unschooling) and have told him
how to
> spell something when he has asks, instead of making him sound it
out.
> And it seems he's lazy about it now.
>
> I feel that if people took the time and money to buy him a gift,
he can at
> least write something legible to show his appreciation.
> I know it is said that boys take longer to write well, but my
son's
> handwriting has been outstanding even last year.
> It seems it's more about attitude.

Jon Kream

Hi Marcia - As far as his handwriting goes, I wouldn't worry about it.
He might just be thrilled not to 'have' to write a certain way. I think
our handwriting develops into whatever it's going to be regardless of
how/if we're taught to do it a certain way.

Is his heart into the idea of sending a thank you? If so, I'd give him
some other options besides writing them - maybe a drawing of him with
his toy, or him with the gift-giver. Maybe type it out on the computer
with him and he can sign it. He could send a photo of himself with the
present, or just a picture of him with a word bubble saying 'thanks'.
You guys are crafty - I'm sure you can think of some other ideas :0).

If his heart's not in it, I don't see much point in 'making' him say
thank you. At times when my kids have not been interested in sending a
thank you note I have sent one myself. I've asked them if they'd like
to sign it or decorate the envelope, but if they didn't want to that was
fine. ~Rue



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tia Leschke

>
>
>I have a very small concern though <<G>>.
> My ds (7) is writing thank you notes for Christmas gifts .His handwriting
>is horrible (compared to a few months ago). He doesn't even care.

This is the important thing. He doesn't even care. That must mean that when
he had good handwriting before, it was because someone else (you?) cared.

>And he doesn't even want to TRY spelling any words at all ( even words that
>he's known all along).
> I have changed my ways , ( since unschooling) and have told him how to
>spell something when he has asks, instead of making him sound it out.
>And it seems he's lazy about it now.

Again, right now he doesn't care, at least about doing it himself. That
doesn't mean he'll never care. And it definitely doesn't mean he's lazy.
That's kind of a schooly word, at least the way you used it here.

>
> I feel that if people took the time and money to buy him a gift, he can at
>least write something legible to show his appreciation.

Rue posted some other ways he can show his appreciation. Or maybe he
doesn't actually appreciate the gifts. Then you could talk about manners,
and if he still doesn't care, model them for him.

> I know it is said that boys take longer to write well, but my son's
>handwriting has been outstanding even last year.
>It seems it's more about attitude.

Or priorities. <g>
Tia

J. Stauffer

<<<< I know it is said that boys take longer to write well, but my son's
> handwriting has been outstanding even last year.
> It seems it's more about attitude.>>>>
********************************************

You stated that it has only been a few months that you have been unschooling
so several things pop out to me that might explain what is going on with
your son.

(1) Perhaps he was having to work harder than you were aware to have
outstanding handwriting at 7 yo and without "constant" practice his skills
slipped. If this is the case, he will improve when his fine motor skills
do.

(2) Perhaps your son doesn't trust that you won't MAKE him do things in a
particular way, so he is enjoying his freedom while he can. If this is the
case, he will not improve at all as long as you have a 'thing' about the
illegible writing of a 7yo.

(3) Perhaps your son understands unschooling better than his mom <grin> and
he doesn't feel that thank you notes written nicely are a big deal. In this
case, you might talk with him about how he feels about the person that sent
him the gift, how he feels receiving a gift, how he feels when people like
the gifts he has given.....Most importantly, ask him how HE would like to
express his gratitude to the person. Perhaps he would like to draw them a
picture, or send them some cookies, or give them a big hug and tell them in
person next time he sees them.

Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: <MarSi77@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2004 9:30 AM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] handwriting and unschooling


> Hi ~
> I love unschooling ...even though it's only been a few months. It has
been
> wonderful and I love the changes we have made to just "living life".
>
> I have a very small concern though <<G>>.
> My ds (7) is writing thank you notes for Christmas gifts .His
handwriting
> is horrible (compared to a few months ago). He doesn't even care.
> And he doesn't even want to TRY spelling any words at all ( even words
that
> he's known all along).
> I have changed my ways , ( since unschooling) and have told him how to
> spell something when he has asks, instead of making him sound it out.
> And it seems he's lazy about it now.
>
> I feel that if people took the time and money to buy him a gift, he can
at
> least write something legible to show his appreciation.
> >
> Opinions welcome...as always :)
>
> ~Marcia
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
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>
>

pam sorooshian

On Jan 6, 2004, at 7:30 AM, MarSi77@... wrote:

> My ds (7) is writing thank you notes for Christmas gifts .His
> handwriting
> is horrible (compared to a few months ago). He doesn't even care.

Oh if I had a nickel for each time I've heard this..... <BEG>.

It is extremely common.

Don't worry - he is SEVEN and doesn't need good handwriting or spelling
yet. He doesn't care - that's exactly right. He has no good reason to
care.

He will, someday, want to write a love note to his sweetheart and he'll
use his BEST handwriting. I promise!! (just gently teasing you -- but -
don't blink - it'll seem like just yesterday that you worried about
your 7 yo's handwriting).

-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.

Holly Furgason

My 18 yo son has the worst handwriting. It doesn't matter though
because everthing he needs to write, he just does on computer-
especially his college papers. Poeple expect it and want it.

Interestingly, he is very interested in alphabets both real and
fantasy; Hobbish, Elvish, Cyrillic. He has a whole collection and
writes with them making each letter with care (except English). His
love notes to his girl friend are always in Elvish. :-)

Holly

--- In [email protected], pam sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@m...> wrote:
>
> On Jan 6, 2004, at 7:30 AM, MarSi77@a... wrote:
>
> > My ds (7) is writing thank you notes for Christmas gifts .His
> > handwriting
> > is horrible (compared to a few months ago). He doesn't even care.
>
> Oh if I had a nickel for each time I've heard this..... <BEG>.
>
> It is extremely common.
>
> Don't worry - he is SEVEN and doesn't need good handwriting or
spelling
> yet. He doesn't care - that's exactly right. He has no good reason
to
> care.
>
> He will, someday, want to write a love note to his sweetheart and
he'll
> use his BEST handwriting. I promise!! (just gently teasing you --
but -
> don't blink - it'll seem like just yesterday that you worried about
> your 7 yo's handwriting).
>
> -pam
> National Home Education Network
> <www.NHEN.org>
> Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
> through information, networking and public relations.

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/6/2004 6:51:52 PM Eastern Standard Time,
jnjstau@... writes:


> >>>(1) Perhaps he was having to work harder than you were aware to have
> outstanding handwriting at 7 yo and without "constant" practice his skills
> slipped. If this is the case, he will improve when his fine motor skills
> do.<<<<

He used to do daily copywork...hmmm

>>>(2) Perhaps your son doesn't trust that you won't MAKE him do things in a
particular way, so he is enjoying his freedom while he can.<<<

That could be a bit of it. He doesn't enjoy writing and maybe he was thinking
we would be getting back to daily copywork.


>>>(3) Perhaps your son understands unschooling better than his mom <grin>
and
he doesn't feel that thank you notes written nicely are a big deal.<<<<

A wise child I have huh? <<G>>.

>>>Most importantly, ask him how HE would like to
express his gratitude to the person. >>>

This is what I need to remind myself the most..to ask HIM.
I'm working on it <<G>>.

Thanks for your help.
~Marcia



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]