Fannie Madden-Grider

Hello,
I know this is off topic, but I need some
advice/support. I am the Mom of 2 teenagers, 13 and
15, girl and boy. All their lives, we have unschooled.
Whenever they were little, everything was exciting and
new and a learning experience. Now, 2 1/2 years away
from college -- which they both want to attend -- they
have lost that excitement in everything except
friends, video games, and card games. I can't seem to
kindle their fires like I used to. They both have a
Japanese tutor, and Arielle does origami with her.
Arielle goes to gymnastics, youth group, and friends'
houses. Aaron has tons of friends come over to play Yu
Gi Oh and Lord of the Rings. They both read a lot and
write on IM and to pen pals. However, their written
usage, punctuation, and spelling aren't that good. If
they didn't want to go away to college, I wouldn't
worry. But they do, and they need scholarships. We've
talked about that, and I show them ACT and SAT
practice tests. They know about college requirements,
because Alvin (dad and husband) is an academic advisor
and English teacher at a university. They KNOW what
they need to know, but they aren't interested in doing
the kind of practice or "school" I know of to get
ready. I'm scared that they won't be ready to do what
they want to do, and I don't want to force them to do
mindless practice and worksheets--even if I could
force them. Does anyone have any advice, other than
"relax and don't worry"? During my 10 years of
unsuccessful infertility treatment, that's what people
told me, and it didn't work. I would appreciate any
and all advice.
Fannie


=====
Fannie Madden-Grider
Peace Be With You.

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In a message dated 11/2/03 7:40:19 PM, maddengrider@... writes:

<< We've
talked about that, and I show them ACT and SAT
practice tests. >>

Just have them take a test. If they want to re-test for higher scores they
can.

Maybe they'll do really well and you will be able to relax. Lots of kids can
test really well even though the mechanics of everyday writing might not be
that great.

They don't need to stay on the school-age/school-year timetable if you're
unschooling.
Maybe if they take a few courses at a jr. college or community/trades school,
they'll find out whether they really like that sort of thing, and if they do
they'll be able to brush up skills for a good reason, in a real-life place.

Your worry isn't helping them OR you.

<<I would appreciate any
and all advice.>>

Apparently not, because you wrote:

<<Does anyone have any advice, other than
"relax and don't worry"? During my 10 years of
unsuccessful infertility treatment, that's what people
told me, and it didn't work.>>

Did anyone tell you "Get all tense and worry"?
If so, was that better advice?

Sandra

Fetteroll

on 11/2/03 7:58 PM, Fannie Madden-Grider at maddengrider@... wrote:

> Does anyone have any advice, other than
> "relax and don't worry"?

Read and become informed so you can relax and not worry :-)

I wish there were a handful of resources I could point you to, but the best
way is just to ask what other people's experiences with their teens are.
There are also archived discussions on the message board at
http://www.unschooling.com

> Now, 2 1/2 years away
> from college -- which they both want to attend -- they
> have lost that excitement in everything except
> friends, video games, and card games.

That's not unusual. The teen years tend to be for exploring relationships.
That's what their chemistry is saying what they need right now. Just as
kids' chemistry often says they need to explore the exciting world around
them. It's comforting for unschoolers when that happens with younger kids
because it gives a sense of confidence that unschooled kids are effortlessly
sucking in what they'd be learning in school plus much more. But it's a
false sense because unschooling works whether it they provide feedback to us
or not. (Assuming the environment is right for that child!) A kid exploring
through video games and pretend play is just as successful an unschooler as
kids who mess around with things that provide feedback that they're
learning.

> their written
> usage, punctuation, and spelling aren't that good. If
> they didn't want to go away to college, I wouldn't
> worry. But they do, and they need scholarships.

You're seeing an artificial deadline and worrying because it's looming. They
don't need to go to college at 17. They can wait until they're 19 or 25.
They can take time off to explore the world before they become burdened by
responsibilities.

That will give them time to mature and play with the skills they have in an
adult arena. It will give them time to form a better idea of what they enjoy
and don't enjoy in the adult world and what directions they could head in to
support themselves.

Preparing for college doesn't take 2 1/2 years. It takes as long as someone
wants to spend on it once they sent their mind to wanting it. The deadline
is what's scaring you. Forget the deadline. Forget the standard timeline
kids follow to get into college.

If they see college as a goal, then they will prepare themselves when it
comes time. It may take longer than expected, but ... so what? What will be
the harm if they enter college at 18 rather than 17?

Even better than college as a goal, is figuring out what they want to
explore in their lives. College can be a means to an end, but as a goal in
itself, it can be a rude surprise at the end when someone has subconsciously
expected college to provide a clear path beyond and it's either set someone
on the path of the rat race, or left them at the train station of life with
no choice on the destination list that seems exciting and worth pursuing.

Joyce

nellebelle

>>they have lost that excitement in everything except
friends, video games, and card games. I can't seem to
kindle their fires like I used to. They both have a
Japanese tutor, and Arielle does origami with her.
Arielle goes to gymnastics, youth group, and friends'
houses. Aaron has tons of friends come over to play Yu
Gi Oh and Lord of the Rings. They both read a lot and
write on IM and to pen pals>>>

Those sound like full and interesting lives! What besides that do you think they should be interested in?

>>>they need scholarships>>>>

Although I had a few very small scholarships, I mostly paid for college with work and loans. On a side note, I think it's silly that so much emphasis is put on parents saving for college while their kids are young. If I want to help my kids pay for college someday, I could get a job at the same time my kids go to college.

>>>>>They KNOW what
they need to know, but they aren't interested in doing
the kind of practice or "school" I know of to get
ready.>>>>

Have you read The Unprocessed Child? You might find her story helps to alleviate some of your worries.

Mary Ellen

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