I think it worked!!
Pam Bass
Our daughter, age 7, loves to bribe and coax her brothers out of their toys.. Just to throw them in her toybox, never to give a second thought to them. Don't get me wrong- Her brothers love her to death and are wrapped around her little pinky-- that is some of the reason she gets a lot of their favorite toys. Well, on the other hand- you'll never once find a single toy of hers left in their room, or even given to them. In cleaning out her room last time, I told her- I'm tired of finding -a laudry sized basket full of- their toys in your room! It wouldn't bother me, I guess if she was actually playing with them or whatever... She never does. So, I told her next time I find their toys in your room, you will pay them 25 cents for each toy and then return it. Well--- Found two blocks in their today. Okay, I said, one quarter to each boy! She HATED that. She said "That is the LAST time their toys will be in HERE!!!!!!" YAY! :) ~Pam
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
J. Stauffer
Do the boys mind if their toys are given to their sister? Are they upset
and somehow feel cheated?
When my oldest was little she used to give her stuff away all the time.
Drove me nuts....Then it finally dawned on me that I was working hard to
teach my child that stuff is more important than people. Talk about
learning from your kids. She is still very, very generous with herself,
time and possessions but she has some special things that she keeps for
herself.
Julie S.
and somehow feel cheated?
When my oldest was little she used to give her stuff away all the time.
Drove me nuts....Then it finally dawned on me that I was working hard to
teach my child that stuff is more important than people. Talk about
learning from your kids. She is still very, very generous with herself,
time and possessions but she has some special things that she keeps for
herself.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Pam Bass" <writeemee@...>
To: <[email protected]>; <[email protected]>;
<[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, December 24, 2003 9:12 PM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] I think it worked!!
> Our daughter, age 7, loves to bribe and coax her brothers out of their
toys.. Just to throw them in her toybox, never to give a second thought to
them. Don't get me wrong- Her brothers love her to death and are wrapped
around her little pinky-- that is some of the reason she gets a lot of their
favorite toys. Well, on the other hand- you'll never once find a single toy
of hers left in their room, or even given to them. In cleaning out her room
last time, I told her- I'm tired of finding -a laudry sized basket full of-
their toys in your room! It wouldn't bother me, I guess if she was actually
playing with them or whatever... She never does. So, I told her next time I
find their toys in your room, you will pay them 25 cents for each toy and
then return it. Well--- Found two blocks in their today. Okay, I said, one
quarter to each boy! She HATED that. She said "That is the LAST time their
toys will be in HERE!!!!!!" YAY! :) ~Pam
>
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Tia Leschke
> Our daughter, age 7, loves to bribe and coax her brothers out of theirUnless this was a problem for the boys, I don't understand why you made it
> toys.. Just to throw them in her toybox, never to give a second thought
> to them. Don't get me wrong- Her brothers love her to death and are
> wrapped around her little pinky-- that is some of the reason she gets a
> lot of their favorite toys. Well, on the other hand- you'll never once
> find a single toy of hers left in their room, or even given to them. In
> cleaning out her room last time, I told her- I'm tired of finding -a
> laudry sized basket full of- their toys in your room! It wouldn't bother
> me, I guess if she was actually playing with them or whatever... She
> never does. So, I told her next time I find their toys in your room, you
> will pay them 25 cents for each toy and then return it. Well--- Found two
> blocks in their today. Okay, I said, one quarter to each boy! She HATED
> that. She said "That is the LAST time their toys will be in
> HERE!!!!!!" YAY! :) ~Pam
your problem. What would you do if she refused to pay?
Tia
joylyn
Ok, at the risk of upsetting someone else, this sounds pretty disturbing
to me. I also have questions about the brother's reactions. Do they
care? Do they feel as though they are being manipulative? Does it
really matter if she's playing with them? It's hard to be the youngest,
maybe she perceives they have all the good toys. If the two boys are OK
with her coaxing the toys away, then it might be a game the kids play
together. At any rate, I think that I might sit down with the three
kids together and have a conversation about how this concerns you. If
the three kids are all OK with the situation, then you have expressed
your concerns and that should be the end of it. If the boys don't like
it, then everyone needs to talk about how to deal with it differently.
But I don't think making her pay you (they aren't YOUR toys) is anything
but coercive.
Joylyn
Pam Bass wrote:
to me. I also have questions about the brother's reactions. Do they
care? Do they feel as though they are being manipulative? Does it
really matter if she's playing with them? It's hard to be the youngest,
maybe she perceives they have all the good toys. If the two boys are OK
with her coaxing the toys away, then it might be a game the kids play
together. At any rate, I think that I might sit down with the three
kids together and have a conversation about how this concerns you. If
the three kids are all OK with the situation, then you have expressed
your concerns and that should be the end of it. If the boys don't like
it, then everyone needs to talk about how to deal with it differently.
But I don't think making her pay you (they aren't YOUR toys) is anything
but coercive.
Joylyn
Pam Bass wrote:
> Our daughter, age 7, loves to bribe and coax her brothers out of their[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> toys.. Just to throw them in her toybox, never to give a second
> thought to them. Don't get me wrong- Her brothers love her to death
> and are wrapped around her little pinky-- that is some of the reason
> she gets a lot of their favorite toys. Well, on the other hand- you'll
> never once find a single toy of hers left in their room, or even given
> to them. In cleaning out her room last time, I told her- I'm tired of
> finding -a laudry sized basket full of- their toys in your room! It
> wouldn't bother me, I guess if she was actually playing with them or
> whatever... She never does. So, I told her next time I find their toys
> in your room, you will pay them 25 cents for each toy and then return
> it. Well--- Found two blocks in their today. Okay, I said, one quarter
> to each boy! She HATED that. She said "That is the LAST time their
> toys will be in HERE!!!!!!" YAY! :) ~Pam
>
> _______________________________________________
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> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
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Pam Bass
Hmmm.... First- yes, food for thought, I might have gone about it wrong- true. But, I don't think you understood-she's the OLDEST and she didn't pay ME, she paid her brothers. THe reason I choose the money route is because she cares about money. Her brothers DO give her their toys- but, thinking they will be returned within their lifetime.. When I give them their toys back, it's like Christmas to them! At any rate- yes, I will sit all three of them down, and if they say they do not mind- END IT- I will!! :) No hard feelings about what you said... THat's kinda why I wrote it- to get other's opinion if I was going at it right or what... :) Thanks, Pam --- On Thu 12/25, joylyn < joylyn@... > wrote:
From: joylyn [mailto: joylyn@...]To: [email protected]: Thu, 25 Dec 2003 13:23:55 -0800Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] I think it worked!!Ok, at the risk of upsetting someone else, this sounds pretty disturbing to me. I also have questions about the brother's reactions. Do they care? Do they feel as though they are being manipulative? Does it really matter if she's playing with them? It's hard to be the youngest, maybe she perceives they have all the good toys. If the two boys are OK with her coaxing the toys away, then it might be a game the kids play together. At any rate, I think that I might sit down with the three kids together and have a conversation about how this concerns you. If the three kids are all OK with the situation, then you have expressed your concerns and that should be the end of it. If the boys don't like it, then everyone needs to talk about how to deal with it differently. But I don't think making her pay you (they aren't YOUR toys) is anything but coercive. JoylynPam Bass wrote:> Our daughter, age 7, loves to bribe and coax her brothers out of their > toys.. Just to throw them in her toybox, never to give a second > thought to them. Don't get me wrong- Her brothers love her to death > and are wrapped around her little pinky-- that is some of the reason > she gets a lot of their favorite toys. Well, on the other hand- you'll > never once find a single toy of hers left in their room, or even given > to them. In cleaning out her room last time, I told her- I'm tired of > finding -a laudry sized basket full of- their toys in your room! It > wouldn't bother me, I guess if she was actually playing with them or > whatever... She never does. So, I told her next time I find their toys > in your room, you will pay them 25 cents for each toy and then return > it. Well--- Found two blocks in their today. Okay, I said, one quarter > to each boy! She HATED that. She said "That is the LAST time their > toys will be in HERE!!!!!!" YAY! :) ~Pam>> _______________________________________________>>>> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]>>>>> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.>> To unsubscribe from this send an email to:> [email protected]>> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: > http://www.unschooling.com>>> ------------------------------------------------------------------------> Yahoo! Groups Links>> * To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDiscussion/> > * To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:> [email protected]> > > * Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of> Service .>>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group. To unsubscribe from this send an email to:[email protected] Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: http://www.unschooling.com ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor ---------------------~-->Buy Ink Cartridges or Refill Kits for your HP, Epson, Canon or LexmarkPrinter at MyInks.com. Free s/h on orders $50 or more to the US & Canada.http://www.c1tracking.com/l.asp?cid=5511http://us.click.yahoo.com/mOAaAA/3exGAA/qnsNAA/0xXolB/TM---------------------------------------------------------------------~->Yahoo! Groups LinksTo visit your group on the web, go to:http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDiscussion/To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:[email protected] use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to:http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
From: joylyn [mailto: joylyn@...]To: [email protected]: Thu, 25 Dec 2003 13:23:55 -0800Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] I think it worked!!Ok, at the risk of upsetting someone else, this sounds pretty disturbing to me. I also have questions about the brother's reactions. Do they care? Do they feel as though they are being manipulative? Does it really matter if she's playing with them? It's hard to be the youngest, maybe she perceives they have all the good toys. If the two boys are OK with her coaxing the toys away, then it might be a game the kids play together. At any rate, I think that I might sit down with the three kids together and have a conversation about how this concerns you. If the three kids are all OK with the situation, then you have expressed your concerns and that should be the end of it. If the boys don't like it, then everyone needs to talk about how to deal with it differently. But I don't think making her pay you (they aren't YOUR toys) is anything but coercive. JoylynPam Bass wrote:> Our daughter, age 7, loves to bribe and coax her brothers out of their > toys.. Just to throw them in her toybox, never to give a second > thought to them. Don't get me wrong- Her brothers love her to death > and are wrapped around her little pinky-- that is some of the reason > she gets a lot of their favorite toys. Well, on the other hand- you'll > never once find a single toy of hers left in their room, or even given > to them. In cleaning out her room last time, I told her- I'm tired of > finding -a laudry sized basket full of- their toys in your room! It > wouldn't bother me, I guess if she was actually playing with them or > whatever... She never does. So, I told her next time I find their toys > in your room, you will pay them 25 cents for each toy and then return > it. Well--- Found two blocks in their today. Okay, I said, one quarter > to each boy! She HATED that. She said "That is the LAST time their > toys will be in HERE!!!!!!" YAY! :) ~Pam>> _______________________________________________>>>> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]>>>>> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.>> To unsubscribe from this send an email to:> [email protected]>> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: > http://www.unschooling.com>>> ------------------------------------------------------------------------> Yahoo! Groups Links>> * To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDiscussion/> > * To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:> [email protected]> > > * Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of> Service .>>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group. To unsubscribe from this send an email to:[email protected] Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: http://www.unschooling.com ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor ---------------------~-->Buy Ink Cartridges or Refill Kits for your HP, Epson, Canon or LexmarkPrinter at MyInks.com. Free s/h on orders $50 or more to the US & Canada.http://www.c1tracking.com/l.asp?cid=5511http://us.click.yahoo.com/mOAaAA/3exGAA/qnsNAA/0xXolB/TM---------------------------------------------------------------------~->Yahoo! Groups LinksTo visit your group on the web, go to:http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDiscussion/To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:[email protected] use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to:http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robyn Coburn
<<So, I told her next time I find their toys in your room, you will pay them
25 cents for each toy and then return it. Well--- Found two blocks in their
today. Okay, I said, one quarter to each boy! She HATED that. She said "That
is the LAST time their toys will be in HERE!!!!!!" YAY! :) ~Pam>>
I guess my concern would be that she will find some other thing to do with
the toys that is a secret from you - like toss them in the garbage, bury
them in the garden or hide them behind the sofa. You have already said that
you are going to all get together for some conversation on this topic. One
of the earliest parenting advice articles I ever read said to beware of
"Don't let me CATCH you doing ..." statements, since it was a mixed message
that could be taken as a challenge. I have to say I am a bit intrigued as to
why she does this. A second concern is that every once in a while the toys
might be borrowed for legitimate purposes of play, and just forgotten. The
"pay a fine" method might discourage that as an unintended consequence.
Robyn L. Coburn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
25 cents for each toy and then return it. Well--- Found two blocks in their
today. Okay, I said, one quarter to each boy! She HATED that. She said "That
is the LAST time their toys will be in HERE!!!!!!" YAY! :) ~Pam>>
I guess my concern would be that she will find some other thing to do with
the toys that is a secret from you - like toss them in the garbage, bury
them in the garden or hide them behind the sofa. You have already said that
you are going to all get together for some conversation on this topic. One
of the earliest parenting advice articles I ever read said to beware of
"Don't let me CATCH you doing ..." statements, since it was a mixed message
that could be taken as a challenge. I have to say I am a bit intrigued as to
why she does this. A second concern is that every once in a while the toys
might be borrowed for legitimate purposes of play, and just forgotten. The
"pay a fine" method might discourage that as an unintended consequence.
Robyn L. Coburn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]